Jeremiah Daniel - One Week Angelversary

If you could see me now...you'd see joy and laughter in my eyes
I'm swinging on a swing set in the sky...No you wouldn't cry
If you could see me now...every single tear would be erased
By the love that shines on Jesus' face...oh what a place

I never played with my brothers and my sisters in the yard
I never was rocked to sleep in my mother's arms
But the arms that hold me are the same arms that made me
I know you miss me...I wish you could see your baby.

If you could see me now...
Even though you are looking through a broken heart
You wouldn't bring me back to where you are..
I'm dancing on a star

If you could see me now...
We're all eating cake and ice cream
Oops I got some chocolate on my wings
It's a party just for me.

Daddy will you read a bedtime story sometimes just for me
Mama I'll come and see you now and then in your dreams
So don't waste another moment worrying about what might've been
Jesus loves me and you know I'm with Him

If you could see me now I'd tell you
That you're up here way too soon
And God still has some things for you to do
And I'll see you when you're through

Yesterday marked one week since we last held our precious Jeremiah. We said "see you soon" all too soon. It was a pretty gentle day. I ended up babysitting for a friend while she went out to celebrate her birthday with her husband. I guess that was a gift from God because I didn't have the opportunity to just sit and think.

I miss him so much. There is so much we should be doing to prepare for his arrival. Blankets to make, little clothes to buy. Toys the kids would pick out for their brother. My expanding belly that would be getting kicked like crazy soon.

None of that will ever be, though. It was all cut too short. Never will I know his kicks. I won't hear his first cries. I must wait to find out all his favorite things to do. I won't see him play sports in the front yard with the boys. I won't get to take him to church and have everyone trying to hold him. He was so beautiful! I wish everyone could've seen him. I regret not taking pictures of him. I want to be able to see him again. Now all have are the memories.

Sleep hasn't come easy this week. I am exhausted. My days are running together. So much heartache. Night time is the WORST time to be alone with my thoughts. All of my should've, could've, would've beens seem to haunt me. Guilt tears my soul into. I KNOW the truth, but I still search for someone to blame for this. No one else is to blame so surely I did something. Maybe it's because I was a bad person or something.

Jeremiah is a gift to us. He was a promise to us. We feel so heartbroken because we can't see the other side of this. Yet, we still feel so blessed to be the ones God chose to be Jeremiah's parents. I know he's up there having the time of his life. He doesn't want to see us crying. One day our broken hearts will heal. One day the pain of our loss won't be so great. We will be able to see nothing but the beauty of this. We just aren't there yet.

Earlier this week a friend of mine miscarried also. This friend was so precious and comforting to me when we told everyone about Jeremiah. In my worst nightmare, I never dreamed that she would be joining me on this terrible journey. Please keep her in your prayers.