Chewy

 Yesterday, we had to put our beloved dog Chewy to sleep. Last year, he had gotten really sick but had recovered. This time, his quality of life just went down hill. We talked to the vet when we got to the appointment to put him to sleep. After looking at him, she agreed that it was time based on what she was seeing. It wasn't an easy choice. This is the first time in my forty-three years I had ever had to say good-bye to one of MY pets through death. One thing I can say is that he was well loved and he loved well. There will be a permanent Chewy-sized hole in our hearts. He wasn't just a pet. He was family. 

(From FB)

Today, we said good-bye to our precious Chewy as he crossed the rainbow bridge. His precious life brought so much happiness to ours. He was such a good boy who loved his family well. Life will not be the same without him.

There is a a song that I found with one of my miscarriages that part of has been on my heart since he passed. "Your days changed everything/ You're missed now and will always be/ But you left here the greatest gift of all/ Cause our hearts ache for home." (Side note: I will not get into a theological debate about whether pets make it to Heaven or not. If the Bible says the lion and the lamb will be there, then while I am here I can take hope in believing I will be reunited with Chewy. If I am not then I am only hurting myself. By the time I realize I am wrong, I will be in Heaven where it won't matter any way so just don't go there, please!)

Broken

I am sitting here right now with my heart hurting.  All day long I haven't felt right.  I have been fighting off a migraine.  I had John to rub my shoulders. He went to buy me some new pillows hoping that might help. I spent most of the afternoon with a towel over my head to block out the light and trying to stay as still as possible.  Finally, I got up and went to get some medication and had a pedicure.  My beloved manicurist, Jenny, did some pressure point massaging that helped tremendously.  I went to grab a bite to eat then settled in to our bedtime routine.


Then I checked my messages and found out some horrible news.  News that simply makes me want to cry, which I am, and news that makes my chest feel like there's a two ton elephant sitting on it.  News that I don't want to have to tell my husband when he wakes up from work, but I have to.  Before I share this news with you, I have to go back in our story a couple months ago.


A few months ago, a very dear friend of mine, who happens to be like a daughter to me, lost her father. He died of cancer.  I have grieved for the loss of my friend, and tried to help this sweet young woman grieve the loss of her dad.  A couple months ago, she found out that she was pregnant with twins.  She has two kids of her own already and felt she couldn't raise these two.  After much prayer and consideration, we (she, John and myself) decided we would adopt the babies.  John and I had been trying to figure out the finances of the legal process.


This afternoon I was notified that she lost the babies.  My heart aches.  I ache for the lost dream of holding these precious babies.  I ache for a friend who is more like a daughter to me than anything else.  My heart aches because I know what she is going through.  I ache because distance separates us just enough that I cannot be with her at this time.  It just isn't right.  No one should have to go through the pain of losing a child (let alone two) like that.  I am balancing between wanting to scream like mad and wanting to cry.


Please pray for this dear young woman as she grieves the loss of these babies. Birth moms are awesome people.  They prepare to give their precious child(ren) to another woman to love and care for all of its days.  Yet, when the unthinkable happens, they still grief the loss of their child.

But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.”  -  Matt. 19:14

Blessing,

Mama