My Limitations

We Are Broken 
Jeff and Sheri Easter

I know you're hurting
Your heart needs healing
Let me dry your eyes
I know you're feeling
Like the sun will never shine again
Like the pain inside will never end
Sometimes it takes a little faith to mend

Cause we are broken
To become more beautiful
Tried by fire to shine like gold
We are shattered
To free the diamonds in our souls
We are broken to be made whole

Love let you fall
Now you're in pieces
Oh but time will work as medicine
And you'll find your wings to fly again
Higher than you've ever been



The weather man says that ice is headed our way.  I had a couple errands to run this morning so I decided to tackle Walmart for some groceries.  After all, that whole resting thing WAS just a suggestion, right? ;-)  By the time I made it to the car, I decided I'd let John go to the store.  I did the other stuff and came home.


Everyone is asking how I feel.  I appreciate the thoughts but I am not completely honest with anyone.  No sense in worrying people right?  The truth is I feel pretty lousy physically.  I have been having chest pain for two days.  I discussed this with my doctor yesterday and he agrees it's probably from all the extra fluid.  We talked about when to go to the ER.  The ER doctor ran every a ton of tests the other night.  The only thing he didn't do was an echo-cardiogram.  Unless my symptoms get worse there's not a  lot the ER could do for me right now.


Emotionally, I am good one minute and the next I am stressed.  I am grasping to faith and fear with all I have and swing between those two pretty often.  I am not good at following orders.  I had been telling John I wanted a mommy vacation for a couple days.  This wasn't what I meant.  I wanted a nice cabin in the woods or a chair on the beach... ;-)  It is killing me to be so limited in what I can do right now.  I am twenty-nine years old.  I shouldn't feel like I can't get my breath while walking to the car!  The realization of what's happening came when I picked Isaiah up after changing his diaper a few minutes ago.  I had to sit him back down immediately.  This STINKS!!


This morning, I was talking to my boss, who is a dear friend of mine.  He asked me how I was doing.  I told him that despite how I feel right now, that none of this was a surprise to God.  God wasn't shocked when I woke up Tuesday morning swelling.  He wasn't surprised when I started getting short of breath.  None of this is news to God and He is in control.  I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared sometimes, but I know that I belong to God and He will take care of what belongs to Him.  The will of God isn't going to lead me where His grace can't keep me.  If all of this will bring Him glory then I will follow Him through this storm.  I will trust Him.


This afternoon my doctor's office called me to tell me they found a loophole with the neurologist.  Since he won't see me without an MRI, and the insurance won't cover the MRI without cause, I will go see the neurologist's nurse practitioner who will decide if she thinks the MRI is necessary then order it.  I go see her next Tuesday.


If anyone has any fun ideas to make this "resting" thing a more pleasant experience, please send them my way.  Right now, everything I should  be doing is mocking me.  I keep thinking that I should be doing this...or this...or this...yet if I get up and try it I quickly remember WHY I am supposed to be resting.  My body rebels against me trying to do anything else.  Sounds fun, right?


Blessings,

Weight Loss Mama