Trials and Triumphs

Trials and Triumphs

The past month I have been dealing with a lot of stuff. From Jeremiah's death to some other personal stuff going on. I have lost weight like I wanted to. I go back to clinic and I'm hovering around 2-5 pounds depending on the day. A loss is still a loss, but I know I can do better. I had so many goals for this month and I've failed miserably. Still, today is a new day. I will not live in yesterday, but will focus on today because TODAY is what I can change.


I have diabetes. It took me years to admit that. It took me years to stop rationalizing that. Growing up and in my early twenties I was "a very healthy obese person." I didn't have diabetes. My cholesterol was picture perfect. My blood pressure couldn't be better. I was a walking contradiction because I WAS very healthy despite being obese. I took that for granted. I abused my body. After mom died I stopped caring at all. I turned to food for comfort. Then issues with birth parents, GAL, adoption stuff made me turn to food even more. I was eating to cope. My coping skills were killing me.

In September I checked my blood sugar for the first time in ages. I still wasn't taking my meds. I nearly passed out when I looked at the machine and seen the numbers 368. I consistently checked it fasting never got out of the 200s. Post prandials (sp?) were never out of the 300s. I was so scared because I KNEW what this all meant. I was too scared to die, but too scared to change.

Since Mom passed away I have been very angry at her lifestyle choices. She could've chosen to lose weight but she didn't. She could've chosen to stop smoking, but she didn't until she'd done so much damage that it could never be reversed. She could've chosen life so that my kids could've had more time with their Grammie. She could've chosen life so that I wouldn't have been an orphan at 25.

I was such a hypocrite. Here I was getting so upset with Mama for the horrible choices she made that caused me to live without my mama were the exact same choices that I was making now. Worse still was the fact that I not only knew what SHE went through and the demons she struggled with to live healthy, but I KNEW what I would be putting my children through after I died.

Fast forward to December 28th when my life changed forever. 326 lbs and determined to get healthy. Between September and December my eating habits didn't change at all unless they moved in a more negative direction. While I didn't check my blood sugar then I'm sure it hadn't changed any.

Here I am at the 7 week mark. This morning I went to Walmart and purchased a new blood sugar machine. I also found that they had started making an at home A1C test. For those of you who don't know what that is it is a blood test that averages the last 3 months of blood sugar levels. This test is the reason I was glad to avoid going to the doctor for the last 3 years. I purchased the test and finished my shopping. When I got home I tested my blood sugar and then took the test. The past two months my eating habits have changed DRASTICALLY. This morning my kids wanted Krystals so I stopped and got a 12 pack. I had one with them. the A1C test is supposed to be fasting.

My results weren't what I expected at all. I opened everything and checked my blood sugar. It was 87. Ok so I hadn't done too bad with the Krystal. Then I prepared myself for the number that I was going to see on the other test and I took the plunge. When I called my sister Kathy to tell her the results I looked up a chart online to see what my result averaged out to. Looking at the chart my blood sugar levels in September were equivalentant to an A1C level of 12.5-13.0. Today my A1C level was 6.0. That means my average blood sugar is around 136. I have done well enough in the last 7 weeks to drop my A1C 7 points.

I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO proud of myself. I am glad to see the weight coming off. It's not coming off nearly as fast as I would like to see it, but it IS coming off. However, the A1C tells me more about my progress than the scale EVER will. I AM getting healthier. This was the reward, the pay off for all of my hard work the last 7 weeks. I did this. WoW!!!

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11

Blessings,

Weight Loss Mama