The day started with the kids having their favorite breakfast - Poptarts. I try to keep it very simple on Sunday mornings. The less I expect on Sunday mornings the better off we all are. We all got showered and dressed. I tried to find a moment to send one of our birth moms a letter. Each Christmas I try to send her a note just to thank her for the gift she gave me. I didn't get the letter completed so I will take care of that tonight.
We went to church for Sunday School. The kids did pretty well through that part of service pretty well. A few days ago, one of my children decided it'd be great fun to bend my glasses a million different ways. Amazingly, they didn't break. I did my best to bend them back into shape - you learn a few things as the mama of 5 rough housers - but it just wasn't good enough. We went to the mall to have an early lunch and get my glasses fixed. Then it was off to take John to work.
The kids and I spent our afternoon celebrating Christmas with my side of the family. We all had a great time. My kids were spoiled. Jewel-Anne even brought home a few parting gifts. She received a purse for Christmas. She needed something to put in her purse so she snuck some of Cindy's doggy toys home with her. Apparently, we are going to have to start checking her purse and pockets before we leave. LOL When we got home we decorated the kids banks they got and put their money in it. Afterwards it was time for a small snack and bedtime. They are all snoozing now.
I am sitting here in the quiet. The only noises I hear are the smoke alarm (it beeps every few seconds to let me know it's still there) and the occasional bark from the dog. I crave the quiet normally, but tonight it is simply too much. I have been blessed beyond measure. I have a good husband, wonderful kids, lots of extended family. I am getting to build a relationship with my Dad and his wife. There should be no reason to feel down, but I do. Four Christmases without her and hopefully I'll be blessed with many more on this earth. Four years of growing into motherhood. Three extra little faces around the tree. All I can think about is how she should be here with us. I know God had His reasons for letting her go home when she did. I would never EVER bring her back to this world of pain and suffering, but oh how I miss her.
I am so thankful for the TRUE meaning of this season. I am just ready to be done with the commercialism of it for this year. If it wasn't for the kids, the tree would already be down. It will come down Wednesday, though. Half the lights are already blown anyway. Christmas Tuesday. Mama's Glory Anniversary Friday. I pray that the day comes that every Christmas isn't overshadowed by her death. I have done my best to hold it together this year for my kids, but I can't do it tonight. Tomorrow, I will paint on a happy face as we go about our Christmas Eve and Christmas Day activities. Tomorrow, I will make sure the kids know that I love and care for them. Tonight, though... Tonight, I will cry.
Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning. - Psalm 30:5 (NKJV)
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
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