It Came To Pass

Sickness must be present for healing to take place

And lives must be broken so they can be restored

We must stop looking at our hard times 

Like they were dead end roads

But avenues to prove that He is Lord

It didn't come to stay it came to pass

The Lord will move that mountain if you ask

The trials that we see today won't last

It didn't come to stay it came to pass

I feel no better than I have the past few days.  In fact I feel a little deeper in this hole I have fallen into.  Last night/this morning when John got home we had a discussion that made me emotionally throw up all over him.   When I was done I collapsed in his arms and just cried.  I swing from anger, self-pity and guilt.   Anger that this is happening and why won't God stop it.  Self-pity because I wonder why I am such a bad person that God won't lift this cross from me.  The guilt is because John is along for this ride.  All he did was love me and he gets punished for it.  How on earth is that fair??? 

This morning I got up and went to Hardee's to get breakfast.  I need to go to the store and do some actual grocery shopping, BUT that requires the energy and will to do so.  When I got back home, the kids had breakfast while John slept for another couple hours.  I woke him up we talked for a while.  He is doing his best to bring comfort to his broken wife.  I went to Zaxby's to get some time to think and read for a while.  Before I came home I stopped by Wal*mart.  I have never understood why everyone thinks it's such an evil place until today.  I ran into an old friend that managed to do nothing but pour salt into my wounds.  That is all I will say about that here.  

The above lyrics come from a song "It Came to Pass."  It has been one of my favorites since I was young, but I found it again this morning. As I was browsing youtube, I came across this video. The Martins sing this song.  At the beginning of the video Joyce quotes what I feel is my life scripture (Jeremiah 29:11).  God sent encouragement just when I needed it.  I still feel very defeated, but I am trying to have faith that God sees the big picture and that He loves me too much to leave me here.

Lord please help me have the faith to know that everything You do is for my good.  Help me remember Your love for me as I go through this difficult trial.  Please help me to learn to trust You more. Amen.

Blessings, 

Weight Loss Mama