Joy

Looking back over the past week, I am truly amazed at how much my life has changed. I can only describe it as awesome. I stand in awe of all that God has done in my life in such a short amount of time. Three months ago, this was nothing more than a dream. My dreams are now becoming a reality.


So let's talk about this for a moment. What happens when God administers healing and restoration to an area in your life? I knew that life would change when I was sitting in the van waiting to see that vehicle pull up. I figured that this was simply out of obligation and that nothing more would happen past that. When they say it's always darkest before dawn, they aren't kidding! I was driving myself into an emotional train wreck. Satan DID NOT want this meeting to take place. He kept trying to convince me to run but I refused.


The meeting was far beyond what I could've ever imagine. I wish I had been able to say more, but that just isn't who I am. I am shy when I first meet new people. I also didn't want to scare Dad off. I wish we had more time together, but I so blessed by the small amount of time we did have.


The changes didn't stop there, though. I brought them home with me. The love I have always desired to have for my father bloomed and continues to grow. The relationship with my kids is stronger.


The relationship I have with my husband has changed dramatically. We love more. We love deeper. We love less selfishly. There was a time in our relationship where John was everything to me. He was my best friend. He was my sanctuary. He was my safe place. He was my hero. No matter what happened in our lives, he was still there with arms wide open to love away the hurt. Somewhere along the way we lost that. I don't know if it was illness and caring for my mom; if it was fertility issues and miscarriages; if it was our journey through foster care and adoption; or what it was. All I know is that we'd lost our way. Too many stressful situations. Too many issues vying for our attention. I became so drained that I stopped feeding his needs and over time he stopped being able to meet my needs because he was so drained. We have spent the last week making up for all of the time we've wasted. I have peace about where we are now.


My views about myself have changed. I have been smiling more. I am happy. For the first time in my life I know what joy feels like. Those two are NOT the same either. Happiness requires that life remain perfect in order for life to be good. Kirk Franklin said it best when he said "I don't want you to just be happy because then you have to have something to be happy with. I want you to have joy, because no one can take that away." I have become excited about my weight loss journey again.


One thing that I have found through this experience is that when God brings healing, it doesn't stay in one place. It ebbs and flows to all the areas of your life. When Jesus passes by everything changes. I have witnessed a miracle and it just keeps giving.

Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. - Joshua 1:9b (NKJV)


Blessings,

Weight Loss Mama