We just finished putting theChristmas tree together. All the kids are asleep except for Sam. Sam and Dad were talking about grandkids. I asked Sam how many grandkids he was going to give me.
Sam: Ah about 99 or 100.
John: Oh really? What do you think your wife will say about that?
S: I think she will say I need to hire about a thousand babysitters. Then again she might just do the Tangled thing and hit me in the head with a frying pan.
J: when do you plan on telling her about your plan?
S: After kid number 84. I don't want to scare her too early!
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Day 1 Take 2 - Getting Back to the Gym
Good morning world! Today is the day to make all things new so that is what I am doing! I stopped by McDonalds this morning to get John and the kids breakfast. I decided I wanted something too so I ordered two McGriddles. The ironic part is that I don't even really care for them that much! This is one of the many reasons I don't eat breakfast!
Yesterday was very hard for me. I tried to talk to John about some things on my heart but kept picking all the wrong times to talk to him. We never really got to have the heart to heart I wanted. What I did get were a lot of hurt feelings that weren't even really all his fault. Sometimes getting that alone time is hard when you have so many little ones all vying for Daddy's attention. By the time bedtime rolled around I was to tired to think.
The gym is an area where Satan chooses to make his battle field. Guilt is something I struggle with so much. There's the guilt I feel because I leave my kids. There's the guilt I feel because John ends up having to do everything and doesn't get a break. There's all the time I have with my thoughts. My mind is a terrible, horrible place. It's so easy to avoid the thoughts I have when I am constantly distracted, but The Beast and hot tub provide nothing to distract me. It is the place where I come together with my greatest hopes and fears, joys and pains, happiness and heart aches. I try to use this time to push into God's presence, but I feel like I can't quite get there. While there is lots of apprehension about going back, I will do it. And you know what? I KNOW that once I get there that
I will feel so good about myself because I faced my fears - I fought The Beast and won! There isn't a whole lot that feels better than proving to myself that I CAN do this. I know I can.
Right now I am sitting right at 1100 calories. That leaves me with enough calories for a healthy salad after I go to the gym tonight. I am looking forward to the gym but not the pain that come with those first few visits. I don't enjoy the pain I feel right now either so I will do what is necessary to make that stop - like staying away from the McGriddles! ;-)
Yesterday was very hard for me. I tried to talk to John about some things on my heart but kept picking all the wrong times to talk to him. We never really got to have the heart to heart I wanted. What I did get were a lot of hurt feelings that weren't even really all his fault. Sometimes getting that alone time is hard when you have so many little ones all vying for Daddy's attention. By the time bedtime rolled around I was to tired to think.
The gym is an area where Satan chooses to make his battle field. Guilt is something I struggle with so much. There's the guilt I feel because I leave my kids. There's the guilt I feel because John ends up having to do everything and doesn't get a break. There's all the time I have with my thoughts. My mind is a terrible, horrible place. It's so easy to avoid the thoughts I have when I am constantly distracted, but The Beast and hot tub provide nothing to distract me. It is the place where I come together with my greatest hopes and fears, joys and pains, happiness and heart aches. I try to use this time to push into God's presence, but I feel like I can't quite get there. While there is lots of apprehension about going back, I will do it. And you know what? I KNOW that once I get there that
I will feel so good about myself because I faced my fears - I fought The Beast and won! There isn't a whole lot that feels better than proving to myself that I CAN do this. I know I can.
Right now I am sitting right at 1100 calories. That leaves me with enough calories for a healthy salad after I go to the gym tonight. I am looking forward to the gym but not the pain that come with those first few visits. I don't enjoy the pain I feel right now either so I will do what is necessary to make that stop - like staying away from the McGriddles! ;-)
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Getting Back Up
I have made several posts over the last couple weeks completely disgusted with myself because I had lost my drive to proceed with this journey. I knew I needed to do it. I wanted to do it. I guess I just thought it wasn't that big of a problem. I knew I was gaining weight, but I didn't realize exactly how much. Today I walked into clinic with Landon, who had a doctor's appointment this morning also, to get my shot. I decided I would get my medicine today. I haven't really been taking it like I am supposed to. I had thought about waiting until I had lost back down to where I was so I would only have gained a couple pounds. The more I thought about it, I would rather face the music and have the praise later for losing again.
296...
296...
296!!!!
To think that a year ago that would've been a beautiful number to see. I remember when I first seen that number, how excited I was. Now that same number makes me feel like such a failure. For anyone keeping track here, I have gained 12 pounds since my last clinic weigh-in. I feel terrible, stupid, and a whole host of other things that I have allowed myself to do this, but what's done is done. I could continue to harp on myself for what I HAVEN'T done. However, I am chosing to extend grace and forgiveness to my human self and move forward. So that is what I will do. I have church tonight, but then it's back to the gym again.
I knew something was up because I had stopped moving enough for my body to start hurting when I move around. My walking up the steps nearly kill my knees. I know what I have to look forward to. I ask that each of you pray for me. If you see that I haven't blogged much or that I am slacking PLEASE say something to me. I'd rather have my feelings hurt than to end up back where I was.
I am actually looking forward to seeing what the next month will bring. YOU should look forward to lots of whiny facebook statuses and blog posts about TB again. I am excited about those nice, hot showers full of water pressure that is to die for! The hot tub has been calling to me for a long time. LOL In all seriousness though, I feel better when I am working out. Please pray for strength and wisdom to work through all of the aches and pains!
And let
us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not
lose heart. - Galatians 6:9 NKJV
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Accepting Who I Am
For the longest time I have tried to make me fit into the box that everyone said I should belong in. Everyone longs for acceptance. Everyone wants to be loved. Everyone wants to be liked by their peers, family, co-workers, etc. In my teen years I had built up such walls that I didn't really care what others thought about me. I wish I could say that was still true.
Somewhere along the way I started caring what others thought about me. I wanted to be the parent that everyone looked up to. I wanted to be the parent who had everything together and whose children never talked back to her, always behaved, and were always respectful toward others. I mean, who really DOESN'T want these things? I think everyone wants to be the one other parents dream about being. I have made myself miserable with this image that the average person will never measure up to. One of my "go to" people for parenting advice is Jimbob and Michelle Duggar. They are wonderful Christian parents who never yell or lose their temper with their kids. Everyone who watches them will attest to the wonderful parents they are. Then I look at myself.
Last night, our Pastor preached on being the person God created YOU to be. He told a story of his own children. One of them is very musically talented, while another is a wonderful home-maker. Neither of them were happy with what they had because they were too focused on what they weren't. It wasn't until they both embraced the people God created THEM to be that they were truly happy. Boy, could I ever relate to that.
When I look at myself I focus on what I am not. I am not the most patient person. I am a mom who has 5 kids living at home. We homeschool, too. Most days I sit and think "wow, I wish I had it together like Mrs. So and So. I wish that my kids behaved better. I wish they didn't want to scream all the time. My house is one of the noisest around. It doesn't matter if they are happy, sad, mad, scared, etc. They just like to scream! I do my best to curb the noise, but it just doesn't happen. I stopped calling people because of a comment a friend made one day while I was on the phone with them.
My kids wear me out! I love them to death. I wouldn't change ANYTHING big about my life. Sure I wish my house was quieter, but I have learned to embrace the noise. I spent many years with a clean, quiet house with very empty arms. I remember when we were doing foster care that I would have to schedule visits first thing in the morning or else my house would be a disaster. I tried to schedule visits when John would be home because I couldn't have a conversation otherwise. My kids are just little balls of energy who love almost anyone and feed off each others' behavior.
Late last year there wasn't a day that went by that John didn't come home from work to me in tears because I was so emotionally spent. Between case workers, therapies, appts, court dates, not to mention being the mom to 5 under 8 (including an infant and 2 toddlers) I just couldn't take it anymore. I nearly killed myself trying to take care of everything because I wanted to be the wife whose husband came home and didn't have any responsibilities. The past several weeks I have been going out every single night after John gets home. He takes care of dinner and bedtime. I usually grab something for dinner and read, do my Bible study, make my weekly call to Dad/Bonus Mama. I take some time just to unwind from the day. Most of the time my husband is very understanding and encouraging of this. He has his moments where he just needs my help that night so I will come home and help out.
Yes, I wish that I was the wife/mom who never needed a break. I am just not that person. It is ok to have help. It's ok to expect my husband to help care for OUR kids. It's ok that my kids are a little more lively than the average children. They are awesome kids, even if they don't fit into someone's (or even my own) mold of the perfect child! My goal in life is only to please God. If I do that then everything else will fall into place.
So here is my confession! I am a Christian Mama who is a slight control freak. (I am having to learn to let go of that control that I *think* I have. I am learning I am in control of nothing besides my own actions.) I am get my hair done (although my hair dresser would say not nearly often enough), my nails done, have massages and goes out each night to unwind. My husband and kids help with the chores. I love my family to death. There is nothing that I wouldn't do for them. After allowing myself to get so stressed out that I live in pain daily, I am learning to extend some grace to myself. It's ok to take care of myself. If you are the kind of person who would judge me for that then please understand I am a work in progress. I am not who I want to be, but I am changing into the person God wants me to be. All of the other expectations just don't matter!
Somewhere along the way I started caring what others thought about me. I wanted to be the parent that everyone looked up to. I wanted to be the parent who had everything together and whose children never talked back to her, always behaved, and were always respectful toward others. I mean, who really DOESN'T want these things? I think everyone wants to be the one other parents dream about being. I have made myself miserable with this image that the average person will never measure up to. One of my "go to" people for parenting advice is Jimbob and Michelle Duggar. They are wonderful Christian parents who never yell or lose their temper with their kids. Everyone who watches them will attest to the wonderful parents they are. Then I look at myself.
Last night, our Pastor preached on being the person God created YOU to be. He told a story of his own children. One of them is very musically talented, while another is a wonderful home-maker. Neither of them were happy with what they had because they were too focused on what they weren't. It wasn't until they both embraced the people God created THEM to be that they were truly happy. Boy, could I ever relate to that.
When I look at myself I focus on what I am not. I am not the most patient person. I am a mom who has 5 kids living at home. We homeschool, too. Most days I sit and think "wow, I wish I had it together like Mrs. So and So. I wish that my kids behaved better. I wish they didn't want to scream all the time. My house is one of the noisest around. It doesn't matter if they are happy, sad, mad, scared, etc. They just like to scream! I do my best to curb the noise, but it just doesn't happen. I stopped calling people because of a comment a friend made one day while I was on the phone with them.
My kids wear me out! I love them to death. I wouldn't change ANYTHING big about my life. Sure I wish my house was quieter, but I have learned to embrace the noise. I spent many years with a clean, quiet house with very empty arms. I remember when we were doing foster care that I would have to schedule visits first thing in the morning or else my house would be a disaster. I tried to schedule visits when John would be home because I couldn't have a conversation otherwise. My kids are just little balls of energy who love almost anyone and feed off each others' behavior.
Late last year there wasn't a day that went by that John didn't come home from work to me in tears because I was so emotionally spent. Between case workers, therapies, appts, court dates, not to mention being the mom to 5 under 8 (including an infant and 2 toddlers) I just couldn't take it anymore. I nearly killed myself trying to take care of everything because I wanted to be the wife whose husband came home and didn't have any responsibilities. The past several weeks I have been going out every single night after John gets home. He takes care of dinner and bedtime. I usually grab something for dinner and read, do my Bible study, make my weekly call to Dad/Bonus Mama. I take some time just to unwind from the day. Most of the time my husband is very understanding and encouraging of this. He has his moments where he just needs my help that night so I will come home and help out.
Yes, I wish that I was the wife/mom who never needed a break. I am just not that person. It is ok to have help. It's ok to expect my husband to help care for OUR kids. It's ok that my kids are a little more lively than the average children. They are awesome kids, even if they don't fit into someone's (or even my own) mold of the perfect child! My goal in life is only to please God. If I do that then everything else will fall into place.
So here is my confession! I am a Christian Mama who is a slight control freak. (I am having to learn to let go of that control that I *think* I have. I am learning I am in control of nothing besides my own actions.) I am get my hair done (although my hair dresser would say not nearly often enough), my nails done, have massages and goes out each night to unwind. My husband and kids help with the chores. I love my family to death. There is nothing that I wouldn't do for them. After allowing myself to get so stressed out that I live in pain daily, I am learning to extend some grace to myself. It's ok to take care of myself. If you are the kind of person who would judge me for that then please understand I am a work in progress. I am not who I want to be, but I am changing into the person God wants me to be. All of the other expectations just don't matter!
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Searching for Home
My family has been looking for a church for a while now. We are members of a fantastic church, but we've felt that God was calling us in a different direction for a while now. We've checked out a couple different churches, but none of them felt like home.
We had a discussion about what we NEEDED (wouldn't compromise) from a church and then there was what we WANTED (would be nice, but not necessary) from a church. For our family we NEEDED a church that understood and respected our decision to worship as a family. When I was growing up, we didn't even sit with our friends at church. We stayed together as a family. I feel like God intended for the family to be together during worship. It is our responsibility to raise our children in the Lord, so why would I send them off to someone else for them to be taught without me? Our number one priority was to find a church thatunderstood respected encouraged us to be the ones making these decisions. I have no problems with children's church for those who choose to use it, but it shouldn't be forced on those who choose to "pew-parent" either!
The church we found absolutely had to preach the Bible on every subject. Today's pastors seem to preach a water-down, make sure we don't hurt our offering with a little bit of the truth, gospel. The Bible says you are either cold or hot. The Bible is very clear about what is wrong and what is right. We needed a church that would tell us the truth even if it didn't feel good or even if it did hurt this week's offering.
During this discussion, I told John that we would know that we were where God wanted us because when we walked in, it would feel like home! Now, home isn't the place where you go and everyone agrees with you. It isn't the place you go where everyone is exactly like you. Just like our family, we knew that there would be disagreements from time to time, feelings would be hurt, and we wouldn't always be told what we wanted to hear. It would be the place where we go when we needed truth, where we were loved and accepted for who we are as humans and the place that helped us grow stronger. It is a place where my children (who are tiny humans who don't pay tithes) would be respected as much as the man who stands up on Sunday morning and puts a grand into the offering plate.
Our list of wants could've been extensive, but they really weren't. Good praise and worship music would be nice, a cry room would be nice, etc. Again, these were just wants, though. They wouldn't be the deciding factor of whether we chose to stay at a church.
Last Sunday, I sat down at my computer and was checking my e-mail. I'm subscribed to Gil and Kelly Bates' blog. The blog stated that they had started a church. For those of you who do not know them, they are a precious local family who homeschool. They have a rather large, conservative family. I really admire them. Even though I'd never met them before, they are someone I've looked up to for a long time. Mama Kelly has all of the attributes I hope to have when I "grow up." While no one is perfect, she always seems to be able to give a kind answer to anyone. Not only that, but these parents are homeschooling veterans. I feel like I could learn so much from them. I immediately told John what I had found and told him we must check it out. Saturday night, we called the hotel they are currently holding services at to find out what time service started. We were never able to get a clear answer, really.
We ended up showing up super early for church. We had a lot of time to fellowship with everyone before Sunday School. Sunday school was great. It was simple enough so that it spoke to the kids, but was also geared toward the adults. The Pastor asked questions and Sam actually answered one of them. After the lesson was over, Kelly (the pastor's wife) came up to Sam and told him how proud she was for knowing the answer and for being brave enough to give it. (Oh she has only begun to discover the bravery of my children's mouths!) One of their daughters sat in front of our family. She was so kind to my children. She asked me if Landon could sit with her. I told her no because he doesn't tend to behave well enough to sit with anyone else. She looked at him and made him promise that he would behave so he could sit with her next week. It just amazed me that someone so young, who doesn't even know my family, was showing love to my children. I have said it time and time again, the way to my heart is through my children. Be kind to them and you will make a friend that no one could love you better, but if you hurt them you better pray for God's help because you will see Mama Bear. Service was much the same way as Sunday School. Music wasn't typical praise and worship music like we are used too. It is the country, Baptist church music that I grew up on. The hearts of those who were leading the music was amazing, though. The sermon, like the Sunday School message, was on a level where the children could understand it but the adults didn't get lost in the simplicity of it either. The Pastor gave us a homework assignment for the month. We are supposed to be memorizing Psalm 100. It has been amazing to see my children working to memorize the scripture. Liana has even been trying to do it with us. Today I got a really cute video of her repeating Psalm 100:1.
John and I have talked a lot since Sunday. I won't say that we are 100 % sure we will stay, simply because it takes time to truly find that out. I will say that I got the answer I was looking for, though. We walked in and immediately felt like we were home. It is rather intimidating to be around someone I look up to that much. I often wonder what someone like that would think of me when I am at my rope's end and I yell at my kids, or the fact that my house probably won't be spotless for the next 18 years, the fact that my kids behave less than perfect 99 % of the time, etc. Even with all of that, I still felt at home. That was a feeling that I had hoped for, but never truly expected God to give me from anywhere I went. In my 29 years, I haven't found a whole lot of places that feel like home. I am still amazed when God decides to show off and bless me like that even when He doesn't have, too. I am looking forward to seeing what God has in store for our family.
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
We had a discussion about what we NEEDED (wouldn't compromise) from a church and then there was what we WANTED (would be nice, but not necessary) from a church. For our family we NEEDED a church that understood and respected our decision to worship as a family. When I was growing up, we didn't even sit with our friends at church. We stayed together as a family. I feel like God intended for the family to be together during worship. It is our responsibility to raise our children in the Lord, so why would I send them off to someone else for them to be taught without me? Our number one priority was to find a church that
The church we found absolutely had to preach the Bible on every subject. Today's pastors seem to preach a water-down, make sure we don't hurt our offering with a little bit of the truth, gospel. The Bible says you are either cold or hot. The Bible is very clear about what is wrong and what is right. We needed a church that would tell us the truth even if it didn't feel good or even if it did hurt this week's offering.
During this discussion, I told John that we would know that we were where God wanted us because when we walked in, it would feel like home! Now, home isn't the place where you go and everyone agrees with you. It isn't the place you go where everyone is exactly like you. Just like our family, we knew that there would be disagreements from time to time, feelings would be hurt, and we wouldn't always be told what we wanted to hear. It would be the place where we go when we needed truth, where we were loved and accepted for who we are as humans and the place that helped us grow stronger. It is a place where my children (who are tiny humans who don't pay tithes) would be respected as much as the man who stands up on Sunday morning and puts a grand into the offering plate.
Our list of wants could've been extensive, but they really weren't. Good praise and worship music would be nice, a cry room would be nice, etc. Again, these were just wants, though. They wouldn't be the deciding factor of whether we chose to stay at a church.
Last Sunday, I sat down at my computer and was checking my e-mail. I'm subscribed to Gil and Kelly Bates' blog. The blog stated that they had started a church. For those of you who do not know them, they are a precious local family who homeschool. They have a rather large, conservative family. I really admire them. Even though I'd never met them before, they are someone I've looked up to for a long time. Mama Kelly has all of the attributes I hope to have when I "grow up." While no one is perfect, she always seems to be able to give a kind answer to anyone. Not only that, but these parents are homeschooling veterans. I feel like I could learn so much from them. I immediately told John what I had found and told him we must check it out. Saturday night, we called the hotel they are currently holding services at to find out what time service started. We were never able to get a clear answer, really.
We ended up showing up super early for church. We had a lot of time to fellowship with everyone before Sunday School. Sunday school was great. It was simple enough so that it spoke to the kids, but was also geared toward the adults. The Pastor asked questions and Sam actually answered one of them. After the lesson was over, Kelly (the pastor's wife) came up to Sam and told him how proud she was for knowing the answer and for being brave enough to give it. (Oh she has only begun to discover the bravery of my children's mouths!) One of their daughters sat in front of our family. She was so kind to my children. She asked me if Landon could sit with her. I told her no because he doesn't tend to behave well enough to sit with anyone else. She looked at him and made him promise that he would behave so he could sit with her next week. It just amazed me that someone so young, who doesn't even know my family, was showing love to my children. I have said it time and time again, the way to my heart is through my children. Be kind to them and you will make a friend that no one could love you better, but if you hurt them you better pray for God's help because you will see Mama Bear. Service was much the same way as Sunday School. Music wasn't typical praise and worship music like we are used too. It is the country, Baptist church music that I grew up on. The hearts of those who were leading the music was amazing, though. The sermon, like the Sunday School message, was on a level where the children could understand it but the adults didn't get lost in the simplicity of it either. The Pastor gave us a homework assignment for the month. We are supposed to be memorizing Psalm 100. It has been amazing to see my children working to memorize the scripture. Liana has even been trying to do it with us. Today I got a really cute video of her repeating Psalm 100:1.
John and I have talked a lot since Sunday. I won't say that we are 100 % sure we will stay, simply because it takes time to truly find that out. I will say that I got the answer I was looking for, though. We walked in and immediately felt like we were home. It is rather intimidating to be around someone I look up to that much. I often wonder what someone like that would think of me when I am at my rope's end and I yell at my kids, or the fact that my house probably won't be spotless for the next 18 years, the fact that my kids behave less than perfect 99 % of the time, etc. Even with all of that, I still felt at home. That was a feeling that I had hoped for, but never truly expected God to give me from anywhere I went. In my 29 years, I haven't found a whole lot of places that feel like home. I am still amazed when God decides to show off and bless me like that even when He doesn't have, too. I am looking forward to seeing what God has in store for our family.
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
Saturday, October 6, 2012
The Heart of A Child's Worship
I am listening to some of my music on itunes this morning. I am sitting in the living room with Liana. Landon's doing chores. Sam and Isaiah are playing in their room. Jewel-Anne is still sleeping. Mama is enjoying the semi-quietness of my house before the chaos begins - the calm before the storm. I was checking some emails and messing around on facebook.
The song Completely came through my playlist I looked up to say something to Landon and what I seen brought tears to my eyes. My precious little girl, eyes closed and arms stretched toward Heaven was dancing to and singing with the music. Sometimes I forget that my babies aren't babies anymore. Even the smallest ones are growing and understanding more.
It's moments like this, after hard days, that God uses to humble me. What, on this earth, was God thinking when He blessed me with these precious little ones? I am so unworthy to be their Mama.I will never understand why God chose ME for this great task. He, who sees my past, present and future thought that I was the perfect person for the job?
God, did You realize how I would daily fail at this task? (He whispers "Lisa, I created YOU. I knew you before I formed you. I know you better now, than you will ever know yourself. Of course I knew you would fail.)
Didn't You realize that I wasn't equipped to be everything they needed me to be? (In Your weakness, I will be your strength. My grace is sufficient to make up for your faults. I have the power to supply everything you need to help ME shape their lives into what they need to be.)
I don't deserve the love they show me. No matter how much I fail, they are forgiving and love me in a way that a can't be described as anything but amazing. Being their Mama has taught me far more about God's love for His children that I could've ever learn any other way. They daily teach me how we are to approach God, our Heavenly Father. They teach me about faith, how to trust and how to love. I think they are teaching me far more than I will ever be able to teach them. I am so thankful for them.
Lord, I will never understand how or why you chose ME to be their Mama, but I am so thankful that You don't see me as I see me. Please help me to be all I need to meet their needs. Apart from You I cannot complete the task You have set before me. Please give me a limitless supply of strength, wisdom and patience! Help me to remember to stop and think before I speak when I am angry. Help me to find more ways to show them how much I love them. Help me to speak to and capture their hearts. Help me draw closer to You so that I can lead them to You also. I want them to be followers of You, good parents and a friend to those who need one. I want them to come to You because of my example and not inspite of it. Thank you for loving me enough to bless me so much. Amen.
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
The song Completely came through my playlist I looked up to say something to Landon and what I seen brought tears to my eyes. My precious little girl, eyes closed and arms stretched toward Heaven was dancing to and singing with the music. Sometimes I forget that my babies aren't babies anymore. Even the smallest ones are growing and understanding more.
It's moments like this, after hard days, that God uses to humble me. What, on this earth, was God thinking when He blessed me with these precious little ones? I am so unworthy to be their Mama.I will never understand why God chose ME for this great task. He, who sees my past, present and future thought that I was the perfect person for the job?
God, did You realize how I would daily fail at this task? (He whispers "Lisa, I created YOU. I knew you before I formed you. I know you better now, than you will ever know yourself. Of course I knew you would fail.)
Didn't You realize that I wasn't equipped to be everything they needed me to be? (In Your weakness, I will be your strength. My grace is sufficient to make up for your faults. I have the power to supply everything you need to help ME shape their lives into what they need to be.)
I don't deserve the love they show me. No matter how much I fail, they are forgiving and love me in a way that a can't be described as anything but amazing. Being their Mama has taught me far more about God's love for His children that I could've ever learn any other way. They daily teach me how we are to approach God, our Heavenly Father. They teach me about faith, how to trust and how to love. I think they are teaching me far more than I will ever be able to teach them. I am so thankful for them.
Lord, I will never understand how or why you chose ME to be their Mama, but I am so thankful that You don't see me as I see me. Please help me to be all I need to meet their needs. Apart from You I cannot complete the task You have set before me. Please give me a limitless supply of strength, wisdom and patience! Help me to remember to stop and think before I speak when I am angry. Help me to find more ways to show them how much I love them. Help me to speak to and capture their hearts. Help me draw closer to You so that I can lead them to You also. I want them to be followers of You, good parents and a friend to those who need one. I want them to come to You because of my example and not inspite of it. Thank you for loving me enough to bless me so much. Amen.
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
Landon's Missing Tooth
Yesterday was crazy, crazy, crazy! Did I mention that it was C-R-A-Z-Y? Each morning John meets his friend at the hotel so he can ride to work with him. Sometimes I drive him. Sometimes he walks the mile so I don't have to get the kids out in the mornings. Yesterday was his first pay day from the job so I chose to take him to the hotel. We went to the ATM, filled the van with gas and stopped at McDonalds for breakfast. The guy ended up over sleeping so I ended up taking him to work. By the time I got home I forgot to give Landon his medicine until 11 AM.
Work was incredibly busy yesterday. I scheduled four people before lunch. In the middle of this I was doing school work with all of the kids, making lunch, etc. You know, all of the stuff that forms the job of being a Mama. Around 4, I stepped outside to take a call from my boss. I sent the kids to play in the girls' room. I was outside for about 10 minutes when Sam and Landon rushed to the door. Sam looked like he was about to meet death row. Landon was grinning like he had just won a shopping spree at ToysRUs. It was then I noticed that Landon's tooth was missing. I immediately hung up the phone to find out what was going on.
Last year, Liana bought a set of pool floaties with her allowance. They stay in her toy box and she plays "swimming" with them often. Landon was blowing one of them up. Sam jumped off the toy box at that moment and landed on the float knocking Landon's tooth out. Sam immediately started apologizing. I told him that I knew it was an accident and that he wasn't in trouble. Landon, still grinning, looks at me and says "You owe me money now!"
This is totally the story of my life. This will definitely be a story that we will remember. "Normal" doesn't exist in my life, at least not the way everyone else would define it. That's ok with me, though. Normal is boring! My days are anything but boring! ;-)
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
Work was incredibly busy yesterday. I scheduled four people before lunch. In the middle of this I was doing school work with all of the kids, making lunch, etc. You know, all of the stuff that forms the job of being a Mama. Around 4, I stepped outside to take a call from my boss. I sent the kids to play in the girls' room. I was outside for about 10 minutes when Sam and Landon rushed to the door. Sam looked like he was about to meet death row. Landon was grinning like he had just won a shopping spree at ToysRUs. It was then I noticed that Landon's tooth was missing. I immediately hung up the phone to find out what was going on.
Last year, Liana bought a set of pool floaties with her allowance. They stay in her toy box and she plays "swimming" with them often. Landon was blowing one of them up. Sam jumped off the toy box at that moment and landed on the float knocking Landon's tooth out. Sam immediately started apologizing. I told him that I knew it was an accident and that he wasn't in trouble. Landon, still grinning, looks at me and says "You owe me money now!"
This is totally the story of my life. This will definitely be a story that we will remember. "Normal" doesn't exist in my life, at least not the way everyone else would define it. That's ok with me, though. Normal is boring! My days are anything but boring! ;-)
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
Monday, October 1, 2012
The Ups and Downs of This Journey
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I had this really long blog post (do I know how to do any other type) typed out and some how I lost it.
I am sitting here with a confession to make. I have really struggled the last few months. I gained some of my weight back, but now I am in the process of losing again. I had gained back up to 292 but I am currently 287 so that is good. That is what I will focus on. I am still losing. I stumbled, but I've picked back up again.
I really started struggling sometime between March and May. Life was pretty mild back in March, but when I seen the movie October Baby. All of the emotions that I had been suppressing for 28 years came flooding to the surface and I was an emotional mess. I created this emotional hell where I would meet this man who hated me even though he was supposed to love me. The flipside of this nightmare was that he would love me and everyone else would hate me. Even now I am still struggling to see where I fit into his life. He is a great man. It's all just really weird. This is only the tip of the iceberg with my stress though. Family, jobs, financies, and a host of other things plague my thoughts. It's a never ending movie that I cannot turn off.
So now I set here trying to navigate through all of this. I need to get back into a healthier routine. I looked back at my weight tracker today. I was sure I would be disappointed. A couple days before I met Dad I was at 304. Today I am at 287. I have lost 17 lbs in the last 4.5 months. It's not the greatest, but I will own it. I am proud I did that well. I have lost a couple pounds this week alone when I didn't think I would.
Last week, as part of my new routine, John made me go out each evening. I left when he got home and took some time to de-stress. I have been going to Waffle House. It's by far not the healthiest choice, but it is what I have been wanting. I have been taking a book and my new Bible Study by Beth Moore along with me. I set there for a couple hours and just enjoy the time I have away from everything. It is not as quiet as I could have if I went somewhere else, but the noise doesn't bother me too much. Even with me eating more carbs than I would like, I have still lost 2 lbs this week. That is pretty good for me.
For those of you keeping track, I am still housing this headache. This is INSANITY, but I am thankful for the days when the pain isn't as intense!
I ask for your prayers. I really need the strength right now. Thank you so much to those who have stuck by me and have been an encouragement to me. You are amazing.
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
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I had this really long blog post (do I know how to do any other type) typed out and some how I lost it.
I am sitting here with a confession to make. I have really struggled the last few months. I gained some of my weight back, but now I am in the process of losing again. I had gained back up to 292 but I am currently 287 so that is good. That is what I will focus on. I am still losing. I stumbled, but I've picked back up again.
I really started struggling sometime between March and May. Life was pretty mild back in March, but when I seen the movie October Baby. All of the emotions that I had been suppressing for 28 years came flooding to the surface and I was an emotional mess. I created this emotional hell where I would meet this man who hated me even though he was supposed to love me. The flipside of this nightmare was that he would love me and everyone else would hate me. Even now I am still struggling to see where I fit into his life. He is a great man. It's all just really weird. This is only the tip of the iceberg with my stress though. Family, jobs, financies, and a host of other things plague my thoughts. It's a never ending movie that I cannot turn off.
So now I set here trying to navigate through all of this. I need to get back into a healthier routine. I looked back at my weight tracker today. I was sure I would be disappointed. A couple days before I met Dad I was at 304. Today I am at 287. I have lost 17 lbs in the last 4.5 months. It's not the greatest, but I will own it. I am proud I did that well. I have lost a couple pounds this week alone when I didn't think I would.
Last week, as part of my new routine, John made me go out each evening. I left when he got home and took some time to de-stress. I have been going to Waffle House. It's by far not the healthiest choice, but it is what I have been wanting. I have been taking a book and my new Bible Study by Beth Moore along with me. I set there for a couple hours and just enjoy the time I have away from everything. It is not as quiet as I could have if I went somewhere else, but the noise doesn't bother me too much. Even with me eating more carbs than I would like, I have still lost 2 lbs this week. That is pretty good for me.
For those of you keeping track, I am still housing this headache. This is INSANITY, but I am thankful for the days when the pain isn't as intense!
I ask for your prayers. I really need the strength right now. Thank you so much to those who have stuck by me and have been an encouragement to me. You are amazing.
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
Slipping
This is one of those posts that I have been dreading to write for the last couple months. The last couple months of my weight loss journey have been such a roller coaster of emotions and the scale has shown it. I have been up and I have been down. I gained back up to 292. I am currently 288 again. I have tried to watch what I was eating, but when I am stressed I either eat a lot or I won't eat at all. Neither of those things are good for weight loss. Eating a lot is obvious, but I am finding that if I don't eat enough calories then I gain weight too. So there is my confession. Let's focus on the good!
I can pinpoint the stressful stage starting between March and May. That was about the time that stress kicked into over drive. I got stressed about meeting Dad, stressed about my siblings' (all 8 of them) reaction to my choices. Would Mom's kids be mad at me? Would they think I was dishonoring Mom by trying to establish a relationship with Dad? Would Dad's kids be mad at me? Would they think I was trying to steal their father away from them? Would Dad love me? Would he be proud of the woman I had become? Would he accept me as his child or would he tell me to get lost? Then there was the kids, John finding another job, finances, and a host of other things. I will say that a lot of my fears with Dad were unfounded. We still aren't where I'd like to be, but I am just thankful for where we are.
I was curious to see how much weight I had lost since I met Dad. I decided to check out my weight tracker. I figured I'd be very disappointed. While I wish I could say that I have done better, I have still lost a good bit of weight. In May, two days before I met Dad, I weighed 304. Today I weighed 287. That is a 17 pound loss. Not the greatest for 4.5 months, but I will take it.
Now I am trying to figure out ways to get back to the gym; ways to get me out of this funk I am in. Christmas is going to be here before I know it. That is always a bittersweet time for me. I miss Mama so much. Christmas was her favorite time of year. I also wonder what the holidays will look like with Dad in my life now. We stay home for Christmas. We celebrate with just our little family. I don't expect that to change, but I would like to get together with Dad in December.
For those who are keeping track, I am still housing this headache. This is insane, but I am having to learn how to cope. I have days when the pain isn't too bad and then days when I feel like I could die at any moment. I am trying to relax as much as possible, but it is hard.
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
I can pinpoint the stressful stage starting between March and May. That was about the time that stress kicked into over drive. I got stressed about meeting Dad, stressed about my siblings' (all 8 of them) reaction to my choices. Would Mom's kids be mad at me? Would they think I was dishonoring Mom by trying to establish a relationship with Dad? Would Dad's kids be mad at me? Would they think I was trying to steal their father away from them? Would Dad love me? Would he be proud of the woman I had become? Would he accept me as his child or would he tell me to get lost? Then there was the kids, John finding another job, finances, and a host of other things. I will say that a lot of my fears with Dad were unfounded. We still aren't where I'd like to be, but I am just thankful for where we are.
I was curious to see how much weight I had lost since I met Dad. I decided to check out my weight tracker. I figured I'd be very disappointed. While I wish I could say that I have done better, I have still lost a good bit of weight. In May, two days before I met Dad, I weighed 304. Today I weighed 287. That is a 17 pound loss. Not the greatest for 4.5 months, but I will take it.
Now I am trying to figure out ways to get back to the gym; ways to get me out of this funk I am in. Christmas is going to be here before I know it. That is always a bittersweet time for me. I miss Mama so much. Christmas was her favorite time of year. I also wonder what the holidays will look like with Dad in my life now. We stay home for Christmas. We celebrate with just our little family. I don't expect that to change, but I would like to get together with Dad in December.
For those who are keeping track, I am still housing this headache. This is insane, but I am having to learn how to cope. I have days when the pain isn't too bad and then days when I feel like I could die at any moment. I am trying to relax as much as possible, but it is hard.
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
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