Work - Week 9 Graduation and All The Things

 This was a weird week. We were off Monday because of Labor Day. Tuesday we went back into the "classroom" for a bit. We were told they still didn't have our schedule options or our managers. Later that evening, we did get our new schedules. I didn't get the one I wanted, but this one is only 30 minutes earlier so it's not horrible. It was the latest I could pick from. As I write this in the wee hours of Saturday morning, I still have no idea who my manager is.

Wednesday, my first day taking calls as a graduated associate, my internet goes out about 1.5 hours after I got to work. (I work from home.) My husband, who also works from home, called our ISP and found out that they needed to send a tech to our house. They scheduled the appt for the next day (Thursday.) I decided we would run some errands since we couldn't work any way. One of those errands was replacing our modem. It didn't fix the issue, but now we had a fresh modem. 

Thursday, while waiting for the tech, our ISP app told John he needed to do a couple things to the modem. These things he'd already done the day before. He did them again, and low and behold, it worked. We were able to cancel the tech. Web has been working since then. 

I never received my official training grade. I assume because I am still employed that I passed training (LOL). I am a wee bit upset that I still do not have my manager assignment yet, but I suppose that is what it is. 

All in all work is going well. Most days I really enjoy my job. Even on the days I start out not wanting to go to work, when I get "in there" taking calls, I find that I enjoy it. You run into rude people from time to time, but all in all it truly isn't bad. My check is going to suck from missing so much work this week, but it will be normal next go round. 

September Weigh-Ins

 September Weigh-Ins

5 -210.9

12 - 210.7

19 - 207.4

26 - 

Work - Week 8 Complete (One More Day To Go)

 Week 8 of training is complete. I do not understand why they set it up like this, but I have ONE MORE DAY of training. One. More. Day! Like, why would they do that? It makes no sense to me, but I do not make the rules or the schedules so I just do what I am told. Monday is Labor Day. We are off that day because the call center is closed. Our last day of training will be Tuesday. 

We STILL do not have our new schedules, our new coach assignments, or our final assessment (call score assessment) scores. All of that was very frustrating to me. I work 12:20PM-9PM so I plan all of my activities in the morning before work. I have a few appointments that are already scheduled that will need to be rescheduled if my schedule is changing. As much notice as possible would be nice, but as it stands, I will have less than 24 hours notice. I will go in Tuesday at my current schedule and will be expected to report Wednesday at my new schedule. Now, I know it will not be later than my current one because we are the last shift that works, but it would be nice to know if it would be earlier. I really like my current schedule. It allows me to spend John's "off hour" with him. It also allows me to have my mornings free for appointments and errands. I will work with whatever shift I get, but I am praying that I get to keep the one I currently have. We were told that the shifts will be chosen in order of assessment scores (so far mine have been pretty good...not sure about others, attendance... I have had almost perfect attendance (more on that in a minute). Hopefully, I will get to keep my current shift.

Life at work has been pretty good. Training has went well. I have been fussed at for a couple things, but all and all I have done well. The other day our trainer was giving the class a lecture about absences. He said that some of us were very close to not graduating. He said that if we missed any more time that we would be fired. We are under a very strict attendance policy while in training. We are not allowed to log into our computers until 12:20. We were told that if we were going to be late to call the attendance line and let them know. Each day, I have had to call the attendance line because it takes more than 10 minutes (Shift starts at 12:30) to get logged in and get everything pulled up, downloaded and signed in.). They know this and know that we will be late, but they are adamant about us not signing in earlier than stated above. Each day I have called in without fail. Any way... So I messaged my trainer and told him that I  thought I had perfect attendance, by my records, but I didn't want to assume that and end up being "5 minutes away from getting fired" thinking I was ok. I told him to take his time getting back to me because I knew he was busy. I went about my day taking calls. He messaged me back and told me I was fine. "You have only been late one time. That was the second week of training. You were late coming back to lunch by 1 (ONE) minute." This was Thursday. Today, as I write this, it is Sunday. I have calmed down considerably, but I was SO MAD! I am not mad at my trainer. I am mad at ME! 60 SECONDS! SIXY STINKING SECONDS stand between me and perfect attendance! I think I would be less upset if I had been an hour late or something. But one minute late because I got distract, apparently. That is insane! I am still mad at myself! One day, I will look back and laugh at this. I am almost there...but not yet! 

Work - Week 7 Completed

 Training is almost over. We started OJT2 on Friday. Our trainer told us Thursday that he'd officially taught us all that he could teach us and that it was time for us to fly. It is bittersweet. I do not do well with change so this transition is going to be a hard one. I have gotten used to sitting in the classroom setting, even though I work from home. 

Friday, we took calls all except about an hour of our day. I did pretty well with it. It is faster paced obviously, but I did well, I think. There were a few hiccups, but that is to be expected. We have one more week of training before we head to "the floor" where we will truly be "on our own." We will still have help chat, but we will be real associates and out of training. For the first time I feel like I am going to make it through training. 

Friday was interesting. I had some firsts. I got my first transfer to the Emergency Que. That was interesting. I stayed calm and so did my customer. I was proud of us both. I was also proud that I didn't have to contact a manager to help me through the call. I did have a couple calls that I DID need help with, but that is to be expected. Our trainer has told us that if he was taking calls, there are some things that even HE would need to get help for so that makes me feel better. 

I have taken the weekend to rest and relax. While I am nervous about this week - we get our final assessment scores (3 calls will be graded to give us this score), we will get our new schedule, we will find out who our coach will be, etc. I am also excited to be able to move on to the next chapter of this stage of life. It is scary not to have the safety net of the training umbrella. Right now if we make a mistake, we have the safety net of being in training so we don't really get blamed for it. Soon, I will be standing on my own two feet and will be completely responsible for myself. That is kind of terrifying, but I just have to trust that I have been taught well and that God is with me. "The will of God won't lead me where the grace of God can't keep me." That is my mantra right now. 

WORK - To Post After OJT2

 https://youtu.be/3CNqhpRycfY

Every time I tried to make it on my own/ Every  time I tried to stand and start to fall/ And  all those lonely roads that I have travelled on/ There was Jesus/ When the life I built came crashing to the ground/ When  the friends I had were nowhere to be found/ I  couldn't see it then but I can see it now/ There was Jesus/ In  the waiting, in the searching/ In the healing and the hurting/ Like a blessing buried in the broken pieces/ Every minute‚ every moment/ Where  I've been and where I'm going/ Even when I didn't know it or couldn't see it/ There was Jesus

This post will be made on FB on 9/4, but I am writing it on Friday 8/28. "Vaguebooking" will end one way or another one week from today. Hopefully, it will end in what I consider a favorable outcome, but either way, I know that God will be working all things for my good and His glory. Some of you may have figured things out by now. If you have, good for you. I am not good at secret keeping when it comes to my own personal info.

I want to start by thanking a few people. I had an "inner circle" through this. They were the ones who got the constant updates and prayer requests. They listened to me complain, fret and worry, and lifted me up through it all. (I am grateful for you guys) I seriously couldn't have made it through without their love, support, and most importantly prayers! John, Stephanie, Lynn, Cindy, and Alice, you guys were truly the most amazing people. I will never be able to thank you guys enough. I have prayed for each of you daily because that is the most appropriate way I could say "thank you" other than with words. I pray God blesses you abundantly for your love and kindness toward me!

In May of this year, God made it very apparent that some things were going to need to change in the structure of our family - financially. John has held two jobs most of the time since Mom passed away. I had went back to work at Walmart temporarily in 2024, but my body just couldn't physically or emotionally hack it. (It hurts to admit that even now, but it is the truth.) I went through a great depression at this point (this year) because I wasn't sure how to fix this. John and I talked about it and made a list of criteria of things my job would include IF I did go back to work. It would be a work from home job, ideally my hours would line up with John's primary job, etc. My mind is drawing a blank on this right now, although somewhere on my blog I have a copy of "the list" I spent the next few weeks putting in an insane amount of applications. I heard back from very few of them. Most of them were insurance companies, but I wasn't willing to do anything that was commission based. I needed to have a consistent income.

If I remember correctly, I had 3 interviews. The first one accepted me. It was a telemarketing company for political fundraising. I accepted the job because I felt I didn't have any other choice. It met the WFH criteria, but the hours were wrong. I figured it would give me some experience and then I could find another job after I got some experience. The job didn't start for a few weeks so I kept searching for jobs and accepting interviews. I had interview with a company that decided to decline. Then I had the interview with this company. This company started out much like the first company. The first interview was a group interview. There were tech issues. The interviewer ended up missing about 20 minutes of the first interview. I almost left the interview, but I just knew if I left that I would end up regretting it. When she finally came back, she said she was going to schedule a second interview with the next interviewer (This was a good thing...it was the next step in the hiring process).

I am going to detour here for a moment and say that I had been given advice from a couple people that told me to pad my resume. I had only had one job out of the home. I had done some babysitting/nannying. Other than that, I had worked one job 20+ years ago. They told me to put my time as a foster parent, my time as a caregiver for my mom, and my time as a "home manager" on my resume to fill the gaps. I tried to explain these to other companies, but I went into this second interview and told the gentleman, "I have very little experience outside the home. I have had one job outside the home. I have taken care of my family, homeschooled my children. I have experience, but not in the ways most people would count." He went on to ask me why I thought I would do well working from home and how I would stay motivated. I told him that I was an introvert who had homeschooled 5 children. I enjoyed being alone and I was a self-starter. He told me that he was also an introvert. I cannot be sure that my honesty is the reason I got the job. In fact, I felt I was giving him a million reasons NOT to hire me, but nothing else I had done had worked. Less than 5 minutes later he told me he wanted to offer me the position!

July 13th, my life changed in so many ways. I re-entered the workforce. I was so scared. I told John that I wasn't making a public post or telling many people until I completed training. Most of my reasonings were self-preservation. I didn't want to face everyone when I fell flat on my face - which I was totally convinced I would. We were told we would have 6 assessments we would have to pass with an 80% or greater in order to pass training. We also had Knowledges Checks, Quizzes, etc. We have had a LOT of exams. Some I have bombed most I have passed, but as I write this, I have passed all of my assessments. The final assessment is that they will score three calls this week and we will get our last score from the average of those calls.

Today is Friday. Our first day of OJT2, we start taking calls today and will take calls until next Friday. It is scary, although we took calls during OJT1 so we do have some experience with this. It is still scary, but our trainer says he has nothing left to teach us. Assuming we pass this next week, we will be released to the "floor" where we will be full associates. That thought is scary and exciting. We will no longer have the safety nets that we have now of being in training. Now if we mess up, we have little chance of getting in trouble because we are "babies" and there is someone there to catch us. While there is help available after training if we need it, the expectation is higher. We will all do great though.

Next week, we will meet our new coach and get our new schedule. I am hoping mine stays the same or close to it because it is perfect for John's main job schedule. It is only 10 minutes earlier than his with the same days off. If you are seeing THIS post, that means I already have the job/schedule and all worked out. I would be writing a different post if I do not pass training.

Work - Week 6 Completed

 Well, that was a doozy! It had it's ups and downs, but this week kicked my butt. This week's training's focus is on billing. I didn't expect it to be so hard, but it is. I am struggling, but that is ok. It is how we learn. I try to take detailed notes. We are allowed to use our notes and any available resources when taking our exams. Friday night, right before we left, we had a Knowledge Check. These are just for our trainer's information. They do not count against us in any way. Yeah, I failed mine. They give us our score in XX/total number of questions then we average our score that way. I tried to use my resources, but I couldn't find the answers, but I made sure I used the answers from the KC to put in my notes so I would have them for future exams and for future use. 

Unfortunately, this affected my mood Friday. It carried into Saturday. I am still not sure that it isn't helping affecting today. There was lots of tears, cranky moods, feelings of desperation, etc. Tomorrow starts a new week and I am determined that it will get better. We will finish classroom training this week. If all goes according to plan, we will start OJT2 toward the end of the week. 

Work - Week 5 Completed

 Week 5 was different. Instead of in class training, we had on-the-job training (OJT1) this week. This was actually days 3-7. We did two days of OJT the previous week. It went well. There were some crazy moments. There was one day where I had a call that went really badly. By the end of the call everything was fine, but I ended up spending my lunch break in the bathroom crying for about 20 minutes. I was FRUSTRATED and ANGRY. I had remained composed on the call, but once I got on lunch all of those emotions just came out. After I cried, I was fine. Our trainer said we all did well this week. We didn't get an assessment score, though. 

This coming week, we will go back to the classroom where we will start studying the billing side of things. That is overwhelming to me, but I know it will be fine. We have been warned that it will be intense, though. There is not as much hands-on stuff to break it up so we have been told it will seem like it is a lot more than what it is. 

All in all work is going well. I give all praise to God for that. I give thanks to my village who prays for me and encourages me when I need it. They are the best. 

August a1c

 I just got a notification from my patient portal from the company that processes my labs. My a1c was 4.6! It has stayed steady for the last 3 months. It is exactly where it was 3 months ago. It is still in the non-diabetic range. I will take it. My calcium levels are very low, but I will see what he says about that. Otherwise, everything else looks good.

Work - Week 4 Completed

 This was an interesting week. I did pretty well this week. While this week held it's challenges, don't they all, it had some really big highs too. I made a 100% on my assessment! We took this one earlier in the week. We started taking live calls on Thursday, I think. Our first two calls our trainer "sat" with us and listened to our calls and would let us know if there was anything he thought we needed to do during the call. While I was waiting on him to get to me for my turn, I found a message from him from the day we took our assessment that I had missed. He had wanted to recognize me for my grade on the assessment! He wouldn't do it without my permission, though. Even though it didn't end up happening, just knowing that he wanted to give me kudos for a job well done  made me feel great! That was almost as good as the entire class knowing I had aced the exam. 

Taking calls - That was an experience. Each day brought a little more confidence while holding it's own challenges. I can't really share my stories about work, but let's just say the first day brought a frustrating, at the time, story that was filled with confusion. By Day 2 of taking calls, I was ready for this customer to return though, because no matter how frustrating he was, it didn't compare to the frustration of Day 2's frustrating customer. I am still new and in some ways I am struggling. They do not want us telling our customers that we are new because they instills a lack of confidence in them, in us, right off the bat. Well, I was struggling with this customer and trying to seek information/help for her. By the time I got the info the customer needed, the customer refused the info and told me they would be contacting corporate about me. Since I am still in training, I am not super worried about it (which is huge for me because I have anxiety about everything) but it was very frustrating none the less. Not just their reaction, but the whole process. I am hoping, and believing, that as time goes on, it will get easier. Hopefully, I get to stick around that long. All in all, most of my customers were understanding when things took time. My trainer was very understanding when I needed extra help so that was reassuring. 

Week 5 (and beyond)- Thus coming week will be more OJT (on the job training - taking calls) before we go back to the class room for addition training for the rest of the systems we need to learn. After that we will have another week or two of OJT. Then we will be out of training. 

I guess that is the update for this week. I am hoping for a good week this week! 

Work - Week 3 Completed

 Another week has come and gone. Tomorrow starts a new one. I am starting to feel more confidence in what I am doing. There have been times when I text John "I'm not sure whether it was a stupid choice or not on my part, but we just had an exam and I didn't look anything up." Most of the time, that worked to my advantage. I am remembering things, terms, steps, etc. We had one day where we had 6 quizzes, KCs, etc. I passed the first four with 100% accuracy. Then, on the last two, I started second guessing myself and missed one question on both of them. I still passed, but I was really hard on myself because of that. 

This week, we took our 3rd assessment. The assessments are our BIG (will get you fired if you don't pass with 80% or greater) exam that we have at the end of each module. It was my highest score yet. I passed with a 95%!! Of the people that I message/text individually, there are 4, I always hear things like "Great job! I knew you could do it!" I am grateful for those people, because even after getting all of those 100s, I still question my ability to do this job, to pass these exams, whether I am smart enough. I work myself into a frenzy each week, with each exam (especially the assessments). We have 3 hours long to complete these. I usually have some time left after I complete the exam and I set there fretting over whether I will pass it or not. It takes a big toll on my mental health. 

This job is taking a big toll on my mental health as I live in that "perfect" spot nestled between complete trust in God and unabandoned fear! God is bringing me to a place where He is giving me no other choice but to rely fully on Him. Surrender isn't easy for me! Confidence isn't easy for me. I am so afraid if I am confident in my own abilities (even with the aid of God's strength) that I will fall flat on my face. He has never failed me in all of my 43 years. That isn't to say that I haven't failed at some things - far from it. But HE hasn't failed me! That is the difference. I am trying to trust that HIS will is going to be done. 

This past week, I finally picked my Bible study back up. I am going through Angie Smith's Chasing God book. I am learning so much from it. It is actually the opposite of what it says. It teaches us overachievers that "chasing" God isn't necessary. It is more about surrendering to Him. At least, that is what I have gotten from it so far. I am only a few lessons in. I hate that it took me so long to pick it back up, but I also firmly believe I wasn't supposed to be reading it until now. I do not believe I would have understood it the way I do if I tried to continue reading it a few weeks ago. I have also started reading "Healing Your Inner Child" again. This is a book that my therapist recommended. I read a couple chapters when my therapist went on vacation. It is a very heavy, uncomfortable read with a lot to unpack. I just couldn't/wouldn't finish it before now. I promised myself when I picked it back up that I wouldn't make myself read it every day. That I would take it at a pace that would really let it sink in and I would process my emotions as I went. That has helped a lot. I only read a couple chapters this week. That seems like a good pace for me given everything else I have on my plate. As I feel like I can add more, I will, But I still want to take the time to process what I am reading to. It is one of those reads that if you rush through it, you will miss the point. 

Yesterday was date day. It didn't go as well as I had hoped. John is having some health issues right now so our date consisted of lunch, a trip to Walmart and chilling at home. When we got to lunch, I got a headache that would not relent. I dealt with it all day. Finally, around 3 AM, I woke up to a full blown migraine. I took my migraine meds for it, but it didn't go away. I woke up with it. Then, I got the "weird fuzzy headed" feeling. That is always (read: NEVER) fun! Thankfully, it is noon as I write this and it's pretty much gone. 

I guess that is about all for this update. Here's to hoping this coming week will be a good one, too! 

Tylmos - The Next Step In My Osteoporosis Journey

 I had my first injection of Tymlos last night. I woke up this morning no worse for the wear so I guess I am not allergic to it.

I hate taking new medications at night because if you have a reaction to it, you may not wake up to it if it is a major complication. Why yes, I do have pretty major medical anxiety! Why do you ask? Any way, the injection itself wasn't bad. It looks like an insulin PEN with a small screw on needle. No new experience, there. It didn't sting when injected or anything. In fact, I didn't even feel the injection at all. This medication is taken daily. The pharmacist said it can make me sleepy so he recommended I take it at night so that is what I am doing. From what I understand, I will take it about 12-18 months. That is the lifetime maximum I am allowed to have it per the medication recommendations at this point. It is a relatively new medication so that may change before I stop it. For now, those are the rules. So for now, we pray that it does its work during that time!

Can I just say that God has given me the best PCP's office? I knew I had an incredible PCP, but his office staff is equally great! Most of the front office staff is awesome. His nurses are great as well. Most of them know me by sight/voice. There are seven people in my family so they see/talk to me often. Yesterday, when my medication was delivered, I called back to leave a message to thank the girls for all of the work they did to get this medication approved for me. Instead of tying up the nurses' line and then having to be transferred to referrals, I talked to the receptionist and asked her if she would just give them both a message for me. I told her how I appreciated all of the work they had done to get this approved for me. They had worked on this for almost two months, I think. It wasn't just THIS medication. We had to go through a couple meds before we found one my insurance "liked." Not only do they work hard for me and my family, I know they have a lot of other patients and they extend the same care to each one of them. In situations like this, I think about the 10 men Jesus healed in the Bible and only 1 came back to thank Him. I always try to be OUTWARDLY appreciative and give honor where it is due when someone does something to help me. I recognize that this is their JOB, but I want them to know that they are SEEN and APPRECIATED. In the grand scheme of things, it may not make a difference to them...but you never know when it may be just the thing they need to hear that day. Either way, it is something God placed on my heart years ago and I try to live out. It is great to be grateful to God for the blessings, things, people He has placed in our lives, but think about the difference you can make in that person's life if you let them know their act of kindness made a difference in your life. You may make their day. Who knows, in some extreme cases, you may even be the reasons they keep going or even get up the next day. I don't know. My rambling may sound crazy to most. These are just my thoughts. Take them and do with them what you will.

Work - Week 2 Completed

 This week, while it still held its challenges, was MUCH better than last week. I went into the week with a completely different mindset. I had therapy midweek. That helped A TON! My therapist made me realize all of the unnecessary expectations I had put on myself. Yes, I need to do my best, but if I do my best and it still isn't enough, then there are other jobs out there. In the end, God has this and He will take care of me. There was a BIG shift after that. 

This week I didn't feel like I was drowning as much - in life, or at work. Don't get me wrong. Life is still life. Some days and moments, it still has me by the throat as though it is determined to choke the very life out of me, but it hasn't succeeded so far. I am taking my wins as they come! Work, I had some wins this week. We have several check points at work (exams if you will). They are divided into categories: Knowledge Checks - These do not count toward anything. If we rock them, Yay! If we don't, yay! These just show our trainer what he needs to focus on to get us ready for our Assessments. Quizzes - I do not remember if these count or not. Assessments - These are major exams. There are six of these. (We must pass these with 80% or greater!) If we fail one, we get a final written warning. If we fail a second one, we get fired. These are obviously taken very seriously. They stress me out VERY much! At the end of the training course, we will have a FINAL - We have to pass that one, too, obviously or we will lose our job. Training is intense and these testing requirements are very intense as well. I am not a great test taker. I have high test anxiety. 

So far we have had two assessments. The first one I scored 91 on, the second 92. I am doing fine. However, the moment I take a second to breathe after an assessment (or any of the above tests) I immediately go into freak out mode about the next one. 

I did have one day where we took six different exams, (it was a combo of KCs and quizzes) I got 100s on 4 of them. Then I started second guessing myself and missed one question on the last two exams. I got so mad at myself because of that. 

All in all it has been a good week, though. It had its stressful moments, but it's been a good week. My next big stressor is that we have a mid training OJT week where we will be taking LIVE calls. We will actually be the rep handling service calls. It won't be this week (thank God!) but I am stressed. I do not feel like I am ready for that yet. They will put us in a special que where we will only be taking certain types of calls (the ones we've been trained on so far), but actually helping REAL people is scary. Not to mention we will have supervisors listening in on every little detail we do grading our calls. That scares me to. I know our calls will always be graded, but knowing that they will be listening to every single call, every single time. It makes me want to do well, but also makes me freak out too. It's like when you have a cop following you. Of course you do your best, but sometimes it stresses you out to the point you make mistakes just because you are trying to do so well. Any way, after that week, we will go back into the classroom for 3ish more weeks for more training and then will have another week of OJT before we are released to be on our own. I guess the theme of this summer is "Do Hard Things!"

August Weigh-Ins

 August Weigh-Ins

    1 - 216

    8 - 210.9

    15 - 210.7

    22 - 214

    29 -   215.6

Siatica

Just because life hasn't been interesting enough lately... A couple weeks ago, I started having pain while I was sleeping in my right thigh. It would wake me up at night. It was mid-thigh. It woke me out of a dead sleep. The pain was bad enough I yelled out in pain. I like to think I have a pretty good pain tolerance. I don't normally take pain meds for stuff (ie. headaches, etc) because it usually doesn't help. I have gotten pretty good at handling pain. This pain was bad enough that I woke John up when I shouted. (Sorry, John!) I was crying. It was that intense! I turned over on my side and after about 15-20 minutes the pain subsided and I was able to go back to sleep. All was well in my world again. Until the next night... Over the next two weeks, I would sporadically have these episodes. They would only happen at night. Once they were done that was it. They were getting more frequent, but still only happening at night. However, the last couple nights, when I would wake up, I would still feel lingering soreness from them. I will also note, during/after these episodes, the skin on the back of my thigh was numb to touch. Also noting: The pain would start mid thigh, but would go down almost to my knee and up into my butt. 

Me, in all of my doctor's knowledge, knew I had a pinched nerve so I decided for two weeks that they wouldn't do anything about it. However, yesterday, I realized 1) it wasn't getting any better... only worse. and 2) I had better go in and at least let them document that I was having issues just in case something happened later (for insurance purposes). I was officially diagnosed with Sciatica. I was given a shot in my butt (OUCH!! Ok, it wasn't as bad as I hyped it up to be. In fact, progesterone shots from my infertility treatment days were MUCH worse than that shot!)  She also gave me some exercises to try to help work it out. She did tell me it may take several weeks for it to resolve itself. (Yay me!) 

The shot has helped a LOT! I am still in pain... The pain is pretty constant at this point. I am glad I went in when I did! However, 85% of the pain is gone. It is just painful enough that I can still feel that it is there, but not enough to really bother me. Praise God for that! Now, we just do the exercises and wait for it to work itself out. I am not a fan of this getting old stuff. I like the LIVING part, but not the side effects! 

Work - Starting Week Two

I am determined that this week will be better than the last. Will that relieve this week of its challenges? No, but hopefully, this mindset changes the way I handle it. Even if it changes it just a little bit for the better! I am going to do my best to remember that God is with me come what may. That the will of God won't lead me where the grace of God can't keep me. That I will not take one step where He hasn't gone before me. All the while remembering that the weight of the world doesn't fall squarely on my shoulders. That the only thing I can do is my best (and I must do the best I can) but after that, it is in God's hands and whatever the outcome must be His will and I have to be willing to accept that. Success or failure, HE IS STILL GOD. No matter the challenges I face this week, He will not be dethroned! He will not be up there scratching His head, wondering or worrying, "Oh no! How am I going to fix this? How can I help her? What will I/we/she do now?!" I must remember that even if what I consider the worst outcome happens, HE has a better plan for me.

(Random/not so random thoughts I am having this morning that I can look back on to carry me through this week. Maybe they can help someone else. Maybe not. I don't know.)

Work - Week One Completed

 Week One is completed and not a moment too soon. This week through everything it had at me at work and in life in general. There were moments that I thought I wouldn't survive it but by the grace of God I did. 

Work - work is much harder than I thought it would be. There is so much to do. There is so much to remember. It is very stressful. I am struggling so bad to remember everything I am supposed to. I am taking notes, but even then, I am still struggling. I know a lot of it is the stress that is making my brain freeze up, but in the end the reasoning doesn't matter. I have a huge test to take at the end of each Module and if I do not pass that test with an 80% or greater I can/will lose my job. We have one grace. The first time we get a final written warning. The second time of a lower grade we lose our job. That has caused me to be in freak out mode the whole time. I passed my first assessment with a 91. I allowed myself a moment to breathe. Most people would say "Oh, that's great. I really do have this. Everything is going to be ok!" No, my brain doesn't work that way. I immediately went back into freak out mode again. I struggled so much with the assessment. The things that caused me to lose points on this assessment were pretty key points so I have got to get those figured out before the next one or I could potentially fail the next one. 

Life - While I will not get into everything going on in life right now. Life with ape crazy this week in a few key places that were impossible to ignore. Thankfully, I had a mid-week appointment already scheduled with my therapist for this week so she was able to help me get through the work stress and life challenges. She helped me to see that while I really want this job to work out, if it doesn't, the world will not fall down around me. There are other jobs out there. I can only try my best and be willing to accept whatever happens from there. Good in theory, harder to put into practice, but I am trying. She is right, though. 

Another blow to this week, we got Chewy's cremains back. That was hard. It just made everything completely final. 

Yesterday, the kids went to their aunt's house. John and I spent the day together. We try to spend Saturday's as Date Days. Even if we just do something at home because the kids are here, we try to be intentional about taking a few hours to spend together sowing into our relationship and each other. It is important. You cannot pour from a dry well.  You have to take time to care for yourself and you have to take time to take care of your spouse/relationship. You just do! We spent many years doing the bare minimum for ourselves and each other and trust me when I say, YOU CANNOT POUR FROM A DRY WELL! 

I think I am ready to face this next week. Ok, not really. I am scared, but I am as prepared as I can be. I am going to church this morning. Then I will take some time to mentally rest this afternoon before I get back at things tomorrow. This is going to be a better week. Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit. - Proverbs 18:21 NKJV

New Glasses

I got new glasses this week. I have entered the era of bifocals. Yay me! I am getting old. I was scared of the adjustment period, but it hasn't been bad. I was spending more time with my glasses off than I was with them on, though so it was time to make the switch to bifocals. I am doing much better with them, now. I am glad I have them. 

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

 I do not know how vague or forthcoming I will be in my blogs for the next couple months. Some of them may be very vague while others will be very transparent. I will ask that, if you follow me here and know me on facebook, please show me the respect of not posting anything there until I do. 

Life, she is a-changin'. I am not going to go into all the reasons why. I will say that after being a stay at home wife and mom for over twenty years (besides a short stent at Walmart a couple years ago), I am going back to work. It is just time. Life is shifting. John and I will be sharing the trio's school responsibilities so that part of our lives will not change. 

In late spring, we started praying about me going back to work. We both had some requirements and some desires from a position should God bless me with a job. 1) I wanted something I could do from home. When I had my short stint at Walmart, I felt like I never saw my family because I felt like all I did was work and sleep. 2) I wanted weekends off if possible. John, while he works two jobs, has the weekend off from his main job. 3) I wanted a shift that was close to his main job's shift. This way I would be off for appointments and such in the mornings. I would be able to get stuff done since I wouldn't have a weekend day off. There were a few other "wants" but these were the big ones. The big thing was, I wanted God to place me where HE wanted me. 

I started applying for positions in late May. I applied at over 50 places. I had a few interviews. Globe Life wanted me to sell insurance for them. I had a couple companies that decided I didn't have enough experience after interviewing for them. Then, I finally got hired with company A. Company A was the first company that showed real interest in me. It was going to be a telemarketing position where I would be doing political fundraising calls. I didn't have peace about it, but I accepted it because it was a job. My thought process was that I would stay there until I built up some experience and then move on to another company. The problem with this position was, other than the obvious, I have medical problems. The position was 9a-5:30PM *I think*. Each doctor's appointment I had, I would have to schedule time off from work because I wouldn't be able to get to the doctor and get to work before I was to clock in. There was no PTO offered, etc. Still, my plan was to make the best of it. I was supposed to start training for company A this past Monday (7/6).

Then, I got a call for an interview from Company B. I interviewed with them on 7/1. I was sure that I wasn't going to get the position. I had two interviews with them. The first interview was with a lady who went over the position and asked some "interview- tell me a time when... questions" She had some technical issues so a 20 minute interview ended up lasting over an hour. There were two other ladies interviewing at the same time (online). She asked me to stay after the interview. She wanted to know if I thought I would be a good fit for their company since I didn't have any call center experience. I started to freak out because I was already sure I had screwed up the interview at this point. I had gotten tips from a couple people, but instead of using those tips, I went in and was just myself. I told her that I knew that I didn't have the experience another person may have but that I would give it my all and work hard for their company if given the chance. She scheduled a second interview. The second interview was just over an hour later with a gentleman. He went over more details about the company and the position. He wanted to know if I could be a self starter. A lot of my examples were from being a mom to 5 kids. I also told him I was an introvert and I did well in settings where I had to motivate myself. He admitted that he was a fellow introvert so he was excited about that. Again, I spent this interview feeling like I wouldn't get the job, but GOD (and I give Him all the praise!) At the end of the interview, the gentleman told me he wanted to offer me the position. Company B, has PTO, Holidays, benefits, etc. The pay is a bit less than company A, but not by much. Company B seems like a better fit though. My list from earlier? Company B? It meets every single one of those boxes. It's a work from home position. Weekends off. John and I work the exact same schedule. They are also supplying me with the equipment I need to work - something Company A didn't do. I had to supply everything (computer, headset, etc.)  For those wondering, yes I did write Company A and decline the position when I accepted the other position. I felt bad, but I wanted an opportunity where I could grow with the company and I couldn't get that from Company A. 

There has been much stress with me going back to work and I haven't even started yet. I feel like I am not qualified for this job. Obviously, they are going to train me. There is 8 weeks of training. There are tests I have to pass or I do not get to keep the position. That is scary and reassuring at the same time. They said they do everything they can to help us pass the tests short of taking the tests for us. They want to see us succeed. I have a very low self-esteem so it has been an emotional rollercoaster. I am scared of failing. Those closest to me who know what has been going on have listened to me endlessly. I am so grateful for those people. Eventually, this news may become public, but I want to try to make it through the 8 weeks of training first. I keep telling myself that the only thing that will truly relieve this stress is surviving milestones. If I make it through Orientation, my first day...first week, pass my first test...get my first pay check... pass the next test... (there are six of them)... When I am not overwhelmed with stress I know that this is a blessing from God and if He has provided, HE will see me through. It doesn't mean I don't need to do my part. It DOES mean that He won't leave me. 

I would ask that if you see this that you pray for me, but most likely, if you are seeing this, the time has already passed so I made it through this first phase. Prayers are always good, though sooooo... 😉

Chewy

 Yesterday, we had to put our beloved dog Chewy to sleep. Last year, he had gotten really sick but had recovered. This time, his quality of life just went down hill. We talked to the vet when we got to the appointment to put him to sleep. After looking at him, she agreed that it was time based on what she was seeing. It wasn't an easy choice. This is the first time in my forty-three years I had ever had to say good-bye to one of MY pets through death. One thing I can say is that he was well loved and he loved well. There will be a permanent Chewy-sized hole in our hearts. He wasn't just a pet. He was family. 

(From FB)

Today, we said good-bye to our precious Chewy as he crossed the rainbow bridge. His precious life brought so much happiness to ours. He was such a good boy who loved his family well. Life will not be the same without him.

There is a a song that I found with one of my miscarriages that part of has been on my heart since he passed. "Your days changed everything/ You're missed now and will always be/ But you left here the greatest gift of all/ Cause our hearts ache for home." (Side note: I will not get into a theological debate about whether pets make it to Heaven or not. If the Bible says the lion and the lamb will be there, then while I am here I can take hope in believing I will be reunited with Chewy. If I am not then I am only hurting myself. By the time I realize I am wrong, I will be in Heaven where it won't matter any way so just don't go there, please!)

July Weigh-Ins

 July Weigh-Ins

    4 - 211.4

    11 - 210

    18 - 207.2

    25 - 212.7