This week, while it still held its challenges, was MUCH better than last week. I went into the week with a completely different mindset. I had therapy midweek. That helped A TON! My therapist made me realize all of the unnecessary expectations I had put on myself. Yes, I need to do my best, but if I do my best and it still isn't enough, then there are other jobs out there. In the end, God has this and He will take care of me. There was a BIG shift after that.
This week I didn't feel like I was drowning as much - in life, or at work. Don't get me wrong. Life is still life. Some days and moments, it still has me by the throat as though it is determined to choke the very life out of me, but it hasn't succeeded so far. I am taking my wins as they come! Work, I had some wins this week. We have several check points at work (exams if you will). They are divided into categories: Knowledge Checks - These do not count toward anything. If we rock them, Yay! If we don't, yay! These just show our trainer what he needs to focus on to get us ready for our Assessments. Quizzes - I do not remember if these count or not. Assessments - These are major exams. There are six of these. (We must pass these with 80% or greater!) If we fail one, we get a final written warning. If we fail a second one, we get fired. These are obviously taken very seriously. They stress me out VERY much! At the end of the training course, we will have a FINAL - We have to pass that one, too, obviously or we will lose our job. Training is intense and these testing requirements are very intense as well. I am not a great test taker. I have high test anxiety.
So far we have had two assessments. The first one I scored 91 on, the second 92. I am doing fine. However, the moment I take a second to breathe after an assessment (or any of the above tests) I immediately go into freak out mode about the next one.
I did have one day where we took six different exams, (it was a combo of KCs and quizzes) I got 100s on 4 of them. Then I started second guessing myself and missed one question on the last two exams. I got so mad at myself because of that.
All in all it has been a good week, though. It had its stressful moments, but it's been a good week. My next big stressor is that we have a mid training OJT week where we will be taking LIVE calls. We will actually be the rep handling service calls. It won't be this week (thank God!) but I am stressed. I do not feel like I am ready for that yet. They will put us in a special que where we will only be taking certain types of calls (the ones we've been trained on so far), but actually helping REAL people is scary. Not to mention we will have supervisors listening in on every little detail we do grading our calls. That scares me to. I know our calls will always be graded, but knowing that they will be listening to every single call, every single time. It makes me want to do well, but also makes me freak out too. It's like when you have a cop following you. Of course you do your best, but sometimes it stresses you out to the point you make mistakes just because you are trying to do so well. Any way, after that week, we will go back into the classroom for 3ish more weeks for more training and then will have another week of OJT before we are released to be on our own. I guess the theme of this summer is "Do Hard Things!"
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