Broken

I am sitting here right now with my heart hurting.  All day long I haven't felt right.  I have been fighting off a migraine.  I had John to rub my shoulders. He went to buy me some new pillows hoping that might help. I spent most of the afternoon with a towel over my head to block out the light and trying to stay as still as possible.  Finally, I got up and went to get some medication and had a pedicure.  My beloved manicurist, Jenny, did some pressure point massaging that helped tremendously.  I went to grab a bite to eat then settled in to our bedtime routine.


Then I checked my messages and found out some horrible news.  News that simply makes me want to cry, which I am, and news that makes my chest feel like there's a two ton elephant sitting on it.  News that I don't want to have to tell my husband when he wakes up from work, but I have to.  Before I share this news with you, I have to go back in our story a couple months ago.


A few months ago, a very dear friend of mine, who happens to be like a daughter to me, lost her father. He died of cancer.  I have grieved for the loss of my friend, and tried to help this sweet young woman grieve the loss of her dad.  A couple months ago, she found out that she was pregnant with twins.  She has two kids of her own already and felt she couldn't raise these two.  After much prayer and consideration, we (she, John and myself) decided we would adopt the babies.  John and I had been trying to figure out the finances of the legal process.


This afternoon I was notified that she lost the babies.  My heart aches.  I ache for the lost dream of holding these precious babies.  I ache for a friend who is more like a daughter to me than anything else.  My heart aches because I know what she is going through.  I ache because distance separates us just enough that I cannot be with her at this time.  It just isn't right.  No one should have to go through the pain of losing a child (let alone two) like that.  I am balancing between wanting to scream like mad and wanting to cry.


Please pray for this dear young woman as she grieves the loss of these babies. Birth moms are awesome people.  They prepare to give their precious child(ren) to another woman to love and care for all of its days.  Yet, when the unthinkable happens, they still grief the loss of their child.

But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.”  -  Matt. 19:14

Blessing,

Mama

Embarrassing Weight Loss Moments

So let's be honest here. I have been less than faithful with my weight loss journey lately. So imagine my surprise when the events of the day took place. Needless to say, I was so embarrassed!


This morning I had to be in Knoxville very early.  Of course this would be the morning I overslept. LANDON even overslept.  That is totally unusual.  So we all get up and rush out the door.  Since I've gained some weight back I have gotten out some of my old clothes. This morning I had put a pair of cloth shorts on.


We do what we need to do and I go to drop John off at his car so he can go to work. We stopped at the gas station.  I get out of the van and as I stand up my shorts hit the ground. Now they didn't seem that loose this morning as I was in a  hurry, but they hit the concrete really easily. I was humiliated.  I pulled up my shorts and prayed no one seen me.  I spent the rest of my time trying not to make eye contact with anyone.


Blessings,

Mama

Scary Thoughts

The thought just hit me today. I have 4 years until I have a teen in the house. Six until I have two teens in the house. Nine until I have 4 teens in the house. And a mere ten until there are FIVE teenage kids living in my house. Lord, give me the grace and wisdom to prepare my children to stand for You. Help me to lead and guide them in a way that would bring You glory. Help me to teach them to make decisions that would bring delight to Your heart. Help me to lead them as long as I need to. Help me to let go when the time is right. Above all else God, please guard their hearts that they may follow your ways every step they take. Amen.


Blessings,

Mama