And So The Saga Continues...

Sunday, as I was taking John to work, I started having a stabbing pain in my heart area.  That scared me bad enough that I got my sister to keep the kids and I went to the ER.  The ER doctor said I was too young to be having heart problems.  He assured me I was fine and sent me home.


Today started out super early.  John had to come home two hours early in order for me to get everywhere I needed to be in time.  The neurosurgeon I seen has been at the same for the last three decades.  I went to that hospital and walked around to find that he had moved to another hospital.  When I finally made it to the correct hospital I was in such a hurry I forgot to notice where I parked so I searched for 30 minutes to find my van when I came out.


Neurosurgeon has ordered an MRI for next Tuesday. I also have my cardiology appointment this day.  Dermatologist said nothing was "remarkable." PCP said "It is heart related until we prove otherwise. I don't believe it's stress. It's not your gall bladder either.   Apparently, they did lab work concerning my gall bladder and it was normal as well. The doctor gave me a lovely little present to take home for 24 hours. It is itchy and scratchy and I hate it! He is making me wear a heart monitor.  He had the nurse to check my blood pressure sitting and standing. Apparently it is supposed to go down when you stand up. Mine did the opposite of that, though! Go figure! The thought of my body doing what it is supposed to do is kind of laughable at this point.


The doctor told me that heart problems at my age are almost always electrical versus plumbing issues. Apparently, that is supposed to bring me comfort.  I guess it does in a way, but at the same time, heart issues are still super scary.  The fear of that surely isn't helping my blood pressure none.  He is putting me on a mild blood pressure pill and wants me to take it until I see the cardiologist.  He said that they would decide from there whether I would continue taking it or not.


So that's the story.  Still no answers, but I will be having an MRI next week.  Hopefully, I'll be having the echo-cardiogram as well.  In the mean time we sit and wait.  2013 really needs to shape up.  I hope that the rest of my year doesn't look as lovely as the first couple months are!


One really cool thing happened today, though.  While I was at the neurosurgeon's office, I was reading one of Wanda Brunstetter's books.  While I was getting checked in one of the office ladies noticed the book.  We had a good conversation about Amish fiction writers.  I introduced her to Beth Wiseman and Amy Clipston too.


It's almost bedtime here so I need to go.  John is going to try to get a nap before work because we have a second round of appointments tomorrow.  Thank God, none of those are for me!  Those are all big boy appointments.


Blessings,

Weight Loss Mama

Cycles

And just like that...as if I didn't have ENOUGH going on...my wacky body decided to start my period! Hopefully it will be a light one...It is time to get up for church and I'm sitting here cramping.  I just want to go back to sleep!

The past cycle was 47 days long.  That makes 8 cycles since I started getting healthy.  Of all times for my body to start to regulate itself.  If only this could've happened years ago! Of course this is ME we're talking about.  I don't do anything when I'm supposed, too.


Blessings,

Weight Loss Mama

God Will Make a Way

God Will Make A Way
By Janet Paschal

Must have felt strange to end up stranded between an army and the seaThey must have felt forsaken wondering why God wasn't all He said He'd beWhen your back's against the wallIt's the hardest place of allBut somewhere between provisions and impossibility

God will make a wayWhen there seems to be no wayForever He is faithfulHe will make a roadWhen you bear a heavy loadI know, God will make a way

When a wall of circumstances leaves you crying in the nightAnd you struggle til your strength is almost goneGod will gently hold you in the shelter of His heartAnd carve a road for you to carry on.So carry on




Thanks to all of my babies I have lost a lot of my CDs.  They have either been broken or truly lost.  This morning I was really blessed when Isaiah came through the door carrying my MP3 player.  As I went through it searching for some healing music, I came across Bill and Gloria Gaither's Hawaiian Homecoming. This was always one of my favorites.  I found the above song on this CD.  It has such a beautifully, soothing melody to it.  It is so comforting. 


As I sang to the top of my lungs with the music, I noticed myself getting out of breath far quicker than usual.  I looked around at my precious babies.  It saddens and scares me to not be able to pick up my kids right now.  I hate being stuck in bed most of the time.  I have struggled a lot with what God is trying to teach me through this.  I know He has a reason for all of this.  All I keep thinking is that last Tuesday, God wasn't surprised by any of this.  He knew about it before it happened.  He knows what the outcome will be.  He knows what the treatment will be.  


It is really hard not to go to the bad place of what might be when I think of all that is going on with me.  I watched my Mama struggle for years with heart problems.  I woke up many nights with her walking the floor because she couldn't get any relief for the pain she was feeling.  Then I remember how angry I was when she died because she chose not to take care of herself.  Here I am trying to do what is best for my body so I can live a long life to raise my babies.  I want to do more than just raise my babies.  I want to live to see my great, great grandchildren.  I realize that may sound really dramatic to most people, especially since I haven't seen the doctor yet.  I am just being honest here.  It is where my mind wants to wonder.  That is why I am comforted by songs such as this.  God has promised that He will be with me and that HE will make a way for me to get through this. 


When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,
Nor shall the flame scorch you. Since you were precious in My sight,
You have been honored, And I have loved you; Therefore I will give men for you, And people for your life. - Isaiah 43:2 & 4 NKJV

Blessings,  


Weight Loss Mama

My Limitations

We Are Broken 
Jeff and Sheri Easter

I know you're hurting
Your heart needs healing
Let me dry your eyes
I know you're feeling
Like the sun will never shine again
Like the pain inside will never end
Sometimes it takes a little faith to mend

Cause we are broken
To become more beautiful
Tried by fire to shine like gold
We are shattered
To free the diamonds in our souls
We are broken to be made whole

Love let you fall
Now you're in pieces
Oh but time will work as medicine
And you'll find your wings to fly again
Higher than you've ever been



The weather man says that ice is headed our way.  I had a couple errands to run this morning so I decided to tackle Walmart for some groceries.  After all, that whole resting thing WAS just a suggestion, right? ;-)  By the time I made it to the car, I decided I'd let John go to the store.  I did the other stuff and came home.


Everyone is asking how I feel.  I appreciate the thoughts but I am not completely honest with anyone.  No sense in worrying people right?  The truth is I feel pretty lousy physically.  I have been having chest pain for two days.  I discussed this with my doctor yesterday and he agrees it's probably from all the extra fluid.  We talked about when to go to the ER.  The ER doctor ran every a ton of tests the other night.  The only thing he didn't do was an echo-cardiogram.  Unless my symptoms get worse there's not a  lot the ER could do for me right now.


Emotionally, I am good one minute and the next I am stressed.  I am grasping to faith and fear with all I have and swing between those two pretty often.  I am not good at following orders.  I had been telling John I wanted a mommy vacation for a couple days.  This wasn't what I meant.  I wanted a nice cabin in the woods or a chair on the beach... ;-)  It is killing me to be so limited in what I can do right now.  I am twenty-nine years old.  I shouldn't feel like I can't get my breath while walking to the car!  The realization of what's happening came when I picked Isaiah up after changing his diaper a few minutes ago.  I had to sit him back down immediately.  This STINKS!!


This morning, I was talking to my boss, who is a dear friend of mine.  He asked me how I was doing.  I told him that despite how I feel right now, that none of this was a surprise to God.  God wasn't shocked when I woke up Tuesday morning swelling.  He wasn't surprised when I started getting short of breath.  None of this is news to God and He is in control.  I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared sometimes, but I know that I belong to God and He will take care of what belongs to Him.  The will of God isn't going to lead me where His grace can't keep me.  If all of this will bring Him glory then I will follow Him through this storm.  I will trust Him.


This afternoon my doctor's office called me to tell me they found a loophole with the neurologist.  Since he won't see me without an MRI, and the insurance won't cover the MRI without cause, I will go see the neurologist's nurse practitioner who will decide if she thinks the MRI is necessary then order it.  I go see her next Tuesday.


If anyone has any fun ideas to make this "resting" thing a more pleasant experience, please send them my way.  Right now, everything I should  be doing is mocking me.  I keep thinking that I should be doing this...or this...or this...yet if I get up and try it I quickly remember WHY I am supposed to be resting.  My body rebels against me trying to do anything else.  Sounds fun, right?


Blessings,

Weight Loss Mama

What On Earth Is Going On? Part Two

Yesterday, I went to the doctor for all the swelling I was experiencing.  I had gained 18 pounds in one week.   The doctor (not my normal PCP) didn't seem overly concerned.  She changed the medicine they'd put me on the previous week and put me on a diuretic.   As I walked to the car I started getting very winded.  Nothing too alarming but enough of a concern to make a mental note about it.  I left the doctor and called John and a couple other people.  I decided to stop for lunch before I went to get my medicine.  I started having trouble breathing again while walking into the restaurant.  I ate my lunch and set there for a few minutes hoping whatever was going on would chill out.  I walked out to the car and again experienced shortness of breath.  Alright, now it was time to call the doctor.  I called her back and told her what was going on hoping she wouldn't say what I KNEW she would say.  After caring for my Mama as many years as I did, I am not new to the medical scene.  This whole situation stinks!  The doctor said to go straight to the ER.  I called John and headed that way.  By this time my phone started ringing a lot.  I got stuck in traffic and ended up having to take a detour so I stopped at US Cellular to get a phone charger.  I parked right up front and walked straight to the register.  Again, I started having trouble breathing.  

I finally made it to the ER where they registered me then made me sit for almost 4 hours before they seen me.  If I'd had the energy to walk out I would've went somewhere else.  I just read my book and prayed a lot.  Once I seen the doctor he took one look at me and told me he was certain I either had a blood clot in my lungs or I was going into Congestive Heart Failure (CHF).  Mom had CHF before she passed away.  I say there in mid freak out mode.  I totally understand where Thomas was.  I believe, help Thou my unbelief.  They ran every test imaginable on me.  They were so kind to do a blood gas.  (All sarcasm intended!)  If you've never had one, God bless you! That hurt like nothing else!  Then they tried to start an IV.  I don't even remember how many times they stuck me.  They started me on IV Lasix and sent me off to radiology.  I had an ultrasound on my legs, a CT and x-ray of my lungs and 8 tubes worth of blood work done.  The doctor came in and told me he had no idea what was going on with me but he could assure me what I didn't have.  He told me that his job as an ER doctor "is to make sure that you are not going to die tonight, tomorrow or the next day."  He said he felt comfortable sending me home and letting me follow up with my doctor in two to three days to make sure the fluid was still leaving.

I stopped to get my medicine and a bite to eat.  I finally got home.  I made a small update to a few friends.   I am sure those special friends thought I was crazy because I had talked to so many people I was unsure who I had talked to or what I had and hadn't shared yet.  Please be assured that my mind isn't slipping.  My phone decided to "blow up" while at the hospital.  It rang and rang and rang....when it wasn't ringing, I was getting facebook alerts and messages.  

Last night I couldn't really get comfortable. I slept sitting straight up in bed because the slightest incline made me feel like I couldn't breathe.  Around 1:30 Isaiah woke up and then woke the girls up.  I think I might have gotten three hours of sleep the whole night.  

This morning my chest felt like it was "tickling."  I felt bad enough that I went back to the doctor.  Today I seen my doctor.  He said he was totally unconvinced that the new medicine was causing my problems and he referred me to a cardiologist and changed the diuretic.  I will see the cardiologist on February 5th.  Until then I was given strict orders to stay in bed as much as possible and rest.  He told me he understood I had five kids, but that he was serious about me resting.  

I want to thank all of those who have stood by my side the last couple days.  Thank you to those friends who have prayed, called, texted, etc.  It means a lot to know I have the prayers and support.  Emotionally I am spent right now.  Physically, I am very tired.  

What On Earth Is Going On?

I have been faithfully taking my medication for a over week now.  I have been super nauseated, but just figured I was still fighting the stomach bug I had a little while ago.  Yesterday, I babysat my bonus babies and then went to lunch with Stephanie and her family.  As we were talking I was venting because my stomach was still bothering me.  She, being the sensible one, was like "You just haven't been really good about taking your medicine in the past. You just started taking it regularly. That is probably what is causing it."  I love her for always being the other part of my brain.  DUH!


Fast-forward to this morning.  I woke up with my hands VERY swollen.  I look like I am 9 months pregnant right now.  I cannot find my blood pressure cuff to check that.  I stepped on the scales just to check things out.  I have gained 13 pounds in 5 days!!!  I would be beside myself with disappointment if I didn't know there was a reason for this.  Regardless, I will be calling the doctor as soon as it opens this morning. I will update when I know more.


Blessings,

Weight Loss Mama

Not Feeling Well

I have been kind of silent lately for a couple different reasons.  One is because I am still trying to process everything.  The other reason is because I haven't felt well.  I have been struggling for a while with not having any energy.  I was almost hoping that the doctor could tell me that there was something on my blood work that would explain why I have been feeling like this.  That wasn't the case, though.  I am not depressed.  I just don't have any energy.


My stomach is still messed up.  I thought it was from the stomach bug, but that seemed strange that it would be lasting this long.  This morning I went to lunch with a friend and we were talking about that.  She made me realize a lot of it probably has to do with my Metformin.  I am horrible when it comes to taking my meds.  Since I wasn't taking it regularly then INCREASED my dose, it's no wonder I feel horrible right now.  No matter what I eat I feel like I will be sick.  I understand why people usually lose weight when they are taking it.  LOL


I have also been having really bad reproductive cramps.  They are so bad they have brought me to tears a couple of times.  I am hoping after the first cycle they will level out.  This is crazy.  I feel like I have been to the doctor a million times already.  I hope I don't have to go back just for this.  Here's to hoping this week will be better than last! ;-)


Blessings,


Weight Loss Mama

Emotionally Drained

*THIS IS GOING TO BE A LONG TMI BLOG!!*
(You have been warned.)


The last few weeks have been insanely C-R-A-Z-Y!!!  When John got his new job we found out that we had infertility coverage.  All we were waiting for was for the insurance to kick in.  Coverage started mid December, but I didn't want to waste the deductible so we decided to wait until the new year to seek treatment.  Ideally, I would've waited a few more months, but some things happened and we moved up the date.  The new year started out with a bang just as the old year had ended.  Everyone went from upper respiratory infections to the stomach flu.  Fun times!


The fun started last week.  Tuesday, I had an appointment with my PCP (Dr. D) for lab work and a diabetes recheck.  We had scheduled our appointment with the Reproductive Endocrinologist (hereby referred to as RE for any future postings) for Thursday.  While talking to Dr. D., he decided to run some hormone panels to fax over to the RE to give him a starting point in our treatment.  Unfortunately, my lab results didn't come in until Friday. I guess that was a blessing in disguise.


Thursday morning I woke up and was feeling the anxiety of the day.  It was make it or break it time.  John and I got up at 6 AM to get everyone ready.  I begin to freak out before my feet hit the floor.  As a woman who is overweight, getting someone to take you seriously when you say you want to get pregnant is very difficult.  Everyone takes one look at me and assumes that my entire fertility problem history will be solved by gastric bypass.  I wasn't ready to let everyone into my business yet, but I wanted prayers.  I shared what was going on with a few close friends and made a general "please pray for me" post on facebook.  By the time we got into the car, I was shaking.  John and I dropped off the kids with Stephanie.  I swear I was having a panic attack by this point.  While I have never had one, I couldn't shake this panic-y feeling.  I felt like I was going to jump out of my skin.  We arrived at the RE's office, get checked in and began the wait.  We were to meet with the nurse practitioner (NP) the first day then would meet with the doctor on our next appointment.  The nurse weighs me and checks my blood pressure.  My blood pressure was 170-something/90.  I thought the lady was kidding when she said that.  Tuesday, my blood pressure was 117/70.  The NP asked questions upon questions about my fertility history.  When we got to the miscarriage part of the discussion she was very cold.  She asked me numerous times to recount my stories.  "It is not normal for someone to have this many miscarriages! Are you sure?"  It was at this point that I knew I would never be coming back.  I have no problem with them needed the information, but this wasn't a simple issue of trying to get information.  It seemed that they were interrogating me.  The doctor came in and they did an ultrasound that revealed I had an egg forming.  My body was trying to ovulate.  The RE's response to this was to prescribe me something to bring on my period.  Umm...I thought you were in the business of helping MAKE babies not keep them from happening.   I left the office with instructions to come back on cycle day 3 for blood work.  I also left with a pamplet for the weight loss clinic next door.  I called them later that day and they would see me for $400 a month.  Um...no wonder the nurse referred me there.  She'd told me she worked over there two days a week.  Although, I had to lose 70 more pounds before they would help me get pregnant.  I left the clinic feeling very defeated.  I spent the rest of the day trying to process everything.


Friday, Dr. D (PCP) office's called back with my lab results.  Nurse J went went over some stuff with me, but we both decided that it would be best to make another appointment with Dr. D. to discuss the results.  I have to tell you that I am so blessed to have this lady working for my doctor.  I went to elementary school with her daughter.  She took the time to really sit and talk with me.  She answered all of the questions I had the best she could to try to calm my fears.   Today was my follow- up appointment.  I have spent the weekend freaking out.  I went from sadness, to anger and back again all weekend.  And puking, don't forget the puking.  Jewel-Anne came down with the stomach flu this weekend and Mama got it too.  Thankfully, it seems everyone else has been spared.


The "short story" version of this is that I have no hormones in my body.  All of my female hormones are batting right above 0.  Yes, that number is correct - ZERO.  When the nurse called me she told me that my husband probably had more female hormones in his body than I had in mine.  I'd spent the whole weekend wondering what all of this meant.  Was I going through menopause?  Would I ever be able to get pregnant?  Was God really closing this door for us?  It was a really hard weekend.  After discussing some stuff with Dr. D., he prescribed me birth control and increased my Metformin.  I hate Metformin.  It is the best thing for treating PCOS, but the side effects of this medication is for the birds.


The whole day I just haven't felt right.  I have been forced to choose between the greater of two evils.  I have taken birth control in the past.  When I was 12, they put me on it the first time to regulate my cycle.  I didn't feel right about it then.  A few years later I was put back on it but didn't feel right about taking it so I stopped.  I have taken one cycle of birth control since I have been with John and that was when Dr. H was going to be doing laproscopic surgery to investigate my fertility issues.  We have always said we'd never do anything to stop a pregnancy.  We don't feel that is right for us to take birth control pills.  The doctor assured me that there is no way that the egg I had would be able to survive the 2ww because my hormones were so low.  I got my medicines filled and came home to sulk.  I told John that once I opened the pills there was no going back.  I asked his opinion as the headship of our family.  He agrees with me it doesn't feel right, but at the same time there's not really another treatment for my problem.  My body lacks progesterone and estrogen.  I either take the meds and hope God will bless us with a pregnancy on my off cycle, or I don't take them and will never have the chance of having a baby again. The treatment cycle he wants me to go on is to do 3 months of pills and take a cycle off and try to get pregnant.  If that doesn't work we will repeat the process until I get pregnant, decide to see a specialist or I go insane.  I finally took the first pill so I guess we will see what happens in 3 months.


As much as I feel sorry for myself through all of this, I feel horrible for John.  I am the problem here.  I am the one who cannot carry a baby.  I am the one who is all screwed up.  It seems so wrong that he has to get punished, too.  Please keep us in your prayers as we go through this.  We firmly believe in the power of prayer and of God.  God CAN give us more children if He chooses.


On a brighter note, according to Dr. D., my former neurologist (Dr. R) has agreed to see me again as long as I have an MRI first.  As long as the insurance approves it we will be seeing him soon! I am so thankful for this.  My doctor really went up to bat for me and I appreciate that so much.  I love this doctor's office that God has blessed me with.  He seems genuinely concerned about my care.  I have never met a doctor like that before.  It truly is a blessing.



Blessings,

Weight Loss Mama

It Came To Pass

Sickness must be present for healing to take place

And lives must be broken so they can be restored

We must stop looking at our hard times 

Like they were dead end roads

But avenues to prove that He is Lord

It didn't come to stay it came to pass

The Lord will move that mountain if you ask

The trials that we see today won't last

It didn't come to stay it came to pass

I feel no better than I have the past few days.  In fact I feel a little deeper in this hole I have fallen into.  Last night/this morning when John got home we had a discussion that made me emotionally throw up all over him.   When I was done I collapsed in his arms and just cried.  I swing from anger, self-pity and guilt.   Anger that this is happening and why won't God stop it.  Self-pity because I wonder why I am such a bad person that God won't lift this cross from me.  The guilt is because John is along for this ride.  All he did was love me and he gets punished for it.  How on earth is that fair??? 

This morning I got up and went to Hardee's to get breakfast.  I need to go to the store and do some actual grocery shopping, BUT that requires the energy and will to do so.  When I got back home, the kids had breakfast while John slept for another couple hours.  I woke him up we talked for a while.  He is doing his best to bring comfort to his broken wife.  I went to Zaxby's to get some time to think and read for a while.  Before I came home I stopped by Wal*mart.  I have never understood why everyone thinks it's such an evil place until today.  I ran into an old friend that managed to do nothing but pour salt into my wounds.  That is all I will say about that here.  

The above lyrics come from a song "It Came to Pass."  It has been one of my favorites since I was young, but I found it again this morning. As I was browsing youtube, I came across this video. The Martins sing this song.  At the beginning of the video Joyce quotes what I feel is my life scripture (Jeremiah 29:11).  God sent encouragement just when I needed it.  I still feel very defeated, but I am trying to have faith that God sees the big picture and that He loves me too much to leave me here.

Lord please help me have the faith to know that everything You do is for my good.  Help me remember Your love for me as I go through this difficult trial.  Please help me to learn to trust You more. Amen.

Blessings, 

Weight Loss Mama

Today has been a very, very bad day.  It started when I got up at 6 AM this morning.  I didn't sleep well last night at all.  The kids needed baths.  I needed a bath.  John needed a bath.  The kids needed breakfast.  I had to run to the store.  I had to get the kids to Stephanie's because John and I had an appointment.  I had been dreading this appointment for a couple days now.  By the time I got to Stephanie's house I could fill a panic attack in the midst, although I've never had one.  It was BAD.


We got to the appointment and it went pretty much as I suspected it would - my worst fear materializing before my very eyes.  Two hours later we were on our way to pick up the kids.  By the time I got there, Stephanie said the kids had been having some icky diapers.  I am hoping this was a fluke and doesn't mean that everyone is getting sick again.  We got home just in time for John to leave for work.


This afternoon was filled with one thing or another.  I really feel sorry for anyone who has had the unfortunate displeasure of dealing with me.  I have had 3 amazing friends surround me with sweet words, love and support.  Those that understood I couldn't speak, but loved me via text message.  I appreciate the prayers everyone has sent my way the last few days.  It means a lot.


Right now all I can think about is how much I would love to have my Mama's wisdom and support.  I want a Dad hug.  I want to be at that place in our relationship where I can pour my heart out to him and when I am done rest in knowing everything is going to be ok.  For now I just settle for the hugs I get when I am with him.


Today has really shaken me.   It has been a test of faith.  It may sound dramatic because the blog is very vague, but  I truly feel like God is shielding me from His protection right now.  I feel like I am having a Job experience right now.  Oh the respect I have for that man.  Here I am whining about what I am going through when it's nothing compared to what he went through.  For now I am trying to rest in knowing that God is still in control and He sees the whole picture.  I am trusting that there's more than what I know and that He is working all things for my good.


No blood work results for today.  Perhaps those results will come tomorrow. I think I am going to bed early tonight.  I need to be able to shut out all of my thoughts.


Blessings,


Lisa

Doctor's Appointment

I have dreaded today for almost a year.  Today I had my first real doctor appointment in almost 5 years.  When I was there in June, he only did two tests so he could write a prescription for my Metformin.  Today we had a "nice, long" discussion about family history.  I have gained weight since I seen him last, but he didn't seem too concerned.  He just encouraged me to work on things.  He said my ears were still filled with fluid and that's why I can't hear well. He gave me some meds for them.  My blood pressure was great, too!


I used to joke that the only thing that wasn't in my family history was cancer.  Then I met Dad and found that isn't true.  Both he and my sister have had thyroid cancer.  So we talked about that while I was at the doctor.    He said that he had no reason to suspect that I had cancer, but said that considering the history from both sides (mom had an underactive thyroid also) that it is only a matter of time before I am treated for it.  He said that it might not be today or tomorrow but eventually I would be treated for it.  He also told me not to worry about cancer because there was no reason to at this point.  He also said that while no one would be stupid enough to pray for cancer, that if a person had to have cancer this was the kind you would want.  He said that thyroid cancer is almost always non-malignant and you can easily live without your thyroid.  Still, we pray that is a bridge we never have to cross.    For now we wait for the blood test results.  He is also making me a referral to a neurosurgeon.  I will hopefully get that appointment in the next couple weeks and get the all clear from him as well.  We talked about a few other things that I will discuss in future blogs.


I absolutely love my doctor.  He is such a sweetheart.  He eased a lot of fears.  He is the kind of doctor who treats you like you are the only person in his universe when he's with you.  He always acts concerned about the things that concerns you.  He's just an all around great guy.  I am very blessed to have him in charge of my care.


That's about it for now.  I am cautiously curious about my bloodwork.  I want to know what everything says, but at the same time I don't.  Information is power, though. Right?


Blessings,

Weight Loss Mama

If We Never Meet Again

Soon we'll come to the end of life's journey
And perhaps will never meet anymore
Til we gather in Heaven's bright city
Far away on that beautiful shore
If we never meet again this side of Heaven
As we struggle through this world and its strife
There's another meeting place somewhere in Heaven
By the beautiful river of life
Where the charming roses bloom forever
And separations come no more
If we never meet again this side of Heaven
I will meet you on that beautiful shore

I love this beautiful old song.  It is a constant reminder that there is something more than this life we live now. It reminds us that even though death may separate us from loved ones we've held so dear, one day we will be reunited - never to part again!  What a precious promise that God gives us.  The suffering of this life is only temporary.  The Bible promises that weeping may endure for the night, but His joy cometh in the morning.


There are certain songs that remind me of  very special people in my life.  My love of gospel music comes from two people, my aunt Flossie and my Mama.  I remember growing up listening to records on Aunt  Flossie's beautiful, wooden record player.  I can close my eyes and instantly be in that moment again.  It's been nearly twenty years since I have been in the house I grew up in.  Each morning we would start our days with breakfast. Once our chores were done, Aunt Flossie would play old records.  I remember listening to the Chuckwagon Gang, The McKameys, The Inspirations, and many more.  Now when I hear those artists sing, I think of her. "If We Never Meet Again" is an "Aunt Flossie" song.


In my teen years, when Mama started getting sick, she and I loved to the Gaithers.  That is where my love for newer southern gospel music came into play.  There are many stories I have through the years of us listening to the Gaithers together.  One story my mind recounts often was one shortly after we moved back to Tennessee right before John and I got married.  We were living in Speedwell in my mother-in-law's house.  We lived out in the middle of nowhere and didn't have any TV service.  Mama would watch Gaither videos all day long.  The only problem is that she would fall asleep shortly after a video started.  One day John, who didn't share our passion for our beloved Gaithers, decided he'd just turn the TV off.  Nope, that didn't work.  Mama would wake up as soon as the music stopped.  When we start talking about our "good old days" we both agree that we'd give anything to go back to that little shack in the woods.  We didn't have a lot of money.  There was nothing to do, but there was so much love that flowed through that little house.


I love my life here, but I long for HOME.  I cannot wait to be reunited with my loved ones.  I can't wait to see my babies, my Mama, Aunt Flossie, Mamaw and Papaw, my Dad's parents.  There are so many friends and family waiting there for me there are too many to count.  I can't wait to introduce my kids to everyone they've yet to meet.  What a day that will be!

The Illness That Will Not Go Away

Does anyone remember "The Song That Doesn't End?"  That is kind of the way I feel about this cold we have going on.  Toward the second week of December everyone started getting sick.  Everyone seemed to get better fairly quickly - everyone except Isaiah, that is. Isaiah is the one who usually ends up on breathing treatments when he gets sick.  Jewel-Anne is my ear infection girl.  Isaiah is my breathing problem boy.  Amazingly, we've managed to avoid breathing treatments so far.  He finally got better and we had one week where everyone seemed to be ok.  Then, everyone started getting sick again.  We kept trying to get into see their pediatrician, but that didn't work and we ended up at the ER last week.  When I called to make follow-up appointments on Monday, the pediatricians office couldn't even get all five kids in this WEEK.  Finally I called my doctor and moved the kids to that practice.  I am all for pediatricians, but when you have so many patients you can't see them all then there's a BIG problem. 

Yesterday was their appointment.  They aren't seeing MY doctor, but the lady they are seeing is amazing.  She took all five of the kids at one time and just went down the line.  She took the time to explain what she was doing and let them try it on her.  They got to look in her ears and listen to her heart.  After the first three were finished then John took them out to the van.  Sam and I were talking about our plans for the afternoon and I told him I was going to have to go to the Walgreens clinic later because my doctor was busy.   She looked at me and said "There's no reason for that, Mama. I can take care of you as soon as I'm done here." My ears were full of wax so they had to clean them out.  Every time they did I would start coughing and they'd have to stop.  I am surprised I didn't need a lung transplant by the time I left.  She said that my ears were swollen but not infected.  She told me to take some OTC stuff and call her back in 48 hours if that didn't restore my hearing (congestion is causing decreased hearing).  Most doctors would make you come back in, but she told me she'd call me something in if that didn't help.  I still can't hear out of my left ear so I'm going to have to do that. 

All in all most of us are starting to feel better.  The girls have a slight cold but it's nothing to worry about since they're still on antibiotics.  Their ears look better, though.  The boys now have ear infections, though and are on antibiotics now.  They put the boys on a different kind of medicine.  That has helped the GIRLS take theirs better.  The girls hate the taste of their medicine so I would have to chase them around the room and hold them down to give it to them.  The boys act like I am giving them candy when I give them their meds so now the girls have stopped acting so poorly at medicine time. Yay!  We've missed so much church lately that I am praying we all feel good enough to go by the time Sunday gets here. 

Blessings, 

Weight Loss Mama

A New Year Has Begun...What Will You Do With It?

A month ago I would've said I am not a resolution type person, but then I started doing The Resolution for Woman (the women's version of the book they did in Courageous) and I learned just the opposite is true.  We all make resolutions every day.  We resolve that we will get up and go to work each day (outside the home or in the home).  We resolve that we will hang on to old vices or let them go.  We resolve to live for ourselves or to live for the Lord.  Will we hang on to the past or move on to something better?  Will we forgive those who have hurt us or will we continue to hold on to the resentment and hatred that enslaves us?  (Make no mistake about it, the hatred we have for others harms us more than it harms our intended victim(s).)  We make resolutions each day.  Why can we follow through with those and not follow through with the ones we make each year on this day?  The reason is very simple.  Every year in December we get the Superman complex.  We think we are 10 feet tall and bullet proof when we just aren't.  We set ourselves up for failure before we ever get started.  Do not set yourself up to fail this year.  Look at your list and revise it to give yourself attainable goals.  I don't know that I will be able to complete everything on this list.  If I can't, that is okay.  God gives grace to us and I will extend some to myself if need be! And now, here is my list.

THIS YEAR I DESIRE TO...

Personal Goals

1. Get closer to the Lord.
2. Read my Bible more than I do now.
3. Become more outgoing.
4. Lose 50 lbs
5. To be a healthy "fat person"
6. Be a better wife
7. Be a better mama
8. Be a better friend to those around me.
9. Open myself up more to Dad in hopes of building a stronger relationship with him. If I don't put myself out there I have no one to blame but myself.
10. To meet all of Dad's kids this year.


Marriage Goals

11. Spend five minutes each day of uninterrupted alone with each other.
12. Have one " in house" date night a week.
13. Have one (real) date night a month.
14. Complete a couple's Bible Study/Devotion set.
15. To "study" my husband more.
16. Build better communication skills with  my husband.
17. Surround ourselves with Godly couples who encourage us to grow in the Lord together.
18. To live as one.
19. Complete the Jim Sammon's Financial Freedom Seminar.
20. Start planning our vow renewal for next year (2014)


Family Goals

21. Get outside more with my kids.  - This has been a hard one with my kids being so little.
22. Take more trips together this year. We live in East Tennessee.  There's too many beautiful places to go to stay cooped up inside all the time.
23. Have the big boys (maybe the littles too) take swimming lessons.
24. Music lessons for the big boys.
25. Become more involved in church.
26. Do family devotions each day
27. Read with my children more often.
28. Potty Train the littles (God, PLEASE let this be the year!)
29. Establish a better routine.
30. Teach all the kids to ride a bike.



This is  my list.  Feel free to share your list in comments.


Blessings,

Weight Loss Mama