Granting Grace for Myself

I have finally finished all of my Christmas Shopping!!!  The kids will like what I got them.  (Believe it or not, Isaiah is the hardest to shop for.)  I am really impressed with John's gift! Gift Cards for Dad and Bonus Mama. I hate that I don't know them better.  Gift Cards are so impersonal.  Shopped for my siblings on Mom's side.  Everything is wrapped.  My box wasn't big enough to hold everything so the gifts are sitting on the coffee table in the living room.  Every day I hear "Mommy, is it "Chrisum" yet?"  Not yet, Liana. Soon, it will be.


I have really been struggling with getting into the mood to celebrate this year.  I am so thankful for my kids, but getting into the spirit of Christmas has been sooooo difficult this year.  I hate that every time Christmas comes I am haunted with memories of years past and visions of what I believe things should look like now.  My table is missing Grammie stories, 14 little hands and feet.  I am at a low point and I am just ready for this season to be behind me.  This isn't at all what God wants for me.  It's not what Mama wants for me either. 


I have been beating myself up for a month for not sticking to my diet.  I have had enough of that mental and physical torture.  I am giving myself a 3 week vacation.  Whatever goes into my mouth will not make me feel guilty.  I won't allow it.  This may not be the best way to deal with things, but it is what I have chosen to do.


On a brighter note, I received a couple suprises this weekend.  My dear, precious friend Stephanie sent me a Christmas card.  She made me cry. ;-)  I also received a card from Dad and Bonus Mama. The first ever gift/card from them.  I will cherish it.  I didn't really expect to get one of them.  Dad seems to  be the typical man who doesn't think about those things.  My thanks goes out to Bonus Mama for remembering me. 


I suppose that is all for now.  I am not sure I will be blogging for the rest of the year.  So just in case I don't "see" you before then - May God bless you with the merriest of Christmases.  I hope we all pause to thank God for His Christmas Gift to us.  That Gift is no longer a baby in a manger.  He grew up, was beaten and died on the Cross for the whole world's sins.  Now He lives forever more.  May we always remember that Christ is the reason for the season.  Please keep the CT shooting victims' families in your prayers.  Their tables will be very lonely this year, too.



Blessings,


Weight Loss Mama