Great Is Thy Faithfulness

Great is Thy faithfulness, Oh God my Father
There is no shadow of turning with Thee
Thou changest not, Thy compassions they fail not
As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be

Great is Thy faithfulness, Great is Thy faithfulness
Morning by morning new mercies I see
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided
Great is Thy faithfulness Lord unto me.


This precious old hymn is one of my favorites. As I begin a new year, this is what brings me comfort. For I know that whatever I face this year, God will be there with me. He is always faithful and merciful. I have struggled a lot since my mom passed away. The spiritual struggles have been the ones that have been the hardest to deal with. I got saved at the age of 11. There were plenty of trials along my way, but something about Mom's death shook me so hard that I sort of lost my way. Did I stop believing in God? No. I have always known that He was there. I just don't feel His presence like I used to. I don't have joy like I used to. I feel like He has turned His face from me. I have prayed for forgiveness for whatever is keeping me from Him, but to no avail. This is just a trial. It is a spiritual battle. All Christians go through them, I am no exception. This year, I will constantly remember that God is always there. Even if I cannot feel Him, He is still there. His word promises that He will never leave nor forsake me. I will stand on that no matter what I "feel."


Blessings,

Mama

Real

I don't really do New Year's resolutions. Most people do not make it to February with theirs. I do like to make a few small goals of things that I'd like to see myself complete before 2015 is over, though. Ok, I guess you could call that a resolution, but I prefer my way of thinking. ;-)

This past year has been very difficult for me. It has held great challenges. I my husband left. I got to experience life as a single mom for a while. I was able to see God move in a mighty way as He restored my marriage. 2014 has been a very big year. I found out who my real friends were and who really weren't.

Somewhere along the way of my life, I have lost who I am. I have been who everyone else thought I should be.  I have been the daughter someone else thought I should be. I had such a desire to please my mom growing up, that I truly didn't discover who I was for fear of disappointing her. I'm the wife who strived to be who everyone else thought she should be. I've been the mom who tried to measure up to everyone else's expectations of perfect. I have been the friend who would never quite let people in to see who I truly was for fear of rejection. To be honest, I am just now discovering who I am. It is a battle I fight every single day. I have lived most of my life doing things I certain way, believing that it was the only right way to do things. The struggle is real, my friend.

With much encouragement from my husband, my best friend and my therapist, I am taking 2015 to discover who I am. What I really like to do. What I really think. Most importantly, who Christ wants me to be. The most damaging thing about this "perfect" life I have tried to create was that I stopped looking to God for His standards of perfection and started looking to those who I thought had it all together. The Duggar Family, the Bates Family, my friends who I thought were perfect moms and wives. Now, that is not to say that I don't have great respect for these people or families. I have spent almost two years under the leadership of Gil Bates as my pastor. His family is great and they are very godly. They are who God has called them to be. God has not called me to be Kelly or Michelle or anyone else, though. He's called me to be Lisa - wife to John and mom to twelve amazing children. He's called me to be a mom to some amazing glory babies and five amazing "earth babies." He has also called me to be me. A person who may fail miserably, but who will get back up and try again. He has called me, in all of my imperfections, to discover who I am so I can be the wife, mom, and friend He expects me to be. So this year, I am going to set out to be REAL.

Mama