This is a hard post to write. It is really hard to sit down and admit that I've failed. No one wants to admit failure, but I must be honest.
Goals are listed in black. Progress (lack of) is listed in red)
I'm going to be updating this blog post each day with my progress. (Don't forget to join our month long contest.)
Challenge # 1 - I will excerise a total of 3480 minutes or more this month.
I ended up doing only 546 minutes of exercise. I started off really good, but then my desire fizzled out and just didn't get back to where I need to be.
Challenge # 2 - I will BURN at least 20,300 calories this month.
I burnt only 3,516 calories for the whole month. While that is calories I wouldn't have been burning 4 months ago, that is still inexcuseable!
I understand now why I lost only 8 lbs. I am capable of so much more. I WILL do better this month!! We are going for at least 10 lb weight loss for the month of March.
This is the day which the LORD hath made ; we will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24
Be Blessed,
Weight Loss Mama
Fitness Minutes - 0/2520
Calories Burned - 0/14,000
Showing posts with label month 2. Show all posts
Showing posts with label month 2. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Blessings
We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things
'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe
When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not our home
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise
As I am writing this my big boys are doing school work and my littles enjoying a snack. Can I just tell you how incredibly blessed I am? I have children who love their mama. Many people are out there with empty arms. Many mamas will wake up this morning wondering where they will get food to feed their children today and will go hungry so their child has enough food in their belly. All of our bellies are full. Many mamas are in the hospitals with their children this morning and have no hope of going home today..this week...or even this month. My kids are healthy. I have a friend who is sitting in the NICU with her daughter who is a micropremie and her prognosis is very grim. Yesterday she was told her daughter wouldn't survive through the night. Thankfully, Miss L showed them she was a fighter.
I really don't mean to sound so depressing because that is NOT where I am at today. So often we take our blessings for granted. If you have a family, house, food and clothing you are blessed beyond measure. Many get so caught up in keeping up with the Joneses that we really miss a lot of what God has for us. I resolve this day not to miss one blessing that God has for me. I will cherish my children like there will be no tomorrow because one day there won't be. Aunt Flossie used to say "Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today."
I have struggled a lot this last 6 weeks. Jeremiah's death shook me to the core. I will never be the same. I have struggled not so much with traditional depression, but to get my drive back. I haven't been able to find my joy. I struggle to understand why the day to day things have to be so hard. My spirit is so weak right now. I long to find joy in each day, but it is a struggle. A struggle I don't understand because I WANT to be joyful. With each of my other miscarriages I allowed myself to enter into this deep pit of grief that nearly swallowed me whole. I promised myself that I wouldn't do that this time and I haven't. I guess I thought it would be easier, but it hasn't been. I just don't know how to get my joy back. One foot in front of the other is the only thing I know to do.
Today is a new day. I will embrace my journey. I will embrace everything God has for me with open arms because I don't want to miss anything. Even when it gets hard I will choose to say I am blessed because I am.
This is the day which the LORD hath made ; we will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24
Be Blessed,
Weight Loss Mama
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things
'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe
When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not our home
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise
As I am writing this my big boys are doing school work and my littles enjoying a snack. Can I just tell you how incredibly blessed I am? I have children who love their mama. Many people are out there with empty arms. Many mamas will wake up this morning wondering where they will get food to feed their children today and will go hungry so their child has enough food in their belly. All of our bellies are full. Many mamas are in the hospitals with their children this morning and have no hope of going home today..this week...or even this month. My kids are healthy. I have a friend who is sitting in the NICU with her daughter who is a micropremie and her prognosis is very grim. Yesterday she was told her daughter wouldn't survive through the night. Thankfully, Miss L showed them she was a fighter.
I really don't mean to sound so depressing because that is NOT where I am at today. So often we take our blessings for granted. If you have a family, house, food and clothing you are blessed beyond measure. Many get so caught up in keeping up with the Joneses that we really miss a lot of what God has for us. I resolve this day not to miss one blessing that God has for me. I will cherish my children like there will be no tomorrow because one day there won't be. Aunt Flossie used to say "Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today."
I have struggled a lot this last 6 weeks. Jeremiah's death shook me to the core. I will never be the same. I have struggled not so much with traditional depression, but to get my drive back. I haven't been able to find my joy. I struggle to understand why the day to day things have to be so hard. My spirit is so weak right now. I long to find joy in each day, but it is a struggle. A struggle I don't understand because I WANT to be joyful. With each of my other miscarriages I allowed myself to enter into this deep pit of grief that nearly swallowed me whole. I promised myself that I wouldn't do that this time and I haven't. I guess I thought it would be easier, but it hasn't been. I just don't know how to get my joy back. One foot in front of the other is the only thing I know to do.
Today is a new day. I will embrace my journey. I will embrace everything God has for me with open arms because I don't want to miss anything. Even when it gets hard I will choose to say I am blessed because I am.
This is the day which the LORD hath made ; we will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24
Be Blessed,
Weight Loss Mama
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Devotion Day 1
Friday, Sam and I went to our local Christian book store before going to the doctor. While that appt certainly didn't turn out well the trip to the book store was a blessing I didn't even realize at the time. I have been looking for a devotion/Bible study for myself. I am really struggling with a lot of spiritual stuff. I need something to help lift me up. The reason I had stopped by the store was to pick up Amy Clipston's (www.amyclipston.com) newest book, A Life of Joy. I love her books!
While I was there I found the book "What If Your Blessings Come Through Raindrops?" by Laura Story. I'm sure many have heard this song. It's been a great encouragement to challenge me to look at things differently. It has been a source of comfort through the chaos of my life since Jeremiah died. I highly recommend this book. I read "Chapter 1" today. I think I'm really going to be ministered to in the next 30 days by this book.
"Jesus never asks us to give Him what we don't have. But He does demand that we give Him all that we do have if we want to be a part of what He wishes to do in the lives of those around us!" - Anne Graham Lotz
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
While I was there I found the book "What If Your Blessings Come Through Raindrops?" by Laura Story. I'm sure many have heard this song. It's been a great encouragement to challenge me to look at things differently. It has been a source of comfort through the chaos of my life since Jeremiah died. I highly recommend this book. I read "Chapter 1" today. I think I'm really going to be ministered to in the next 30 days by this book.
"Jesus never asks us to give Him what we don't have. But He does demand that we give Him all that we do have if we want to be a part of what He wishes to do in the lives of those around us!" - Anne Graham Lotz
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
Sunday Morning Update
This morning I awoke too early. Isaiah decided that 5:45 was a perfect time to get up. Last night Jewel-Anne went to bed after puking twice. Needless to say, it's been a long day it's only begun. Jewel-Anne seems to be feeling a bit better this morning but is still running a fever.
I just found out that a friend of mine "lost" her mama last night to brain cancer. Well that statement isn't true. We know she is in the arms of Jesus. She is free of pain. Cancer can never again invade her body. While this family is rejoicing for their Mama and Grandma's new freedom, they are lonely and heart broken. Please keep them in prayer.
I have been craving potatoes and gravy from Shoney's for two weeks now. This morning I spent $8 on a half plate of potatoes and gravy, a piece of ham and two chicken nuggets. The nuggets were cold. I couldn't even eat all of it. I'm just not a breakfast person. It still feels really good to say I can't finish a plate of food anymore. It's still slightly amazing to me. I am proud of myself.
I went to the doctor on Friday. Sadly, I didn't get the results that I wanted as my doctor was unwilling to write my prescription for my Metformin. She wanted to lower my dose, have me come in every month for blood work that should be done every 3 months. Her office staff lied to me prior to my appt saying the prescription would be written for a year. She was very rude and disrespectful. Now, I am on the hunt for a new doctor. Not having insurance really stinks. Doctors want to do all kinds of blood work and such. I understand the need for this, but it's just not something that I want to do right now. I was given a referral to a doctor so I will call them next week.
I am still thinking about goals that I want to accomplish for March. I did get back on WiiFit after a few days of not exercising. I did 30 minutes. I had great intentions of resting and getting back up, but I didn't do it. Today is a new day though.
My months will go from the 28th to the 28th so I was incorrect when I said that it was day one. Day one will officially start on Tuesday. By Tuesday I will have my March goals posted. I am thinking about doing a contest if I meet my goals next month. More to come about that later though!
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
I just found out that a friend of mine "lost" her mama last night to brain cancer. Well that statement isn't true. We know she is in the arms of Jesus. She is free of pain. Cancer can never again invade her body. While this family is rejoicing for their Mama and Grandma's new freedom, they are lonely and heart broken. Please keep them in prayer.
I have been craving potatoes and gravy from Shoney's for two weeks now. This morning I spent $8 on a half plate of potatoes and gravy, a piece of ham and two chicken nuggets. The nuggets were cold. I couldn't even eat all of it. I'm just not a breakfast person. It still feels really good to say I can't finish a plate of food anymore. It's still slightly amazing to me. I am proud of myself.
I went to the doctor on Friday. Sadly, I didn't get the results that I wanted as my doctor was unwilling to write my prescription for my Metformin. She wanted to lower my dose, have me come in every month for blood work that should be done every 3 months. Her office staff lied to me prior to my appt saying the prescription would be written for a year. She was very rude and disrespectful. Now, I am on the hunt for a new doctor. Not having insurance really stinks. Doctors want to do all kinds of blood work and such. I understand the need for this, but it's just not something that I want to do right now. I was given a referral to a doctor so I will call them next week.
I am still thinking about goals that I want to accomplish for March. I did get back on WiiFit after a few days of not exercising. I did 30 minutes. I had great intentions of resting and getting back up, but I didn't do it. Today is a new day though.
My months will go from the 28th to the 28th so I was incorrect when I said that it was day one. Day one will officially start on Tuesday. By Tuesday I will have my March goals posted. I am thinking about doing a contest if I meet my goals next month. More to come about that later though!
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Weigh In Days
Today was the magic weigh in day. I certainly didn't get the numbers that I was hoping for, but I did lose some. I am down 7 more pounds bringing my total weight loss to 52 lbs. I hit another milestone. I am now at the 50 lb weight loss mark! Yay me!
I have failed miserably at the goals I set before me this month. I won't meet my fitness challenge, but will be starting a new month soon. I am determined to do better next month. I am going to take a couple days to see what I'm willing to commit to and then make my goals list for next month. This month has been very hard. I keep trying to find ways to get me back to where I want to be, but I am not there yet. I will get there though.
Before I leave tonight I would like to ask you to say a special prayer for a family member. I have been asked not to share details, but God knows the need. Thank you so much.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
I have failed miserably at the goals I set before me this month. I won't meet my fitness challenge, but will be starting a new month soon. I am determined to do better next month. I am going to take a couple days to see what I'm willing to commit to and then make my goals list for next month. This month has been very hard. I keep trying to find ways to get me back to where I want to be, but I am not there yet. I will get there though.
Before I leave tonight I would like to ask you to say a special prayer for a family member. I have been asked not to share details, but God knows the need. Thank you so much.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Trials and Triumphs
Trials and Triumphs
The past month I have been dealing with a lot of stuff. From Jeremiah's death to some other personal stuff going on. I have lost weight like I wanted to. I go back to clinic and I'm hovering around 2-5 pounds depending on the day. A loss is still a loss, but I know I can do better. I had so many goals for this month and I've failed miserably. Still, today is a new day. I will not live in yesterday, but will focus on today because TODAY is what I can change.
I have diabetes. It took me years to admit that. It took me years to stop rationalizing that. Growing up and in my early twenties I was "a very healthy obese person." I didn't have diabetes. My cholesterol was picture perfect. My blood pressure couldn't be better. I was a walking contradiction because I WAS very healthy despite being obese. I took that for granted. I abused my body. After mom died I stopped caring at all. I turned to food for comfort. Then issues with birth parents, GAL, adoption stuff made me turn to food even more. I was eating to cope. My coping skills were killing me.
In September I checked my blood sugar for the first time in ages. I still wasn't taking my meds. I nearly passed out when I looked at the machine and seen the numbers 368. I consistently checked it fasting never got out of the 200s. Post prandials (sp?) were never out of the 300s. I was so scared because I KNEW what this all meant. I was too scared to die, but too scared to change.
Since Mom passed away I have been very angry at her lifestyle choices. She could've chosen to lose weight but she didn't. She could've chosen to stop smoking, but she didn't until she'd done so much damage that it could never be reversed. She could've chosen life so that my kids could've had more time with their Grammie. She could've chosen life so that I wouldn't have been an orphan at 25.
I was such a hypocrite. Here I was getting so upset with Mama for the horrible choices she made that caused me to live without my mama were the exact same choices that I was making now. Worse still was the fact that I not only knew what SHE went through and the demons she struggled with to live healthy, but I KNEW what I would be putting my children through after I died.
Fast forward to December 28th when my life changed forever. 326 lbs and determined to get healthy. Between September and December my eating habits didn't change at all unless they moved in a more negative direction. While I didn't check my blood sugar then I'm sure it hadn't changed any.
Here I am at the 7 week mark. This morning I went to Walmart and purchased a new blood sugar machine. I also found that they had started making an at home A1C test. For those of you who don't know what that is it is a blood test that averages the last 3 months of blood sugar levels. This test is the reason I was glad to avoid going to the doctor for the last 3 years. I purchased the test and finished my shopping. When I got home I tested my blood sugar and then took the test. The past two months my eating habits have changed DRASTICALLY. This morning my kids wanted Krystals so I stopped and got a 12 pack. I had one with them. the A1C test is supposed to be fasting.
My results weren't what I expected at all. I opened everything and checked my blood sugar. It was 87. Ok so I hadn't done too bad with the Krystal. Then I prepared myself for the number that I was going to see on the other test and I took the plunge. When I called my sister Kathy to tell her the results I looked up a chart online to see what my result averaged out to. Looking at the chart my blood sugar levels in September were equivalentant to an A1C level of 12.5-13.0. Today my A1C level was 6.0. That means my average blood sugar is around 136. I have done well enough in the last 7 weeks to drop my A1C 7 points.
I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO proud of myself. I am glad to see the weight coming off. It's not coming off nearly as fast as I would like to see it, but it IS coming off. However, the A1C tells me more about my progress than the scale EVER will. I AM getting healthier. This was the reward, the pay off for all of my hard work the last 7 weeks. I did this. WoW!!!
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
The past month I have been dealing with a lot of stuff. From Jeremiah's death to some other personal stuff going on. I have lost weight like I wanted to. I go back to clinic and I'm hovering around 2-5 pounds depending on the day. A loss is still a loss, but I know I can do better. I had so many goals for this month and I've failed miserably. Still, today is a new day. I will not live in yesterday, but will focus on today because TODAY is what I can change.
I have diabetes. It took me years to admit that. It took me years to stop rationalizing that. Growing up and in my early twenties I was "a very healthy obese person." I didn't have diabetes. My cholesterol was picture perfect. My blood pressure couldn't be better. I was a walking contradiction because I WAS very healthy despite being obese. I took that for granted. I abused my body. After mom died I stopped caring at all. I turned to food for comfort. Then issues with birth parents, GAL, adoption stuff made me turn to food even more. I was eating to cope. My coping skills were killing me.
In September I checked my blood sugar for the first time in ages. I still wasn't taking my meds. I nearly passed out when I looked at the machine and seen the numbers 368. I consistently checked it fasting never got out of the 200s. Post prandials (sp?) were never out of the 300s. I was so scared because I KNEW what this all meant. I was too scared to die, but too scared to change.
Since Mom passed away I have been very angry at her lifestyle choices. She could've chosen to lose weight but she didn't. She could've chosen to stop smoking, but she didn't until she'd done so much damage that it could never be reversed. She could've chosen life so that my kids could've had more time with their Grammie. She could've chosen life so that I wouldn't have been an orphan at 25.
I was such a hypocrite. Here I was getting so upset with Mama for the horrible choices she made that caused me to live without my mama were the exact same choices that I was making now. Worse still was the fact that I not only knew what SHE went through and the demons she struggled with to live healthy, but I KNEW what I would be putting my children through after I died.
Fast forward to December 28th when my life changed forever. 326 lbs and determined to get healthy. Between September and December my eating habits didn't change at all unless they moved in a more negative direction. While I didn't check my blood sugar then I'm sure it hadn't changed any.
Here I am at the 7 week mark. This morning I went to Walmart and purchased a new blood sugar machine. I also found that they had started making an at home A1C test. For those of you who don't know what that is it is a blood test that averages the last 3 months of blood sugar levels. This test is the reason I was glad to avoid going to the doctor for the last 3 years. I purchased the test and finished my shopping. When I got home I tested my blood sugar and then took the test. The past two months my eating habits have changed DRASTICALLY. This morning my kids wanted Krystals so I stopped and got a 12 pack. I had one with them. the A1C test is supposed to be fasting.
My results weren't what I expected at all. I opened everything and checked my blood sugar. It was 87. Ok so I hadn't done too bad with the Krystal. Then I prepared myself for the number that I was going to see on the other test and I took the plunge. When I called my sister Kathy to tell her the results I looked up a chart online to see what my result averaged out to. Looking at the chart my blood sugar levels in September were equivalentant to an A1C level of 12.5-13.0. Today my A1C level was 6.0. That means my average blood sugar is around 136. I have done well enough in the last 7 weeks to drop my A1C 7 points.
I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO proud of myself. I am glad to see the weight coming off. It's not coming off nearly as fast as I would like to see it, but it IS coming off. However, the A1C tells me more about my progress than the scale EVER will. I AM getting healthier. This was the reward, the pay off for all of my hard work the last 7 weeks. I did this. WoW!!!
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Happy One Month Angelversary Jeremiah
Home By Nicol Sponberg
What is it like to be to be held in the same arms that hold the universe
What is it like to sleep on the chest of the King of Heaven and earth
When you open your eyes and look on the face of the Giver of Life
The Author of Grace...Do you know
Your days here changed everything
You're missed here and always will be
But you left here the greatest gift of all
Cause our hearts ache for home
What is it like to breathe in and breathe out... Heaven's Glorious Light
What is it to be robed in perfection... no reason to cry
When you feel on your face your Father's kiss...His welcome embrace
We prayed for this...You should know
Your days here changed everything
You're missed here and always will be
But you left here the greatest gift of all
Cause our hearts ache for home
So twinkle, twinkle little star
We will keep you in our hearts
Twinkle, twinkle little star
We will meet you where you are.
Your days here changed everything
You're missed here and always will be
But you left here the greatest gift of all
Cause our hearts ache for home
Today is marks Jeremiah's one month angelversary. This last month has been so full of ups and downs. In ways it seems like it's been easier to remain distracted. That makes me feel guilty. At the same time it seems like I can't get back on track with my life either.
I think about where I'd be right now if he were still growing inside me. I would be showing by now. I would be feeling kicks soon. I would be picking out baby close. I would need a quad stroller. All of these things I should be doing right now. But that isn't what bothers me.
What bothers me the most is missing the dances, all of the firsts. I must wait a lifetime to see him look into my eyes with such adoration and exclaiming "Mama!!" with his hands outstretched to grab my face and kiss me like Isaiah does. No first words, first kisses, first dances. Then I look at Sam and think that Jeremiah will never go to school. He will never learn to read here...Landon won't get to teach him to be a super hero. He will never know what it is like to have Jewel-Anne and Liana dress him up with pretty hair and make up. John will have to wait a lifetime to hold Jeremiah on his shoulders. My arms ache to hold him. My chest longs to feel his heart beating against mine. No 3 AM feedings. What would his favorite foods be as he grew up?
Even through all of this heartache I am still so blessed. This life, this heartache will only last for a moment. When it comes to a close then I will truly understand what "forever" means. I will be able to take all of my children in my arms and never have to let go. We will be able to play. I will be able to say "I love you" a million times. Pain, heartache, goodbyes, miscarriages, angelversaries, funerals, caskets, burials and grave yards will no longer have a place in my life. I won't have to long for the day I can hold them. I won't have to wish for "this moment" to last forever because it will. There is a song that says "On that day we won't have to say goodbye/ No one will hurt and no one will cry/ God will wipe away every tear from our eye/ On that day when we won't have to say goodbye.
My dearest Jeremiah, There is no way to express to you just how much Mama and Daddy love you. We spent years praying for you. We feel so blessed that God chose US to be your parents. We miss you so much and we long for the day when we will hold you. When you walked out of our lives you left us with the greatest gift anyone could give us - Our hearts long to be in Heaven with Jesus so we can see you, your siblings and Grammie again. You are such a blessed little boy. I know that your Grammie, Mamaw Vela and all of your great aunts are standing in line for their turn to hold you. They will make sure you know how much we love you until we get there to hold you. Mama loves you more than you know. Happy Angelversary sweet boy.
Love,
Mama
What is it like to be to be held in the same arms that hold the universe
What is it like to sleep on the chest of the King of Heaven and earth
When you open your eyes and look on the face of the Giver of Life
The Author of Grace...Do you know
Your days here changed everything
You're missed here and always will be
But you left here the greatest gift of all
Cause our hearts ache for home
What is it like to breathe in and breathe out... Heaven's Glorious Light
What is it to be robed in perfection... no reason to cry
When you feel on your face your Father's kiss...His welcome embrace
We prayed for this...You should know
Your days here changed everything
You're missed here and always will be
But you left here the greatest gift of all
Cause our hearts ache for home
So twinkle, twinkle little star
We will keep you in our hearts
Twinkle, twinkle little star
We will meet you where you are.
Your days here changed everything
You're missed here and always will be
But you left here the greatest gift of all
Cause our hearts ache for home
Today is marks Jeremiah's one month angelversary. This last month has been so full of ups and downs. In ways it seems like it's been easier to remain distracted. That makes me feel guilty. At the same time it seems like I can't get back on track with my life either.
I think about where I'd be right now if he were still growing inside me. I would be showing by now. I would be feeling kicks soon. I would be picking out baby close. I would need a quad stroller. All of these things I should be doing right now. But that isn't what bothers me.
What bothers me the most is missing the dances, all of the firsts. I must wait a lifetime to see him look into my eyes with such adoration and exclaiming "Mama!!" with his hands outstretched to grab my face and kiss me like Isaiah does. No first words, first kisses, first dances. Then I look at Sam and think that Jeremiah will never go to school. He will never learn to read here...Landon won't get to teach him to be a super hero. He will never know what it is like to have Jewel-Anne and Liana dress him up with pretty hair and make up. John will have to wait a lifetime to hold Jeremiah on his shoulders. My arms ache to hold him. My chest longs to feel his heart beating against mine. No 3 AM feedings. What would his favorite foods be as he grew up?
Even through all of this heartache I am still so blessed. This life, this heartache will only last for a moment. When it comes to a close then I will truly understand what "forever" means. I will be able to take all of my children in my arms and never have to let go. We will be able to play. I will be able to say "I love you" a million times. Pain, heartache, goodbyes, miscarriages, angelversaries, funerals, caskets, burials and grave yards will no longer have a place in my life. I won't have to long for the day I can hold them. I won't have to wish for "this moment" to last forever because it will. There is a song that says "On that day we won't have to say goodbye/ No one will hurt and no one will cry/ God will wipe away every tear from our eye/ On that day when we won't have to say goodbye.
My dearest Jeremiah, There is no way to express to you just how much Mama and Daddy love you. We spent years praying for you. We feel so blessed that God chose US to be your parents. We miss you so much and we long for the day when we will hold you. When you walked out of our lives you left us with the greatest gift anyone could give us - Our hearts long to be in Heaven with Jesus so we can see you, your siblings and Grammie again. You are such a blessed little boy. I know that your Grammie, Mamaw Vela and all of your great aunts are standing in line for their turn to hold you. They will make sure you know how much we love you until we get there to hold you. Mama loves you more than you know. Happy Angelversary sweet boy.
Love,
Mama
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Month 2 - Day 1
It's another fine Sunday morning here in Mama's world. I am so blessed to be able to write to you today. We yesterday we made the decision to "home church" today so we can get a few things done around the house. As I write this John is currently making breakfast for our 5 kids and I'm getting ready to work out. After that we will have praise and worship and Bible study time.
Yesterday marked 2 weeks since we said "see you soon" to Jeremiah. It seems like it's been forever since I held his precious body in my hand. Oh how I miss him. He should be kicking me, making me experience morning sickness and cravings. Instead my body is empty. "You left us with the greatest gift of all because our hearts ache for home."
I am struggling a lot right now. I'm trying to remain positive about everything. I feel better when I have a bright, sunny disposition. I dread going to the gym. The treadmill is my enemy right now. I have tried the elliptical a couple times. Last time I think I lasted about 2 minutes on it. I consider that an amazing accomplishment for me. I also did some weights and rope pull. I have no problem using WiiFit, but my heart just isn't in the gym. The only appeal the gym has for me is hanging out with Stephanie and the hot showers! I'm really not sure how to overcome this. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Yesterday I completed 2 hours and 13 minutes AND 817 calories toward my fitness challenge. I'm off to a great start! If you've decided to join me in my fitness challenge then please take a moment to comment and let me know. I would love to cheer you on!
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
February Challenge Progress
Fitness Minutes - 133 / 3480
Calories Burned - 817 / 20,300
Yesterday marked 2 weeks since we said "see you soon" to Jeremiah. It seems like it's been forever since I held his precious body in my hand. Oh how I miss him. He should be kicking me, making me experience morning sickness and cravings. Instead my body is empty. "You left us with the greatest gift of all because our hearts ache for home."
I am struggling a lot right now. I'm trying to remain positive about everything. I feel better when I have a bright, sunny disposition. I dread going to the gym. The treadmill is my enemy right now. I have tried the elliptical a couple times. Last time I think I lasted about 2 minutes on it. I consider that an amazing accomplishment for me. I also did some weights and rope pull. I have no problem using WiiFit, but my heart just isn't in the gym. The only appeal the gym has for me is hanging out with Stephanie and the hot showers! I'm really not sure how to overcome this. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Yesterday I completed 2 hours and 13 minutes AND 817 calories toward my fitness challenge. I'm off to a great start! If you've decided to join me in my fitness challenge then please take a moment to comment and let me know. I would love to cheer you on!
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
February Challenge Progress
Fitness Minutes - 133 / 3480
Calories Burned - 817 / 20,300
February Fitness Challenge Progress Log
I'm going to be updating this blog post each day with my progress.
February Fitness Challenge:
Total Minutes Completed: 546 / 3480
Total Calories Burned: 3516 / 20,300
January 28 - 133 minutes and 817 calories
January 29 - 158 minutes and 904 calories
January 30 - 122 minutes and 773 calories
January 31 - (NONE - was a bad girl yesterday. went over my calories too!)
February 1 - 133 minutes and 1022 calories (4 runs and 20 min of steps on the Wii)
February 2 -
February 3 -
February 4 -
February 5 -
February 6 -
February 7 -
February 8 -
February 9 -
February 10 -
February 11 -
February 12 -
February 13 -
February 14 -
February 15 -
February 16 -
February 17 -
February 18 -
February 19 -
February 20 -
February 21 -
February 22 -
February 23 -
February 24 -
February 25 -
February 26 -
February Fitness Challenge:
Total Minutes Completed: 546 / 3480
Total Calories Burned: 3516 / 20,300
January 28 - 133 minutes and 817 calories
January 29 - 158 minutes and 904 calories
January 30 - 122 minutes and 773 calories
January 31 - (NONE - was a bad girl yesterday. went over my calories too!)
February 1 - 133 minutes and 1022 calories (4 runs and 20 min of steps on the Wii)
February 2 -
February 3 -
February 4 -
February 5 -
February 6 -
February 7 -
February 8 -
February 9 -
February 10 -
February 11 -
February 12 -
February 13 -
February 14 -
February 15 -
February 16 -
February 17 -
February 18 -
February 19 -
February 20 -
February 21 -
February 22 -
February 23 -
February 24 -
February 25 -
February 26 -
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Month 2 - February Challenges
Month two officially starts today as my months are only 30 days long. I am proud of what I have accomplished thus far. I have exercised 28 of my 30 days. That is beyond awesome for me.
This month I've decided to issue myself a few fitness challenges. I talked the other day about some things I want to change. Now here's the challenges.
Challenge # 1 - I will excerise a total of 3480 minutes or more this month.
I can do at least 2 hours of Wii Fit a day so I will challenge myself to do this every day. Gym minutes will also count. I KNOW I can do this as long as I stay on top of my motivation.
Challenge # 2 - I will BURN at least 20300 calories this month.
This falls in line with my two hours of WiiFit. On WF, two hours is burning anywhere from 500-750 calories for me. I will push myself to make sure that it stays within the 700 mark each day. Of course gym minutes will just help me reach my goal faster.
Those are my challenges for this month. Who is with me? What are you challenging yourself to do this month???
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
This month I've decided to issue myself a few fitness challenges. I talked the other day about some things I want to change. Now here's the challenges.
Challenge # 1 - I will excerise a total of 3480 minutes or more this month.
I can do at least 2 hours of Wii Fit a day so I will challenge myself to do this every day. Gym minutes will also count. I KNOW I can do this as long as I stay on top of my motivation.
Challenge # 2 - I will BURN at least 20300 calories this month.
This falls in line with my two hours of WiiFit. On WF, two hours is burning anywhere from 500-750 calories for me. I will push myself to make sure that it stays within the 700 mark each day. Of course gym minutes will just help me reach my goal faster.
Those are my challenges for this month. Who is with me? What are you challenging yourself to do this month???
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
Thursday, January 26, 2012
A Plan for the February
For January, I focused on trying to control my calories and get moving in any way possible. I now park in the driveway instead of the yard. I've been to the gym at least 20 times this month. I've went from doing nothing to walking 2 miles at a time. All in all January was a pretty good month. I am 11 lbs closer to my goal. Praise God for that.
Activities for February
Physical Health
1. Start taking my other meds again.
2. Go to the doctor so I can get a refill on my meds for March.
Nutrition
1. Eat more protein
2. Drink more water.
3. Splurge twice - Coldstone is calling my name and then my regular splurge.
4. Learn one new recipe.
Fitness
1. Spend at least 45 hours on WiiFit.
2. Weight Lifting at the gym at least 12 times.
3. Use the elliptical at least once a week. (Terrified of this machine!)
Spiritual
1. Read 30 chapters in the Bible with my family.
2. Do Family Worship Time at least 5 days a week.
3. Spend more time praying.
Emotional
1. Blog daily.
2. Spend more time talking to my husband about life and the things going on.
3. Spend more time with my children.
Misc.
1. "Spring" Clean my house.
2. Get caught up on Laundry.
3. Find all forms needed to file my taxes and file them.
Small baby steps will get me closer to a healthier me. I am excited to see what I can accomplish this month.
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11
Activities for February
Physical Health
1. Start taking my other meds again.
2. Go to the doctor so I can get a refill on my meds for March.
Nutrition
1. Eat more protein
2. Drink more water.
3. Splurge twice - Coldstone is calling my name and then my regular splurge.
4. Learn one new recipe.
Fitness
1. Spend at least 45 hours on WiiFit.
2. Weight Lifting at the gym at least 12 times.
3. Use the elliptical at least once a week. (Terrified of this machine!)
Spiritual
1. Read 30 chapters in the Bible with my family.
2. Do Family Worship Time at least 5 days a week.
3. Spend more time praying.
Emotional
1. Blog daily.
2. Spend more time talking to my husband about life and the things going on.
3. Spend more time with my children.
Misc.
1. "Spring" Clean my house.
2. Get caught up on Laundry.
3. Find all forms needed to file my taxes and file them.
Small baby steps will get me closer to a healthier me. I am excited to see what I can accomplish this month.
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11
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