Happy Birthday Mama

This post is so hard to write. Whenever I start going down memory lane with Mama, it breaks my heart. There are days when I still think she's going to come down the hallway and knock on my bedroom door just to see what I am doing.

Today would be Mama's 65th birthday. I am so thankful for the 25 birthdays I was gifted with her. Even though I didn't always see it then, each day with her was such a gift. A gift I never knew meant so much until it was gone. Now I would give anything just to hold her again. I can't believe she's been gone 3 years.

Each year we take birthday cake to the grave yard to celebrate her birthday. This year will be no exception. We will sing to her and share memories. It may sound strange to some, but this is what we do. Our boys love to "remember Grammie."

My mama was a nurse who worked for Brushy Mountain Prison. Oh the stories she would tell. I was always scared that she would get hurt, but God always brought her home safely. I was given the greatest gift in 95 when she started getting sick. I was given the gift of time. When mom retired, I spent every day with her. I had already started homeschooling so it was immediate timefest when she retired. There were days when we would drive each other crazy. I wasn't like most teens. I didn't have a social life. My life revolved around Mama. I remember making the comment to John after she passed that I hadn't spent more than a month (collectively) away from her my entire life. The longest I ever spent without her was when she'd have to go away on training for work. (Refocusing to remain positive in this post.)

Her poor health was really a gift from God. I wish she would've been healthier. I wish she were still here. If she'd been healthy, we would've never had that time together. She would probably be retiring this year. It sounds horrible to say that. I don't mean it that way. I mean that if she had been healthy, all of the time and memories that I have would've never been. I am thankful that I was given the opportunity to care for her when she was ill. It taught me compassion.

I am glad that her pain and suffering no longer exist. She is whole. She is walking the streets of Heaven. She's spending time with her Mama and her grandbabies. This is what makes the long, heartbreaking days bearable. She's happy there. This is what I will focus on...

Happy Birthday Mama. I love you so much!!!

V.E.