Several of my friends have done "A Year In Books". My goal for 2016 is to read 12 books for myself. They cannot be books for the kids. They must be things that I am interested in. I will track my progress here.
1. Jacob's Daughter
2. Amish Winter Wonderland
3. Under the Mulberry Tree
4. Amish Winter of Promises
5. Chasing Fireflies
6. Amish Summer
7. Under the Harvest Moon
8. A Fair of the Heart
9. A Fair to Remember
10. The Chef's Mail Order Bride
11. The Wrangler's Mail Order Bride
12. The Bartender's Mail Order Bride
13. The Teacher's Mail Order Bride
14. Mail Order Husband Michael
15. Scent of Lilacs
16. Skinny Me
17. Rita Just Wants to be Thin
18. Love for Scale
19. Let Love In
20. Love Goes On
21. Love Lives On Forever
22. The Decision By Wanda Brunstetter
23. The Gift By Wanda Brunstetter
24. The Restoration By Wanda Brunstetter
25. Saffron By Cindy Caldwell
26. Carol By Cindy Caldwell
27.Her Brother's Keeper By Beth Wiseman
28. Naomi's Gift By Amy Clipston
29. The Blacksmith's Wife by Cindy Caldwell
30. The Prequel
31. Michelle: Bride of Mississippi By:Cindy Caldwell
32. Getting to Yes By Allie Pleiter
33. The Quilter's Son - Liam's Return By Samantha Bayarr
34. More Than Friends By Susette Williams
35. Waiting For Belinda By June Belfie
36. Amish Dynasty By Sophia Grace
38. Friends in the Making By Tina Dee
39. Chasing Tornadoes By Sherry Chamblee
40. Bitter Crossroads By June Belfie
41. The Quilter's Son - Nathan's Apprentice By Samantha Bayarr
42. The Quilter's Son - Lydia's Heart By Samantha Bayarr
43. The Quilter's Son - Maddie's Quilt By Samantha Bayarr
44. My Heart Cries Out By June Belfie
45. An English Friendship By June Belfie
46. An Amish Cradle By June Belfie
47. Christmas By the Sea By Beth Wiseman
48. The English Son by Wanda Brunstetter
49. The Stubborn Father by Wanda Brunstetter
50. The Betrayed Fiance by Wanda Brunstetter
51. The Missing Will by Wanda Brunstetter
52. The Divided Family by Wanda Brunstetter
53. The Selfless Act by Wanda Brunstetter
54. The Neighborly Thing by Wanda Brunstetter
Monday, December 28, 2015
As the Year Ends
This year has been full of ups and downs. Weight loss hasn't been all I hoped it would be. I have added a few pounds over the holidays. It is a struggle when you are a stress eater. All in all, the year has been a pretty good one though. Some relationships are closer. Others still need work. Then there are those relationships that have been walked away from. I trust that all of this is for a reason.
This coming year our Word of the Year is going to be intentional.
As I think over 2015, there are somethings I wish to carry over into 2016. I have always hated new year resolutions. Each year I try to set realistic goals for myself. I will do the same this year.
1. I want to be more intentional in my walk with God. This year I have backslidden a lot from where I'd like to be. We have occasionally tried out new churches, but not like we should. I want to be intentional in my own walk, in finding a church, in the way I teach my children to see God, in trying to find a home church.
2. I want to be more intentional in the relationship with my husband. He and I are in an amazing place right now. He and I are as different as night and day, though. He likes hard rock (Christian), I like Contemporary Christian/ Southern Gospel. He likes Star Wars, Sci-fi, etc. While I like Amish novels, love stories and girlie things. We do have areas of similarity, but I want to be more intentional in finding areas of common ground this year.
3. I want to be more intentional with my emotional and physical health. I refuse to set a weight loss goal for the year, but I want to take small steps to become healthier. I want to be intentional in the time I spend to better myself.
4. I want to spend this year being intentional with my children. Instead of allowing life to get away with me, I want the interactions with my children to be intentional. Instead of playing referee, I want my children to learn to love each other in a way they haven't yet. I want to take the time to rediscover my children's desires, hopes and dreams. I want to do more outings as a family as well as individual-relationship building activities. Time goes so fast. I don't want to miss a moment.
5. I want to spend the year growing closer to my parents. The first couple years, I spent with my bonus mama and Dad, I made sure I called them every week. I took the time to find out more about them. The past year, I failed many ways as a daughter so I want to spend the next year being a daughter that I can be proud of.
6. I want to be intentional in the relationships with those in my life.
7. I want to be intentional with my time and energy. I have so little of both, I don't want to waste either with things or people who do not care about me or are not good for me.
8. I want to find a new hobby. Something that makes me happy.
9. I want to be intentional in my homeschool. I want to focus on finding the learning styles of my children and watch them flourish as they pursue their academic passions.
This coming year our Word of the Year is going to be intentional.
As I think over 2015, there are somethings I wish to carry over into 2016. I have always hated new year resolutions. Each year I try to set realistic goals for myself. I will do the same this year.
1. I want to be more intentional in my walk with God. This year I have backslidden a lot from where I'd like to be. We have occasionally tried out new churches, but not like we should. I want to be intentional in my own walk, in finding a church, in the way I teach my children to see God, in trying to find a home church.
2. I want to be more intentional in the relationship with my husband. He and I are in an amazing place right now. He and I are as different as night and day, though. He likes hard rock (Christian), I like Contemporary Christian/ Southern Gospel. He likes Star Wars, Sci-fi, etc. While I like Amish novels, love stories and girlie things. We do have areas of similarity, but I want to be more intentional in finding areas of common ground this year.
3. I want to be more intentional with my emotional and physical health. I refuse to set a weight loss goal for the year, but I want to take small steps to become healthier. I want to be intentional in the time I spend to better myself.
4. I want to spend this year being intentional with my children. Instead of allowing life to get away with me, I want the interactions with my children to be intentional. Instead of playing referee, I want my children to learn to love each other in a way they haven't yet. I want to take the time to rediscover my children's desires, hopes and dreams. I want to do more outings as a family as well as individual-relationship building activities. Time goes so fast. I don't want to miss a moment.
5. I want to spend the year growing closer to my parents. The first couple years, I spent with my bonus mama and Dad, I made sure I called them every week. I took the time to find out more about them. The past year, I failed many ways as a daughter so I want to spend the next year being a daughter that I can be proud of.
6. I want to be intentional in the relationships with those in my life.
7. I want to be intentional with my time and energy. I have so little of both, I don't want to waste either with things or people who do not care about me or are not good for me.
8. I want to find a new hobby. Something that makes me happy.
9. I want to be intentional in my homeschool. I want to focus on finding the learning styles of my children and watch them flourish as they pursue their academic passions.
Saturday, October 10, 2015
Weeks 2 and 3 Progress
I just realized I forgot to make a week 2 report. My husband has had surgery two out of the last three weeks so I have been a bit busy. He has at least one more coming up so please pray for him. We are hoping this will be the last one.
Week Two went pretty much the same as Week One. I could tell that my stomach was starting to shrink because I wasn't as hungry as I was the previous week. Some moments were hard, but all in all it was a success. Week Two revealed a second 10 pound weight loss. I was surprised. Usually, your first week's loss will always be higher than the consecutive weeks.
Week Three was a bit easier in some ways. I had more cravings. I had a doctor's appointment that I freaked out over. My weight loss is progressing, yes, but When your starting weight is 360 (2012) it takes a pretty significant weight loss to be able to SEE it. It is hard to believe it is really happening. My rings are getting very lose, though. John says he can see it in my arms, but I still cannot see it. Friday, I weighed in at my biggest loss so far. I lost eleven pounds. That brought my total to 31 pounds in three weeks. This milestone also brought me to a place I have only seen one other time in my adult life. I am under three hundred pounds!!! I am very proud of myself. I can't weight to see what my next weigh-in brings.
I have had a few people who have asked what I am doing to lose the weight. Each day I have a Slim Fast shake for breakfast and lunch. I use the powder that I mix with milk. I have tried the pre-mixed shakes and I do not like them. For dinner, I have been eating frozen meals. Everything is pre-packaged and microwavable. This makes things easy and I cannot over-eat. I make sure my dinner meal is no more than 500 calories. My bedtime snack has been a Special K Meal bar. This helps make sure that my blood sugar levels do not get too low during the night. I am currently taking 2 different pills and a shot of insulin. I was on a third medication that I had to stop taking because my blood sugar was getting too low. Now, I only take that medicine on my "cheat days." Each week, I allow myself a cheat day. I can eat whatever I want on that day. On this day, I still count calories just for my own information, though. It is good to see how quickly those calories build up.
I want you to understand that each person's journey will be different. Some people need more restriction in some areas and are just fine in others. Not everyone will lose 10 pounds a week. (I don't know how long I will continue to do so.) It is important to understand that a person who does this plan weighing 330 pounds will probably lose a lot more than another person who does the exact same thing yet only weighs 180. The important thing is just do not get discouraged. You will get there.
Blessings,
Mama
Week Two went pretty much the same as Week One. I could tell that my stomach was starting to shrink because I wasn't as hungry as I was the previous week. Some moments were hard, but all in all it was a success. Week Two revealed a second 10 pound weight loss. I was surprised. Usually, your first week's loss will always be higher than the consecutive weeks.
Week Three was a bit easier in some ways. I had more cravings. I had a doctor's appointment that I freaked out over. My weight loss is progressing, yes, but When your starting weight is 360 (2012) it takes a pretty significant weight loss to be able to SEE it. It is hard to believe it is really happening. My rings are getting very lose, though. John says he can see it in my arms, but I still cannot see it. Friday, I weighed in at my biggest loss so far. I lost eleven pounds. That brought my total to 31 pounds in three weeks. This milestone also brought me to a place I have only seen one other time in my adult life. I am under three hundred pounds!!! I am very proud of myself. I can't weight to see what my next weigh-in brings.
I have had a few people who have asked what I am doing to lose the weight. Each day I have a Slim Fast shake for breakfast and lunch. I use the powder that I mix with milk. I have tried the pre-mixed shakes and I do not like them. For dinner, I have been eating frozen meals. Everything is pre-packaged and microwavable. This makes things easy and I cannot over-eat. I make sure my dinner meal is no more than 500 calories. My bedtime snack has been a Special K Meal bar. This helps make sure that my blood sugar levels do not get too low during the night. I am currently taking 2 different pills and a shot of insulin. I was on a third medication that I had to stop taking because my blood sugar was getting too low. Now, I only take that medicine on my "cheat days." Each week, I allow myself a cheat day. I can eat whatever I want on that day. On this day, I still count calories just for my own information, though. It is good to see how quickly those calories build up.
I want you to understand that each person's journey will be different. Some people need more restriction in some areas and are just fine in others. Not everyone will lose 10 pounds a week. (I don't know how long I will continue to do so.) It is important to understand that a person who does this plan weighing 330 pounds will probably lose a lot more than another person who does the exact same thing yet only weighs 180. The important thing is just do not get discouraged. You will get there.
Blessings,
Mama
Sunday, September 27, 2015
Week 1 Progress
Monday, I started drinking slim fast. This week has been harder at some points than I thought it would be but easier at others. I don't really like the taste, but I am getting used to it. I had a couple slip ups, but did well for the most part.
Yesterday, I weighed myself. I was disappointed to see that I had only lost ten pounds. I know that is a lot to most people, but I had worked REALLY hard and expected the results to show more weight loss. With that being said, I did weigh a couple days early. I shouldn't have weighed until Monday. My weight loss averages out to two pounds a day so I suppose that isn't too bad. I know that is not bad. Why do I have to be so hard on myself? I am hoping that this week's numbers are as good, if not better.
Blessings,
Mama
Yesterday, I weighed myself. I was disappointed to see that I had only lost ten pounds. I know that is a lot to most people, but I had worked REALLY hard and expected the results to show more weight loss. With that being said, I did weigh a couple days early. I shouldn't have weighed until Monday. My weight loss averages out to two pounds a day so I suppose that isn't too bad. I know that is not bad. Why do I have to be so hard on myself? I am hoping that this week's numbers are as good, if not better.
Blessings,
Mama
Monday, September 21, 2015
New Plan
Life is crazy as always. It seems like that is the story of my life. I am trying to embrace it, though. What other choice do I have? I have spent years trying to fight the crazy, but that didn't work so I gave in. ;-)
I started a new diet plan today. I am going to try Slim Fast. I tried it many years ago, but I didn't like the taste of it. So far, it's not been too bad. I am hungry, but nothing I cannot handle. I am going to lose this weight one way or another.
Blessings,
Mama
Monday, August 3, 2015
Health Update
This blog is going to be TMI. You have been warned so if you wish to spare yourself, read no further.
About 2 months ago I started having really bad abdominal cramping. It felt like it was around my ovaries. It got to the point that it would take my breath away so I went to see a Gynecologist. He is my best friend's doctor. When I got into see him, he did an exam and said everything "looked good." He wanted to send me for an ultrasound though. His tech wasn't in that day, so I was scheduled. I had to end up rescheduling, though. I had my ultrasound about two weeks ago. I have PCOS so my uterine lining was thicker than they wanted it to be. The tech also found a polyp. The doctor scheduled me for a D&C and a Polypectomy. I had that done on Thursday, July 30th.
The morning of my surgery, I went in and did all of the normal pre-op stuff. I was pretty freaked out. It took two tries to get my IV started. Five days later, both of my hands are still sore. Surgery went well, but the doctor found a second polyp. He told my husband that both of the polyps looked good so he didn't expect cancer out of either of them. He was worried about this prior to surgery, though.
Healing from surgery has been interesting. I still have some tenderness from the surgery. I am extremely tired, but having CFS that is to be expected, I guess. What wasn't expected was that I woke up from surgery with the underside of my left arm completely numb. It stared out in a small spot, but as the day went on, it worked it's way almost completely up my arm. I feel everything on my outer arm, but I don't feel anything on the underside. Most people experience the sleep/pins and needles feeling when they are numb. I feel nothing. I can touch/pinch my arm, but feel nothing.
Friday, I went in for my routine lab work to be done. I talked to him about my arm. He said he wanted to wait until today to make sure it didn't go away. Now, he's scheduling me for an EMG/nerve study. Yeah, that sounds like fun! All of my labs were normal. My A1C has dropped 1.9 points to 6.4. I am pretty proud of myself Yay!!
Blessings,
Mama
About 2 months ago I started having really bad abdominal cramping. It felt like it was around my ovaries. It got to the point that it would take my breath away so I went to see a Gynecologist. He is my best friend's doctor. When I got into see him, he did an exam and said everything "looked good." He wanted to send me for an ultrasound though. His tech wasn't in that day, so I was scheduled. I had to end up rescheduling, though. I had my ultrasound about two weeks ago. I have PCOS so my uterine lining was thicker than they wanted it to be. The tech also found a polyp. The doctor scheduled me for a D&C and a Polypectomy. I had that done on Thursday, July 30th.
The morning of my surgery, I went in and did all of the normal pre-op stuff. I was pretty freaked out. It took two tries to get my IV started. Five days later, both of my hands are still sore. Surgery went well, but the doctor found a second polyp. He told my husband that both of the polyps looked good so he didn't expect cancer out of either of them. He was worried about this prior to surgery, though.
Healing from surgery has been interesting. I still have some tenderness from the surgery. I am extremely tired, but having CFS that is to be expected, I guess. What wasn't expected was that I woke up from surgery with the underside of my left arm completely numb. It stared out in a small spot, but as the day went on, it worked it's way almost completely up my arm. I feel everything on my outer arm, but I don't feel anything on the underside. Most people experience the sleep/pins and needles feeling when they are numb. I feel nothing. I can touch/pinch my arm, but feel nothing.
Friday, I went in for my routine lab work to be done. I talked to him about my arm. He said he wanted to wait until today to make sure it didn't go away. Now, he's scheduling me for an EMG/nerve study. Yeah, that sounds like fun! All of my labs were normal. My A1C has dropped 1.9 points to 6.4. I am pretty proud of myself Yay!!
Blessings,
Mama
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
Stressed Out Mommy Syndrome
I don't know if that is a medical diagnosis or not, but that is where I am right now. I am in the "Stressed Out Mommy" village right now. It is not where I want to be or where I want to parent from, but it is where I am.
Sometime last week, I noticed my body showing signs of stress. My teeth were starting to clench involuntarily. My neck and upper back started hurting. Now, I am starting to suffer from stress headaches.
I have suffered from headaches most of my life, but these are a bit different. They usually start in my neck and upper back before they proceed to a full-blown headache that I cannot get rid of. I will never forget the first one I got. No matter what I did, it wouldn't go away. I was eighteen. I was working at a convenience store. At the time, I was their best employee. I would work shifts that no one else would. I would go in and work when others called in. You could say that I was married to my job, but I was 18 with no other real responsibilities so it worked. When I wasn't working, I was babysitting. My body kept screaming it had enough, but I wouldn't listen. I developed a headache that would not go away. I took Tylenol, but it didn't help. Advil didn't help either. During this time I tried every over-the-counter pain reliever that was available. I was given some prescription medicine by my doctor that didn't help either.
I was sent for an MRI because of my history of a brain tumor, but it was clear. Finally, the doctor said that it was stress. He sent me for physical therapy. That brought my pain level from insane to manageable during the therapy sessions, but within hours I felt like I was dying again. I finally had to quit my job. Finally, after about 18 months the pain went away. I know it sounds crazy to say I had a headache for 18 months, but it was seriously one never-ending headache. I suffer from stress headaches and migraines now, but nothing as bad as that one. Still, the fear is there when I start seeing the signs of a stress headache.
Now, I am searching for ways to relieve my stress. My therapist moved out of the area about a month ago. I am currently waiting for my new one to get back from vacation, so I can schedule an appointment with her. I am journaling and trying other stress relieving techniques. Hopefully, this will end soon.
Blessings,
Mama
Sometime last week, I noticed my body showing signs of stress. My teeth were starting to clench involuntarily. My neck and upper back started hurting. Now, I am starting to suffer from stress headaches.
I have suffered from headaches most of my life, but these are a bit different. They usually start in my neck and upper back before they proceed to a full-blown headache that I cannot get rid of. I will never forget the first one I got. No matter what I did, it wouldn't go away. I was eighteen. I was working at a convenience store. At the time, I was their best employee. I would work shifts that no one else would. I would go in and work when others called in. You could say that I was married to my job, but I was 18 with no other real responsibilities so it worked. When I wasn't working, I was babysitting. My body kept screaming it had enough, but I wouldn't listen. I developed a headache that would not go away. I took Tylenol, but it didn't help. Advil didn't help either. During this time I tried every over-the-counter pain reliever that was available. I was given some prescription medicine by my doctor that didn't help either.
I was sent for an MRI because of my history of a brain tumor, but it was clear. Finally, the doctor said that it was stress. He sent me for physical therapy. That brought my pain level from insane to manageable during the therapy sessions, but within hours I felt like I was dying again. I finally had to quit my job. Finally, after about 18 months the pain went away. I know it sounds crazy to say I had a headache for 18 months, but it was seriously one never-ending headache. I suffer from stress headaches and migraines now, but nothing as bad as that one. Still, the fear is there when I start seeing the signs of a stress headache.
Now, I am searching for ways to relieve my stress. My therapist moved out of the area about a month ago. I am currently waiting for my new one to get back from vacation, so I can schedule an appointment with her. I am journaling and trying other stress relieving techniques. Hopefully, this will end soon.
Blessings,
Mama
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
Bad Days, Depression and Other Ramblings
I have been blessed to have some really good days lately. There have been some really bad struggles, but all in all it had been good. Almost two weeks ago my wallet, including a tidy sum of cash, was stolen from Wal-mart while we were shopping. I freaked out at first. I quickly realized it was one of those situations where I just had to trust God. I had no other choice. My brother suggested starting a gofundme account. While all of the money didn't get replaced, I am pleased to say, thanks to my generous friends and family, that we recovered almost half of what was taken. I was fully experiencing the feeling of being held in the arms of Jesus. Until...
For people who suffer from depression, you can feel really good one day/moment and the next is something completely different. This morning was a perfect example of that. I woke up this morning wanting to do nothing other than get out of the house for a bit. John had things he needed to do, though so I stayed. Once he had completed what he needed to do, he offered me a few minutes out of the house before he had to leave for work, but I chose to stay home.
There are so many things going through my mind and my heart today that it is just weighing on me. Some of the things are things I can control/fix and others are completely out of my control, but plague me nonetheless. So I sit here just doing my best to fight off the feelings of the impending panic attack my body seems intent on having and counting down the hours until I can unwind with a bit of tv before I go to sleep.
Mama
Thursday, May 14, 2015
The Moment I Stopped Breathing
So many things have been going on in my world this week. My husband, who has worked two jobs most of our marriage finally said goodbye to his second employer. His last day was Monday night, Isaiah's birthday. Monday night, on his way to his second job, his car broke down. I have spent most of the week taking him back and forth to work.
Today, I was on my way home when I called my best friend, Stephanie. She had surgery on Monday so I wanted to call and check on her. We talked for a few moments and I noticed she wasn't quite herself. This was more than the I-just-had-surgery voice. Then she said the words that made me lose my breath. She said the doctor called her and told her she has cancer.
I met Stephanie a few years ago at church. She said she noticed that we kept coming in with more and more children so she knew I had to be a foster parent. She and I started talking on facebook and hanging out. We soon found out that we were each others long lost twin. Ok, not really, but it sure seems that way. She has six kids. I have five. We are both SAHM. I could write a book about our similarities, but I will spare you. No matter how similar we are, we are as different as night and day. I homeschool and can't imagine that will ever change. She says she could never do it. I am very high strung, and she is more relaxed. I am very quiet and more reserved where she is VERY outgoing. God didn't just bless me with a friend, or even a best friend. She is my sister.
I have sat here today trying to process everything. I have prayed for many people over the years who have cancer or a serious illness, but it's a different ball game when it hits so close to home. I don't know what tomorrow holds or what the medical action plan will be at this point. What I do know is that I will be there for her every step of the way. At this moment I do feel helpless because I don't know what to do for her. I would take this burden from her if I could, but I cannot.
I share all of this with you for this reason. Please keep her in your prayers. Add her to your prayer list, your church's prayer list, share the request on facebook - whatever! Please just pray for her. Pray for her emotional health as well as her physical one.
Blessings,
Mama
Today, I was on my way home when I called my best friend, Stephanie. She had surgery on Monday so I wanted to call and check on her. We talked for a few moments and I noticed she wasn't quite herself. This was more than the I-just-had-surgery voice. Then she said the words that made me lose my breath. She said the doctor called her and told her she has cancer.
I met Stephanie a few years ago at church. She said she noticed that we kept coming in with more and more children so she knew I had to be a foster parent. She and I started talking on facebook and hanging out. We soon found out that we were each others long lost twin. Ok, not really, but it sure seems that way. She has six kids. I have five. We are both SAHM. I could write a book about our similarities, but I will spare you. No matter how similar we are, we are as different as night and day. I homeschool and can't imagine that will ever change. She says she could never do it. I am very high strung, and she is more relaxed. I am very quiet and more reserved where she is VERY outgoing. God didn't just bless me with a friend, or even a best friend. She is my sister.
I have sat here today trying to process everything. I have prayed for many people over the years who have cancer or a serious illness, but it's a different ball game when it hits so close to home. I don't know what tomorrow holds or what the medical action plan will be at this point. What I do know is that I will be there for her every step of the way. At this moment I do feel helpless because I don't know what to do for her. I would take this burden from her if I could, but I cannot.
I share all of this with you for this reason. Please keep her in your prayers. Add her to your prayer list, your church's prayer list, share the request on facebook - whatever! Please just pray for her. Pray for her emotional health as well as her physical one.
Blessings,
Mama
Monday, May 4, 2015
Monday Check-in
Each Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I have to call my doctor's office to check in with the nurse to see if we need to increase my insulin. I report my blood sugar readings and they adjust my medication accordingly. Wednesday, I started on 12 units. Friday, I increased to 16 units. While my blood sugar has come down, it is still not in the range of normal.
ETA: Just as I said, we have increased my insulin to 20 units.
This morning's fasting blood sugar was 195. Now, this is where it gets crazy. My fasting numbers, thus far, are my highest readings of the day. I do not understand that. We usually have dinner around 5 o'clock. I usually wake up between 8-9 AM. I go 15-16 hours without eating, yet this is my highest reading of the day. My body is just crazy!
This morning started out pretty good. Each morning I try to make sure I take a few minutes to read my Bible and pray. I have found it makes my day go better. The weather outside was beautiful so I went outside. As each child woke up, they were able to enjoy a few minutes of play time while I soaked up time with God. It seems to have made the morning go a bit better.
I ask that each of you take a moment to pray for my friend. Tomorrow, she heads to the doctor to discuss diabetes and insulin with her doctor. Going from oral medication to insulin therapy is emotionally devastating so please keep her in your prayers. Thank you.
ETA: Just as I said, we have increased my insulin to 20 units.
"For
I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and
not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
Blessings,
Mama
February
A1C 9.0
April
A1C 8.3
April
HDL 120
Sunday, May 3, 2015
Getting Back Up
I don't even remember how long it has been since I blogged last, so bare with me if I repeat some information. About ten weeks ago, I went to the doctor and found that my diabetes was completely uncontrolled. I had used an at-home A1C kit so I knew what was coming from this appointment. When I arrived at my appointment, I ended up having to see a student before I could see my doctor. He went crazy about my blood sugar levels, went through a complete medical history and then said the word I dreaded - INSULIN. At the time, the word insulin seemed like a death sentence. Worst of all, he hadn't even done labs. He had a very cold bedside manner. I was pressed for time and had to get back to get my kids, so I left that appointment without seeing my doctor or getting labs done. I went back in a couple days later and was able to discuss the situation with my doctor. He said that he wanted to try a couple more medicines before he started insulin. I was to come back in three months. This was in February. My lab results were as follows: A1C 9.0, Fasting Glucose 290ish, and my cholesterol was elevated. (No, I hadn't been taking care of myself.)
Fast forward to about a month ago, at that point, my blood sugars had come down tremendously, My fasting levels weren't nearly as high on the new medications (Januvia and something else I cannot remember.) Things were looking good, but my numbers were still not "normal." Then, our family got sick. We all got the stomach flu. I ended up in the ER with my youngest daughter because she was so ill. I remember posting to facebook, how surprised I was that even without eating, my numbers were still running high. It was three days before I could eat anything more than broth, but my numbers were consistently high. I had been keeping a log of my blood sugar and I'm so glad I did because it helped me to notice a nasty trend in my blood sugar. No matter what I ate or how early in the evenings I ate, my blood sugar was still coming up way too high. I had switched around my two new diabetes medication to see if that would keep my fasting levels from being so high, but that didn't help either. Finally, I decided that I had had enough and made an appointment (two weeks early) with my doctor. (For those of you who have followed my story, or know me personally, you know that things had to be bad!)
I got to my appointment (last Wednesday) knowing I would walk out on insulin. There was just no way around it. I didn't WANT to be on insulin, but I was tired of feeling so bad. I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS), so I am used to being tired all the time. This was different, though. I would fall asleep after every meal. I had all of the tell-tale signs of diabetes. My doctor sat down with me, and in his normally kind manner told me that he felt that we had to do insulin. I had him to look through my past levels to see what my insulin level was in February. At this point, I'd never asked about this level. As expected, my level was extremely low. My body is still making insulin, but VERY little. I left with a sample insulin pen and prescriptions for insulin, needles, and diet pills (per my request).
The doctor started me on 12 units of insulin and said to call every two days with my blood sugar readings so we could increase my insulin. They knew that 12 units wouldn't be enough, but they wanted to make sure they didn't overdose me with too much insulin. Friday, we increased my insulin to 16 units. Judging from my levels, I will be increasing again on Monday. My fasting levels are usually my highest one of the day. We eat dinner early (around 5) so it's weird that after not eating anything for over 12 hours that it's running so high. My body is so stubborn, it can't do anything by the book. Not eating makes me run high, but eating ice cream would cause my blood sugar to run in the mid 100s. Eating low carb stuff makes me run high also.
I was my mama's primary care giver when she was alive. She had diabetes for almost 20 years so I knew a lot from taking care of her. I fussed at her for not taking care of herself, but I went into this denial phase when I was diagnosed. Insulin was sort of my come-to-Jesus moment that made me realize what I was doing to my body and to the lives of my children. I don't want to put them through what I was put through because of Mom's selfish choices. Up to this point, I had justified my own choices, but let's just call it what it is. I was following in my mama's footsteps and ten - twenty years earlier at that. All my life she had said that her goal was to live long enough to raise me. There are still some days I don't feel completely "raised." I still need my Mama. She had made her goal. I was 25 when she died. I will not settle for that. I don't want to live to see my kids grown or even my grand kids. I want to live to see my great-grandchildren. Now, I am a Christian and I believe that God already knows when my time to go will be, BUT I want to live a healthy life while I am here. I don't want heart surgery and amputations. I believe that God has better things in store for me if I choose to allow Him to give them to me. So here we go again. Let's do this.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
Blessings,
Mama
February A1C 9.0
April A1C 8.3
April HDL 120
Fast forward to about a month ago, at that point, my blood sugars had come down tremendously, My fasting levels weren't nearly as high on the new medications (Januvia and something else I cannot remember.) Things were looking good, but my numbers were still not "normal." Then, our family got sick. We all got the stomach flu. I ended up in the ER with my youngest daughter because she was so ill. I remember posting to facebook, how surprised I was that even without eating, my numbers were still running high. It was three days before I could eat anything more than broth, but my numbers were consistently high. I had been keeping a log of my blood sugar and I'm so glad I did because it helped me to notice a nasty trend in my blood sugar. No matter what I ate or how early in the evenings I ate, my blood sugar was still coming up way too high. I had switched around my two new diabetes medication to see if that would keep my fasting levels from being so high, but that didn't help either. Finally, I decided that I had had enough and made an appointment (two weeks early) with my doctor. (For those of you who have followed my story, or know me personally, you know that things had to be bad!)
I got to my appointment (last Wednesday) knowing I would walk out on insulin. There was just no way around it. I didn't WANT to be on insulin, but I was tired of feeling so bad. I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS), so I am used to being tired all the time. This was different, though. I would fall asleep after every meal. I had all of the tell-tale signs of diabetes. My doctor sat down with me, and in his normally kind manner told me that he felt that we had to do insulin. I had him to look through my past levels to see what my insulin level was in February. At this point, I'd never asked about this level. As expected, my level was extremely low. My body is still making insulin, but VERY little. I left with a sample insulin pen and prescriptions for insulin, needles, and diet pills (per my request).
The doctor started me on 12 units of insulin and said to call every two days with my blood sugar readings so we could increase my insulin. They knew that 12 units wouldn't be enough, but they wanted to make sure they didn't overdose me with too much insulin. Friday, we increased my insulin to 16 units. Judging from my levels, I will be increasing again on Monday. My fasting levels are usually my highest one of the day. We eat dinner early (around 5) so it's weird that after not eating anything for over 12 hours that it's running so high. My body is so stubborn, it can't do anything by the book. Not eating makes me run high, but eating ice cream would cause my blood sugar to run in the mid 100s. Eating low carb stuff makes me run high also.
I was my mama's primary care giver when she was alive. She had diabetes for almost 20 years so I knew a lot from taking care of her. I fussed at her for not taking care of herself, but I went into this denial phase when I was diagnosed. Insulin was sort of my come-to-Jesus moment that made me realize what I was doing to my body and to the lives of my children. I don't want to put them through what I was put through because of Mom's selfish choices. Up to this point, I had justified my own choices, but let's just call it what it is. I was following in my mama's footsteps and ten - twenty years earlier at that. All my life she had said that her goal was to live long enough to raise me. There are still some days I don't feel completely "raised." I still need my Mama. She had made her goal. I was 25 when she died. I will not settle for that. I don't want to live to see my kids grown or even my grand kids. I want to live to see my great-grandchildren. Now, I am a Christian and I believe that God already knows when my time to go will be, BUT I want to live a healthy life while I am here. I don't want heart surgery and amputations. I believe that God has better things in store for me if I choose to allow Him to give them to me. So here we go again. Let's do this.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
Blessings,
Mama
February A1C 9.0
April A1C 8.3
April HDL 120
Friday, January 23, 2015
Midnight Ramblings
It is well after midnight and I have no idea why I am still awake. I have so many things that are waiting for me in the morning. The kids will be up before I know it, but yet I cannot find sleep. My mind just will not turn off.
There are so many good things going on right now. I just have this unsettling feeling. I think it stems from the fact that today was the anniversary of me walking into the doctor's office, and later the ER where I was told that the doctor was certain I had congestive heart failure. Thankfully, that wasn't the case, but that time in my life was very scary. Unfortunately, it would take months to figure out that I wasn't dying. For those who do not know, this was one of the contributing factors to Mama's death.
It isn't too surprising to find out that this was also the time where we found out that I had anxiety issues. I was a fairly new Mom. I had 5 babies. And this doctor who had spent less than an hour with me had told me I was suffering from a deadly illness. Yep, that pretty much settles it for you. I think that would break the strongest person.
On to better news, my husband and I will be going on our first mini-vacation alone since we had kids. We took a few short overnight/weekend stays when Mom was still with us, prior to having kids. A couple summers ago, we were able to get away for the weekend thanks to my sisters keeping our children. This is also the first vacation we have had since my husband and I reunited. We are both looking forward to it. Our children are staying with their friends. We know that they will be well taken care of and will have tons of fun. It is hard to think of being away from them, but I know this time will be as good for them as it is for us.
This is the time of year that I love and I dread all at the same time. It's tax season. It's also curriculum purchase time. I have had curriculum anxiety since we first started homeschooling. When I homeschooled, we used Abeka for a while. Then, we used School of Tomorrow. We started both of the oldest boys out with Abeka. Then, we switched to an online curriculum called Easy Peasy. The kids loved the curriculum, but it just wasn't working well for me, so we are going back to books this year. I wish that there was a local place where you could go in and see all of the different curriculums and get a chance to check them out. One of the things I'm starting to realize is that I cannot box my kids in. What may work well for one, does not necessarily work well for the other. Unfortunately, this is a very expensive, non-refundable lesson.
One of the joys of CFS is that sometimes your mind just goes completely blank. Unfortunately, that is where I am right now so I'm going to close this. Goodnight all.
Blessings,
Lisa
There are so many good things going on right now. I just have this unsettling feeling. I think it stems from the fact that today was the anniversary of me walking into the doctor's office, and later the ER where I was told that the doctor was certain I had congestive heart failure. Thankfully, that wasn't the case, but that time in my life was very scary. Unfortunately, it would take months to figure out that I wasn't dying. For those who do not know, this was one of the contributing factors to Mama's death.
It isn't too surprising to find out that this was also the time where we found out that I had anxiety issues. I was a fairly new Mom. I had 5 babies. And this doctor who had spent less than an hour with me had told me I was suffering from a deadly illness. Yep, that pretty much settles it for you. I think that would break the strongest person.
On to better news, my husband and I will be going on our first mini-vacation alone since we had kids. We took a few short overnight/weekend stays when Mom was still with us, prior to having kids. A couple summers ago, we were able to get away for the weekend thanks to my sisters keeping our children. This is also the first vacation we have had since my husband and I reunited. We are both looking forward to it. Our children are staying with their friends. We know that they will be well taken care of and will have tons of fun. It is hard to think of being away from them, but I know this time will be as good for them as it is for us.
This is the time of year that I love and I dread all at the same time. It's tax season. It's also curriculum purchase time. I have had curriculum anxiety since we first started homeschooling. When I homeschooled, we used Abeka for a while. Then, we used School of Tomorrow. We started both of the oldest boys out with Abeka. Then, we switched to an online curriculum called Easy Peasy. The kids loved the curriculum, but it just wasn't working well for me, so we are going back to books this year. I wish that there was a local place where you could go in and see all of the different curriculums and get a chance to check them out. One of the things I'm starting to realize is that I cannot box my kids in. What may work well for one, does not necessarily work well for the other. Unfortunately, this is a very expensive, non-refundable lesson.
One of the joys of CFS is that sometimes your mind just goes completely blank. Unfortunately, that is where I am right now so I'm going to close this. Goodnight all.
Blessings,
Lisa
Sunday, January 18, 2015
Meeting My Sister
Thanks to CFS brain fog, I am having a bit of trouble remembering all of the details. I sat down Sunday to write this, but couldn't piece it together just right so now I'm trying to go back and edit it.
For years, I have dreamed of meeting my siblings on my Dad's side of the family. I remember being young and playing scenarios in my head of what it would be like to be a part of their family. The desire to be a part of their family only grew as I met Dad. Still, I was determined to take things as slowly as I needed to in order to make things easier for them.
I remember the day I decided I was going to start searching for Dad again. It was after watching the movie October Baby. When the movie was over, I sat in the parking lot in my van while I sobbed and prayed. I asked God if it was really His will for me to find Dad. Immediately after I felt the peace to search for him, I prayed that God would minimize the pain inflicted on my siblings. I have eight siblings. Each parent had two girls and two boys before I came along. I didn't want my mom's kids to feel like I was dishonoring her memory. I also didn't want to cause pain to Dad's kids either. I wasn't naive enough to believe that there wouldn't be pain involved, but I was determined to make things as easy as I could.
My sister Suzie (Dad's daughter) has a gospel music group that she sings with. Each month, the group has a concert that they hold. I had been trying to attend for months. Last month, I was heart broken that I wasn't able to find a sitter for my kids. My sister Cindy told me that she would keep them for me so I could go in January.
The concert was this past Saturday. I was very excited to finally be able to meet Suzie. We have been facebook friends for a while, but this was the first time we would actually meet in person. I spent most of Saturday morning and afternoon feeling so ill. I was nervous beyond belief. Everything I had wished, hoped and prayed for was finally coming through. I kept freaking out thinking she would hate me. I cannot tell you the number of times I decided I wasn't going. One nasty habit I am trying to break free of is assuming the worst will happen. In many ways, it was just easier to believe that she would hate me. I knew what would happen then. We would part ways and that would be that. (Now, I want to stop and say that my feelings during those moments do not reflect anything toward Suzie. I have enjoyed getting to know her so far. I have always had problems with self-esteem, though. The last two years that has gotten a lot worse.)
I finally made it to the parking lot. I felt frozen when I first arrived. I couldn't bring myself to get out of the car. It was one of those life changing moments. I knew that my life was about to change. I prayed and asked God for peace before I finally went in. We said hello and talked for a few moments before the concert started and for a bit afterwards. I was able to get a picture with both of my sisters. It was a very sweet moment for me.
Suzie is such a sweetheart. I know my entrance into her life two years ago wasn't easy, she has handled it with grace. She's always been kind to me and for that I am grateful. She has handled things far better than most people would. Thank you, Suzie for allow me a place in your heart and life.
Meeting her was something I had dreamed of most of my life. Even before I had contact with Dad, Mom had told me bits and pieces abouthis my family. I had spent years praying that God would bring us together and He answered that prayer. It certainly didn't happen in my timing, but God orchestrated it to happen just the way He meant for it to. Due to a mistake on my part, I've also been able to meet another family member as well. It's been a roller coaster of a weekend, but I am so grateful. I am thankful that God allowed us to meet. I'm glad that He placed people around me that would be the push I needed to go through with this.
Suzie has a gospel music group called Victorious Ministries. They are A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!!! They were even better than the couple videos I had seen. If you are local then you definitely need to go see them. If you aren't, you should order their CDs. To learn more about Victorious Ministries visit their facebook page Victorious Ministries. Like their page to get updates about their travel dates. They have a monthly singing in Rockwood, Tennessee. They also have other travel dates. You will be blessed when you hear them.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
Blessings,
Lisa
For years, I have dreamed of meeting my siblings on my Dad's side of the family. I remember being young and playing scenarios in my head of what it would be like to be a part of their family. The desire to be a part of their family only grew as I met Dad. Still, I was determined to take things as slowly as I needed to in order to make things easier for them.
I remember the day I decided I was going to start searching for Dad again. It was after watching the movie October Baby. When the movie was over, I sat in the parking lot in my van while I sobbed and prayed. I asked God if it was really His will for me to find Dad. Immediately after I felt the peace to search for him, I prayed that God would minimize the pain inflicted on my siblings. I have eight siblings. Each parent had two girls and two boys before I came along. I didn't want my mom's kids to feel like I was dishonoring her memory. I also didn't want to cause pain to Dad's kids either. I wasn't naive enough to believe that there wouldn't be pain involved, but I was determined to make things as easy as I could.
My sister Suzie (Dad's daughter) has a gospel music group that she sings with. Each month, the group has a concert that they hold. I had been trying to attend for months. Last month, I was heart broken that I wasn't able to find a sitter for my kids. My sister Cindy told me that she would keep them for me so I could go in January.
The concert was this past Saturday. I was very excited to finally be able to meet Suzie. We have been facebook friends for a while, but this was the first time we would actually meet in person. I spent most of Saturday morning and afternoon feeling so ill. I was nervous beyond belief. Everything I had wished, hoped and prayed for was finally coming through. I kept freaking out thinking she would hate me. I cannot tell you the number of times I decided I wasn't going. One nasty habit I am trying to break free of is assuming the worst will happen. In many ways, it was just easier to believe that she would hate me. I knew what would happen then. We would part ways and that would be that. (Now, I want to stop and say that my feelings during those moments do not reflect anything toward Suzie. I have enjoyed getting to know her so far. I have always had problems with self-esteem, though. The last two years that has gotten a lot worse.)
I finally made it to the parking lot. I felt frozen when I first arrived. I couldn't bring myself to get out of the car. It was one of those life changing moments. I knew that my life was about to change. I prayed and asked God for peace before I finally went in. We said hello and talked for a few moments before the concert started and for a bit afterwards. I was able to get a picture with both of my sisters. It was a very sweet moment for me.
Suzie is such a sweetheart. I know my entrance into her life two years ago wasn't easy, she has handled it with grace. She's always been kind to me and for that I am grateful. She has handled things far better than most people would. Thank you, Suzie for allow me a place in your heart and life.
Meeting her was something I had dreamed of most of my life. Even before I had contact with Dad, Mom had told me bits and pieces about
Suzie has a gospel music group called Victorious Ministries. They are A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!!! They were even better than the couple videos I had seen. If you are local then you definitely need to go see them. If you aren't, you should order their CDs. To learn more about Victorious Ministries visit their facebook page Victorious Ministries. Like their page to get updates about their travel dates. They have a monthly singing in Rockwood, Tennessee. They also have other travel dates. You will be blessed when you hear them.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
Blessings,
Lisa
Monday, January 12, 2015
Here We Go Again 2015
It's 2015. It's been six years since I started my weight loss
journey. I've had some successes but mostly failures. However, I believe that
you aren't a failure until you refuse to get back up. I think it's been about
three years since I started going to the weight loss clinic. Last year, I had my
doctor to write me a prescription for some Phentermine, which is what was
prescribed at the weight loss clinic. I took almost all of a prescription, but
then I stopped. My weight has been slowly creeping up to my original weight.
When I walked into the weight loss clinic the first time, my weight was 326.
(Which until yesterday, I didn't realize the significance of that number in my
life. 3/26 was Mama's birthday.)
Yesterday, I weighed and had my blood pressure taken at Wal-mart.
Of course, there's always room for error with those machines, but it said I was
323. Still under my clinic starting weight, and under my highest weight (360)
but way too high. My blood pressure was something like 148/82.
I knew my weight was going up. I am back to the point that my belly
sits under the steering wheel. I think one of the first big goals that I made
was to be able to drive without having my belly touch the steering wheel. I am
sadden and sick of what I've done to myself. I swore I would never be back to
this place, but when you have an emotional eating disorder, that is what
happens. I eat to find comfort. I eat when I'm bored, I eat when...well, there's
not a reason I can find that I won't eat. Then, afterwards I feel horrible. I
feel horrible because I ate too much. I feel horrible because I let this have
power over me. If you would have asked me 6 years ago if I had an eating
disorder, I would've said no. The longer I am on this journey, I am finding out
stuff I never knew. I can no longer sugar coat things in an effort to save my
pride because it is killing me.
One of the things that have stopped me was not being able to afford
the foods that I need to lose weight. Well it is tax season and time to start
again. Since healthy living is so much more than just eating right, I'm starting
now to get my mind in preparation for it.
A big change that is taking place this time is that John is going
to join me. He went to the doctor the other day and his weight was 318. His
blood pressure, which wasn't as high as mine, was still higher than it needs to
be. The sad thing is that we are both on blood pressure medication. Our blood
pressure was a "medicated" blood pressure. I wouldn't want to see what it would
be if we weren't on medication. So he's decided to join me on this journey.
I have such a love-hate relationship with my weight. I love food. I
don't LIKE food. I LOVE it. I love it like a family member. There are things
that I like that are healthy, but most of my comfort foods are not. I have
conquered this battle before. I know what lies before me and I'm not looking
forward to it. I'm not looking forward to choosing veggies instead of cookies;
protein instead of carbs, etc. None of that is appealing to me. Do you know what
IS appealing, though? Fitting in my vehicle without being uncomfortable; being
able to shop for clothes and know that I don't have to go to a specialty shop to
get a t-shirt that fits right. Most importantly, the thought of LIVING is the
most appealing. Living to raise our kids. Living to see our grandchildren.
Living long enough to take care of our parents when that time comes.
I want to do more than just survive. I want to live a life that
makes me happy.
I will update more as we start our healthy eating journey, but this
is the starting post.
Lisa's Weight : 323 (estimate until I get a scale for the
house)
John's Weight 318 (weighed at the doctor)
Blessings,
Mama
Friday, January 2, 2015
Great Is Thy Faithfulness
Great is Thy faithfulness, Oh God my Father
There is no shadow of turning with Thee
Thou changest not, Thy compassions they fail not
As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be
Great is Thy faithfulness, Great is Thy faithfulness
Morning by morning new mercies I see
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided
Great is Thy faithfulness Lord unto me.
This precious old hymn is one of my favorites. As I begin a new year, this is what brings me comfort. For I know that whatever I face this year, God will be there with me. He is always faithful and merciful. I have struggled a lot since my mom passed away. The spiritual struggles have been the ones that have been the hardest to deal with. I got saved at the age of 11. There were plenty of trials along my way, but something about Mom's death shook me so hard that I sort of lost my way. Did I stop believing in God? No. I have always known that He was there. I just don't feel His presence like I used to. I don't have joy like I used to. I feel like He has turned His face from me. I have prayed for forgiveness for whatever is keeping me from Him, but to no avail. This is just a trial. It is a spiritual battle. All Christians go through them, I am no exception. This year, I will constantly remember that God is always there. Even if I cannot feel Him, He is still there. His word promises that He will never leave nor forsake me. I will stand on that no matter what I "feel."
Blessings,
Mama
There is no shadow of turning with Thee
Thou changest not, Thy compassions they fail not
As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be
Great is Thy faithfulness, Great is Thy faithfulness
Morning by morning new mercies I see
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided
Great is Thy faithfulness Lord unto me.
This precious old hymn is one of my favorites. As I begin a new year, this is what brings me comfort. For I know that whatever I face this year, God will be there with me. He is always faithful and merciful. I have struggled a lot since my mom passed away. The spiritual struggles have been the ones that have been the hardest to deal with. I got saved at the age of 11. There were plenty of trials along my way, but something about Mom's death shook me so hard that I sort of lost my way. Did I stop believing in God? No. I have always known that He was there. I just don't feel His presence like I used to. I don't have joy like I used to. I feel like He has turned His face from me. I have prayed for forgiveness for whatever is keeping me from Him, but to no avail. This is just a trial. It is a spiritual battle. All Christians go through them, I am no exception. This year, I will constantly remember that God is always there. Even if I cannot feel Him, He is still there. His word promises that He will never leave nor forsake me. I will stand on that no matter what I "feel."
Blessings,
Mama
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