Today has been a pretty good day. This morning we got dressed for church, made breakfast and headed out the door. My awesome husband made a mad dash into Walgreens for Jolly Ranchers. Bonus Mama told me a few months ago, that if I would keep candy in their mouths that my children wouldn't be able to talk through service. God love her; she was right! We still have the occasional outburst from Little Man, but that is about it. Now I know giving them a lot of candy isn't good for them. I will do it if that's what it takes for the next year or two to get them to sit through service, though. I am not usually a candy person, but I can't seem to stay away from the green apple and watermelon Jolly Ranchers right now. I had the pleasure of having a conversation with a lady at church. She has such a sweet family. I'm rather quiet at church and feel like I have to stay with the kids so I don't get around and socialize much. She sat down beside me and we chatted for a while. God knew I needed that this morning. I look forward to getting to know her better.
We took John to work after church and we came home for a while. I had a wonderful conversation with a dear friend of mine. We talked for over an hour. I got off the phone with her and went about my business. Then, like a ton of bricks, this overwhelming sadness hit me. A few days ago a friend of mine made a graphic for my Glory Babies. It is beautiful. I realized I hadn't uploaded it to facebook so I did. That lead to me going to youtube and listening to some of the songs in my Glory Babies playlist. Most days I do fine. Things this seasons, haven't plagued me too badly. Today it just hit me. There's so much that I would be doing with them right now. It is in these times of grief that my spirit looks up to my Heavenly Father and says "But I will still trust You." Unless you have had a child die, you can't understand the pain that goes along with it - a pain like none other. After I got the kids to bed tonight I walked out of the room to do a couple things. As I left, the song "Finally Home" came on the TV. This has become one of many of my "Mama" songs.
When we got to church tonight, we found out that a dear family in our church had a car accident. The wife and daughter were fine, but Dad was taken to the hospital. Please keep the Greene Family in your prayers. We know that God is in control and will see Mr. Greene through whatever is going on with him.
Tomorrow is going to be a very busy day. There are just a few days left in this year. Our insurance will become effective mid-December, but since nothing life threatening is going on I am saving all of our all of our appointments until January. I am going to start making appointments tomorrow, though. There's so many things that I have let slide over the past few years. Now is the time to get it all taken care of. I will need to see my PCP (gotta find one) first. I need to track down my neurology records from my childhood. I am praying that God will allow me to be able to see the doctor who did my surgery when I was younger. The last time I talked to them, they said he wasn't accepting patients, then.
Finding a new neurologist scares me. I was talking with my friend, Amy, this afternoon and this subject came up. I want to be in the hands of someone who knows what they are doing - no matter what kind of doctor I require. There is room for exception sometimes. I don't need a world renowned primary doctor. I know enough about my health to know when things don't seem right and can seek a second opinion. Being a hydrocephalus patient who hasn't been checked out in nearly two decades, there's always the possibility that I may need to have my shunt replaced. Should that happened, I want the best there is. I want to know that while I'm laying on the table with someone hacking into my brain that I am not going to wake up paralyzed or worse because of someone's carelessness. The second doctor would be my reproductive doctors. I want someone who knows their stuff. I am twenty-nine. My husband and I want a large family. I want to keep my ovaries and uterus and I want them to work. I also want to make sure that my doctor is as on-board with helping me get pregnant as I am. If s/he isn't invested in my care like they should be, then they have no business having my fertility in their hands. If you think about it tomorrow please say a prayer that God will lead me to all of the right people. I want to have peace with the choices I make.
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
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