Week One is completed and not a moment too soon. This week through everything it had at me at work and in life in general. There were moments that I thought I wouldn't survive it but by the grace of God I did.
Work - work is much harder than I thought it would be. There is so much to do. There is so much to remember. It is very stressful. I am struggling so bad to remember everything I am supposed to. I am taking notes, but even then, I am still struggling. I know a lot of it is the stress that is making my brain freeze up, but in the end the reasoning doesn't matter. I have a huge test to take at the end of each Module and if I do not pass that test with an 80% or greater I can/will lose my job. We have one grace. The first time we get a final written warning. The second time of a lower grade we lose our job. That has caused me to be in freak out mode the whole time. I passed my first assessment with a 91. I allowed myself a moment to breathe. Most people would say "Oh, that's great. I really do have this. Everything is going to be ok!" No, my brain doesn't work that way. I immediately went back into freak out mode again. I struggled so much with the assessment. The things that caused me to lose points on this assessment were pretty key points so I have got to get those figured out before the next one or I could potentially fail the next one.
Life - While I will not get into everything going on in life right now. Life with ape crazy this week in a few key places that were impossible to ignore. Thankfully, I had a mid-week appointment already scheduled with my therapist for this week so she was able to help me get through the work stress and life challenges. She helped me to see that while I really want this job to work out, if it doesn't, the world will not fall down around me. There are other jobs out there. I can only try my best and be willing to accept whatever happens from there. Good in theory, harder to put into practice, but I am trying. She is right, though.
Another blow to this week, we got Chewy's cremains back. That was hard. It just made everything completely final.
Yesterday, the kids went to their aunt's house. John and I spent the day together. We try to spend Saturday's as Date Days. Even if we just do something at home because the kids are here, we try to be intentional about taking a few hours to spend together sowing into our relationship and each other. It is important. You cannot pour from a dry well. You have to take time to care for yourself and you have to take time to take care of your spouse/relationship. You just do! We spent many years doing the bare minimum for ourselves and each other and trust me when I say, YOU CANNOT POUR FROM A DRY WELL!
I think I am ready to face this next week. Ok, not really. I am scared, but I am as prepared as I can be. I am going to church this morning. Then I will take some time to mentally rest this afternoon before I get back at things tomorrow. This is going to be a better week. Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit. - Proverbs 18:21 NKJV
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