Refocusing

Today is Day 9 in this journey. I started very positive and would celebrate
every little thing I did right. Sometimes I think I forget that this is ONLY Day
9. I have become very hard on myself. I find myself focusing on the things I
should be doing or am not doing instead of focusing on my accomplishments. I'm
trying to refocus on that. My attitude in the beginning was much more positive.
I felt better and was genuinely happier when I was focusing on that. I think my
Valley Days are weighing on me. I am going to make an attempt to refocus.

1) A month ago, I rarely moved from the couch if I didn't have to. Now I
am exercising almost every day. While I'm proud of that, I have trouble focusing
on the fact that I've missed 3 days in the past nine.

2) I feel like I should be walking more. In the past 8 days I have walked
7.1 miles and done about 30 minutes on Wii Fit. This is awesome FOR me!

3) My ideal calorie intake allotment and my clinic's ideal allotment is
drastically different. Mine is much lower. So while I've been staying well
within their limits, if I go over mine (done twice) I get very upset with
myself.

4) Because of the issues with my feet lately, I only walked 1.1 miles last
night because I wanted to be able to move today. 1 mile is awesome for someone
my size and activity level! Why can't I see that instead of focusing on the fact
that I should've walked 2 miles last night?

The fact is that I AM doing great! I have walked more this week than I
would've intentionally walked in a month. I am feeling more energized. My intake
and calories burned are awesome FOR ME! This is MY journey. I cannot compare
myself to everyone else. I need to take it slow and remember that I didn't get
this way overnight. It took 28.5 years to get me into this position and I won't
get out of this over night. Hopefully it won't take me 28 years to get out of
it, though.

I have chosen not to weigh except at the clinic. There are many reasons for
this - all scales are different, I don't want to get hung up on numbers, etc.
The reward for this is that I will see a number that is 30 days of progress
instead of 1, 5 or 7 days worth of loss. The anticipation I have for that first
weigh-in is incredible. The downside of this is that until that first weigh-in
it's almost like I've lost nothing. I have no tangible progress at this point.
Several people have suggested I weigh, but I have my reasons for not. I would
rather see a month's progress (bigger number) than a week's progress (smaller
number). I also don't want to get discouraged if I don't lose as much one week
as I do in another. As much as I don't want this to be about numbers....it kind
of is.

I know things will be a bit better once I can actually see how things are
going. When I start going down in clothing size, when I can look in the mirror
and actually see the difference, etc. The beginning of the journey is often the
hardest part. Sometimes you create unrealistic expectations for yourself. It is
harder because you can't SEE what is going on. When you are 326 lbs. your weight
loss isn't as visible in the beginning. You are also developing better eating
habits, exercise routines, etc. There are things you have to avoid.

I am going to promise myself that I will TRY to stop comparing myself to
others, others expectations of myself, or realistic mental image that says I
should be able to walk 4 thousand miles (and do it in an hour). This is a
process. It's a journey, not a vacation. I just need to slow it down.

One day I will be able to do 7 miles on the treadmill in an hour. One day
I'll see the scale hit 300, 200, 100. Not today, but one day. One day I will be
in a size 20...10...maybe even smaller. Not today, but ONE DAY. One day I will
be able to look at food and not struggle with it as much as I do now. Maybe not
today, but ONE DAY. One day I will be where I need to be and I'll be able to
look back and see this beautiful journey that God led me through...for right I
will do my best to focus on the beautiful mess it seems to be.

Blessings,

Weight Loss Mama

Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is
in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at
a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NKJV)