Six Month Clinic Anniversary

What a difference 6 months makes! I'd been hesitating whether to post a semi-annual update or not, but here I go.  I have lost 38 lbs in the last 6 months.  That may not seem like a lot to some people, but that is huge (no pun intended) for me. My total so far is 72 lbs!! I have went from a 30/32 shirt to a 22/24 shirt.  I have lost inches too. 


More importantly is what I've gained.  I have gained self confidence that I never knew I had.  I have started to love myself a bit more.  I have lost some friendships, but gained new ones.  Life has changed so much and this is only the beginning.  I cannot wait to see what my one year anniversary brings. 


The single most important thing that has happened to me was finding my Dad.  Everything is still so fresh and new with him, but it is wonderful.  I cannot imagine my life without him.  Each conversation brings us closer together.  My heart is healing.  Years of prayers have brought me to the place of my miracle.  If I live a million years it will never be enough time to thank God for giving me a second chance  with my Dad. 


So how about some photos?  



August 2011 - 360 lbs  (Heaviest)

December 2011 - Started Clinic - 326 (down 34 lbs)

June 2012 - 288 (down 72 lbs)



There might be a slight change, huh? ;-)  Here's to the next 72 lbs (and then some!)



Blessings,


Weight Loss Mama

It's Too Hot!

I had a great day with a few bumps in the road. Spent the morning with family running errands. We had lunch out before coming home. 


This afternoon, I called my step mom to ask some questions related to Dad's birthday present.  We had a nice mini conversation before my phone decided to drop the call.  Dad got home right before we got disconnected.  She said "I think your Daddy's home."  Everyone reading this may think I am insane, but I still feel my heart skip a beat when someone calls him my daddy.  I often wonder if the new women in my life know how much their conversations mean to me.  I am sure in their minds, they aren't saying anything special.  If only they knew what their words meant to me.    When I called her back I tried to ask her a few questions and I could tell he was standing there.  I asked her if he was in the room. "Kind of!" is the response I got.  I am sure Dad thought it was weird that I called to talk to her and not to him, though.  Now, I must impatiently wait for us to be able to schedule something.  I long for the days when we don't go 5+ weeks in between visits.  For now, I am thankful for the time we do have together. 


After I finished my shopping I headed to the gym. I went to the gym where I misplaced my hair clip (long hair and working out aren't a good mix), dropped my glasses while on The Beast, then dropped my cell phone in the locker room. The irony of it all was I found my hair clip as I was walking out of the gym. The good news is that glasses are ok.  My phone will be sent next week.


I headed to Lifeway to spend my gift card my sisters got me.  I got some great books that I can't wait to read.  I had a wonderful dinner then headed home.  The kids are now sleeping in their beds.  I think it will be a semi-early night for me too.  This heat is making me super tired.  It was 105 degrees today!  I am ready for that stuff to be over with.  It does make me very thankful I know where I'm going when I leave this earth!!


Blessings,


Weight Loss Mama

Happy Birthday to Me

This day five years ago, I sat in my fertility specialists office waiting for news that we wouldn't be able to try that month.  Later, the nurse called me to tell me I was already pregnant.  Four days later, our dancing was turned to mourning as our miracle made his journey to Heaven.

If it hadn't been for Michael, I wouldn't have the kids I do now.  His death lead us to start foster parenting classes earlier than we had planned.  Would we have had kids? Yes, but it wouldn't have been my babies.  God's timing is amazing.  In a time when I wast questioning everything and thought I would die from the pain I was feeling.  All the while, God was whispering "Hold on.  The pain you feel won't last forever.  I have plans for you that you can't even begin to imagine."  Today as I sit here typing this I look around at my house and I have 5 gorgeous blessings running around teasing each other.  I have seven beautiful blessings in Heaven, too.  I am so blessed. 


I kicked off my birthday celebration a day early.  Yesterday, I left the house by myself to go run some errands by myself.  I had to run to John's work and then to the bank, but the rest of the day was spent doing "fun" stuff.  I went to clinic where I found out about my weight loss.  I went to the gym which made me feel so much better.  I had a wonderful, quiet dinner.  I had a wonderful conversation with Dad.  On the way home I stopped to pick up a treat for the kids. 


This morning I woke up and Liana asked me to help her sing happy birthday to me.  Then, everyone else sang to me.  Liana went to lunch with me.  The afternoon was spent running a couple errands.  I had to pick up the last part of our family picture order.  I'd received a free framed picture, but it wasn't ready when I picked the others up.  The lady who designed it made a beautiful framed collage.


Yesterday,  I found out that Dad's birthday is close to mine.  Our birthdays are 5 days apart.  I set out on a mission to try to figure out what to get him.  This afternoon, I decided to call in reinforcements and contacted my sister S.  She was very helpful.  After I left Walmart, I headed to the Christian Book Store to find a card for him.  Can I just tell you how hard it is to find a card that fits our situation?  If it's not a humorous card then it talks about all of the years we've had together.  I have never been one for humorous cards.  I wanted something that expressed how I felt, but struggled to find something that wouldn't make him feel bad.  I had the same problem searching for a Father's Day Card.  I finally found the perfect one then left.  I made another quick stop  to pick up his present before heading to dinner. 


Dinner was AMAZING! We went to Chili's.  Our favorite server, Mrs. Cheryl waited on us.  She is one of the most amazing ladies I know.  She's so kind and patient with my children.  Of course, the way to this mama's heart is to be nice to my children.  Cindy, Cyndee, Kathy and Paul (siblings) joined us for dinner.  I am thankful I got to spend time with them. 


As we were getting ready to leave, I ran into a dear friend.  I hadn't seen her in a long time.  I am thankful that God brought us together tonight.  If I had a list of people I wanted to see on my birthday, she'd definitely be on it. 


I am so blessed with all of the wonderful people God has surrounded me with.  This day was as close to perfect as it could get.  The only things that would've made it better would've been to see my parents today.  I am thankful for all the birthdays I got to spend with Mama.  I am thankful that in a few days I will get to celebrate Father's Day/ My Birthday/ Dad's birthday with my Dad this year.  I pray we have many more years to celebrate special days. 


Thank you to all of my friends and family who made this day amazing.  I love each and every one of you.  May God bless you for your kindness.


Blessings,


Weight Loss Mama

June's Photos

Here is the progress photos for June.  72 lbs gone!!

June's Weigh-In

So even though I won't have an official clinic report until next month, I measured and weighed  myself so I could post this month's progress report.  I have officially met my goal of 20% weight loss!

Date: June 25, 2012

Weight: 288

Resting Heart Rate (See below for instructions): 84

Circumference Measurements (See below for instructions):

Neck: 16.5 inch

Waist: 57.5 inch

Hips: 63.5 inch

Thigh: 49.5 inch

Chest: 50 inch

 

 

 

A Birthday Gift Like No Other

I cannot think of a better way to end year 28 than the way I spent my day.  This morning I got up and made my way to get Isaiah's hair cut.  He behaved so well.  He even got a sucker.  The lady that cut his hair did a fantastic job.  Having his hair cut always makes him little like such a big boy, though. *sniff* Afterwards I dropped him off with Daddy.


I made a stop by the clinic to get my shot for the week.  To be very honest, I expected a gain this time.  I hadn't been watching my diet as close as I should have, and I kept having dreams about stepping on the scales and gaining 10 lbs! It terrified me.  I was so surprised when I seen the number I did that I made the nurse come out and look at it.  She's new at the clinic and thought I didn't know how to read the scale.  I had to explain to her that I knew how to read the scale, but I couldn't believe what it said.    288!!! WoW!!! I have officially lost 20% of my original weight.  I can't believe I finally got there. I haven't been this small since before we started fertility treatments.


After I left the clinic, I headed to the gym.  I did 30 minutes on TB, took a hot shower.  I was pleasantly surprised to see that my bleeding had slowed waaaaaaaaaaaay down! My day just kept getting better.


Dad's photo album some how got damaged so I had to run to Knoxville to get him another one.  I picked up Amy Clipston's new book to celebrate my weight loss goal.  She is one of my favorite authors so I cannot wait to crack open this book.


I finished my night by going to Altrudas for dinner.  I had a wonderful salad and rolls covered in tons of garlic.  It was amazing!!!


The last time I talked to Dad, he'd asked me to call him when I got back from vacation so we could schedule a time to get together.  I didn't pay any attention to the fact that today was Wednesday so I called him. I am almost positive I made him late for church tonight, but we talked for a while.  We had a wonderful conversation.  He wished me happy birthday.  He had no idea how much that meant to me.  I've spent years waiting to hear those words come from his mouth.  I started tearing up when he said it.  (side note: While I am normally an emotional person, I will be glad when my hormones settle down.  I am crying at the silliest stuff.)  I asked him to look at his calendar and let me know what day would be good to get together.  He said we'd talk in a few days and schedule something.  He sounded like he looked forward to talking to me again.  Small steps, small progress.  He gave me such a great present.  I am so thankful that God brought this man into my life. 


When Dad's wife answered the phone, she told  me his birthday is next week.  Now I get the pleasure of playing detective to find out what he wants for his birthday without asking him...I think I will call his wife tomorrow to get some ideas.  I am glad that the timing worked out so we wouldn't have to miss another birthday.  Twenty-eight years of birthdays were too many for us to miss.  I won't let one day go by that I don't celebrate this incredible miracle God has given me.  If He hadn't then I would've never been able to know this wonderful man. What a great start to my birthday!  I couldn't ask for anything more. 




Blessings,


Weight Loss Mama

When Sleep Abandons, You Blog

It is almost 5 AM.  The last couple weeks I haven't had any trouble sleeping, but I have been wake more tonight than I have been asleep.  The kids were asleep by 9:30 tonight.  I suddenly realized that I hadn't eaten all day long so I sent John to the local deli to get me a wrap.  It was good, but I had to force myself to eat it. 


Before we left last week, I made sure I remembered to pack my meds.  I knew I would forget to take them with  me.  I took them the first couple days I was there, but then I forgot after that.  I wouldn't remember to take my weight loss drugs until it was late afternoon and by then it was too late.  I also didn't make the healthiest choices while I was gone. Although, the choices I made were far better than the ones I would've made last year. 


I haven't been to clinic to weigh for June.  I was due to go back two weeks ago, but because we were supposed to be in Florida they increased the amount of pills I got so I would have enough to cover me the extra two weeks.  As of right now, I still have just over a week of meds left so I won't have an official weigh in for June.  To be honest with you, though, I am scared to death to step on the scales.  I have been more lax with everything this  month.  We ate out as a family more than we should have.  As of right now as long as it's a loss then I will be happy with that.  I did some measurements in hopes to calm the freaking out I was doing.  I have lots inches this month so the scales can't be too mean to me. ;-)


The challenges I will face in the next week are huge.  Thursday is my birthday.  We are going out to eat at Chili's.  Even though I know I need to get more strict with my diet again, I have given myself permission not to count calories that day.  My birthday is always very difficult for me.  It marks the half-anniversary of Mom's death.  As of 2007 it became one of the most bittersweet days of the year for me.  Five years ago, I spent my birthday sitting in the fertility specialist's office waiting to hear the bad news that we couldn't try this month because I had been spotting for two weeks.  She did an ultrasound to check for egg growth then sent me out to have bloodwork done.  Later that afternoon, the nurse called me to tell me I was pregnant.  Talk about a birthday surprise!  John and I were both over the moon.  We spent 4 perfect days in glorious bliss.  I went back in on Monday to have more labs drawn to find out that my world had crashed.  My precious baby boy was now dead. 


Out of all of my miscarriages, Michael's death hit me the hardest.  It's not that I love him more.  I think it's because we were going through treatments and I was more aware of everything.  We had our hearts completely invested, but at the same time he was a total surprise.  We were sure that God was finally going to allow our dreams to come true.  Now, I realize that He did allow our dreams to come true.  It's taken me almost 5 years to get to this place where I see things through my Father's eyes.  God didn't bless us with pregnancies to "take" them from us.  He didn't give us our angels and change His mind.  They each had a purpose and they lived out that purpose without ever having to touch the earth.  He chose to give us 7 precious gifts that were never meant to take one breath this side of Heaven.  They were always meant to be Heavenly treasures.


This year I am determined to focus on happy, positive thoughts and not allow myself to sink into the depression that is my usual gift to myself.  My angels don't want me sad and depressed.  They want me happy because when I am filled with joy then I am willing to do what I need to get healthy.  My angels always stay close to my thoughts. They are never far from my mind, but I am more at peace with our temporary seperation than I was at this point last year.


Later this week, I am going to call Dad to schedule a visit.  I put the finishing touches on his photo album last night.  As I sat there looking at the picture of the two of us together, I was in awe.  Both of us could've went the rest of our lives without knowing each other.  God didn't have to answer the prayers of a woman with such brokeness, but He did.  Dad didn't have to embrace me, but he did.  I finally understand that look that I see in my daughters' eyes when they see Daddy walk through the door every day. 


If you'd asked me last year what I thought 28 would hold for me, I would've never imagined this.  Two adoptions, two miscarriages, facing death, deciding to live, losing 70 lbs, meeting my dad and one of my siblings, being able to talk to another one...My Father loves me so much that He would move earth to bless me. My Dad has embraced me in a way I never thought he would. My husband has been so supportive of me.  My children are a present that I open daily.  I never know what each day will bring, but even on the most challenging days I wouldn't trade this life God has given me for all the world has to offer.  Why would I when I am already the richest woman alive?



Blessings,

Weight Loss Mama

Vacation Day 7 - An Early Homecoming

Well this is the last vacation blog.  We ended up coming home today instead of waiting until morning.  Earlier in the week I had started spotting.  Today my bleeding picked up so we headed home.  I will spare you the details but I’d just rather be home when I am bleeding.

We spent a wonderful morning/afternoon at the cabin before my body decided to end our vacation.  Last night I turned the hot tub on its lowest setting so it would be ready for the kids today.  They got in with us and they played for over an hour.  They had so much fun. 

The kids watched the Jetsons while we packed.  Then we all headed home.  As I did the final walk through I got very emotional.   We had such a great week and I hated to leave.  I am glad to be home though.  Well it’s bedtime so I am going to go rock my babies. Have a great week all!

Blessings,

Weight Loss Mama

Vacation Day 7 - Come Dance At My Wedding

Today is the last day of vacation.  We are trying to make the most of it so we can have fun, but there’s packing, cleaning, and end of vacation chores that must be done.  We will try to get those done this morning so we can enjoy the rest of the day.  While I am sad to see this time ending, life is waiting for me back home. 

A week or so ago, I went to the Christian book store to pick up a CD.  They were having an awesome sale and I ended up coming out with a large paper bag full of stuff.  I purchased several movies.  Among the mix was two movies called “Come Dance At My Wedding” and “A Letter to Dad.”  All week long I had been trying to watch “Come Dance At My Wedding” but kept falling asleep.  John asked me if I wanted him to skip to the part I hadn’t seen and I told him no.  I firmly believe that God has a perfect timing for even the most trivial stuff.  I can’t tell you how many times I have purchased a movie or CD that I just couldn’t get into only to pick it up later and see God’s purpose in me waiting.  It ministered to me at that moment in a way it wouldn’t have before. 

The movie was great.  It is about this woman who grew up without her Dad.  Her mom had died of cancer a couple months before the movie took place.  Circumstances lead her into being told about her Dad.  He ends up coming down just in time for her wedding. 

This movie spoke to me on so many levels.  I have always regretted not being able to have my Dad to walk me down the aisle.  The man who ended up walking me down the aisle was a man who I wasn’t even that close to and no longer speak with.  I wanted that tradition of being walked down the aisle.  My hope is to renew our vows on our 10^th anniversary and make my dream come true.  I want a nicer gown this time.  Last time I had a gown donated to me.  I appreciated it and it meant so much to the woman who gave it to me.  It was her sisters who had also died from cancer.  It was a nice gown, but it wasn’t MINE.  I want to  be able to pick out the one I want and not settle for something just because it fits.  I want my kids to be a part of our ceremony this time.  I want to stand at the end of our church and look down the aisle at my husband and see all the years we will spend together.  More importantly, I want to have my Dad stand next to me and tell me he loves me as he walks me down the aisle.  This dream my sound crazy to most and that’s ok.  It’s what I want though.  God willing, I will see it come true in a couple years.  The hardest part of all of this will be that Mama won’t be there with me.  I really wish I could’ve experienced this dream before she died, but it wasn’t meant to be.  Ok, now I am getting all depressed so I will stop this blog with this thought.  It was a great movie.  You should definitely see it if you haven’t. 

Blessings,

Weight Loss Mama

Vacation Day 6 - The Concert of a Lifetime

As I am typing this, my princesses are sleeping as the guys in my life are all watching a Christian Comedy DVD.  Bed time is going much smoother than it did last night and for that, I am very grateful. 

Today was a great day, despite its emotional start.  We had to travel to town this morning to pick up my phone from the rental office.  After that we went to have lunch and return my phone.  Before coming back to the cabin, we stopped by Walmart to let John get a few things.  My sweet little Jewel-Anne has discovered a mean streak in her.  While we were waiting for Daddy, I heard Sam yelling from the back of the van.  When I told her to stop pinching him she laughed at me and did it again.  I looked in the mirror and seen Liana’s hands on his leg so I assume she’d joined her sister’s antics.  I told him to gently pinch her if she did it again.  She did and so he did.  Now, I don’t advocate revenge under usual circumstances.  We teach our children to come to us if there’s a problem, but nothing was correcting the pinching problem.  So he pinches her where she barely feels it and she pinches him again.  The next thing I know she starts crying and I look back to see my “little mama” taking matters into her own hands.  Yes, Liana decided that Sam didn’t do a good job so she pinched Jewel-Anne.  Both girls got into trouble, but Jewel-Anne didn’t pinch Sam again.  It is so funny to watch Liana live life.  She acts like a little mama hen.  She will love and protect her little chicks with a love like no other.  Try and mess with her “babies” and she’ll go crazy.  HOWEVER, if she thinks they are misbehaving, she won’t stop until corrects them.  She will tattle like nobody’s business.  Thankfully, Daddy came out shortly after this. 

During all of this, I TRIED to read my new book by Beth Wiseman.  She is an awesome author.  I love all of her books.  After we came home, I helped John make dinner then went out for a bit to have some quiet and read my book.  I love my life and wouldn’t change a thing about it, but sometimes Mama needs a few minutes to herself.  I am thankful my husband understands that.  When I came home we sliced a watermelon.

When all of that was said and done, the kids asked for their harmonicas that mama bought last week in a moment of insanity.  Landon asked for them so I bought them.  The harmonicas are special treats, though.  They only get them for a little while and then they have to put them up.  They enjoy them more because they aren’t kept out all the time.  The other up side of this is that Mama hasn’t lost her mind yet.  ;-)  The kids enjoyed playing them.  Isaiah spent his time throwing his up in the air and watching it fall.  I finally showed him how to play and he loved it.  He got really mad at me when I told him it was time to put them up.

I can hardly believe that our vacation is almost over.  I am looking forward to next week.  I will officially begin my last year of my twenties.  We will celebrate with family.  Dad and I will make plans to get together soon.  I am almost positive that he doesn’t remember my birthday, but we still need to celebrate Father’s Day.  School will start in about two weeks, also.  While I love this time away from all of the craziness, I am excited for what awaits me when I get home. 

Blessings,

Weight Loss Mama

Vacation Day 6 - Unwanted

I was sleeping peacefully until Jewel-Anne and Isaiah decided that it was time for Mama to wake up.  John took them out and said “Get some more rest.”  I would love to, but once I am up I am up.  So I am sitting here enjoying the semi quiet (READ:  not as loud as the room next to me) solitude of this room.  I picked up my phone to browse facebook and came across this picture that said:

You’re not an accident.  Your parents may not have planned you, but God did.  He wanted you alive and created you for a purpose.  Focusing on yourself will never reveal real your purpose.  You were created by God and for God, and until you understand that, life will never make sense.

I hesitate to write this because I know my siblings read my blogs occasionally.  I am sure my siblings on Dad’s side will stumble cross my blog one day too.  I want to make this perfectly clear, I love both of my parents more than life itself.  I am thankful that God chose these two beautiful people to be part of my genetic makeup.  I am thankful that God allowed me to be raised by a wonderful woman who spent the first 25 years of my life making sure I knew how much she loved me.  I am thankful that God allowed me to be a part of Dad’s life and he mine.  That still doesn’t change the way I feel.  This blog has never been about shaming or condemning anyone, but to work through the feelings I have on this journey to health and healing.

As an 80s child, who was born out of wedlock, I have heard all of the lovely names that refer to children whose parents weren’t married.  As an adult, I have struggled with my place in life and in the world.  I have always felt like the child no one wanted.  For the longest time I was told one thing.  Then I found out something completely different.  I will just say that I almost wasn’t here thanks to the option of abortion.  I am very thankful that I am alive and can be a part of my kids’ lives. 

There is still this part of me that struggles with knowing that I was the child that no one wanted.  I am pro-life.  I always have been.  I will never be able to understand the mindset that sees a child as a choice, an option, or anything so disposable.  I spent years with empty arms, praying that God would bless us with a child we could keep, and praying He would stop taking the ones He did give, years of natural and medical fertility treatments.  I long for children so badly that I could never be able to place myself in the shoes of someone who seen abortion as an option.  We have 12 kids and I would gladly take 100 more if God gave them to us. 

I spent my teen years wondering why God chose to create me.  Why did I have to over-hear a conversation I was never supposed to hear in the first place?  Why did the person talking feel the need to share that story anyway?  When confronted about it, why did they feel the need to lie?  What’s done is done, though.

To this person, I’d like to say…I have forgiven you for the lies you told.  Why did you feel the need to spin the truth?  The bits and pieces of truth mixed with lies were hard enough to swallow.  It tainted the way I felt other people in my life.  That wasn’t fair to either of you.  If you knew that I knew part truth then why not tell me all of it and just trust that I was strong enough to forgive you?  The whole truth hurt way more at 29 years old than it did at 13.  I trusted you and now I feel so betrayed.  Knowing I was unwanted hurts.  There is nothing I can do to take away that pain.  The pain from the lies that were told hurts far worse than knowing I wasn’t wanted.  I don’t understand the purpose behind the lies.  The truth will always find you.  The truth will always come to light, but I can’t talk to you about those feelings.  Even through all of the questions, I love you and I always will. 

This journey has proven to be painfully beautiful.  I don’t regret it one bit, but it is so emotional.  I am thankful for those around me who have been willing to listen to me work through all of these emotions.  Thank you to those special people.  You know who you are.

Even though my earthly parents may not have realized my worth before I was born, I am thankful that my Heavenly Father did.  I am thankful that He chose to let me live.  “For I know the plans I have for you….to give you a future…” (Jeremiah 29:11)  The Bible also says He knew me even before I was knit together in my mother’s womb.  I am thankful that God can heal the hurts and the wounds of the past.  His love can make up for the lifetime of lies.  His love can bring peace and forgiveness to my life.  

God, I am so thankful that I learned to trust and lean on You at a young age.  Through the years, my faith has been tested and I have wondered where You were, but You were always there.  Through the world, I know I can never have peace for the situation I am in.  I will never be able to have the answers to the questions I have.  Through Your Son’s blood, there is healing, though.  I know You hold all the answers I seek.  You alone have the cure for my broken heart.  Deliver me from the pain I feel, please God.  It is too much for me to bear.  In Jesus Name, Amen.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  -  Jeremiah 29:11

Blessings,

Weight Loss Mama

Vacation Day 5 - The Farmer's Daughter

Today we got up early and traveled a couple hours from here to a little place called Chucky, Tennessee.  We went to the Amish store next to The Farmer’s Daughter Restaurant.  We got some dip mixes and some cheese.  The kids got suckers for the trip home.  John’s treat was Red Rock Ginger Ale.  He said the stuff lights you on fire, but he loves it. 

Jewel-Anne stayed with Mama while everyone else went outside.  We paid for our purchases.  As we walked out we saw a horse.  My girls LOVE anything to do with horses so they were all going crazy.  The horses became the topic of conversation for lunch!  Apparently, everyone else seen lots of horses while we were paying.  Once the horses were gone, we made our way over to the restaurant.

Lunch was amazing as it always is when we visit.  They give you the choice of two meats and bring out tons of veggies.  This is the only time I ever get corn bread salad.  I LOVE it.  We had chicken and fish also.  Everything was delicious.  I skipped dessert, but everyone else enjoyed it.  We left and made our way back to the cabin. 

 

The rest of the day has been pretty crazy.  We are, once again, dealing with behavior issues.  They are a part of daily life.  Most days I do fine with them.  Other days, I am pushed to my limits and just have to let John take over for a bit while I read or soak in the tub, etc.  I am so thankful to have a husband who is willing to take over for me when things get crazy. 

 

We chose to have an early bedtime.  The kids were tired.  Jewel-Anne is asleep and everyone else is watching a movie.  Jewel-Anne still has to have Mama to rock her.  Daddy rocks Isaiah.  Liana refuses to allow anyone to rock her.  So right now I have a bed full of little bodies watching a movie.  I guess I will go enjoy the quiet while it lasts.  ;-)   

 For He satisfies the longing soul, and fills the hungry soul with goodness. - Psalm 107:9 (NKJV)

 

Blessings,

Weight Loss Mama

Vacation Day 4 - Mid Week Rest Day

Today was a day of resting.  Aside from going to have lunch, we spent most of the day at the cabin.  When I woke up this morning I was bleeding a bit so it looks like my period has decided to show up.  It’s kind of funny because I had a feeling I needed to bring supplies for this occasion when I was packing for the trip.  Other than some pretty bad cramping, I feel fine.  I am just really tired, emotional and cranky. 

This afternoon when we got back from lunch, I took a 2 hour nap.  John took the kids downstairs to play pool while I rested.  Liana took it upon herself to throw a ball at Isaiah and cracked him right in the mouth.  John said he bled for a couple minutes, but was fine after that.  He is such a tough guy. 

I have enjoyed having this time to just watch my kids.  There are no responsibilities up here.  There are no distractions.  There is only family.  It has been great to have that time to watch them shine.  This time passes so quickly. 

 

As I type this everyone is asleep except for Landon.  John took Isaiah to the living room to rock him, but I would guess that John is also asleep.  He got up really early with the kids this morning so I could rest.  It is in times like this that I remember why I love him so much.  While he has his moments, he’s usually really good about letting me rest when I need it.  Most mornings he gets up with the kids, without complaint, so I can get a little more sleep. 

Tomorrow is going to be an exciting day.  There is a little place just about an hour or so from here that we love to eat at when we are down this way.  It is called “The Farmer’s Daughter Restaurant.”  My dear friend Jenn introduced me to this place a couple years ago when we were down this way for her son’s birthday party.  It’s a “home cooking” style place that has delicious food.  It is only open on the weekends and stays insanely busy.  Whenever we go there we always stop by the Amish Market next door.  I am looking forward to enjoying both of these places tomorrow.  We have 3 days left of vacation before we head back home.  Next week will be very busy.  My birthday is Thursday and I hope to get together with Dad on Sunday.  I need to reschedule some pediatrician appointments.  The list never ends.  Instead of thinking about all of that, I am going to go enjoy the quiet while everyone sleeps.  Goodnight, friends.

For He satisfies the longing soul, and fills the hungry soul with goodness. - Psalm 107:9 (NKJV)

Blessings

Weight Loss Mama

Vacation Day 4 - Ch-Ch-Changes

Life is about to change when we get back home.  John will be looking for a different job when we get back home.  He had been working 2 jobs for over a year, so when we finalized our adoption he quit one of them.  We had plans to move out of state so he kept the job closest to home so we would have more time to get ready for the big move.  Things changed when I met Dad.  We may still move within the next year or two, but not a huge move out of state like we were planning.  I have spent enough time without Dad in my life.  I am certainly not going to do anything to put more distance between us. 

Now that we have a better idea of what we are doing, the search is on for a better job with benefits.  He  needs a job that will give us good insurance without draining his paycheck.  When he worked for US Cellular, we had fantastic insurance.  We paid very little out of pocket for anything.  The premiums weren’t that high either.  When he started his other job with the credit card processing company, insurance was so insanely expensive, then the deductible was so high that he eventually dropped me off his insurance all together.  It wasn’t worth the money we were spending!  Now the job he has doesn’t even offer insurance so neither of us have coverage.

For those of you who know where I live, and are local, he is willing to do just about anything.  He is experienced in hotel work (but most of them don’t provide benefits), call center work, and has his A+ certification in computers.  If you hear of anything, please let me know. 

It’s going to be hard to see him be gone so much.  He works nights now, but we’d like to see him get out of that.  It has been nice having him home so much, but we both know that he is doing what he needs to in order to provide for his family.  I know that God already has this worked out and will take care of everything, but please keep us in your prayers.  Thank you so much.

 For He satisfies the longing soul, and fills the hungry soul with goodness. - Psalm 107:9 (NKJV)

Blessings,

Weight Loss Mama

Vacation Day 3 - Miracle in The Making - One Month Anniversary

I can hardly believe today marks the one month anniversary of meeting my Dad.  It hardly seems like it’s been that long.  We’ve only seen each other once, but I have talked to him several times on the phone.  I have spoken with my step-mom quite a few times too.  Things are moving at a nice slow pace, but that is ok.  Miracles aren’t always instant and healing takes time.

During our trips out and about, I have seen so many little churches.  Each time I see one, it stirs this longing in my heart to go to church with my Dad.  I am praying that one day God will make that dream a reality.  In the mean time, tears form in my eyes when I pass by these little churches.  My husband grew up in little churches so he would fit right in there.   The church I was baptized in was a small Baptist church.  The place I really started growing was in a larger Pentecostal church, though.  I started attending when I was 16.  Mom and I later joined the church and we’ve called it home ever since.  I love my church, but my heart still longs for the day when I can sit in church with my family and see my dad sitting next to us. 

I am so thankful for the changes that God has made in me and to me during this journey.  I am so thankful that I have my Dad to talk to now.  It has only been a month, but it seems like he’s always been there.  For that I am so thankful.  I look forward to seeing where the years take us.  I love him with all my heart and I pray that I can tell him that one day.

My birthday is a week from tomorrow.  When I get back I am going to call Dad to see if he has time to get together the weekend after.  We still have to celebrate Father’s Day.  It will be so nice to know that this year I can celebrate my birthday with my Dad.  God has given me one of the greatest birthday gifts ever.  Hopefully that will combat the sadness that my birthday holds for the other anniversaries it marks.

For He satisfies the longing soul, and fills the hungry soul with goodness. - Psalm 107:9 (NKJV)

Blessings,

Weight Loss Mama

Vacation Day 3 - Crazy Day

I feel so lost in time up here.  Even with the small stresses, it has been very relaxing.  As I am typing this I can’t believe that our vacation isn’t even half over with.  Have we really only been here for three days?  Wow!

When we arrived at the cabin, I mentioned that God was trying to tell me something because we had no WIFI access.  Yesterday, while we were at Dolly Wood, someone put the spray bottle fan in my diaper bag and my phone was in there with it.  Needless to say, it no longer works.  I called US Cellular when I discovered it only to have them tell me they couldn’t find the address for the rental office on the map and couldn’t send my phone until I got home.  So this morning I went into the closest store and dealt with a very rude representative who got mad at me because I wasn’t going to upgrade my phone yet. 

After I left with a temporary phone that I don’t like, I called to complain about the rep.  It turns out they CAN find the address on the map for the office and mailed a replacement phone to me earlier today.  The bad part is  that it may not arrive until Monday anyway (the day we’re leaving). 

Today has been stressful in many ways.  The kids are cranky because we are out of our routine.  Behavior levels are going crazy.  Mama longs to have that routine back also.  All of it will pass and is totally normal for our crew.  I enjoy vacation.  It’s nice to be able to have the “extras” sometimes, but home is one of the sweetest words I know right now. 

For He satisfies the longing soul, and fills the hungry soul with goodness. - Psalm 107:9 (NKJV)

Blessings,

Weight Loss Mama

Vacation Day 2 - Not The Day I Planned

Today didn’t turn out like I wanted it to at all.  We decided that we’d go to Dolly Wood.  This seemed like a grand idea.  It was the first time we’d been as a family and the first time I’d been in over 20 years.  I knew things wouldn’t go perfectly, but I expected them to go better than they did. 

One of the downfalls of having so many little ones and going on vacation is that one parent ends up taking each child on a ride by themselves.  Sam was the only one who was able to ride anything by himself.  That meant Daddy went on everything 4 times while Mama sat with the others who screamed because they didn’t understand why it wasn’t their turn yet.  When we first arrived we had lunch.  Then we made our way to the rides.  Once we got to the rides the kids were all very cranky.  “Mom, it’s hot! Why can’t I go yet? They’ve been gone for HOURS!”  After a couple of rides, Mama had enough and we made our way to the trolley to go home.  The kids LOVED the “train” that took us to our van, though.  When we got back to the cabin, I turned the hot tub way down and let them play in the water for a bit.  They were very happy.

We made dinner early for the kids and put them to bed.  I am now in the process of making dinner for John and I.  We’re going to eat and attempt to watch a movie before we fall asleep.  We are officially an old married couple.  We can’t even stay awake to watch a movie anymore! ;-)

For He satisfies the longing soul, and fills the hungry soul with goodness. - Psalm 107:9 (NKJV)

Blessings,

Weight Loss Mama

Vacation Day 2 - Happy Anniversary

I didn’t get to sleep until 3 AM ”last night.”  The hot tub jets felt so nice.  John even enjoyed himself and he isn’t a hot tub person.  We talked for a long time.  Finally, we got out and went to bed.  He rubbed my feet and I fell asleep.  My eyes popped open at 6:15 and I woke him up to wish him a Happy Anniversary.  Landon got up a few minutes later.  Now, they are outside walking the dog.  The goal is to be out of the cabin by 8:30.  When they come in I am going to grab a quick shower before I wake everyone else up for breakfast.  Landon’s first words this morning were “Mommy, you said we needed to leave by 8 for Disney (aka Dolly Wood).  LOL 

Today,  John  and I have been married for 8 years, but together 10.  That is no small feat.  Most people don’t stay together that long.  It has been rough at times, but we still held on.  There were times when I wanted to walk away, and I am sure he did too, but God told us we weren’t supposed to do that.  God intended marriage to be for life, not just when it feels good or when things are easy. 

How do you sum up 10 years worth of love?  This man has stood by me through so much.  Mama’s health was slowly declining when we met.  We had only been together for 7 months when we moved to Georgia.  She had a heart attack, open heart surgery, an amputation and another “minor” (in comparison) surgery within 4 months.  Those days were rough.  We also said goodbye to Madison during all of this.  After 6 months we decided the best thing for Mama was to come back to Tennessee, so we did.  John proposed to me right before we left Georgia.  In between all of the trips to the doctor with Mama we managed to plan a wedding.  Shortly before the wedding, Mama had her second amputation.  We decided in GA that John would stay home with Mama because he could physically care for her better than I could.  After we got married John started working nights so he could be there if we needed him while she was awake.  We endured 2 years of night shift.   I hated it.  Here I was a newlywed, and only shared my bed with my husband 2 nights a week.  It was rough, but I thank God that we survived.  In 2006, John started working at US Cellular.  It was a great job with wonderful insurance. 

In 2007, we had already had 4 miscarriages so we sought help from a fertility specialist.  We spent the next year and a half year going through 2 doctors and many fertility treatments.  We had another miscarriage (Michael) and were obviously crushed.  I told John I wanted to look into adoption when we were ready.  In the mean time we continued fertility treatments.  In November we started foster parent classes. 

March 2008, our beautiful boys came home.  We had it rough with them too.  Foster Care isn’t for whimps!  It was well worth it though.  We went for the ride of our lives.  In June we decided to stop fertility treatments and prayed that God would allow us to keep our boys.  Mom passed away nine months after the boys arrived.  Again, the roller coaster that is my life took a turn. 

The next couple years were rough as I navigated all of the firsts of loss.  The one “first” I never thought I’d have to experience, though was a new baby.  God showed off and has given us 3 new babies since then. 

We’ve been through so much together.  Stuff that almost broke us, and would’ve broken most people, but we survived.  I am so thankful that God has always reminded us why He put us together.  I look into the eyes of my husband and I can’t imagine a time when I wouldn’t love him.  I look at my kids and know this is where I want to be.  I am so blessed.  We are far from perfect, but we are improving.  I am excited to spend the rest of my life with this man.  I love you Honey.   Happy Anniversary. 

I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine. - Song of Solomon 6:3a

Blessings,

Weight Loss Mama

Vacation Day 1 - The End of a Good Day

The plan was to put the kids to bed early so we could get up early in the morning for Dolly Wood.  That totally didn’t happen.  We made it to our “early dinner” around 5 PM.  The kids and John enjoyed dinner.  We went to this place called “Woodfire Grill” but I wasn’t impressed.  After spending almost $60 on a buffet dinner, I definitely wasn’t impressed.  I understand WHY the rule of free child’s buffet per adult was put into place, but they don’t understand how little my kids eat.  I spent $30 on the kids dinner alone when they  MIGHT have eaten 1.5 kid meals worth of food between the babies.  Landon barely ate anything other than his salad.  Sam didn’t even eat as much as usual.  Except for Sam, the kids aren’t big dinner eaters.  But Sam always eats a huge dinner. 

After we left that place we stopped at the grocery store to get some stuff.  I told John I wanted to stop in to get stuff for breakfast.  An hour later I came out with enough food and snacks for a week!  We didn’t get back to the cabin until almost 9:30.  We put groceries away, changed diapers and got ready for bed.  Jewel-Anne is usually out in 2 minutes and was tonight too.  The surprising thing was, even though TV was on, everyone except Liana was out in less than 5 minutes.  Liana was out in 20. LOL

John is still awake.  That is no small feat at all.  I think I will go get into the hot tub for a while and spend some time with him.  Early day tomorrow!!!

For He satisfies the longing soul, and fills the hungry soul with goodness. - Psalm 107:9 (NKJV)

Blessings,

 Weight Loss Mama

Vacation Day 1 - Arrival

So this week we are on vacation.   I am going to attempt to keep a diary of our trip.  It will be interesting to see how I do without gym access and completely thrown out of my routine.  I am hoping I don’t gain while I am gone. 

The plan was to pack everything by Saturday, pack the van when we got home from church on Sunday, and leave for Dolly Wood by 5 AM.  That plan did not work out.  Saturday packing didn’t happen because we decided to beat the crowds for Father’s Day and took John out to dinner.  Sunday, I left the house at 8 AM with Sam and Liana to do last minute shopping.  We stopped to get gas, went to breakfast, then headed to Wal-mart.  When we got back home I was stressed to the max.  I don’t do well with “last minute” stuff.  I finally looked at John and told him I had to leave.  I didn’t want to put everyone in a bad mood.  I left with Sam and we went to dinner.  John didn’t finish packing and I was very tired so I went to bed.  I woke up at 4 AM and we finished packing.  It was about 6 AM when I realized we couldn’t check into the cabin until 3.  We were taking the dog with us so Dolly Wood was now out of the question.  We had breakfast, did a couple of things and headed for our destination. 

We spent the morning/ early afternoon wasting time.  Last time we were up here we got everyone airbrushed shirts.  John and Landon couldn’t find theirs so we stopped and had new ones made for them.  We stopped at the beef jerky outlet.  I was in heaven!  I stopped by Wal-mart to find another camera because mine decided it wanted to lose its clarity yesterday.  The store must’ve had a sale on cameras because they didn’t have very many in stock.  None of them were quite what I was looking for. Now I am stuck without a camera until I can find a good one. 

We finally arrived at the cabin a few minutes ago.  There is no internet access here.  I guess I will be posting these when I get back to civilization.  We were here all of 5 minutes before Isaiah walked in front of the swing and got hit.  I tried to stop him but was unsuccessful.  I know it’s going to bruise.  A certain son of mine has already been put in time out 3 times.  He must’ve gotten bored on the trip up here because he took his BRAND NEW shoes and shredded the string in one of his shoes.  The other 4 are taking turns running around the place like crazy, up and down the stairs, all around the floor, in a room, out of the room (making sure to stop to lock the door before coming out).  Isaiah has already found the broom and mop and started “cleaning.”  As I type this he just crawled under the sink to play plummer. 

As crazy as all of this sounds, it’s a typical “Vacation Day 1” for our family.  Each of my kids have their own little quirks about them, but I wouldn’t change a thing.  I love my life.  I am so blessed that all these kids call me ”Mama.”  I am blessed to have a husband who is willing to step in and take over the second I tell him I need a break. 

We are going to head out for an early dinner in a few minutes then have a nice quiet, early bedtime.  Mama is going to end her night in the hot tub and hopefully get a few minutes with my husband before we call it a night.  Tomorrow, it is up early to head to Dolly Wood. 

Tomorrow is also our anniversary.  It is hard to believe that this time tomorrow I will have been married 8 years.  We’ve been together almost 10 years.  We have been through so much together.  We have been to the point where we were both ready to walk, but I praise God that we’ve stuck it out.  He drives me insane sometimes, but I can’t imagine my life without him. He is standing behind me right now rubbing my shoulders so I am going to end this and enjoy this unexpected treat before dinner.  Until Later!

For He satisfies the longing soul, and fills the hungry soul with goodness. - Psalm 107:9 (NKJV)

Blessings,

Weight Loss Mama

Father's Day Plans

(For those who know me outside of this blog, I ask that you please keep your negative opinions to yourself. This journey is hard enough without worrying about the well meaning opinions and advice. Unless you've been there you don't know what decisions you would make. We are both just trying to find our way through this crazy mess. I ask that you stop and ask yourself how you would feel if you were in my shoes. Would you find comfort and strength in the words you are about to speak? If the answer is no then can I suggest that you just stop and pray for us instead? I don't say that to be mean. I really appreciate your concern.)





I talked to Dad again today.  I didn't expect to get a hold of him so I called him right as I pulled into the gym's parking lot. I really need to stop having conversations on the way to the gym.  I asked him how he felt about me joining him at church on Sunday. I didn't get the answer I had hoped for.  He told me that all of this stuff is still very new to him and that he hadn't taken the opportunity to discuss it with anyone at his church.  He told me he wasn't ready for me to come to church with him yet.  While it wasn't the answer I hoped for, I respect his honesty and his transparency.  This is all so new and we are still finding our way through it all. 

In previous conversations, he and I have tended to avoid the harder conversations.  When something uncomfortable comes up we usually get off the phone pretty quickly.  Today, we didn't do that.  We discussed my weight loss journey, a bit.  He has diabetes also.  I told him I had lost 70 lbs already.  He asked me how much more I wanted to lose.  When I told him I still had about 150-200 (over estimated as it's more like 180 now) and he told me I was crazy.  I told him that I started at 360.  He said "Well, there's no way you weigh 360 now!"  He shared some of the tips that he'd used over the years to help take pounds off.  It was a really nice conversation. We ended our call with him telling me to call him again soon so we could set up a time to get together.  He told me he didn't want me to think he didn't want to see me again, but he just wasn't ready for such a big step yet.

As I sat there in the gym parking lot, I had such a weird experience.  As a very emotional person, I typically go to the worst case scenerio, especially when things don't work out the way I want them to.  Today, I tried to allow myself to go to that place but I didn't.  I am disappointed that my dream of spending Father's Day in church with my dad won't come true this year.  God knows how much this means to me so I will just hold on to the hope of joining him next year (and every year after that).  My disappointment was turned into joy because 1) He was honest with me. 2) We discussed "normal stuff" (he just got back from a business trip and told me a bit about it). 3) We discussed health issues and he gave me advice.  We ended things on a good note and he even told me he looked forward to seeing me again.  What more could I ask for?

Now, we will spend Father's Day in our church and then take John out for lunch.  He got lawn equipment for his gift, so we already gave it to him.  It's kind of hard to wrap that! ;-)  He was happy with it though.  I see Mother's and Father's Days more about the kids anyway.  It's our day for our kids to go out of their way to show their love.  I have gotten gifts that I had to find a creative use for.  ;-)  For me, it's more about seeing their eyes light up when they have poured their love into a gift to make their parent happy.  I hope it's a great day for John.  I also hope Dad enjoys his day as well.

For He satisfies the longing soul, and fills the hungry soul with goodness. - Psalm 107:9 (NKJV)



Blessing,


Weight Loss Mama