For the last several years, I have toyed with the idea of weight loss surgery. In fact, almost sixteen years ago, shortly after my mom passed I attended a seminar for said surgery. I found out that I would need to have the most drastic surgery because of my weight at the time. It scared the life right out of me so I left and didn't go back. It has always been in the back of my mind but I have always been too scared. The last couple months, though, have been different. I have thought about it more seriously. Today, I woke up and had a Come-to-Jesus meeting with my husband about everything and decided to look into everything again.
I spent the day talking to my insurance company. I found out that they require I have a psychological evaluation as well as 3 months of medically supervised dieting. That is really it from them. I found out that there are two offices that are approved through our insurance and toyed with them all day and finally picked one based on a couple things. I did a web-seminar through them today. Then, I filled out all of my medical history paperwork through them. Now, I am waiting on a phone appointment with a nurse through my insurance company that will happen first thing Monday morning. After that, I just wait for the clinic to call me with an appointment to meet with the surgeon.
How am I feeling? I am scared out of my wits. This is scary. It is scary to have my body sliced and diced all for a chance that this will work. I am scared this WON'T work. After all, everything else up to this point has failed. Why should this work? I am scared that this WILL work. I have been the fat person my entire life. Well, I am sure there was a point in my childhood when I wasn't fat, but even in my earliest memories I was the fat kid. Who will I be if I am not her? Am I strong enough physically to make it through this journey? Well, I know the answer is no, but in my weakness He will be my strength. Am I emotionally/spiritually strong enough to make it through this journey? Again, I do not know. What I do know is that what I am doing is NOT working and I want to live a life worthy of living. I want to see grandbabies and great grands. I want to travel with my husband. I want to live life well instead of just surviving. Financially, this is scary. The surgery and post surgery journey is not cheap. I am looking at ways to make it more affordable so if you are reading this and have any ideas please let me know. Insurance only pays a portion of the surgery. There are also post surgery fees through the clinic. It's all a lot to take in. It is scary, but the will of God won't lead me where the grace of God can't keep me, right?
If you have read this far - thank you! My blogs are usually a jumbled mess and this one was no different. Please pray for my next steps if you are the praying type. I appreciate you. Maybe Mama really will lose it one day...Just maybe.
Mama
