Scared

I hate myself. When am I going to really get it together? I just turned 28. I don't want to be dead before I'm 30. I love my kids and I want to be around to raise them. I remember Mama making that statement many times and she died at the young age of 61. I am disgusted with myself. The batteries died in my scale so I don't even know what I weigh. I find myself eating even if I'm not hungry and I eat way too much when I do eat. I need a good diet make over. I need changes that I can live with forever. I am so out of shape that I don't even have a "shape." I am thinking about joining a gym again so I can exercise, but that didn't work out last time, either. I'm not sure where I'm going with with this. I am at a low point and I need something/someone to bring me out of it!

Feeling Hopeless...

First Goal Set!

Ok, so I haven't really taken this seriously until now. I hope that this was the kick in the pants I needed. I started feeling horrible last week. I had also stopped taking my metformin thinking I didn't really need it. Well, when I checked my blood sugar it was well over 300. Yes, I am stupid! I am awful and my kids deserve better than this so I'm going to give it to them!

I purchased Wii Fit a few weeks ago, but I'm too fat to use it. My first goal will be able to use it. Goal #1 will be to lose 60 lbs. to use this program.

I also started food journaling with http://www.sparkpeople.com and was made aware of why I'm gaining weight like I am. WAY too much dining out and fast food. I knew it wasn't healthy, but I was unaware of just how much I was eating. It's gross when I think about it!

Wt: 360

Goal #1 Progress: none

Mini goal: 5 lbs before vacation in two weeks.

Weigh In 3/16

I haven't been good with my diet or exercise. I hope to get better though.

Today's Weigh In

Ht: 5'0
Wt: 347.2
Wt Loss/Gain: 9.8 lbs
Total Wt Loss: 9.8 lbs

Having Trouble Getting Started

As a mom with 5 kids and a husband with two jobs, it's so easy to stop and pick up food. Mom saves time, but gains the pounds. Totally not worth it, but it's hard to break the habit. I cooked for the first time in I don't know how long last night. What did I make? Hotdogs...and then snacked on left overs all evening. I eat because it's habit. I really do want to succeed, but this is going to be harder than I thought. Encouragement is welcome. Thanks so much.


Weight Loss Mama

Initial Stats - 2/7/11

Stats:

Ht: 5'0
Wt: 357.0
Wt Loss/Gain for this week: 0
Total Wt Loss: 0

Introduction

Welcome to my weight loss journey. My name is Lisa. I am a 27 year old wife to one and mom to 11 beautiful children. We have 5 with us and 6 angels. They are why I have decided to fight this. I want to get healthy and stay healthy so I can see my grandchildren grow up.

Two years ago my mom passed away. She was only 61 when she passed. She'd smoked for over 30 years before she quit. She had a heart attack in 03 (56) and had open heart surgery because of it. Shortly after that, she became an amputee and would later lose her other leg all because of an evil monster named diabetes. My grandparents also had a host of medical problems also.

Why have I waited so long to get healthy? I didn't have the best childhood growing up. My mom was divorced. She had 4 children from that marriage that were teenagers by the time I came along. She worked like crazy to support her family and wasn't home much. Family life wasn't always the best. I learned to control the areas of my life that I could. Eating became my drug of choice. If I was upset I would eat to numb the pain...eventually I'd eat because I was sad, happy, mad, etc. It wasn't until recently that I realize I eat for the sheer emotional high it gives me. Rarelyat for nourishment. I'm also a huge couch potato. I need to learn to get up and get moving. My biggest problem is that my family has always judged me because of my weight. I've always felt I needed to lose weight for them to love me. They are always throwing diets my way that I may fit into their perfect little bubble. I have created this blog to confront my fears. I often closet diet so that if I fail then I don't have to listen to everyone else's comments.

My husband and I went through fertility treatments a couple years ago where I was diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and "borderline" diabetes. That should've been enough to wake me up, but it wasn't. We want more children and I know that I need to get healthy for that to happen so here I am.


I hope that you will stick around to see me succeed. I hope I succeed this time.


Thanks,

Weight Loss Mama