I will be so glad when November arrives. Our family doesn't celebrate Halloween. When I was 8 years old, God convicted my heart and I told my mom I didn't feel it was right to dress up anymore. I never dressed in anything inappropriate, but that doesn't matter. My husband dressed up even as a teenager but we have both agreed that it isn't right.
When we started doing foster care we wondered how we would approach this subject with the children in our care. We knew if we didn't get infants that they would've celebrated Halloween before. We simply set down and told them that we didn't feel that it was right to celebrate this day and explained to them why. The boys understood. The babies have never known anything different.
This time of year breaks my heart because of how it effects my family. My children don't understand why the churches in our area choose to celebrate this day. The only thing I can tell them is that I don't understand either. If the Bible speaks against the celebration of witchcraft, I don't understand how they think it is ok to hold celebrations for this day. Now, I know most of them call them other things, but Halloween is what they are celebrating. I have had talks with my family and some friends because they don't understand why we won't let our children participate in the "harmless" activity of Trick-or-Treating. One of my children starts having nightmares from the first moment they see decorations or any mention of the day.
My husband and I had a decision to make our first year as parents of living children. We always put our tree the first weekend of November. We love Christmas that much. October 31, 2008 we made a tradition we didn't even know we were making at the time. My children looked heart broken when the kids started coming around so we left the house to go to Walmart. We purchased Christmas decorations and went home. We put up our tree that night. I will never forget the night for many reasons. Most importantly, it was the last time we'd be able to celebrate our family tradition with my Mama. Little did we know that she would be gone 2 months later. We stayed up until nearly 4 AM because we had so many ornaments to put on the tree. Normally it wouldn't take as long but we were glad to have the extra little hands helping us out. I have pictures of my two exhausted princes laying under the tree where they fell asleep. Landon had the idea to look inside the tree and Sam joined him. Two minutes later, they were fast asleep!
So for the nest 32 days I get to watch my fb feed fill with pictures and status posts. I will just count down the days until Christmas Tree Day!
Blessings,
Lisa
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Saturday, September 22, 2012
I Survived His First Week of Training
This week has been full of blessings and challenges. This week has been about survival. I am trying to remember to praise God in each of these things. It's easy to praise Him for the good stuff. It's a bit harder to remember to praise Him when my head is pounding and I look at my princess who now looks like a human version of the Purple People Eater thanks to the Crayola marker she found. Thank God those markers are washable! ;-)
As I lay in the ER last Saturday with my head pounding so hard I thought I would die, I thought about how our lives would change this week. My husband had been working part time only for the last 10 months. Now he'd be going back to almost 60 hour weeks. I worried how the kids would adjust. I worried how I would be able to be everything for everyone while he was gone. Ironic that I couldn't even put my stress aside there! ;-)
The week went pretty well. John drove Monday. Landon had speech therapy on Tuesday so I took him to work. Dueto timing of everything I would have to drive almost all day. John called me on his first break and said he was going to carpool with a fellow classmate who lives about 20 minutes from here. We are in the middle of the two places so it works out great. I take him to the hotel in the mornings and pick him up at the hotel in the evenings. It will save us a ton of gas and a lot of aggravation on my part. Work is going well for John too. I am so happy for him.
The benefits of this company are phenomonal! Insurance won't kick in for 90 days, but it seems like it will be great insurance. We will have fertility coverage too! It isn't a lot, but it is the first job he's had that offered it. It's nice to know that when we are ready to try again, we'll be able to have some financial assistance to cover my treatments. He has a host of other benefits, but this was our biggest concern when applying for jobs.
From a medical standpoint the past couple days have been really weird. My head is still hurting which is nothing new. The pain never goes away. Its intensity varies, but it never goes away. Yesterday, I started feeling weird. I have been kind of "fuzzy headed" and shaky. Naturally, I went through the steps to eliminate the source of the problem. Blood sugar was great. My blood pressure was great. My heart rate was phenomenal! I have no idea what is going on, but I still feel "weird."
Yesterday, I spoke with my bonus mama for a while. Before we got off the phone I had asked her when would be a good time to speak to Dad. He is so super busy that it's very difficult to get a hold of him. If he's not at work, he is either farming or sometimes he's sleeping. She told me to try tonight. John told me to go out and get dinner. I chose Waffle House. After I ate I sat there and read my book (His Love Endures Forever by Beth Wiseman). When I finally looked up from my book it was 8:30. I sat in the parking lot said a prayer and dialed the number. When I spoke with her a couple days ago she wasn't feeling well so I asked if she was feeling better. She is, thank God! I asked her if Dad was there and he was - and was awake!
Dad and I had a great conversation. We talked about a bunch of different stuff. He is into sports and I am not. He's a farmer and I am not. Through all of this I am finding that I am willing to step out of my comfort zone if it brings me closer to him. I cherish those rare times when we do get to talk. I love listening to his voice and it doesn't matter what he says. If Mama's death has taught me anything it would be that life is too short and I need to cherish every moment I have with those I love. I have longed to have my Dad for so long. I have NO IDEA the thoughts that go through his head when he thinks of me or is on the phone with me. The fact that he is willing to give some of his time to talk to me means the world to me. A pretty great way to end my day, if you ask me!
Alright now it is time to see my husband off to work and get some sleep. We have church in the morning and I have 5 kids to get ready by myself. I need all of the energy I can find!
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
As I lay in the ER last Saturday with my head pounding so hard I thought I would die, I thought about how our lives would change this week. My husband had been working part time only for the last 10 months. Now he'd be going back to almost 60 hour weeks. I worried how the kids would adjust. I worried how I would be able to be everything for everyone while he was gone. Ironic that I couldn't even put my stress aside there! ;-)
The week went pretty well. John drove Monday. Landon had speech therapy on Tuesday so I took him to work. Dueto timing of everything I would have to drive almost all day. John called me on his first break and said he was going to carpool with a fellow classmate who lives about 20 minutes from here. We are in the middle of the two places so it works out great. I take him to the hotel in the mornings and pick him up at the hotel in the evenings. It will save us a ton of gas and a lot of aggravation on my part. Work is going well for John too. I am so happy for him.
The benefits of this company are phenomonal! Insurance won't kick in for 90 days, but it seems like it will be great insurance. We will have fertility coverage too! It isn't a lot, but it is the first job he's had that offered it. It's nice to know that when we are ready to try again, we'll be able to have some financial assistance to cover my treatments. He has a host of other benefits, but this was our biggest concern when applying for jobs.
From a medical standpoint the past couple days have been really weird. My head is still hurting which is nothing new. The pain never goes away. Its intensity varies, but it never goes away. Yesterday, I started feeling weird. I have been kind of "fuzzy headed" and shaky. Naturally, I went through the steps to eliminate the source of the problem. Blood sugar was great. My blood pressure was great. My heart rate was phenomenal! I have no idea what is going on, but I still feel "weird."
Yesterday, I spoke with my bonus mama for a while. Before we got off the phone I had asked her when would be a good time to speak to Dad. He is so super busy that it's very difficult to get a hold of him. If he's not at work, he is either farming or sometimes he's sleeping. She told me to try tonight. John told me to go out and get dinner. I chose Waffle House. After I ate I sat there and read my book (His Love Endures Forever by Beth Wiseman). When I finally looked up from my book it was 8:30. I sat in the parking lot said a prayer and dialed the number. When I spoke with her a couple days ago she wasn't feeling well so I asked if she was feeling better. She is, thank God! I asked her if Dad was there and he was - and was awake!
Dad and I had a great conversation. We talked about a bunch of different stuff. He is into sports and I am not. He's a farmer and I am not. Through all of this I am finding that I am willing to step out of my comfort zone if it brings me closer to him. I cherish those rare times when we do get to talk. I love listening to his voice and it doesn't matter what he says. If Mama's death has taught me anything it would be that life is too short and I need to cherish every moment I have with those I love. I have longed to have my Dad for so long. I have NO IDEA the thoughts that go through his head when he thinks of me or is on the phone with me. The fact that he is willing to give some of his time to talk to me means the world to me. A pretty great way to end my day, if you ask me!
Alright now it is time to see my husband off to work and get some sleep. We have church in the morning and I have 5 kids to get ready by myself. I need all of the energy I can find!
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Something's Gotta Give
For those who don't know the back story, I had a brain tumor when I was younger. I was four years old. It was Mother's Day. Mom won flowers for having the most children at church with her. My brother rode home with Mama while I rode with my sisters. Mom always said she knew something was wrong when she made it home before we did. We never made it home that day. We had a really bad accident. My sisters were pretty banged up. They would later find out that I broke my pelvis. Shortly, after the accident my right eye started to cross. After many doctor's appointments, a lovely neurosurgeon, Dr. Reid found out that I had an arachnoid cyst (aka a brain tumor) that had to be removed. They had hoped that removing the tumor would correct my vision problems. They removed the tumor and days later I was back in the OR having a VP shunt (a tube that extends from my brain into my belly) put in. That's right. I had hydrocephlus. Later I had to have corrective eye surgery. I haven't had any problems with my shunt since then.
About ten years ago I developed a headache that wouldn't go away. Nothing I took OTC would make it go away. I had all kinds of neurological tests done. Everything checked out. They tried to medicate me. Nothing helped. They tried massage therapy. With that the pain was less intense, but it never went away. I had that headache (the exact same headache from DAY 1!) for over a year. The doctors finally determined that they were stress headahces. One day I woke up and realized I hadn't been in pain for a couple days.
At some point last week I started having stress headaches. I tried all kinds of OTC stuff but nothing helped. Yesterday, I started having pain around my shunt so I decided to go in to be checked out. When I arrived the doctor gave me a hydrocodone, did some basic neurological tests and ordered a CT. I had the pain meds around 8 PM, but they didn't help at all. In fact, I left the hospital in more pain than I was in when I got there. After the CT scan came back the doctor said everything was clear. He offered me more pain medicine before I left. I looked at him and told him that I had been through this before and that nothing would help the pain. I thanked him and declined the medicine. I don't want to put medicine in my body that won't help. He told me that he understood, but felt bad for me. He offered to give me a Valium to relax after he made sure I had a ride home. I took that around 11 PM last night. John had to call in because I couldn't be alone.
I woke up this morning barely knowing what world I was in. I tried to talk but it was all I could do to concentrate enough to get the words from my brain to my mouth. I scared John to death. I have stayed in a daze all day long. Even now, I still feel really loopy. I will take the pain over this feeling any day. I have slept more than I have been awake today. Now, I am ready to go back to bed.
The good news in all of this is that it was determined that I am having stress headaches again. The bad news is that this pain will continue until all of the stress is resolved. I started trying to pinpoint the issues when the headaches started. There's really only 3-4 major stressful issues in my life right now. Most of these I can work through, but a couple of them there's nothing I can do to control the stress. Here's to hoping this thing doesn't stick around long! Please pray for me.
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
Sunday, September 9, 2012
God Moved In Mighty Ways Today.
Last week I posted about Liana's accident and the staples she had gotten. They had to stay in for 7-10 days. I wanted to take her in Thursday, but John had to work. Something kept coming up every day. Last night I told John I would take her after church today. Well, that ended up not happening! God had other plans in store for us today. Let me tell you about them.
In order to share with you the amazing events of today, I must start with yesterday. I fell off the wagon. I forgot to take my meds. I had planned to run to Knoxville to go to Life Way to purchase the October Baby novel. By the way, the DVD comes out on Tuesday!!! On the way I stopped at Salsaritas to eat. It is my new guilty pleasure. I LOVE their food. They have some of the best tacos. I am trying to learn how to make healthy choices when I go there. However, I was given some wise advice in the beginning that I shouldn't make anything totally off limits because then it makes me want it that much more. I indulge cravings when I want them (within reason), but I try to eat as healthy as possible the rest of the time. On the way back home I stopped at Wal-mart to call my Dad and Bonus Mama. My house is always very loud so I try to make time to be out when I call them. It was 7:30 PM so I figured it would be a short call since we would both be getting up for church the next morning. We talked and talked and talked. Around 11:30 we finished our call and I was hungry so I stopped to get an order of hash browns at Waffle House. They were good.
It was nearly 1 AM when I went to sleep so imagine my surprise when I got up at 8 AM this morning. Apparently, John decided to get up with the kids. We were still planning on going to church, but I just couldn't get going in time. We decided to skip church and I would take Liana in early to get her staples out. When I took her last week we were there FOREVER so I assumed today would be the same. Around 9:30 AM the kids were playing in the girls room and I went to mine with the intentions of getting clothes out to shower. John came in and started talking to me. That was when God allowed me to witness something that changed my life forever.
A little back story. I didn't grow up in church per say. I read my Bible and home churched by myself a lot. I didn't start attending church regularly until my late teens. When I was young Mama usually worked Sundays. Aunt Flossie didn't drive so we watched The Mulls and TV preachers. As I got older Mom struggled with finding a church she liked so we home church with TV preachers. I went to church with neighbors occasionally, though. I was 16 when she found found our church via a TV program. I remember writing the church and asking them to pray for me about something. That lead to the church contacting us and we eventually started attending the church. I met a couple of friends who would give me rides to church when Mom didn't feel like going. I got involved in youth group and that's all there was no going back. Despite my lack of church attendance in the early years, I got saved at the age of 11. It was in April. We had planned on having me baptized on Mother's Day in my grandparents church. My grandmother passed away a couple weeks before that would happen and I didn't get baptized until August. Afterwards, I vowed that I would remain pure until marriage and I would only marry a Christian man.
Years passed and life got in the way of my commitments. Looking for love in all the wrong places lead to choices I will regret the rest of my life. God NEVER intended for sex to be outside of marriage. I have baggage that I still carry to this day. John and I both choose to learn from our mistakes now and are doing our best to raise our children to wait to even kiss. Two years later I met my husband. We met at church. I had talked to him a couple times before. My best friend set us up and we have been together ever since. What more could I ask for? I had a man that adored me, a Christian man...or so I thought. A few months ago, John shared with me that he wasn't saved. This crushed me. No one wants to think of something happening to their loved ones and not seeing them again when they get to Heaven. My oldest son tried to talk to Daddy about what God wants for our lives but he would always brush it off.
This morning setting on my bed and talking to my husband led to one of the greatest experiences of my life. I was able to lead my husband to Christ!! We prayed. I cried. We talked. I cried some more. We had a great time of fellowship. I am so thankful that God allowed me to be a part of this miracle. This is why we are here. There is no greater job for a wife and mother than to see to her family's spiritual needs. Please keep John in prayer as he grows in Christ. I pray God continues to give him wisdom and discernment as he becomes the spiritual leader for our family.
Afterwards, Liana and I got ready to leave. We had lunch and I stopped by the Dollar Tree to get her a coloring book because I was sure we'd be in the ER forever. It took us 20 minutes to shop. She picked out 4 things she wanted and we headed to the ER. We hadn't even got registered when they called us back to triage. They popped her staples out in triage and we were on our way. We shopped for distractions longer than we were in the hospital. LOL
In order to share with you the amazing events of today, I must start with yesterday. I fell off the wagon. I forgot to take my meds. I had planned to run to Knoxville to go to Life Way to purchase the October Baby novel. By the way, the DVD comes out on Tuesday!!! On the way I stopped at Salsaritas to eat. It is my new guilty pleasure. I LOVE their food. They have some of the best tacos. I am trying to learn how to make healthy choices when I go there. However, I was given some wise advice in the beginning that I shouldn't make anything totally off limits because then it makes me want it that much more. I indulge cravings when I want them (within reason), but I try to eat as healthy as possible the rest of the time. On the way back home I stopped at Wal-mart to call my Dad and Bonus Mama. My house is always very loud so I try to make time to be out when I call them. It was 7:30 PM so I figured it would be a short call since we would both be getting up for church the next morning. We talked and talked and talked. Around 11:30 we finished our call and I was hungry so I stopped to get an order of hash browns at Waffle House. They were good.
It was nearly 1 AM when I went to sleep so imagine my surprise when I got up at 8 AM this morning. Apparently, John decided to get up with the kids. We were still planning on going to church, but I just couldn't get going in time. We decided to skip church and I would take Liana in early to get her staples out. When I took her last week we were there FOREVER so I assumed today would be the same. Around 9:30 AM the kids were playing in the girls room and I went to mine with the intentions of getting clothes out to shower. John came in and started talking to me. That was when God allowed me to witness something that changed my life forever.
A little back story. I didn't grow up in church per say. I read my Bible and home churched by myself a lot. I didn't start attending church regularly until my late teens. When I was young Mama usually worked Sundays. Aunt Flossie didn't drive so we watched The Mulls and TV preachers. As I got older Mom struggled with finding a church she liked so we home church with TV preachers. I went to church with neighbors occasionally, though. I was 16 when she found found our church via a TV program. I remember writing the church and asking them to pray for me about something. That lead to the church contacting us and we eventually started attending the church. I met a couple of friends who would give me rides to church when Mom didn't feel like going. I got involved in youth group and that's all there was no going back. Despite my lack of church attendance in the early years, I got saved at the age of 11. It was in April. We had planned on having me baptized on Mother's Day in my grandparents church. My grandmother passed away a couple weeks before that would happen and I didn't get baptized until August. Afterwards, I vowed that I would remain pure until marriage and I would only marry a Christian man.
Years passed and life got in the way of my commitments. Looking for love in all the wrong places lead to choices I will regret the rest of my life. God NEVER intended for sex to be outside of marriage. I have baggage that I still carry to this day. John and I both choose to learn from our mistakes now and are doing our best to raise our children to wait to even kiss. Two years later I met my husband. We met at church. I had talked to him a couple times before. My best friend set us up and we have been together ever since. What more could I ask for? I had a man that adored me, a Christian man...or so I thought. A few months ago, John shared with me that he wasn't saved. This crushed me. No one wants to think of something happening to their loved ones and not seeing them again when they get to Heaven. My oldest son tried to talk to Daddy about what God wants for our lives but he would always brush it off.
This morning setting on my bed and talking to my husband led to one of the greatest experiences of my life. I was able to lead my husband to Christ!! We prayed. I cried. We talked. I cried some more. We had a great time of fellowship. I am so thankful that God allowed me to be a part of this miracle. This is why we are here. There is no greater job for a wife and mother than to see to her family's spiritual needs. Please keep John in prayer as he grows in Christ. I pray God continues to give him wisdom and discernment as he becomes the spiritual leader for our family.
Afterwards, Liana and I got ready to leave. We had lunch and I stopped by the Dollar Tree to get her a coloring book because I was sure we'd be in the ER forever. It took us 20 minutes to shop. She picked out 4 things she wanted and we headed to the ER. We hadn't even got registered when they called us back to triage. They popped her staples out in triage and we were on our way. We shopped for distractions longer than we were in the hospital. LOL
Monday, September 3, 2012
This Mama is TIRED!
Another month has come and gone. I bombed most of my goals for last month. I am pretty discouraged right now. I know this is just a low time for me, though. I will get back up and keep going.
This past week was a long, difficult one anyway. Tuesday, Landon had his appointment with the behavioral health nurse where we decided to try medication. He has done FABULOUSLY with the medicine. His dosage is just enough to help him curb his behaviors and not make him spaced out. We have been talking a lot about how good behavior is a choice he must make, though. We met with his pediatrician to get a referral for speech therapy. We left with that referral plus an appt with an ENT for an overall check up and to have an audiology work up.
Just when Mama thought she was going to get to rest, Liana decided that she needed a turn to have one-on-one time with Mama. We had some errands to run. Before we walked out the door I had fixed the little girls' hair. She and Sam were walking down the steps and she slipped. When she did she hit her head on the steps. All she said was "ouch!" There were no tears or anything so I didn't think anything of it. While we were gone they took their hair down so I sat down to brush their hair. I brushed Jewel-Anne's hair first. While I was brushing Liana's DARK hair, I noticed their was something stuck in it. She had just a small amount of dried blood stuck in her hair. Then I noticed the cut. It had been a little while since she fell and the site was still oozing a bit so we headed to the ER. Five hours later we made it out with two staples.
Today, I haven't felt quite right. I have been super tired all day long. I feel like I can barely keep my head up. This afternoon I laid down thinking I would take a nap. Liana wanted to lay with me so I turned on My Little Pony for her. She started to fall asleep so I made her wake up. If she'd napped then she wouldn't have slept tonight. I started to drift off into dream land (John was in another room with the others) so she starts yelling "Get up Mommy! Get up NOW!" Eventually, she decided to go play with everyone else. I napped for about 5 minutes before everyone decided Mama needed to get up.
Today was Mama's only day to rest. Landon has planned the rest of my week for me with a little help from his daddy. Tomorrow is Landon's ENT appointment. Wednesday is his speech therapy evaluation. Thursday, John works second shift. I am sure that Friday will find its own activity. Let's not forget that school has to fit in there too.
John starts his new job two weeks from today. I can't wait until we have insurance again. One of the first things I am going to do is have a full work up. I would love to know if there was a medical reason I feel so drained all the time. I'm not depressed or pregnant. I checked my blood sugar this afternoon to see if that was the reason I was so tired. It was 125 so that isn't it. My blood pressure is great.
On a more positive note - Thanks to the help of my Bonus Mom, I have been able to spend the last couple Sunday evenings watching their church on TV. I have set it up to record each week so I don't miss it. Last week I was blessed to hear one sister sing. This week I got to hear both of them sing. They have a wonderful Pastor. I have really enjoyed hearing his messages.
The whole situation is very bittersweet. I enjoy being a part of their service when I just can't be right now. At the same time, it makes me long for the day when I can join them for church. I also feel slightly guilty. I feel like I am invading their space or spying on them and they have no clue.
So that is my life in a nutshell right now. If anyone has any extra energy they want to send me, I would appreciate it. ;-) Oh, October Baby releases in 8 days! Make sure you stop and pick up your copy!!
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
This past week was a long, difficult one anyway. Tuesday, Landon had his appointment with the behavioral health nurse where we decided to try medication. He has done FABULOUSLY with the medicine. His dosage is just enough to help him curb his behaviors and not make him spaced out. We have been talking a lot about how good behavior is a choice he must make, though. We met with his pediatrician to get a referral for speech therapy. We left with that referral plus an appt with an ENT for an overall check up and to have an audiology work up.
Just when Mama thought she was going to get to rest, Liana decided that she needed a turn to have one-on-one time with Mama. We had some errands to run. Before we walked out the door I had fixed the little girls' hair. She and Sam were walking down the steps and she slipped. When she did she hit her head on the steps. All she said was "ouch!" There were no tears or anything so I didn't think anything of it. While we were gone they took their hair down so I sat down to brush their hair. I brushed Jewel-Anne's hair first. While I was brushing Liana's DARK hair, I noticed their was something stuck in it. She had just a small amount of dried blood stuck in her hair. Then I noticed the cut. It had been a little while since she fell and the site was still oozing a bit so we headed to the ER. Five hours later we made it out with two staples.
Today, I haven't felt quite right. I have been super tired all day long. I feel like I can barely keep my head up. This afternoon I laid down thinking I would take a nap. Liana wanted to lay with me so I turned on My Little Pony for her. She started to fall asleep so I made her wake up. If she'd napped then she wouldn't have slept tonight. I started to drift off into dream land (John was in another room with the others) so she starts yelling "Get up Mommy! Get up NOW!" Eventually, she decided to go play with everyone else. I napped for about 5 minutes before everyone decided Mama needed to get up.
Today was Mama's only day to rest. Landon has planned the rest of my week for me with a little help from his daddy. Tomorrow is Landon's ENT appointment. Wednesday is his speech therapy evaluation. Thursday, John works second shift. I am sure that Friday will find its own activity. Let's not forget that school has to fit in there too.
John starts his new job two weeks from today. I can't wait until we have insurance again. One of the first things I am going to do is have a full work up. I would love to know if there was a medical reason I feel so drained all the time. I'm not depressed or pregnant. I checked my blood sugar this afternoon to see if that was the reason I was so tired. It was 125 so that isn't it. My blood pressure is great.
On a more positive note - Thanks to the help of my Bonus Mom, I have been able to spend the last couple Sunday evenings watching their church on TV. I have set it up to record each week so I don't miss it. Last week I was blessed to hear one sister sing. This week I got to hear both of them sing. They have a wonderful Pastor. I have really enjoyed hearing his messages.
The whole situation is very bittersweet. I enjoy being a part of their service when I just can't be right now. At the same time, it makes me long for the day when I can join them for church. I also feel slightly guilty. I feel like I am invading their space or spying on them and they have no clue.
So that is my life in a nutshell right now. If anyone has any extra energy they want to send me, I would appreciate it. ;-) Oh, October Baby releases in 8 days! Make sure you stop and pick up your copy!!
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
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