One Year Post-Op Appointment with Bariatric Clinic

 Today I had my one year post-op appt with my bariatric clinic today. This year has been a definite roller coaster to say the least. I do not regret having the surgery for anything, but I have struggled for every pound I have lost. This is the longest I have "stayed on the wagon" without burning it down. Sure, I have fallen off a few times along the way but I have gotten back up each time. 

Even when I was doing everything completely by the book, my progress was slow. I have tried going to appointments monthly with my clinic to see if accountability helped. Their idea of accountability was weighing me (of course) and then lecturing me if I hadn't lost enough weight or if I had gained. The one month that I kicked butt (I lost like 11 lbs) was the month I had started having issues with swallowing. I actually saw Dr. W that visit (a rare occurrence) and because they were so focused on my GI issues (rightly so) they didn't have anything positive to say about my weight loss.

We have tried Phentermine. My PCP put me on Mounjaro again. (I had taken it prior to surgery) I do not respond to the weight loss side effects of Mounjaro. I didn't prior to surgery and I haven't since surgery. I'm on a pretty high dose also. I have lost weight, it is just very slow. Kind of a step forward, a couple steps back kind of progress. 

During this process, I have started working with a mental health therapist and a registered dietician. While I do not have the official diagnosis, we have an unofficial diagnosed eating disorder. (I will probably make a separate post about that.) My therapist has mentioned that multiple times. My last appointment with my RD, she put a name to it. She thinks I have BED. I do not have all the symptoms of Binge Eating Disorder, but I have enough of them that I can say "I could see that." She has mentioned a medication she wants me to talk to my doctor about. I made an appointment to speak with my PCP, but I cannot get into him for a couple weeks. I talked to the PA about it today and she was in agreement with me talking to my PCP about it. She said it was something that the bariatric clinic wouldn't prescribe. 

The past few weeks, I haven't exercised like I should. I haven't stuck to my diet as close. I have gained 7.3 pounds since my last bariatric appointment two months ago. So almost a pound a week on average. I am now right at 199. I promised myself I would never hit 200 again. 

I *THINK* I have found my wake up point. I have lost my "want to." and I am desperate to find it again. I know my WHY... that isn't the problem. The problem is the drive to actually do it. I will get there, though. 

It's My One Year Surgery-versary

Scars By I Am They

Waking up to a new sunrise
Looking back from the other side
I can see now with open eyes
Darkest water and deepest pain
I wouldn’t trade it for anything
‘Cause my brokenness brought me to You
And these wounds are a story You’ll use

So I’m thankful for the scars
‘Cause without them I wouldn’t know Your heart
And I know they’ll tell of who You are
So forever I am thankful for the scars

Now I’m standing in confidence
With the strength of Your faithfulness
And I’m not who I was before
No, I don’t have to fear anymore

I can see, I can see
How You delivered me
In Your hands, In Your feet
I found my victory

So I’m thankful for Your scars
‘Cause without them I wouldn’t know Your heart
And with my life I will tell of who You are
‘Cause forever I am thankful for

I’m thankful for the scars
‘Cause without them I wouldn’t know Your heart
And I know they’ll always tell of who You are
So forever I am thankful for the scars

Today marks my one year surgery-versary. I am writing this just after midnight. I have dreaded this post for weeks. The last 16 months (when I first started with clinic until now) have been a real rollercoaster of emotions, physical accomplishments and setbacks, and spiritual trials and feats. I am so glad I didn't know all that I was getting into because to be honest, I am not sure I would have signed up. I do not regret my surgery, but I know if I had known what was on this side of things prior to surgery I would have decided it was too much for me to handle and quit before I started. Thank God, He only gives us the knowledge we need for the season we are in. Amen? 

This last year has tested me physically. In the three months before surgery, I struggled with losing weight. I weighed 281 just before going to Clinic for the first time. Surgery Day I weighed 241.8. Tuesday I weighed in at 197.9. If you look back, I have lost 83.1 lbs since I started with clinic, but only 43.9 lbs since surgery. While I am trying to be proud of that (and I am), I would be lying if I didn't tell you that I am disappointed that it wasn't more. Often it is hard to focus on where I've come from because all I can see is how far I still need to go (60-90 lbs left). I know I can do this and I will continue to "do this" until I meet my goal, but it is disappointing and I would be remiss if I didn't share that with you. 

This last year (fifteen months) has tested me emotionally. I think I have felt every emotion I have ever felt at least twice and some WAY more than that. It has been a real TRIP to say the least! Dollywood has nothing on the ride I have been on. Some days were really good and some days were just... NOT! I can be anyone else's biggest cheerleader, I am my own worst critic. There were days that I was my own hype man and other days Satan had me right where he wanted me and I allowed him to do it. (Why do we do that? Still trying to figure that one out!) Some days even the good was overshadowed by the negative and that is just the nature of the beast, especially when the beast is accompanied by depression and anxiety. 

This last year has tested me spiritually. Although, I did have a major breakthrough in my walk with Christ this year, I had to experience some very low points, too. I am thankful for all God allowed me to walk through because I wouldn't have made it to where I am if I hadn't had those struggles, but there was more than a time or two where I looked up at Him and just asked "Really, God?" (And if that doesn't make me a good enough Christian in your eyes then that is on you because for once I can say that I know exactly where I stand with God and I know He can handle my questions.)

This last year has made me. God has been shaping me into a new person. He's not finished. I have a long ways to go, but I am not giving up. I may feel behind in my goal progress, but I'm not giving up. I may have experienced some regain, but I'm not giving up. It may seem like two steps forward, one step back some days, but I'm not giving up. I will reach my goals. Perhaps not on my original timeline, but I will get there. With God's help and grace. I will get there. 

Rings, Bras, and Weight Loss - Oh My

 I have lost 6.2 lbs since the beginning of January! I know that doesn't sound like much, but I am pretty happy. I still have two more weeks left to count for January. I am hoping this ends up being a ten pound month, but who knows! 

A couple months ago, my rings started getting REALLY lose on me. They were a size 10 so I went and had my finger sized at Walmart. I was a size 8. I bought one of their cheapie sets. I spent like $15 on it. My daughter L told me that it would turn my finger green. I wear cheap jewelry (man-made diamonds, etc) all the time so I figured it wouldn't, but she was right. I wore it anyway and figured I'd just save up to buy a new set. Well, those started getting super loose. They were driving me crazy. I found a cheap, sterling silver with cubic zarconia set that I really like. It's got blue gems in it too. It is the perfect place holder just in case my fingers get smaller as I lose more weight. OR it could be my forever ring. Either would be fine with me. I like it! It's pretty. 

I finally broke down and bought a couple new bras, too. I am presently in a size 38B. It fits great. 

A Year In Review Weight Loss Edition - 2025

 Last year my last weight for December was 266.2. Today I weighed in at 203.2. I gained a little around the holidays/ stomach issues. That will come back off in time. My grand total weight loss for the year is 63 pounds! That is way more than I thought it was. While I wish it was more, I am really proud of every single pound that number represents. 

More than that, though. I have went down in clothing sizes. I have made strides on the walking pad. I have better range of motion. I have come off a lot of my medications. I feel so much better. I am happier than I was this time last year. I see changes in myself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually and I am content with my progress in this moment. Here's to hoping we can bust through those goals for 2026! 

A New Milestone - Jeans

 Let me start by saying it has bean over twenty years since I last wore a pair of real jeans. I wear stretchy (elastic band) jean shorts and capris now, but true pull-up-zip-and-button jeans? Yeah, it's been a hot minute since that happened! The current pants I have try to fall down when I put anything in my pockets (phone, keys, etc.) now that I have lost a bit of weight. They are a 26W. 

So today, I got a wild hair to go to Walmart and try on some jeans. I KNEW they wouldn't fit/zip, but I thought, "Why not?!" So I went! I got there and I went to the women's section. The biggest size they had was a pair of 26 so I picked those up and put them in my cart. In case you haven't caught on yet, (I have little to no confidence in myself.) For kicks and giggles, I also picked up a pair of 24 and 22. I just knew I would be crying when this trip was over, but I marched on. I have been stealing John's t-shirts for a while so lately when I try on new shirts I have been trying on/wearing men's sizes. So I went to the men's section. I picked up a size 2x and a 1x. Off to the dressing room I went. 

The first thing I tried on was the 1x shirt. It fit. It was snugger than I like, but it fit! In about ten more pounds I think it will fit the way I want it to. Then I went to the jeans. I tried on the 26 pair. It went on with no problem. It zipped and buttoned just fine. I wanted to cry! I almost stopped there, but I would have missed a great blessing if I had. As I was taking this pair off, they slid off without unbuttoning them. So I thought, "Ok, let's try on the size 24." I put them on, zipped and buttoned them, and they FIT! I couldn't stop there so I tried on the last pair - the 22s. They were a bit snug but they zipped and buttoned just fine! I left the store without buying them, but THEY FIT!!! It made my day! I am so stickin' proud of myself! 

Honeymoon Phase or Not?

 I have blogged a bit about how things have been going with the Phentermine, but I thought some stuff deserved it's own space so here we go. 

Since starting this medication I have had a brighter outlook on life. I am on antidepressants, but my dosage hasn't changed so I do not think that is it. I feel so much better mentally, physically and emotionally. Sleep has been an issue with the medication, but I can deal with that (so far).

I am still having pretty good appetite control. I am eating smaller portions. I am exercising most days. A couple days some things came up that couldn't be avoided that prevented me from walking, but otherwise I have been on the walking pad every day this week. 

As if news couldn't get better than all of this - I went to log my weight for this week. I was down 6.6 pounds!! I cannot tell you when I have done that ever! I don't think I have lost that in a month's time since I started my surgical weight loss journey! I am so excited! I am proud of myself and thankful to God for this progress! 

Phentermine - Day 2

 The morning started very, very early today. I only slept about 4.5ish hours last night. By 5 AM I was up for the day. I haven't even been able to take a nap. I definitely feel more energy than usual. My appetite control is good. I feel good physically. I did an hour on the walking pad. I did strength training again today also. Emotionally, I feel good too. The only down side, I lost less than half a pound today. I don't know why but I expected more. I have weight loss goals for this month and I am afraid I will not make those goals. Of course these are self-imposed goals. The clinic didn't set goals for me for this month. All in all it has been a good day and it's not over yet. I have therapy tomorrow. Hopefully, that will go well. 

October Bariatric Appointment - Phentermine

 Today I had what has become my monthly appointment with my bariatric doctor. I met with the PA. She didn't even tell me what I had lost this month, but if my calculations were correct, I believe it was about two pounds. I have brought up the subject of weight loss drugs before several times, but the answer has always been no so I didn't bother this month. Ironically, the first thing she did when she walked in the room was recommend weight loss medication.

Together we made the decision to put me on Phentermine for six months and see if that helps. She said I could only take it for six months so hopefully it helps A LOT and QUICKLY. I am not sure why she said only six months, though. I guess it is just their policy, because I talked with the pharmacist when I picked up my prescription and she said I could take it as long as I needed to. If my bariatric doctor won't prescribe it after the six months and I still need it then I guess we will look into other options. It wasn't covered by my insurance, but thankfully the pharmacy applied a discount code so it was pretty cheap. 

I am pretty excited about this. I have taken it before. If you have been around a while, when I lost the seventy-something pounds before, it was in-part, thanks to Phentermine. I am trying to be cautiously hopeful that this will help me lose the rest of the weight I need to lose. 

Today I weighed in at 215.2...

Seven Month Update

 Yesterday was my seven month post-op appointment. I was dreading the appointment because I hadn't been doing my strength training. I was early so I read my book until I was called back. I got on the scale I had lost so that was good. I was prepared for the usual speech of that wasn't enough, though. That didn't happen. The appointment was with the exercise physiologist. I had only seen her one other time. She was so encouraging. She told me the amount of weight I lost was great. It was better than gaining. She said that even though I was only doing cardio, that was more than a lot of people were doing. She set there and gave me percentages and everything. She was impressed that I was going to therapy. It was just an over all breath of fresh air. Now please do not get me wrong, if I need to be fussed at then I want the correction even though correction is painful. However, when all you get is correction, and it seems they only focus on where you are weak or struggling and never praise you, you will definitely get discouraged. This was the appointment I needed to keep me going. Unfortunately, this was my last appointment with her. Unless I "need" her, my program doesn't have any more appointments with her. I will see the nutritionist in December. Those visits are normally virtual visits, but this time she will be in the local office so I will get to see her there. I am looking forward to it/not looking forward to it at the same time. Hopefully we can get some helpful insights. I go back next month to meet with the PA/NP (not sure what she is) so we will see how that goes. I found out yesterday I have lost just over 55 pounds since my first appointment with them and lost 10% of my BMI. I was happy about that! 

250

 This Morning I stepped on the scale and I broke 250! The scale showed 248 even! I am so excited! I am so proud of myself! I get my first incentive gift, but that isn't even the reason I am excited. It has been over 20 years since I have seen this weight! This feels so good! 

Houston, We Have A Date!!

The last few days I have obsessively watched my insurance's website waiting for the approval for my surgery to come through so I could call my bariatric doctor's office to schedule my surgery. My insurance company acted like I would know before the doctor's office did. Imagine my surprise when my doctor's office called yesterday and left a message for me to call them to schedule my surgery. I called them back immediately and now we have a date...February 26th!!! 

Of course there is a lot of prep to do in the mean time. I have to go on a more restrictive (800 calorie) diet for a month. I have a diet class, pre-op testing at the hospital, a pre-op appointment with my surgeon. It seems like the list is never ending but it will be worth it. I am so excited, but I am a little scared too. Life is about to get very different for me. 

Month Two/Diet Appointment Number Three

 Keeping track of these appointment numbers vs the months is confusing. This is the end of month two, BUT is appointment number three SOOOOO this blog gets a weird title. I started out at 273 at the bariatric doctor's office. He wanted me to lose ten pounds before I had the surgery. Today was my final appointment for weight management with my PCP. I weighed 258 according to PCP's scales. Now I do not know if their scales are comparable, but I do know that I have lost the ten pounds that the bariatric doctor wanted. I am so excited. There were moments when I truly worried I wouldn't make it. With the grace of God, I did it, though! 

Next Steps - So when I got home I called the bariatric office to make sure that they had received the fax that my PCP's office had sent. They said that it was probably in their stack of faxes but they "hadn't received it yet." She said once they did receive it, that it would go to so and so's desk to be submitted to insurance. Eeek! Insurance usually takes 10-14 business days to make a decision. If it is approved we will move on. If it is not then they will appeal it. Once we get an approval I will have two more appointments. One will be a diet appointment where we will discuss my diet and I will get my surgery date (Double EEEK!!!!) The other appointment will be where we do all of my pre-op stuff. Because of my BMI, I will be required to do a month long pre-op diet. From what I have heard it is pretty brutal. Think, around 800 calories. We will make it though because we do not have any other choice. 

I am excited. I am scared. I am ready to do this! Please pray for me. Life is changing in so many ways. Good changes, but wow, it is a lot. It will only continue! 

Health Update

 I had my first medically supervised diet visit with my PCP today. If their scales are the same as my bariatric doctor's, I lost SIX POUNDS in one week! I am stoked! God is so good. My blood sugars have been dropping like crazy, though. Sooooooo... He dropped my insulin TWENTY-SIX UNITS and dropped one thousand milligrams of Metformin! Again,,, STOKED!! I will come back and finish my update when I get my lab results.

UPDATED: All labs were good. A1C was 6.3. 

Rewards for Weight Loss Goals

 John and I were talking about rewards for weight loss. For every 50 pounds I lose I get a reward. We decided we would reward at every 50 mark. I have about 35 pounds until my next 50 mark so that is a nice head start, but these are the ideas we were thinking of. 

Rewards For Weight Goals

 250 - Bath and Body Works Lotion

 200 - One Night Hotel Stay

 150 - Goal Weight Trip - We are going to take a nice vacation to celebrate reaching my goal weight. 

(NOTE: After seeing my surgeon and talking with my PCP, they both said they didn't want to see me get to 90-110 lbs so their goal weight for me is around 150. We will see how I feel when I get there.) 

Just Putting This Out There

 For the last several years, I have toyed with the idea of weight loss surgery. In fact, almost sixteen years ago, shortly after my mom passed I attended a seminar for said surgery. I found out that I would need to have the most drastic surgery because of my weight at the time. It scared the life right out of me so I left and didn't go back. It has always been in the back of my mind but I have always been too scared. The last couple months, though, have been different. I have thought about it more seriously. Today, I woke up and had a Come-to-Jesus meeting with my husband about everything and decided to look into everything again. 

I spent the day talking to my insurance company. I found out that they require I have a psychological evaluation as well as 3 months of medically supervised dieting. That is really it from them. I found out that there are two offices that are approved through our insurance and toyed with them all day and finally picked one based on a couple things. I did a web-seminar through them today. Then, I filled out all of my medical history paperwork through them. Now, I am waiting on a phone appointment with a nurse through my insurance company that will happen first thing Monday morning. After that, I just wait for the clinic to call me with an appointment to meet with the surgeon. 

How am I feeling? I am scared out of my wits. This is scary. It is scary to have my body sliced and diced all for a chance that this will work. I am scared this WON'T work. After all, everything else up to this point has failed. Why should this work? I am scared that this WILL work. I have been the fat person my entire life. Well, I am sure there was a point in my childhood when I wasn't fat, but even in my earliest memories I was the fat kid. Who will I be if I am not her? Am I strong enough physically to make it through this journey? Well, I know the answer is no, but in my weakness He will be my strength. Am I emotionally/spiritually strong enough to make it through this journey? Again, I do not know. What I do know is that what I am doing is NOT working and I want to live a life worthy of living. I want to see grandbabies and great grands. I want to travel with my husband. I want to live life well instead of just surviving. Financially, this is scary. The surgery and post surgery journey is not cheap. I am looking at ways to make it more affordable so if you are reading this and have any ideas please let me know. Insurance only pays a portion of the surgery. There are also post surgery fees through the clinic. It's all a lot to take in. It is scary, but the will of God won't lead me where the grace of God can't keep me, right? 

If you have read this far - thank you! My blogs are usually a jumbled mess and this one was no different. Please pray for my next steps if you are the praying type. I appreciate you. Maybe Mama really will lose it one day...Just maybe.

Mama

Weigh-In Month Seven Week Four

 Highest Weight (2012) - 360

Mounjaro Starting Weight - 313.2

Current Weight - 274

Goal Weight - 100

Weigh-In Month Seven Week Three

  Highest Weight (2012) - 360

Mounjaro Starting Weight - 313.2

Current Weight - 282.6

Goal Weight - 100

Weigh-In Month Seven Week Two

 Highest Weight (2012) - 360

Mounjaro Starting Weight - 313.2

Current Weight - 282

Goal Weight - 100

My appetite seemed more controlled this week after injecting in my hip last week so I am going to try it again this week. We will see if it was a fluke or if it actually helped.

Weigh-In Month Seven Week One

   Highest Weight (2012) - 360

Mounjaro Starting Weight - 313.2

Current Weight - 288

Goal Weight - 100

Took today's shot in hip. Wondering if it will make a difference in hunger and weight loss. 

Weigh-In Month Six Week Four

  Highest Weight (2012) - 360

Mounjaro Starting Weight - 313.2

Current Weight - 293

Goal Weight - 100