Showing posts with label Mama. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mama. Show all posts
Saturday, January 5, 2013
If We Never Meet Again
Soon we'll come to the end of life's journey
And perhaps will never meet anymore
Til we gather in Heaven's bright city
Far away on that beautiful shore
If we never meet again this side of Heaven
As we struggle through this world and its strife
There's another meeting place somewhere in Heaven
By the beautiful river of life
Where the charming roses bloom forever
And separations come no more
If we never meet again this side of Heaven
I will meet you on that beautiful shore
I love this beautiful old song. It is a constant reminder that there is something more than this life we live now. It reminds us that even though death may separate us from loved ones we've held so dear, one day we will be reunited - never to part again! What a precious promise that God gives us. The suffering of this life is only temporary. The Bible promises that weeping may endure for the night, but His joy cometh in the morning.
There are certain songs that remind me of very special people in my life. My love of gospel music comes from two people, my aunt Flossie and my Mama. I remember growing up listening to records on Aunt Flossie's beautiful, wooden record player. I can close my eyes and instantly be in that moment again. It's been nearly twenty years since I have been in the house I grew up in. Each morning we would start our days with breakfast. Once our chores were done, Aunt Flossie would play old records. I remember listening to the Chuckwagon Gang, The McKameys, The Inspirations, and many more. Now when I hear those artists sing, I think of her. "If We Never Meet Again" is an "Aunt Flossie" song.
In my teen years, when Mama started getting sick, she and I loved to the Gaithers. That is where my love for newer southern gospel music came into play. There are many stories I have through the years of us listening to the Gaithers together. One story my mind recounts often was one shortly after we moved back to Tennessee right before John and I got married. We were living in Speedwell in my mother-in-law's house. We lived out in the middle of nowhere and didn't have any TV service. Mama would watch Gaither videos all day long. The only problem is that she would fall asleep shortly after a video started. One day John, who didn't share our passion for our beloved Gaithers, decided he'd just turn the TV off. Nope, that didn't work. Mama would wake up as soon as the music stopped. When we start talking about our "good old days" we both agree that we'd give anything to go back to that little shack in the woods. We didn't have a lot of money. There was nothing to do, but there was so much love that flowed through that little house.
I love my life here, but I long for HOME. I cannot wait to be reunited with my loved ones. I can't wait to see my babies, my Mama, Aunt Flossie, Mamaw and Papaw, my Dad's parents. There are so many friends and family waiting there for me there are too many to count. I can't wait to introduce my kids to everyone they've yet to meet. What a day that will be!
Sunday, December 23, 2012
And So It Hits
The day started with the kids having their favorite breakfast - Poptarts. I try to keep it very simple on Sunday mornings. The less I expect on Sunday mornings the better off we all are. We all got showered and dressed. I tried to find a moment to send one of our birth moms a letter. Each Christmas I try to send her a note just to thank her for the gift she gave me. I didn't get the letter completed so I will take care of that tonight.
We went to church for Sunday School. The kids did pretty well through that part of service pretty well. A few days ago, one of my children decided it'd be great fun to bend my glasses a million different ways. Amazingly, they didn't break. I did my best to bend them back into shape - you learn a few things as the mama of 5 rough housers - but it just wasn't good enough. We went to the mall to have an early lunch and get my glasses fixed. Then it was off to take John to work.
The kids and I spent our afternoon celebrating Christmas with my side of the family. We all had a great time. My kids were spoiled. Jewel-Anne even brought home a few parting gifts. She received a purse for Christmas. She needed something to put in her purse so she snuck some of Cindy's doggy toys home with her. Apparently, we are going to have to start checking her purse and pockets before we leave. LOL When we got home we decorated the kids banks they got and put their money in it. Afterwards it was time for a small snack and bedtime. They are all snoozing now.
I am sitting here in the quiet. The only noises I hear are the smoke alarm (it beeps every few seconds to let me know it's still there) and the occasional bark from the dog. I crave the quiet normally, but tonight it is simply too much. I have been blessed beyond measure. I have a good husband, wonderful kids, lots of extended family. I am getting to build a relationship with my Dad and his wife. There should be no reason to feel down, but I do. Four Christmases without her and hopefully I'll be blessed with many more on this earth. Four years of growing into motherhood. Three extra little faces around the tree. All I can think about is how she should be here with us. I know God had His reasons for letting her go home when she did. I would never EVER bring her back to this world of pain and suffering, but oh how I miss her.
I am so thankful for the TRUE meaning of this season. I am just ready to be done with the commercialism of it for this year. If it wasn't for the kids, the tree would already be down. It will come down Wednesday, though. Half the lights are already blown anyway. Christmas Tuesday. Mama's Glory Anniversary Friday. I pray that the day comes that every Christmas isn't overshadowed by her death. I have done my best to hold it together this year for my kids, but I can't do it tonight. Tomorrow, I will paint on a happy face as we go about our Christmas Eve and Christmas Day activities. Tomorrow, I will make sure the kids know that I love and care for them. Tonight, though... Tonight, I will cry.
Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning. - Psalm 30:5 (NKJV)
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
We went to church for Sunday School. The kids did pretty well through that part of service pretty well. A few days ago, one of my children decided it'd be great fun to bend my glasses a million different ways. Amazingly, they didn't break. I did my best to bend them back into shape - you learn a few things as the mama of 5 rough housers - but it just wasn't good enough. We went to the mall to have an early lunch and get my glasses fixed. Then it was off to take John to work.
The kids and I spent our afternoon celebrating Christmas with my side of the family. We all had a great time. My kids were spoiled. Jewel-Anne even brought home a few parting gifts. She received a purse for Christmas. She needed something to put in her purse so she snuck some of Cindy's doggy toys home with her. Apparently, we are going to have to start checking her purse and pockets before we leave. LOL When we got home we decorated the kids banks they got and put their money in it. Afterwards it was time for a small snack and bedtime. They are all snoozing now.
I am sitting here in the quiet. The only noises I hear are the smoke alarm (it beeps every few seconds to let me know it's still there) and the occasional bark from the dog. I crave the quiet normally, but tonight it is simply too much. I have been blessed beyond measure. I have a good husband, wonderful kids, lots of extended family. I am getting to build a relationship with my Dad and his wife. There should be no reason to feel down, but I do. Four Christmases without her and hopefully I'll be blessed with many more on this earth. Four years of growing into motherhood. Three extra little faces around the tree. All I can think about is how she should be here with us. I know God had His reasons for letting her go home when she did. I would never EVER bring her back to this world of pain and suffering, but oh how I miss her.
I am so thankful for the TRUE meaning of this season. I am just ready to be done with the commercialism of it for this year. If it wasn't for the kids, the tree would already be down. It will come down Wednesday, though. Half the lights are already blown anyway. Christmas Tuesday. Mama's Glory Anniversary Friday. I pray that the day comes that every Christmas isn't overshadowed by her death. I have done my best to hold it together this year for my kids, but I can't do it tonight. Tomorrow, I will paint on a happy face as we go about our Christmas Eve and Christmas Day activities. Tomorrow, I will make sure the kids know that I love and care for them. Tonight, though... Tonight, I will cry.
Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning. - Psalm 30:5 (NKJV)
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Granting Grace for Myself
I have finally finished all of my Christmas Shopping!!! The kids will like what I got them. (Believe it or not, Isaiah is the hardest to shop for.) I am really impressed with John's gift! Gift Cards for Dad and Bonus Mama. I hate that I don't know them better. Gift Cards are so impersonal. Shopped for my siblings on Mom's side. Everything is wrapped. My box wasn't big enough to hold everything so the gifts are sitting on the coffee table in the living room. Every day I hear "Mommy, is it "Chrisum" yet?" Not yet, Liana. Soon, it will be.
I have really been struggling with getting into the mood to celebrate this year. I am so thankful for my kids, but getting into the spirit of Christmas has been sooooo difficult this year. I hate that every time Christmas comes I am haunted with memories of years past and visions of what I believe things should look like now. My table is missing Grammie stories, 14 little hands and feet. I am at a low point and I am just ready for this season to be behind me. This isn't at all what God wants for me. It's not what Mama wants for me either.
I have been beating myself up for a month for not sticking to my diet. I have had enough of that mental and physical torture. I am giving myself a 3 week vacation. Whatever goes into my mouth will not make me feel guilty. I won't allow it. This may not be the best way to deal with things, but it is what I have chosen to do.
On a brighter note, I received a couple suprises this weekend. My dear, precious friend Stephanie sent me a Christmas card. She made me cry. ;-) I also received a card from Dad and Bonus Mama. The first ever gift/card from them. I will cherish it. I didn't really expect to get one of them. Dad seems to be the typical man who doesn't think about those things. My thanks goes out to Bonus Mama for remembering me.
I suppose that is all for now. I am not sure I will be blogging for the rest of the year. So just in case I don't "see" you before then - May God bless you with the merriest of Christmases. I hope we all pause to thank God for His Christmas Gift to us. That Gift is no longer a baby in a manger. He grew up, was beaten and died on the Cross for the whole world's sins. Now He lives forever more. May we always remember that Christ is the reason for the season. Please keep the CT shooting victims' families in your prayers. Their tables will be very lonely this year, too.
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
I have really been struggling with getting into the mood to celebrate this year. I am so thankful for my kids, but getting into the spirit of Christmas has been sooooo difficult this year. I hate that every time Christmas comes I am haunted with memories of years past and visions of what I believe things should look like now. My table is missing Grammie stories, 14 little hands and feet. I am at a low point and I am just ready for this season to be behind me. This isn't at all what God wants for me. It's not what Mama wants for me either.
I have been beating myself up for a month for not sticking to my diet. I have had enough of that mental and physical torture. I am giving myself a 3 week vacation. Whatever goes into my mouth will not make me feel guilty. I won't allow it. This may not be the best way to deal with things, but it is what I have chosen to do.
On a brighter note, I received a couple suprises this weekend. My dear, precious friend Stephanie sent me a Christmas card. She made me cry. ;-) I also received a card from Dad and Bonus Mama. The first ever gift/card from them. I will cherish it. I didn't really expect to get one of them. Dad seems to be the typical man who doesn't think about those things. My thanks goes out to Bonus Mama for remembering me.
I suppose that is all for now. I am not sure I will be blogging for the rest of the year. So just in case I don't "see" you before then - May God bless you with the merriest of Christmases. I hope we all pause to thank God for His Christmas Gift to us. That Gift is no longer a baby in a manger. He grew up, was beaten and died on the Cross for the whole world's sins. Now He lives forever more. May we always remember that Christ is the reason for the season. Please keep the CT shooting victims' families in your prayers. Their tables will be very lonely this year, too.
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
November Thankfulness
This is my list of things I am thankful for this month. There are way too many to list here, but these are the ones I chose to highlight.
November 1st - This month I am participating in "30 Days
of Thankfulness." Each day I will be posting one thing I am thankful for.
Today I am thankful that God thought I was worth the sacrifice of sending His
only Son to die for my sins. I think of all the times when I felt defeated or
frustrated during the adoption process with our kids. What we have to sacrifice
today is nothing compared to the price that OUR adoption cost. Thank You God,
for thinking that a sinner like me was worth being part of your
family.
November 2nd - Today I am thankful for Jesus. The old
song says "Jesus paid it all. All to Him I owe." God sent Christ to earth to
DIE for my sins. At any point along the way, Jesus could've stopped and said "I
don't FEEL like going to the cross. I didn't do anything, but they are punishing
me for the sins of others." He chose the cross, though. I pray that I learn to
be that unselfish with my life. "Greater love has no one than
this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends." - John
15:13
November 3rd - Today I am thankful for my Mama. She
spent her life trying to make my life better. This year has been full of
information that has challenged the way I saw her, news that shattered
everything I thought I knew. I know she loved me and I know she did her best to
raise me right. I am thankful that she chose life for me. I am thankful for
the 25 years God blessed me with this incredible lady.
November 4th - Today I am thankful for my Daddy. It has
been a wild year. When I made last year's list, never in my wildest dreams did
I imagine the miracle was about to take place in my life. I am thankful that
God brought my Daddy "home" to me. I am thankful that my Daddy was willing to
accept me and start building a relationship with me. I am blessed beyond
measure.
November 5th - Today I am thankful for my husband. We've
had so many ups and downs throughout our relationship, but he is a good man who
works hard to provide for his family. I love him and I am happy that God chose
him for me.
November 6th - Today I am thankful for my Glory Babies.
You guys shaped my life in ways I never imagine. The emotional journey that has
accompanied your births has made my question so many things about God and my
life, but I would never change a thing. I am so thankful that God chose ME to
be your Mama. Madison, Elijah, Hannah, Felicity, Michael, Jeremiah and Chloe -
Mama loves you so much! I know you will have the Happiest Thanksgiving and
Merriest Christmas of all because you are celebrating with Jesus!
November 7th - Today I am thankful for Sam. My first
earth baby. He burst into my world full of life and sweetness one March day 4
years ago. He is such a great little boy. His heart is as big as anyone I've
ever met before. He would do anything to help someone. He is the child who
continuously tells me he wants to take his piggy bank to "the shelter" for the
kids who need food and toys. His first Christmas with us he filled up 3 large
garbage bags of toys to donate to other children. He teaches me so much about
how God loves us. I am blessed beyond measure that God chose me to be Sam's
Mama.
November 8th - Today I am thankful Landon. He is so
full of life and spunk! He is my "cat." He rarely let's you know his love for
you. He makes you work for his affection. That makes me appreciate his love so
much because I HAVE to WORK for the "I love you's" I get from him. He is my
comic relief, the source of my gray hair, and the joy of my life. I couldn't
imagine life without him. I am so thankful God chose me to be his
Mama.
November 9th - Today I am thankful for Jewel-Anne. She
was my first little unexpected blessing. There are so many things she does that
reminds me of Mama. She even has Mama's feet. She is my first infant. She
taught me about determination. When she was born she struggled for every single
milestone she would reach, but she did it! She is the ultimate sweetheart. She
always has a smile on her face and is such a cuddle bug. She gave me the gift I
never thought I'd have on earth - bringing a child home from the hospital and
raising it. For years I prayed for 3 AM feedings and boy, did she grant that
wish!
November 10th - Today I am thankful for Liana. You
have been my little spunky bundle of joy since you walked into my life. You are
the little Mama that helps me keep the ship running. You are amazing and I
can't wait to see what God has in store for you. I am blessed to be called your
Mama.
November 11th - Today I am thankful for Isaiah. You
amaze me so much, Little Man. You teach me so much about how we are to love
God. When I look into your eyes, I am amazed that someone could trust or
believe in me so much.
November 12th - Today I am thankful for Aunt Flossie.
You were just like a grandmother to me. The person I am today, at least the
good things, is because of the things you taught me. Thank you for being
willing to spend your retirement loving and nurturing someone who often didn't
appreciate the sacrifice. It took becoming a parent to really understand all
you did for me. Thank you so much for loving me!
November 13th - Today I am thankful for Suzie, Sandy,
Donny and Pete (Dad's kids) - Thank you so much for sharing Dad with me. I know
that none of this is easy for you guys either, but I am thankful that God has
given me the opportunity to get to know you. I look forward to spending the
rest of our lives making up for the 29 years we missed.
November 14th - Today I am thankful for my other set of
siblings - Earl, Kathy, Cindy and Paul (Mom's kids) - Life hasn't always been
the greatest between us, but I am glad God blessed me with you guys. I love
you!
November 15th - Today I am thankful for my church. I
have finally found a place that feels like home and I am so thankful for that.
God has blessed me so much through my pastor and his family. I pray that their
ministry continues to grow and prosper as God would have it to.
November 16th - Today I am thankful for my friendships.
God has blessed me with some wonderful friends. Some who have stayed for a
season and those who have stayed "forever." Each one of you have taught me so
much about life. I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for each of you.
November 17th - Today I am thankful for a special friend,
Stephanie McKinney. She is always there to listen to me, lift me up, and smack
me around when I need it. God has blessed me beyond measure with this incredible
person. I love you so much!
November 18th - Today I am thankful for Christmas
decorations, movies, treats and all the things we know as Christmas. I love the
sounds and smells of this season.
November 19th - Today I am thankful for memories. It is
what makes me be able to enjoy this season without Mama here to enjoy it with
us.
November 20th - Today I am thankful for God's
blessings. As the song says "there's a roof up above me, I have a good place to
sleep, there's food on my table and shoes on my feet." I am so thankful that God
has always met my NEEDS. Money may get tight from time to time but I've never
known what it means to truly struggle. My kids have food, clothing and
shelter. That is a lot more than a lot of people have today.
November 21st - Today I am thankful for my MP3 player.
You provide a great workout distraction! My mind is grateful to you!
November 22nd - Today I am thankful for turkey and
broccoli casserole! Yum!!!
November 23rd - Today I am thankful for leftovers. You
are so bad for my waist-line, but oh so good for my taste buds!
November 24th - Today I am thankful for service men and
women. Thank you for all you do to protect our freedoms. Thank you for
spending your holidays fighting to keep us safe instead of with your families
where you'd rather be.
November 25th - Today I am thankful for peanut butter
cookies! You are my favorite dessert. I really like it when you are full of
honey roasted peanuts. *Note to anyone thinking of what to get me for Christmas
- I would appreciate your gift of peanut butter cookies!*
November 26th - Today I am thankful for my favorite
authors - Amy Clipston, Beth Wiseman, Cindy Woodsmall and Wanda Brunstetter! I
love getting lost in the stories you share. Your characters become like family
to me.
November 27th - Today I am thankful for the God-given
ability to homeschool my children. I wouldn't trade this gift for the whole
world!
November 28th - Today I am thankful for music! It
gives memories, lifts my moods and brings so much to my family. Thank you to my
favorite artists too!
November 29th - Today I am thankful for our police
officers, fire fighters and EMTs. Thank you for helping keep us safe!
November 30th - Today I am thankful for the fact that
there are only 25 more days until Jesus's Birthday!
Saturday, September 22, 2012
I Survived His First Week of Training
This week has been full of blessings and challenges. This week has been about survival. I am trying to remember to praise God in each of these things. It's easy to praise Him for the good stuff. It's a bit harder to remember to praise Him when my head is pounding and I look at my princess who now looks like a human version of the Purple People Eater thanks to the Crayola marker she found. Thank God those markers are washable! ;-)
As I lay in the ER last Saturday with my head pounding so hard I thought I would die, I thought about how our lives would change this week. My husband had been working part time only for the last 10 months. Now he'd be going back to almost 60 hour weeks. I worried how the kids would adjust. I worried how I would be able to be everything for everyone while he was gone. Ironic that I couldn't even put my stress aside there! ;-)
The week went pretty well. John drove Monday. Landon had speech therapy on Tuesday so I took him to work. Dueto timing of everything I would have to drive almost all day. John called me on his first break and said he was going to carpool with a fellow classmate who lives about 20 minutes from here. We are in the middle of the two places so it works out great. I take him to the hotel in the mornings and pick him up at the hotel in the evenings. It will save us a ton of gas and a lot of aggravation on my part. Work is going well for John too. I am so happy for him.
The benefits of this company are phenomonal! Insurance won't kick in for 90 days, but it seems like it will be great insurance. We will have fertility coverage too! It isn't a lot, but it is the first job he's had that offered it. It's nice to know that when we are ready to try again, we'll be able to have some financial assistance to cover my treatments. He has a host of other benefits, but this was our biggest concern when applying for jobs.
From a medical standpoint the past couple days have been really weird. My head is still hurting which is nothing new. The pain never goes away. Its intensity varies, but it never goes away. Yesterday, I started feeling weird. I have been kind of "fuzzy headed" and shaky. Naturally, I went through the steps to eliminate the source of the problem. Blood sugar was great. My blood pressure was great. My heart rate was phenomenal! I have no idea what is going on, but I still feel "weird."
Yesterday, I spoke with my bonus mama for a while. Before we got off the phone I had asked her when would be a good time to speak to Dad. He is so super busy that it's very difficult to get a hold of him. If he's not at work, he is either farming or sometimes he's sleeping. She told me to try tonight. John told me to go out and get dinner. I chose Waffle House. After I ate I sat there and read my book (His Love Endures Forever by Beth Wiseman). When I finally looked up from my book it was 8:30. I sat in the parking lot said a prayer and dialed the number. When I spoke with her a couple days ago she wasn't feeling well so I asked if she was feeling better. She is, thank God! I asked her if Dad was there and he was - and was awake!
Dad and I had a great conversation. We talked about a bunch of different stuff. He is into sports and I am not. He's a farmer and I am not. Through all of this I am finding that I am willing to step out of my comfort zone if it brings me closer to him. I cherish those rare times when we do get to talk. I love listening to his voice and it doesn't matter what he says. If Mama's death has taught me anything it would be that life is too short and I need to cherish every moment I have with those I love. I have longed to have my Dad for so long. I have NO IDEA the thoughts that go through his head when he thinks of me or is on the phone with me. The fact that he is willing to give some of his time to talk to me means the world to me. A pretty great way to end my day, if you ask me!
Alright now it is time to see my husband off to work and get some sleep. We have church in the morning and I have 5 kids to get ready by myself. I need all of the energy I can find!
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
As I lay in the ER last Saturday with my head pounding so hard I thought I would die, I thought about how our lives would change this week. My husband had been working part time only for the last 10 months. Now he'd be going back to almost 60 hour weeks. I worried how the kids would adjust. I worried how I would be able to be everything for everyone while he was gone. Ironic that I couldn't even put my stress aside there! ;-)
The week went pretty well. John drove Monday. Landon had speech therapy on Tuesday so I took him to work. Dueto timing of everything I would have to drive almost all day. John called me on his first break and said he was going to carpool with a fellow classmate who lives about 20 minutes from here. We are in the middle of the two places so it works out great. I take him to the hotel in the mornings and pick him up at the hotel in the evenings. It will save us a ton of gas and a lot of aggravation on my part. Work is going well for John too. I am so happy for him.
The benefits of this company are phenomonal! Insurance won't kick in for 90 days, but it seems like it will be great insurance. We will have fertility coverage too! It isn't a lot, but it is the first job he's had that offered it. It's nice to know that when we are ready to try again, we'll be able to have some financial assistance to cover my treatments. He has a host of other benefits, but this was our biggest concern when applying for jobs.
From a medical standpoint the past couple days have been really weird. My head is still hurting which is nothing new. The pain never goes away. Its intensity varies, but it never goes away. Yesterday, I started feeling weird. I have been kind of "fuzzy headed" and shaky. Naturally, I went through the steps to eliminate the source of the problem. Blood sugar was great. My blood pressure was great. My heart rate was phenomenal! I have no idea what is going on, but I still feel "weird."
Yesterday, I spoke with my bonus mama for a while. Before we got off the phone I had asked her when would be a good time to speak to Dad. He is so super busy that it's very difficult to get a hold of him. If he's not at work, he is either farming or sometimes he's sleeping. She told me to try tonight. John told me to go out and get dinner. I chose Waffle House. After I ate I sat there and read my book (His Love Endures Forever by Beth Wiseman). When I finally looked up from my book it was 8:30. I sat in the parking lot said a prayer and dialed the number. When I spoke with her a couple days ago she wasn't feeling well so I asked if she was feeling better. She is, thank God! I asked her if Dad was there and he was - and was awake!
Dad and I had a great conversation. We talked about a bunch of different stuff. He is into sports and I am not. He's a farmer and I am not. Through all of this I am finding that I am willing to step out of my comfort zone if it brings me closer to him. I cherish those rare times when we do get to talk. I love listening to his voice and it doesn't matter what he says. If Mama's death has taught me anything it would be that life is too short and I need to cherish every moment I have with those I love. I have longed to have my Dad for so long. I have NO IDEA the thoughts that go through his head when he thinks of me or is on the phone with me. The fact that he is willing to give some of his time to talk to me means the world to me. A pretty great way to end my day, if you ask me!
Alright now it is time to see my husband off to work and get some sleep. We have church in the morning and I have 5 kids to get ready by myself. I need all of the energy I can find!
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Sermons and Crazy Underwear Stories
For the first time in MONTHS, my family and I went to church AND I stayed through the entire sermon!!! WSie left about 5 minutes early, but we made it! I haven't heard a pastor preach a sermon since I went to church with my friend Stephanie a few months ago. It was a very nice treat. The day over all has been pretty good, too.
This weekend we went laundry crazy. I hate doing laundry so I put it off until I can no longer put it off. John took over the chore, but he doesn't do it the way I like. So this weekend we sat down and we have washed about 8 loads. It feels like we have a million more to go, but we'll get there...Maybe...LOL
Somehow Mama's clothes keep showing up in my laundry, though. I think her clothes have been washed about 50 times since she died 4 years ago. Even though I pack it all away, it still keeps reappearing. So this morning I was getting dressed for church and as I was putting on my underwear, I noticed they were tight. What was going on here? I knew I hadn't gained THAT much weight. I looked at the size and they were a pair of Mom's size 10!!! I am completely weirded out about other people's underwear, but these looked brand new. I think I had washed them so they would be put back in her stuff...Anyway, now I can be the crazy underwear lady.
So now that you know my crazy little secret, let's focus on what I just said....MY behind is covered in size 10 fabric. Yesterday was our "dating anniversary." We have been together for 10 years. I haven't worn size 10 since we've been together. I am so used to buying the same sizes I always have and hiding in "clothing tents" that it really amazes me when I see smaller sizes.
This mama is tired and my DVR has tonight's Army Wives waiting on me so I must go for now. May God surround you with His love always!
Blessings
Weight Loss Mama
This weekend we went laundry crazy. I hate doing laundry so I put it off until I can no longer put it off. John took over the chore, but he doesn't do it the way I like. So this weekend we sat down and we have washed about 8 loads. It feels like we have a million more to go, but we'll get there...Maybe...LOL
Somehow Mama's clothes keep showing up in my laundry, though. I think her clothes have been washed about 50 times since she died 4 years ago. Even though I pack it all away, it still keeps reappearing. So this morning I was getting dressed for church and as I was putting on my underwear, I noticed they were tight. What was going on here? I knew I hadn't gained THAT much weight. I looked at the size and they were a pair of Mom's size 10!!! I am completely weirded out about other people's underwear, but these looked brand new. I think I had washed them so they would be put back in her stuff...Anyway, now I can be the crazy underwear lady.
So now that you know my crazy little secret, let's focus on what I just said....MY behind is covered in size 10 fabric. Yesterday was our "dating anniversary." We have been together for 10 years. I haven't worn size 10 since we've been together. I am so used to buying the same sizes I always have and hiding in "clothing tents" that it really amazes me when I see smaller sizes.
This mama is tired and my DVR has tonight's Army Wives waiting on me so I must go for now. May God surround you with His love always!
Blessings
Weight Loss Mama
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
A Parent's Unselfish Love
I am writing this at 4:49 AM. I have already been up an hour. What is up with this? About a month ago (maybe longer) I ended up not sleeping at all one night and have had problems sleeping at night since then. This mama normally has no problems sleeping whatsoever. I will say that it's given me plenty of time to think.
I have had such a whirlwind couple of days. I have spent a lot of time thinking over the past. I am so thankful that my mother chose the high road where I was concerned. These days you see women who are more than willing to rip their ex's/ children's fathers to shreds with no thought of what it does to their child. Men are the same way. My Mama never said bad things about my Daddy. The subject of Dad never really came up unless I brought it up, but when it did she always said she hoped that I would be able to meet him one day if that was what I wanted. The flip side of this, I expected that I would her bad things about Mama when I met Daddy. That couldn't have been further from the truth. He was very surprised to hear she had passed away. He was apologetic. I am so thankful that he, too, has chosen the high road. Mom was my best friend. I know that she wasn't perfect, but she was perfect for me. We all have pasts and we all make mistakes, but I know every choice she made was out of love for me.
I have been floating in the clouds since meeting my Dad. All of these years I have envisioned what meeting him would be like. I knew when I started this journey to a new me that I would eventually be facing this issue. Never in my wildest dreams, did I envision this. I pictured trying to find peace with what happened and moving on with my life. As I sat in the van waiting for him to arrive Sunday, I envisioned every single way things could've went wrong. Then he pulled in and I seen him. All of a sudden this peace washed over me. All of the fear, alright most of the fear, washed away. This man stepped outside of his comfort zone and welcomed me into his life so I could find peace and healing. I will forever feel gratitude to him because of this.
Month 5 of my journey has held the most change for me so far. There is an enormous weight that has been lifted from my heart. This weight won't show on the scales, but it's been the most important "weight loss." My life has been changed forever.
I find myself constantly amazed and in awe of everything that has happened. God's perfect timing is one thing that still leaves me scratching my head. I struggled for so long with trying to find Dad. When the time was right, God orchestrated everything to flow so smoothly. I think of all of the people out there searching for their birth parents who never find them. I think of my own children who will one day make the choice of finding their birth parents or not. More than once I have asked God "Why me?" What did I do to deserve this happy beginning? What did I do to deserve parents who loved me enough to put my needs ahead of their own? God loved me so much that He was willing to move on my behalf.
Last night, I shared those feelings with my husband. For those of you who know me, things DO NOT come easy for me. I have had to fight for everything I have. I love my husband with all of my heart, but we never had that fairytale romance. We've had our share of problems, but we always work through them as they come along. I had to fight to get my kids. Fertility problems that has led me to have to say good-bye far too early to over half of my children. Adoptions that caused me to fight for my babies from the moment they were placed in my arms. Everything I have is because I fought to have it. This is reason why God's love for me is so hard to comprehend. It is given freely with no strings attached. I am so thankful for the stubborn, never quit attitude that was given to me by my Mom, and probably Dad too. It has made me who I am.
Now, I find myself trying to figure out how to navigate the days ahead. Everything is still so surreal. I don't know how to start a parent/child relationship when that child is an adult. I am also trying to find balance. I want to give space, but not so much that it seems like I don't care. Where is the balance? No one knows. Neither of us have ever been in this position and we will just have to find what works for us.
God, I stand in awe of Your love for me. I feel so unworthy of the blessings that You've given me. Thank you for this miracle. Please give me wisdom as we all move forward. Give me the right words to speak. Give all of us peace as we begin to navigate this new part of our journey. I am so grateful for my parents. Thank You for picking the best ones for me. Thank You for their sacrafice, and their unselfish love for me. Thank You for healing and restoration. Amen
Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. - Joshua 1:9b (NKJV)
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
I have had such a whirlwind couple of days. I have spent a lot of time thinking over the past. I am so thankful that my mother chose the high road where I was concerned. These days you see women who are more than willing to rip their ex's/ children's fathers to shreds with no thought of what it does to their child. Men are the same way. My Mama never said bad things about my Daddy. The subject of Dad never really came up unless I brought it up, but when it did she always said she hoped that I would be able to meet him one day if that was what I wanted. The flip side of this, I expected that I would her bad things about Mama when I met Daddy. That couldn't have been further from the truth. He was very surprised to hear she had passed away. He was apologetic. I am so thankful that he, too, has chosen the high road. Mom was my best friend. I know that she wasn't perfect, but she was perfect for me. We all have pasts and we all make mistakes, but I know every choice she made was out of love for me.
I have been floating in the clouds since meeting my Dad. All of these years I have envisioned what meeting him would be like. I knew when I started this journey to a new me that I would eventually be facing this issue. Never in my wildest dreams, did I envision this. I pictured trying to find peace with what happened and moving on with my life. As I sat in the van waiting for him to arrive Sunday, I envisioned every single way things could've went wrong. Then he pulled in and I seen him. All of a sudden this peace washed over me. All of the fear, alright most of the fear, washed away. This man stepped outside of his comfort zone and welcomed me into his life so I could find peace and healing. I will forever feel gratitude to him because of this.
Month 5 of my journey has held the most change for me so far. There is an enormous weight that has been lifted from my heart. This weight won't show on the scales, but it's been the most important "weight loss." My life has been changed forever.
I find myself constantly amazed and in awe of everything that has happened. God's perfect timing is one thing that still leaves me scratching my head. I struggled for so long with trying to find Dad. When the time was right, God orchestrated everything to flow so smoothly. I think of all of the people out there searching for their birth parents who never find them. I think of my own children who will one day make the choice of finding their birth parents or not. More than once I have asked God "Why me?" What did I do to deserve this happy beginning? What did I do to deserve parents who loved me enough to put my needs ahead of their own? God loved me so much that He was willing to move on my behalf.
Last night, I shared those feelings with my husband. For those of you who know me, things DO NOT come easy for me. I have had to fight for everything I have. I love my husband with all of my heart, but we never had that fairytale romance. We've had our share of problems, but we always work through them as they come along. I had to fight to get my kids. Fertility problems that has led me to have to say good-bye far too early to over half of my children. Adoptions that caused me to fight for my babies from the moment they were placed in my arms. Everything I have is because I fought to have it. This is reason why God's love for me is so hard to comprehend. It is given freely with no strings attached. I am so thankful for the stubborn, never quit attitude that was given to me by my Mom, and probably Dad too. It has made me who I am.
Now, I find myself trying to figure out how to navigate the days ahead. Everything is still so surreal. I don't know how to start a parent/child relationship when that child is an adult. I am also trying to find balance. I want to give space, but not so much that it seems like I don't care. Where is the balance? No one knows. Neither of us have ever been in this position and we will just have to find what works for us.
God, I stand in awe of Your love for me. I feel so unworthy of the blessings that You've given me. Thank you for this miracle. Please give me wisdom as we all move forward. Give me the right words to speak. Give all of us peace as we begin to navigate this new part of our journey. I am so grateful for my parents. Thank You for picking the best ones for me. Thank You for their sacrafice, and their unselfish love for me. Thank You for healing and restoration. Amen
Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. - Joshua 1:9b (NKJV)
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Mothers' Day and a Funeral
I will start out by saying I have great kids and they are my reason for living. They made cards for me. They got me a book and a candle, but more importantly they gave the sweetest hugs and "I love you" 's. That means more to me than anything else.
All that being said, I hate this stinkin' day. It reminds me that I am now an orphan. My mama left and my father isn't here either. This day reminds me of all that I am missing now that she's gone. It also reminds me that over half of my children aren't here with me.
I woke up this morning with the intentions of going to church. The kids ended up having tummy troubles this morning. We had to rush to the store because we needed diapers. Then we went to the grave yard to take flowers for mama and to bury Chloe. This special day shouldn't include trips to the grave yard. It's just wrong!!!!
We sang and prayed over our precious baby. We lowered her tiny casket into the ground and we said "see you soon." She is beautiful. I know she's sitting in my mama's arms right now being rocked and comforted by the same arms who comforted me for 25 years. If she can't be in my arms, there's no other place I'd rather my babies be.
I asked my husband to make spaghetti for me for dinner tonight. Since I have started dieting, I haven't been able to have really good spaghetti. So tonight he made it...after I chopped everything that went in it...then he needed my help with a couple other things. I didn't care to help him. However in the end my plate was dumped because someone wasn't paying attention to what they were doing. Oh well, I saved some calories I guess. This weekend has been so hard and I am glad to see it go. I hope this week is better.
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
All that being said, I hate this stinkin' day. It reminds me that I am now an orphan. My mama left and my father isn't here either. This day reminds me of all that I am missing now that she's gone. It also reminds me that over half of my children aren't here with me.
I woke up this morning with the intentions of going to church. The kids ended up having tummy troubles this morning. We had to rush to the store because we needed diapers. Then we went to the grave yard to take flowers for mama and to bury Chloe. This special day shouldn't include trips to the grave yard. It's just wrong!!!!
We sang and prayed over our precious baby. We lowered her tiny casket into the ground and we said "see you soon." She is beautiful. I know she's sitting in my mama's arms right now being rocked and comforted by the same arms who comforted me for 25 years. If she can't be in my arms, there's no other place I'd rather my babies be.
I asked my husband to make spaghetti for me for dinner tonight. Since I have started dieting, I haven't been able to have really good spaghetti. So tonight he made it...after I chopped everything that went in it...then he needed my help with a couple other things. I didn't care to help him. However in the end my plate was dumped because someone wasn't paying attention to what they were doing. Oh well, I saved some calories I guess. This weekend has been so hard and I am glad to see it go. I hope this week is better.
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
A Mother's Blessings
Three years ago tomorrow my little family lined up in our pew to "celebrate"
Mothers' Day. I won the flowers for the "young" mothers' category. Our pastor
brought all of the winners up front and he commented about that being my first
official Mothers' Day, as we had completed the boys' adoption the month before.
I will never forget that day. I was one huge bundle of emotions. As much as I
was trying to hold it together for my kids, all I could focus on was how it was
just another first without my own Mama.
The flowers were such a bittersweet
gift but I wanted NOTHING to do with them. Mother's Day flowers were "cursed" in
our family. The last time someone in my family won flowers for Mother's Day was in 1988. I was 4 years old and we lined the pew as a measure to appease my grandmother. Mama won flowers for having the most children (5) in church that morning. After church, Mama and my brother rode home together and I rode home with my sisters. Mama and Paul got home and Paul made a comment about beating Kathy home...a few more minutes pass and we still hadn't made it home. Then Mama got a phone call. All 3 of her daughters were hurt in a car wreck. An older lady pulled out in front of us and hit Kathy's car. Kathy sustained the most minor injuries. I think Cindy was pretty hurt. My injuries didn't seem too bad, but they wouldn't find out until later about my broken pelvis or my brain tumor. They said that the nurses thought Cindy had lost her mind because she kept going on and on about where the flowers were. (She had been holding them when we wrecked.) I don't believe in luck so I know that flowers have no bad omen or karma or anything to them. Still, this gift was just a reminder of what happened then and that I was celebrating this normally wonderful day without my own Mama. So we took my flowers to the grave yard and left them with someone who really deserved them!
Little did I know, as I accepted those flowers from our Pastor that morning just what was about to unfold in my life. Forty-eight hours later I was in bed fighting the urge to want to sleep all day while my children watched Disney. John made them breakfast before he left for work that morning and we were all snuggled on my bed while I pretended to sleep. Little did I know what God had in store. around 10:15 that morning I got a phone call from a lady who said she was from placement. She told me they had a newborn baby girl who they wanted to place with us. Uh? What? I must be dreaming! I tried to listen as they gave me the details... Once I realized this was real, then I couldn't pay attention because I was too excited. I finally got off the phone with her and was told to wait for a call from the case worker to tell us when to meet her at the hospital. I got off the phone and told the boys. Landon wasn't really sure what I was saying. Sam looked up at me and said "OH MOMMY!!! God has answered my prayers!" Trying to be the good little foster/adoptive Mama and step out of faith for a moment I told him "Son, we don't know if we are going to get to keep her." He touched my arm and said "Mom, I prayed and God answered my prayers. She is OUR baby. Believe me, God's got this." Sometimes if I wasn't staring right at home I would never believe he was a child.
John rushes home and gets pulled over for speeding through our sleepy little town, at the end of our road no less. The cop let him go when he explained the situation. He called me and said "Look out the window." The boys got all excited about how Daddy was going to get arrested and all I could think of was how we couldn't afford a speeding ticket.
That afternoon I finally got to see our baby girl. Birth mom met us at the hospital and she held her the whole time. As much as I wanted to hold her, I knew this young woman needed this time to come to terms with this seperation. There was some things the hospital would require I be trained in before they would release Jewel-Anne so I had to come back the next day to pick her up. John had to go into work that day, so my sister came to the hospital with me to sit with the boys. I got to sit in the nursery at the hospital and snuggle with my new baby for almost an hour before the doctor was available to train me how to give her medicine. I didn't mind one bit. It was bittersweet to watch these nurses say good-bye to her. They sent her home with all kinds of baby clothes they had bought her. She spent her first 13 days of life with these women. They loved her like she was their own. I am so thankful for those women.
We finally get ready to leave and I take the bags down to the van. I am greeted by 3 people demanding to know where the baby is. "She will be down in a minute," I tell them. I gave my sister instructions to pull around to Discharge and we would meet her there. I go back into the hospital for the last time knowing I would be leaving with my baby. The nurse escorts us out and my sister (who was blessed with long legs and arms buckles Jewel-Anne into the van. Sam is drooling over Jewel-Anne and Landon finally realized what is happening. He looks at the nurse and says "Excuse me, Ma'am, but we don't need a baby. You need to take her back upstairs where she belongs!" Three years later he still has a mouth that can make me blush with embarrassment when he speaks. You NEVER know what is going to come out of his mouth!
When I stood in church crying over what I had lost...God knew what I was about to gain! Seven weeks prior when I was in near panic attack mode as I walked into the court house to complete the adoption of our boys, God was saying "You don't know it, yet, but something big is about to happen and she will be wonderful!" Four months prior when we were on our way to church not knowing that I would never again hear my Mama tell me that she loved me again, God knew that this little bundle of Sugar and Spice needed her Grammie's loving arms to hold her and her sister before they entered this world. Eternal life was the best gift God could give my Mama in that moment. She had suffered so long. He took her when He did so she could hold my babies before I could. "Out of these ashes Beauty will rise." My babies were God's gift to me to remind me that I still had a future and a purpose to fulfill on this earth. At the time, I didn't understand why I was saying it because I never expected us to have anymore children. On the way to the grave yard in that lonely funeral procession I remember telling John that if we ever had a baby girl I was naming her after Mama. In that moment, God knew. When we celebrated our first Christmas with the boys and our last one with Mama, God knew and He made it a perfect one.
What if I hadn't been willing to listen to the voice that told me to trust God with the size of our family? What if I would've allowed the brokenness to win in the midst of my grief for my son? What if we hadn't started our classes in November and would've waited until next year like I had planned? What if God hadn't placed J in our lives to talk to me and listen when this broken woman spoke of her desire to hold and care for a child so bad? What if J hadn't listened to the Voice of God? What if the women at Choices Resource Center hadn't been willing to listen to the crazy lady weep for almost an hour on the phone because she feared her dreams would never be a reality? What if A (a fellow foster/adoptive mom) hadn't been willing to listen or offer advice when I called her because the woman I spoke with at Choices told me A could help me. What if we had said "God we don't want sick babies" instead of saying "God we told You we would trust You..." What if we said we only want 1 child, newborn only? What if we had closed our home after the boys? What if, nine months later we hadn't made the changes to expand our license for more children? What if I had said I couldn't handle 2 infants, though there were times I wondered how far off the deep end I had went? What if I would've said 3 under 14 months was too much? You see, in the midst of all this grieving I had been doing for the last few years, each event was a stepping stone to get me where I am going. Each angel stirred my Mama's Heart to push for another blessing. Absolutely none of this happened by chance or surprised God. Each heartbreak He bent down to hold me and whisper in my ear "It's not over yet. Push forward. Keep going. He's worth it. She's worth it. They're all worth it. I have blessings in store for you that you can't even begin to comprehend right now baby girl. Don't give up now! Don't you even think about quitting on me!"
When I stood in church crying over what I had lost...God knew what I was about to gain! Seven weeks prior when I was in near panic attack mode as I walked into the court house to complete the adoption of our boys, God was saying "You don't know it, yet, but something big is about to happen and she will be wonderful!" Four months prior when we were on our way to church not knowing that I would never again hear my Mama tell me that she loved me again, God knew that this little bundle of Sugar and Spice needed her Grammie's loving arms to hold her and her sister before they entered this world. Eternal life was the best gift God could give my Mama in that moment. She had suffered so long. He took her when He did so she could hold my babies before I could. "Out of these ashes Beauty will rise." My babies were God's gift to me to remind me that I still had a future and a purpose to fulfill on this earth. At the time, I didn't understand why I was saying it because I never expected us to have anymore children. On the way to the grave yard in that lonely funeral procession I remember telling John that if we ever had a baby girl I was naming her after Mama. In that moment, God knew. When we celebrated our first Christmas with the boys and our last one with Mama, God knew and He made it a perfect one.
What if I hadn't been willing to listen to the voice that told me to trust God with the size of our family? What if I would've allowed the brokenness to win in the midst of my grief for my son? What if we hadn't started our classes in November and would've waited until next year like I had planned? What if God hadn't placed J in our lives to talk to me and listen when this broken woman spoke of her desire to hold and care for a child so bad? What if J hadn't listened to the Voice of God? What if the women at Choices Resource Center hadn't been willing to listen to the crazy lady weep for almost an hour on the phone because she feared her dreams would never be a reality? What if A (a fellow foster/adoptive mom) hadn't been willing to listen or offer advice when I called her because the woman I spoke with at Choices told me A could help me. What if we had said "God we don't want sick babies" instead of saying "God we told You we would trust You..." What if we said we only want 1 child, newborn only? What if we had closed our home after the boys? What if, nine months later we hadn't made the changes to expand our license for more children? What if I had said I couldn't handle 2 infants, though there were times I wondered how far off the deep end I had went? What if I would've said 3 under 14 months was too much? You see, in the midst of all this grieving I had been doing for the last few years, each event was a stepping stone to get me where I am going. Each angel stirred my Mama's Heart to push for another blessing. Absolutely none of this happened by chance or surprised God. Each heartbreak He bent down to hold me and whisper in my ear "It's not over yet. Push forward. Keep going. He's worth it. She's worth it. They're all worth it. I have blessings in store for you that you can't even begin to comprehend right now baby girl. Don't give up now! Don't you even think about quitting on me!"
I am so thankful to our birth mothers. When they knew they couldn't care for my kids, they made the decision to give them a better life. Everyone knows the stigma that is attached to birth moms who have been through the system. My children each have had rough starts because of choices made before they were born. Some people choose the angry route and think what terrible women they are. I can't think that way. The role they played in my children's lives are just as important as my own, for without them my children wouldn't be here. They gave me gifts that no one else on earth could ever give me. They each loved their children or else my children wouldn't be here. I am so thankful that they chose life for my babies.
God, thank you so much for my Blessings. I am so thankful that out of all the women on earth, or that You could've chosen to create, You picked ME to raise and nurture them. Sometimes I feel so inadequate, but I so thankful that You see what I can't. Please give me the wisdom I need so that even when I fail, they can see You through my mess. Give me the courage and the strength to face each challenge head on. Help me to put aside selfishness and help me to put them before my own needs and desires. Lord, when the day comes for me to leave this world, let me do so knowing that I did everything to ensure that my children knew just how much I loved them. May that love be so strong that it will flood the lives my grandchildren for generations to come. Please help me to always understand that there is nothing on this earth that I will ever do that is more important than instilling love into my kids. God I have failed You and I have failed them in so many ways, yet each of You are full of forgiveness. Thank You for never giving up on me. Amen.
God, thank you so much for my Blessings. I am so thankful that out of all the women on earth, or that You could've chosen to create, You picked ME to raise and nurture them. Sometimes I feel so inadequate, but I so thankful that You see what I can't. Please give me the wisdom I need so that even when I fail, they can see You through my mess. Give me the courage and the strength to face each challenge head on. Help me to put aside selfishness and help me to put them before my own needs and desires. Lord, when the day comes for me to leave this world, let me do so knowing that I did everything to ensure that my children knew just how much I loved them. May that love be so strong that it will flood the lives my grandchildren for generations to come. Please help me to always understand that there is nothing on this earth that I will ever do that is more important than instilling love into my kids. God I have failed You and I have failed them in so many ways, yet each of You are full of forgiveness. Thank You for never giving up on me. Amen.
Monday, April 2, 2012
Forever and a Birthday
Three years ago today my life changed forever. It was the very first major
thing our family celebrated since Mom had died. It was such a bitter sweet day.
I spent the whole morning crying about what all she was missing. I tried to not
be mad at her, but part of me was very angry that she decided to leave (like she
really had control of it!) when all of this important stuff was going on.
As I walked into the court house I regained composer. I didn't want the
boys to think I was upset with them. We waited for the longest while then it was
our turn. We walked into the Judge's chambers. This judge was very cold. At one
point I wondered if he was really going to grant our adoption or not. He did,
though, and then gave the boys candy. Everyone said their congrats, we got our
paperwork and then we left.
Today is not only the day that we celebrate our Forever Family anniversary,
but it's also Landon's birthday. My baby who was only a year old when he came to
us turns 6 today. The time really does fly. I am so happy God chose me to be his
Mama. He is funny, smart, stubborn and so loving. I am so blessed.
Today always leaves me thinking back to the day when these two little fire
crackers came crashing through the door of my life. "Are you my new mom?" my
then 3 year old Sam asks. "Yes, I am!" I said with tears in my eyes. "Where is
my new room and new toys??" Through the good days, bad ones and the inbetween I
am so blessed to be chosen by God to be their mama.
Dear Sam and Landon,
I can't believe it's been 4 years since God blessed me with you two. We
have been through so much during that time. Grammie is watching over you today
and always. She is so proud of the young men you've become. You guys are
amazing. You make my world a better place. I pray that you will one day know
just how much I love you. Now let's go to the park! ;-)
Love,
Mama
Monday, March 26, 2012
Happy Birthday Mama
This post is so hard to write. Whenever I start going down memory lane with Mama, it breaks my heart. There are days when I still think she's going to come down the hallway and knock on my bedroom door just to see what I am doing.
Today would be Mama's 65th birthday. I am so thankful for the 25 birthdays I was gifted with her. Even though I didn't always see it then, each day with her was such a gift. A gift I never knew meant so much until it was gone. Now I would give anything just to hold her again. I can't believe she's been gone 3 years.
Each year we take birthday cake to the grave yard to celebrate her birthday. This year will be no exception. We will sing to her and share memories. It may sound strange to some, but this is what we do. Our boys love to "remember Grammie."
My mama was a nurse who worked for Brushy Mountain Prison. Oh the stories she would tell. I was always scared that she would get hurt, but God always brought her home safely. I was given the greatest gift in 95 when she started getting sick. I was given the gift of time. When mom retired, I spent every day with her. I had already started homeschooling so it was immediate timefest when she retired. There were days when we would drive each other crazy. I wasn't like most teens. I didn't have a social life. My life revolved around Mama. I remember making the comment to John after she passed that I hadn't spent more than a month (collectively) away from her my entire life. The longest I ever spent without her was when she'd have to go away on training for work. (Refocusing to remain positive in this post.)
Her poor health was really a gift from God. I wish she would've been healthier. I wish she were still here. If she'd been healthy, we would've never had that time together. She would probably be retiring this year. It sounds horrible to say that. I don't mean it that way. I mean that if she had been healthy, all of the time and memories that I have would've never been. I am thankful that I was given the opportunity to care for her when she was ill. It taught me compassion.
I am glad that her pain and suffering no longer exist. She is whole. She is walking the streets of Heaven. She's spending time with her Mama and her grandbabies. This is what makes the long, heartbreaking days bearable. She's happy there. This is what I will focus on...
Happy Birthday Mama. I love you so much!!!
V.E.
Today would be Mama's 65th birthday. I am so thankful for the 25 birthdays I was gifted with her. Even though I didn't always see it then, each day with her was such a gift. A gift I never knew meant so much until it was gone. Now I would give anything just to hold her again. I can't believe she's been gone 3 years.
Each year we take birthday cake to the grave yard to celebrate her birthday. This year will be no exception. We will sing to her and share memories. It may sound strange to some, but this is what we do. Our boys love to "remember Grammie."
My mama was a nurse who worked for Brushy Mountain Prison. Oh the stories she would tell. I was always scared that she would get hurt, but God always brought her home safely. I was given the greatest gift in 95 when she started getting sick. I was given the gift of time. When mom retired, I spent every day with her. I had already started homeschooling so it was immediate timefest when she retired. There were days when we would drive each other crazy. I wasn't like most teens. I didn't have a social life. My life revolved around Mama. I remember making the comment to John after she passed that I hadn't spent more than a month (collectively) away from her my entire life. The longest I ever spent without her was when she'd have to go away on training for work. (Refocusing to remain positive in this post.)
Her poor health was really a gift from God. I wish she would've been healthier. I wish she were still here. If she'd been healthy, we would've never had that time together. She would probably be retiring this year. It sounds horrible to say that. I don't mean it that way. I mean that if she had been healthy, all of the time and memories that I have would've never been. I am thankful that I was given the opportunity to care for her when she was ill. It taught me compassion.
I am glad that her pain and suffering no longer exist. She is whole. She is walking the streets of Heaven. She's spending time with her Mama and her grandbabies. This is what makes the long, heartbreaking days bearable. She's happy there. This is what I will focus on...
Happy Birthday Mama. I love you so much!!!
V.E.
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