Stressed Out Mommy Syndrome

I don't know if that is a medical diagnosis or not, but that is where I am right now. I am in the "Stressed Out Mommy" village right now. It is not where I want to be or where I want to parent from, but it is where I am.

Sometime last week, I noticed my body showing signs of stress. My teeth were starting to clench involuntarily. My neck and upper back started hurting. Now, I am starting to suffer from stress headaches.

I have suffered from headaches most of my life, but these are a bit different. They usually start in my neck and upper back before they proceed to a full-blown headache that I cannot get rid of. I will never forget the first one I got. No matter what I did, it wouldn't go away. I was eighteen. I was working at a convenience store. At the time, I was their best employee. I would work shifts that no one else would. I would go in and work when others called in. You could say that I was married to my job, but I was 18 with no other real responsibilities so it worked. When I wasn't working, I was babysitting. My body kept screaming it had enough, but I wouldn't listen. I developed a headache that would not go away. I took Tylenol, but it didn't help. Advil didn't help either. During this time I tried every over-the-counter pain reliever that was available. I was given some prescription medicine by my doctor that didn't help either.

I was sent for an MRI because of my history of a brain tumor, but it was clear. Finally, the doctor said that it was stress. He sent me for physical therapy. That brought my pain level from insane to manageable during the therapy sessions, but within hours I felt like I was dying again. I finally had to quit my job. Finally, after about 18 months the pain went away. I know it sounds crazy to say I had a headache for 18 months, but it was seriously one never-ending headache. I suffer from stress headaches and migraines now, but nothing as bad as that one. Still, the fear is there when I start seeing the signs of a stress headache.

Now, I am searching for ways to relieve my stress. My therapist moved out of the area about a month ago. I am currently waiting for my new one to get back from vacation, so I can schedule an appointment with her. I am journaling and trying other stress relieving techniques. Hopefully, this will end soon.

Blessings,

Mama

Something's Gotta Give

For those who don't know the back story, I had a brain tumor when I was younger.  I was four years old.  It was Mother's Day.  Mom won flowers for having the most children at church with her.  My brother rode home with Mama while I rode with my sisters.  Mom always said she knew something was wrong when she made it home before we did.  We never made it home that day.  We had a really bad accident.  My sisters were pretty banged up.  They would later find out that I broke my pelvis.  Shortly, after the accident my right eye started to cross.  After many doctor's appointments, a lovely neurosurgeon, Dr. Reid found out that I had an arachnoid cyst (aka a brain tumor) that had to be removed.  They had hoped that removing the tumor would correct my vision problems.  They removed the tumor and days later I was back in the OR having a VP shunt (a tube that extends from my brain into my belly) put in.  That's right. I had hydrocephlus.  Later I had to have corrective eye surgery.  I haven't had any problems with my shunt since then.


About ten years ago I developed a headache that wouldn't go away.  Nothing I took OTC would make it go away.  I had all kinds of neurological tests done.  Everything checked out.  They tried to medicate me.  Nothing helped.  They tried massage therapy.  With that the pain was less intense, but it never went away. I had that headache (the exact same headache from DAY 1!) for over a year.  The doctors finally determined that they were stress headahces.  One day I woke up and realized I hadn't been in pain for a couple days. 


At some point last week I started having stress headaches.  I tried all kinds of OTC stuff but nothing helped.   Yesterday, I started having pain around my shunt so I decided to go in to be checked out.  When I arrived the doctor gave me a hydrocodone, did some basic neurological tests and ordered a CT.  I had the pain meds around 8 PM, but they didn't help at all.  In fact, I left the hospital in more pain than I was in when I got there.  After the CT scan came back the doctor said everything was clear.  He offered me more pain medicine before I left.  I looked at him and told him that I had been through this before and that nothing would help the pain.  I thanked him and declined the medicine.  I don't want to put medicine in my body that won't help.  He told me that he understood, but felt bad for me.  He offered to give me a Valium to relax after he made sure I had a ride home.  I took that around 11 PM last night.   John had to call in because I couldn't be alone.


I woke up this morning barely knowing what world I was in.  I tried to talk but it was all I could do to concentrate enough to get the words from my brain to my mouth.  I scared John to death.  I have stayed in a daze all day long.  Even now, I still feel really loopy.  I will take the pain over this feeling any day.  I have slept more than I have been awake today.  Now, I am ready to go back to bed.


The good news in all of this is that it was determined that I am having stress headaches again.  The bad news is that this pain will continue until all of the stress is resolved.  I started trying to pinpoint the issues when the headaches started.  There's really only 3-4 major stressful issues in my life right now.  Most of these I can work through, but a couple of them there's nothing I can do to control the stress.  Here's to hoping this thing doesn't stick around long!  Please pray for me.


Blessings,

Weight Loss Mama