Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Symptoms

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is classified as

The kind of fatigue sleep cannot cure: Chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS) is the common name for a group of significantly debilitating medical conditions characterized by persistent fatigue and other specific symptoms that lasts for a minimum of six months in adults (and 3 months in children or adolescents. The fatigue is not due to exertion, not significantly relieved by rest, and is not caused by other medical conditions. Symptoms of CFS include malaise after exertion; unrefreshing sleep, widespread muscle and joint pain, sore throat, headaches of a type not previously experienced, cognitive difficulties, chronic and severe mental and physical exhaustion. Additional symptoms may be reported, including muscle weakness, increased sensitivity to light, sounds and smells, orthostatic intolerance, digestive disturbances, depression, painful and often slightly swollen lymph nodes, cardiac and respiratory problems." 

As I look over these symptoms I realize I am almost a classic textbook case.  Of the above symptoms the only ones I don't have is the  is the sensitivity to light and sounds, fever and depression.  


Mid  to late last year, I started experiencing this "foggy" feeling.  It seemed that no matter what I did I couldn't think clearly and I would get "lost in thought" trying to remember what I was trying to do.  There is a running "joke" between John and I that if I interrupt him that he just lets me talk because I will forget what I am trying to say before he's finished talking.  I can be in mid conversation about something then suddenly can't remember what I was talking about.  While I didn't tell anyone at the time, this is one of the reasons I wanted to have the MRI done.  


It is nice to finally start getting answers, but it's very overwhelming, too.   I kept holding out hope that one day everything will just go away.  While I hold to the faith that God can heal me, I also believe that He will use this to help teach me something or to help others.  Which ever way He decides, I know that way is best.  

So now I am trying to get settled into my new normal.   I am trying to learn to rest when I need to and try not to do too much.  I feel very guilty for not being able to do more, but it isn't for lack of desire.  I am trying to find ways to spend time with those who matter most while still allowing me to remain in a comfortable activity level.  I am having to learn to let go of others expectations of me also.  It is ok to say no - in fact it is healthy.  Those who matter will understand and everyone else will get over it, right? ;-) 

Those are my thoughts.  I will close for now because it's getting closer to bed time and  the kids are going to watch a movie.  


Blessings, 

Mom of Many

How Do I Just Walk Away?

Stepping out in faith is so hard.  Even when you know that God is calling you to something better, you still long to go back to what is familiar.   Facebook can be such a great blessing, but it often makes me long for what was.  I long for the relationships that God delivered me from.  The places and people of yesterday are not bad at all.  God has just led us down a different bath.


I was looking through a friend's photos today.  I seen a lot of pictures of people from our old church.  Some of them I've been blessed to keep in touch with through facebook and others I have a stronger relationship with and I talk to them quite often or we hang out together.  Other people are just a distant memory.


There are times in my life where I long to be that person that everyone likes.  I want to be the popular, Christian who is very outgoing.  I long to be the person who is missed when she doesn't show up for church. I want to fit into the mold to make THAT relationship work because I desire that person's love and affection.    But would I be willing to sacrificed all that I am to get that?  Do I so desperately seek that person/group of people's attention that I am willing to change to fit into their mold of perfect?  I spent many years trying to do just that.  I became very miserable and bitter.


The answers are really easy when you hear God speak.  There was an event that occurred that made us leave our old church.  We don't harbor resentment toward any of them, but it was clear to us that God was calling us in a new direction.  We are very happy in our current church.  Despite everything, I miss those people. They were my church family for over 14 years.  I met nearly all of my friends there.  It's the place I met my husband.  It's the place that every one of my children were dedicated in.  It's the place my son was baptized at.  When it all came down to it and we left, hardly anyone noticed we were gone.  That is sad.


God has called me to something different, though.  At this moment in my life, I am not exactly sure what that is.  Walking away is hard.  Walking away and not looking back is almost impossible for me.   I am a cyber stalker.  It is so easy to check up on those from my past.  It's easy to dwell on what went wrong, why we drifted apart, why God called us to go separate ways.  No matter what happened, the past is the past and I need to leave it there.  I feel like the Israelites as  God led them to the Promise Land.  When they were in the middle of the wilderness and had nothing to trust but God for their provision, how many of them wanted to turn around and go back to the place God had just called them from?  They had a promise straight from God that better things were in store for them, yet they wanted to run back to captivity.  So the question I am trying to answer right now is why do I struggle so hard with wanting to be where I am not wanted?  Why do I struggle to hang onto, and pour into, a relationship that is completely one-sided?  How do I let go and just walk away?


Blessings,

Mom of Many

Yet Another Diagnosis (And An Anniversary)

Let's start out with the good news. The good news is today is the anniversary of the day I met Dad. In fact, as I type this, it is 5 minutes after I first laid eyes on him.  The first meeting was very awkward, but I was in pure bliss just knowing that I was so close to him.  This year has been a wild ride.  I am hoping that the next year brings us even closer together.  I have been so wrapped up in my own stuff that I haven't talked to him in a long time. I hope to find a spare moment to call him this week.  I am so thankful to have him in my life.  I love him and my Bonus Mama so much.


In other news, I went back to the doctor again this morning.  Let's back track for a moment.  Last week, I decided to do something stupid.  I went outside and tried to mow the yard.  I made about two strips into the yard and had to get John to come out and help me back into the house.  I could not walk. I was breathing so hard and my legs felt like they were able to give out under me.  I didn't think I'd make it back into the house. John almost had to carry me.  I immediately made an appointment with the doctor. When I seen him this morning, he said the x-ray they did last time was fine.  I have a rash on my ankle that he gave me some medication for.  He also said at this point he's ready to call what I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.  He gave me some medicine to see if this helps and then we'll go from there.


In the mean time I am beat and counting down the minutes until bedtime - only 5 more hours to go. This is seriously crazy.  I want to be able to enjoy my life again.  I am so tired of being tired.


Blessings,

Weight Loss Maam

The Story of The Birthday Cake

Today is Isaiah's birthday. I am a creature of habit and always order the same cake every time changing only the decorations - white cake with whipped white frosting.  I always order the cake from the exact same place.  No one in our extended family likes this cake so we were going to have the cake at home, after lunch.


I walked into the store with my son, wearing his super hero costume he got for his birthday and went to the bakery.  I got the ice cream and told the lady which cake I needed to pick up.  She brought it out and it was bigger than it was supposed to be.  I told her that.  The bakery manager was super nice and let me have the bigger cake at the cheaper price.  We took the cake home and headed to lunch.


After lunch we came home and went to cut the cake.  I noticed it was traditional icing which I cannot stand.  I called the bakery back and they said they'd make me another one.   I sent John to pick it up and left the house to meet him on his way to work.  I got the cake and went home.  We sang happy birthday again and I cut the bigger cake for the kids. When I cut into the smaller (new) cake I found that it was chocolate.  At this point I don't know whether to laugh or cry.  Two different cake and I still didn't get a piece.  I called to ask a friend if they wanted some of the massive amounts of cake.  She declined so I called Stephanie.  Sure, she wanted some.  I went to get diapers to change the littles.  All of a sudden, I here something fall.  My sweet little princess, who has been having birthday envy since April decided to throw the cake on the floor.  It fell out of the box and landed icing first on the floor.


Despite all of this, Isaiah had a fantastic birthday.  I cannot believe my baby is 3.  It seemed like just yesterday I was waiting to hold him.  We knew about him for almost a week before we were able to pick him up from the hospital.  After an unexpected complication, he ended up in the NICU.  I am so thankful for the staff that took care of my baby. The first night, I arrived at the hospital and I held him for the longest time.  Because he was in the NICU, I had to spend the night at the hospital doing all of his care before they would release him.  I sat and snuggled with him for hours.  Later that evening, my sister Kathy brought me a bite to eat and she held him for over an hour.  After that it was just me and him again.  I will never forget our ride home.   He scared me to death.  He didn't like his carseat.  I hadn't gotten even half way home before I had to stop and check on him.  Those first few months, his cry sounded like a little cat's cry.  It freaked me out.  After that I made it home.


I will never forget the first time, he met Liana.  John had all 4 of the other kids while I was at the hospital.  Liana was excited to see Mama until she noticed what I had in my arms.  She was in her high chair eating lunch.  I held Isaiah up for her to see.  She took one look at him and burst into tears.   She couldn't understand why Mama brought another baby home.  I laughed until I cried.  After she realized that Mama and Daddy had enough love for all of them, she latched on to him and became Mama Hen.  Every night before bed, she had to hold him.  It got to the point where he'd arch his back and knock her over.  She still insisted on holding him before bed, though.  All of the kids loved him, but he's always been Liana's little doll.


Isaiah, I love you so much.  I am so glad God chose me to be your mama.  You are my little ray of sunshine. Happy Birthday, Baby Boy!

Another Tired Day

I am having a bad day.  I am so tired it isn't funny.  I am exhausted to the point I can barely function.  I am counting down the hours to bedtime, and it has nothing to do with my children.  I just want to sleep.  I have never known what it feels like to be this tired before and just when I think I couldn't be anymore tired I find that I am.


I feel so guilty for complaining.  My husband works two jobs and never gets the rest he needs.  I feel like I don't have the right to complain about how I feel.  I started the year off with so many fun things I wanted to do with the kids this summer.  Now, I don't know how I will be able to do any of it.


Our anniversary is coming up next month.  There is an Amish play I want to go see.  We have sitters for the kids (thanks to my sisters) and it's the first time we'll actually spend a night alone since we got the kids.  Well, really longer because Mama lived with us before that. I think it's been since 2006.  I am excited about it, but I keep thinking about the long, drive to Indiana and the long drive back.  John and I talked this morning about doing something more local. I know I will regret not going to see this play, though.


I want my life back.  I want to be able to play with my kids more.  I want to be able to wake up in the morning and feel energized for the rest of the day.  I want to be able to go to the gym.  I want to be able to enjoy life again.  I want a diagnosis so I can be given a treatment plan for recovery.  I want to be me...


Weight Loss Mama

I Am Tired

This is a blog that I hoped I wouldn't have to write.  I was hoping that we'd have a diagnosis by now and have a plan to solve my problem, but that isn't the case.  I am so tired I can barely move.  I have been on medicines to treat anxiety for almost two months now.  The first medicine didn't help, but this one seems to be.  As the fog of that is lifting, I am seeing more and more that anxiety alone is not the problem.  I will be making another appointment soon to discuss what is going on.


I am tired. I'm not talking about homeschooling-mom-of-five-kids-whose-husband-works-two-jobs tired. I am exhausted. I am sleeping very well at night, yet I still wake up tired. I do alright the first couple hours of the day, but after that I am ready to go back to bed. If I have anything planned for the day then it speeds up the process.  John has taken over cooking again.  He makes sure I have something easy or already prepared for dinner.  The kids and I have been watching a bunch of movies and chilling at home most of the time.  It's not ideal, but you do what you have to do.


I am 29 years old.  Life shouldn't be like this.  Something is wrong with me, but so far we haven't found what it is.  This goes far beyond the anxiety issue.  From that standpoint, I'm doing really well.  My thyroid was tested earlier this year, but it was fine.  With a family history of thyroid cancer, my doctor keeps a close eye on that.  I have been watching my blood pressure and it is also fine.  I desperately want to feel better.   I want the energy to be able to play with my kids and have fun.  I want to be able to be the mom I was before all this started.


Weight Loss Mama