Twists and Turns

Side note: I am doing my best to protect the privacy of my new family while remaining true to honest blogging.  I don't want to use their names here to respect their privacy.


My life has taken interesting twists and turns lately.  What I am finding interesting is how I am dealing with it all.  Usually when anything really emotional happens in my life I turn to food.  It's something I still struggle with.  Right now though, during one of the most emotional times of my life, that is far from the truth.  The other night we went out for Japanese.  Where I would normally eat everything on my plate, I ended up having about half of it left.  Yesterday, while we were at the mall I had a pretzel and a half.  For dinner I had a salad and a half piece of fish.  While I am enjoying this new turn of events, I know I did not getting enough calories yesterday.  My appetite is just gone.  I got a very interesting surprise this week.  Monday while we were at the mall John bought me a temporary wedding ring to wear until I can get my old ones sized.  I haven't had a ring on my finger since the day they fell off in the shower.  I went into Kay's Jewelers and looked at rings.  When I found one we had my finger sized.  In 2003, when we bought my wedding set, my rings were sized at 11.  Last year my fingers would get so swollen that I couldn't get them off.  When she asked me what size I needed I told her that I would probably wear a 10.  She looked at me like I had 4 heads and said there was no way.  When all was said and done I left the store with the biggest smile on my face.  I now wear a size 8.5. I could almost fit in the 8 but I wanted to make sure I didn't get it too tight. Score!!! I have never worn a size that small.


I have been struggling with fear so much lately.  As I sat waiting for Dad to show up on Sunday, so many things went through my mind.  Here I was, minutes from changing my life forever, and all I could think about was turning around and running in the opposite direction.  Obviously, I stayed and it was wonderful.  None of the things I had worried about had come true.  Yesterday, I faced another fear.  One of my sister's had given me her phone number and the number for our other sister.  I went to Wal-mart to get outfits for our pictures.  I had decided I was going to call Dad and my sisters when I came out.  I changed my mind about calling Dad.  I want to make sure I give him enough time to process things.  I called the sister I hadn't spoken with first.  She didn't answer so I left a message telling her who I was and that I just wanted to take a moment to talk and introduce myself. 


Then I called the other sister.  This is the sister I met Sunday.  I wanted to make sure that she didn't mistake my quietness for rudeness.  She assured me that she didn't feel that way at all.  I shared my heart about some of the emotions and fears I had before I contacted Dad.  My intentions were never to hurt anyone.  I had been so afraid that would happen.  I was never niave enough to believe that I would have a prodigal experience.  I knew there would be emotions that everyone would have to deal with.  Once I got past the fears of how Dad would react, my next concern was that of my new siblings.  This was almost enough to keep me from contacting him at all.  Sis agreed with me that we all had things to process, but then she reminded me of something Dad had said about all of it and it made me feel so much better. 


I was never sure what to expect when I met everyone.  I can tell you, this wasn't at all what I expected.  I have never met a group of people who have shown the love of Christ more than these people have.  There are so many reasons why they could've, should've, would've turned me away.  There are so many reasons that hurt and anger could've reigned over this situation.  They haven't shown me ANYTHING except grace.  Dad was honest with me and said he wasn't sure how to do this, but neither I am.  He had every right to be angry with me for turning his life upside down, but he didn't.  His wife and my siblings could've done the same thing, but they have been so kind.  I can tell you this would've turned out far differently if they weren't Christians. 


As parents, we spend our lives praying that we've done right by our kids.  As Christian parents, we do our best and pray that it is enough.  Dad has every reason to be proud of the job he has done with his oldest children.  They speak more of HIS CHARACTER than any words ever could.  If I can raise my children as well as my parents raised their kids then I will do a fantastic job.