Good Sunday morning to everyone. I am very excited because my family will
be going to church. That always lifts my spirit. There's nothing like being in
the presence of God. I challenge you to find a church this morning (or even next
Sunday) to go to. Start the year out right and on the right foundation.
I am happy to report that things got much better yesterday. Last night
Stephanie surprised me with a phone call saying she would be joining me at the
gym. Even with headphones in our ears throughout our workout, it is so much more
energizing to have someone there to go through this with.
I got on the treadmill determined that I would walk 1.75 miles. This is
what I walked the night my feet got so bad. I can't express to you how hard that
was. I really had to push myself to get there, but I did it. When I got done my
entire outlook changed! I was so proud of myself. Physically, my feet hurt and I
felt like my heart would beat out of my chest at any moment. Emotionally, I
felt like I was on top of the world!!
I love car rides with Stephanie. They are so therapeutic. We talk about our
day, kids, husbands, life, the good, the bad, and the weird. It is just awesome
to have that sounding board. Our lives are so similar in so many ways yet so
different. I think that makes a great combination for a wonderful friendship. We
encourage one another. Even better, she isn't afraid to call me out if she
thinks I'm out of line on something. I LOVE that about her.
Afterwards, I went to Shoney's for dinner. I had a salad. As I went back to
my table with my beautifully, delicious salad I decided I would splurge. I had
french fries! I compromised and traded the extra ranch for my fries and had
ketchup, though. They were still delicious. There was a party going on in my
mouth. It still amazes me how much better things taste when you don't allow
yourself to indulge in garbage every meal?
The morning after report? I feel AWESOME this morning. My feet don't hurt
(I will hold out judgement on that until tonight). I feel emotionally and
physically like I accomplished great things last night. I have my sunny
disposition back this morning! We are going to church this morning. Life doesn't
get much better than this!
Be blessed,
Weight Loss Mama
Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is
in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at
a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NKJV)
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Refocusing
Today is Day 9 in this journey. I started very positive and would celebrate
every little thing I did right. Sometimes I think I forget that this is ONLY Day
9. I have become very hard on myself. I find myself focusing on the things I
should be doing or am not doing instead of focusing on my accomplishments. I'm
trying to refocus on that. My attitude in the beginning was much more positive.
I felt better and was genuinely happier when I was focusing on that. I think my
Valley Days are weighing on me. I am going to make an attempt to refocus.
1) A month ago, I rarely moved from the couch if I didn't have to. Now I
am exercising almost every day. While I'm proud of that, I have trouble focusing
on the fact that I've missed 3 days in the past nine.
2) I feel like I should be walking more. In the past 8 days I have walked
7.1 miles and done about 30 minutes on Wii Fit. This is awesome FOR me!
3) My ideal calorie intake allotment and my clinic's ideal allotment is
drastically different. Mine is much lower. So while I've been staying well
within their limits, if I go over mine (done twice) I get very upset with
myself.
4) Because of the issues with my feet lately, I only walked 1.1 miles last
night because I wanted to be able to move today. 1 mile is awesome for someone
my size and activity level! Why can't I see that instead of focusing on the fact
that I should've walked 2 miles last night?
The fact is that I AM doing great! I have walked more this week than I
would've intentionally walked in a month. I am feeling more energized. My intake
and calories burned are awesome FOR ME! This is MY journey. I cannot compare
myself to everyone else. I need to take it slow and remember that I didn't get
this way overnight. It took 28.5 years to get me into this position and I won't
get out of this over night. Hopefully it won't take me 28 years to get out of
it, though.
I have chosen not to weigh except at the clinic. There are many reasons for
this - all scales are different, I don't want to get hung up on numbers, etc.
The reward for this is that I will see a number that is 30 days of progress
instead of 1, 5 or 7 days worth of loss. The anticipation I have for that first
weigh-in is incredible. The downside of this is that until that first weigh-in
it's almost like I've lost nothing. I have no tangible progress at this point.
Several people have suggested I weigh, but I have my reasons for not. I would
rather see a month's progress (bigger number) than a week's progress (smaller
number). I also don't want to get discouraged if I don't lose as much one week
as I do in another. As much as I don't want this to be about numbers....it kind
of is.
I know things will be a bit better once I can actually see how things are
going. When I start going down in clothing size, when I can look in the mirror
and actually see the difference, etc. The beginning of the journey is often the
hardest part. Sometimes you create unrealistic expectations for yourself. It is
harder because you can't SEE what is going on. When you are 326 lbs. your weight
loss isn't as visible in the beginning. You are also developing better eating
habits, exercise routines, etc. There are things you have to avoid.
I am going to promise myself that I will TRY to stop comparing myself to
others, others expectations of myself, or realistic mental image that says I
should be able to walk 4 thousand miles (and do it in an hour). This is a
process. It's a journey, not a vacation. I just need to slow it down.
One day I will be able to do 7 miles on the treadmill in an hour. One day
I'll see the scale hit 300, 200, 100. Not today, but one day. One day I will be
in a size 20...10...maybe even smaller. Not today, but ONE DAY. One day I will
be able to look at food and not struggle with it as much as I do now. Maybe not
today, but ONE DAY. One day I will be where I need to be and I'll be able to
look back and see this beautiful journey that God led me through...for right I
will do my best to focus on the beautiful mess it seems to be.
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is
in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at
a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NKJV)
every little thing I did right. Sometimes I think I forget that this is ONLY Day
9. I have become very hard on myself. I find myself focusing on the things I
should be doing or am not doing instead of focusing on my accomplishments. I'm
trying to refocus on that. My attitude in the beginning was much more positive.
I felt better and was genuinely happier when I was focusing on that. I think my
Valley Days are weighing on me. I am going to make an attempt to refocus.
1) A month ago, I rarely moved from the couch if I didn't have to. Now I
am exercising almost every day. While I'm proud of that, I have trouble focusing
on the fact that I've missed 3 days in the past nine.
2) I feel like I should be walking more. In the past 8 days I have walked
7.1 miles and done about 30 minutes on Wii Fit. This is awesome FOR me!
3) My ideal calorie intake allotment and my clinic's ideal allotment is
drastically different. Mine is much lower. So while I've been staying well
within their limits, if I go over mine (done twice) I get very upset with
myself.
4) Because of the issues with my feet lately, I only walked 1.1 miles last
night because I wanted to be able to move today. 1 mile is awesome for someone
my size and activity level! Why can't I see that instead of focusing on the fact
that I should've walked 2 miles last night?
The fact is that I AM doing great! I have walked more this week than I
would've intentionally walked in a month. I am feeling more energized. My intake
and calories burned are awesome FOR ME! This is MY journey. I cannot compare
myself to everyone else. I need to take it slow and remember that I didn't get
this way overnight. It took 28.5 years to get me into this position and I won't
get out of this over night. Hopefully it won't take me 28 years to get out of
it, though.
I have chosen not to weigh except at the clinic. There are many reasons for
this - all scales are different, I don't want to get hung up on numbers, etc.
The reward for this is that I will see a number that is 30 days of progress
instead of 1, 5 or 7 days worth of loss. The anticipation I have for that first
weigh-in is incredible. The downside of this is that until that first weigh-in
it's almost like I've lost nothing. I have no tangible progress at this point.
Several people have suggested I weigh, but I have my reasons for not. I would
rather see a month's progress (bigger number) than a week's progress (smaller
number). I also don't want to get discouraged if I don't lose as much one week
as I do in another. As much as I don't want this to be about numbers....it kind
of is.
I know things will be a bit better once I can actually see how things are
going. When I start going down in clothing size, when I can look in the mirror
and actually see the difference, etc. The beginning of the journey is often the
hardest part. Sometimes you create unrealistic expectations for yourself. It is
harder because you can't SEE what is going on. When you are 326 lbs. your weight
loss isn't as visible in the beginning. You are also developing better eating
habits, exercise routines, etc. There are things you have to avoid.
I am going to promise myself that I will TRY to stop comparing myself to
others, others expectations of myself, or realistic mental image that says I
should be able to walk 4 thousand miles (and do it in an hour). This is a
process. It's a journey, not a vacation. I just need to slow it down.
One day I will be able to do 7 miles on the treadmill in an hour. One day
I'll see the scale hit 300, 200, 100. Not today, but one day. One day I will be
in a size 20...10...maybe even smaller. Not today, but ONE DAY. One day I will
be able to look at food and not struggle with it as much as I do now. Maybe not
today, but ONE DAY. One day I will be where I need to be and I'll be able to
look back and see this beautiful journey that God led me through...for right I
will do my best to focus on the beautiful mess it seems to be.
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is
in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at
a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NKJV)
Day 9 - Weird Days Still Make Progress
Good Saturday morning to everyone! I hope today has found you blessed. You are loved by the One who matters most. Don't ever forget that.
The past couple of days have been weird ones. My daily gym schedule was messed up. My eating has been weird. Surprisingly I have still been able to stay where I wanted to though. I am well within my 1800 calories. That is something to be proud of. My kids have been craving pizza so I have been around great temptation. I didn't resist, but gave into my temptation in a healthy way. The first day I had ONE slice of pizza before I had my dinner. (This was the night I skipped the gym.) Yesterday for lunch the kids had pizza again. I joined them and had two slices of pepperoni pizza. I figured this would completely blow my calories for the day, but over all it wasn't bad. I treated myself to dinner at Shoney's after working out. I had a huge salad, a real serving of mashed potatoes and gravy and some green beans. My over all calories for the day was 1065. I was super surprised. I felt full. I do not feel hungry on my diet. I have been eating lots of salad because it has very little calories. I know there will come a time when the meds stop working so well and I will feel hungrier, but for now I'm enjoying the numbers I'm seeing on my spark people page.
Last night I only walked a mile on the treadmill. My husband is working day shift today so I wanted to make sure I could walk. When you have 5 very little kids (7, 5, 2, 2, 1) being able to walk is very important! LOL Last night when I left the gym my feet were hurting pretty bad, but today they don't hurt at all. I did walk at 2.5 MPH for most of my walk. If I'm not going to be able to walk as far I want to focus on walking faster. Tonight I will try to go a little further. I think I pushed myself too hard, too fast. I got so consumed in doing more each time that I lost sight of the fact that my body needs time to adjust.
Today is Day 9. I'm impressed with the progress I have made this far. I am 18-20 days from my first weigh-in. I am curious where I'm at in my weight loss, but I am stinking to my promise that I will only weigh at the clinic. While I want to drop pounds, my goal is to be healthier both mentally and physically. I don't want to become obsessive with a numbers game. The temptation to weigh is great, but I am going to wait.
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NKJV)
The past couple of days have been weird ones. My daily gym schedule was messed up. My eating has been weird. Surprisingly I have still been able to stay where I wanted to though. I am well within my 1800 calories. That is something to be proud of. My kids have been craving pizza so I have been around great temptation. I didn't resist, but gave into my temptation in a healthy way. The first day I had ONE slice of pizza before I had my dinner. (This was the night I skipped the gym.) Yesterday for lunch the kids had pizza again. I joined them and had two slices of pepperoni pizza. I figured this would completely blow my calories for the day, but over all it wasn't bad. I treated myself to dinner at Shoney's after working out. I had a huge salad, a real serving of mashed potatoes and gravy and some green beans. My over all calories for the day was 1065. I was super surprised. I felt full. I do not feel hungry on my diet. I have been eating lots of salad because it has very little calories. I know there will come a time when the meds stop working so well and I will feel hungrier, but for now I'm enjoying the numbers I'm seeing on my spark people page.
Last night I only walked a mile on the treadmill. My husband is working day shift today so I wanted to make sure I could walk. When you have 5 very little kids (7, 5, 2, 2, 1) being able to walk is very important! LOL Last night when I left the gym my feet were hurting pretty bad, but today they don't hurt at all. I did walk at 2.5 MPH for most of my walk. If I'm not going to be able to walk as far I want to focus on walking faster. Tonight I will try to go a little further. I think I pushed myself too hard, too fast. I got so consumed in doing more each time that I lost sight of the fact that my body needs time to adjust.
Today is Day 9. I'm impressed with the progress I have made this far. I am 18-20 days from my first weigh-in. I am curious where I'm at in my weight loss, but I am stinking to my promise that I will only weigh at the clinic. While I want to drop pounds, my goal is to be healthier both mentally and physically. I don't want to become obsessive with a numbers game. The temptation to weigh is great, but I am going to wait.
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NKJV)
Friday, January 6, 2012
Addictions
"Slow Fade" - Casting Crowns
Be careful little eyes what you see
It's the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings
Be careful little feet where you go
For it's the little feet behind you that are sure to follow
It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
It's a slow fade, it's a slow fade
Be careful little ears what you hear
When flattery leads to compromise, the end is always near
Be careful little lips what you say
For empty words and promises lead broken hearts astray
It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself awayPeople never crumble in a day
The journey from your mind to your hands
Is shorter than you're thinking
Be careful if you think you stand
You just might be sinking
It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
Daddies never crumble in a day
Families never crumble in a day
Oh be careful little eyes what see
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
For the Father up above is looking down in love
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
Today I'm going to talk to you about addictions - My addiction. Most of us have them. Most aren't willing to admit it. Here is my story. When I was younger my great aunt used to take care of me while my mom was working. As I got older we moved out of my aunt's house, but she still took care me.
Each morning I'd arrive at her house and she'd have a delicious breakfast prepared for me. It was always one of two things, eggs, grits, bacon and toast or biscuits and gravy. Oh how I miss those mornings! Aunt Flossie and my grandmother were the BEST cooks. I'd go to school then come back to her house to have dinner. Aunt Flossie ate dinner BY 4 pm every day. On the way home, Mom would stop to get a snack which was usually a hot dog. Then we'd get home and we'd have dinner. When I was really young sometimes dinner was cooked by my brother, but I remember most nights having pizza or Chinese food. Let's stop a minute and think about this for a moment. Just the amount of food that I consumed AFTER 4 PM each day is enough to make me almost sick. I can't even begin to think of the calories. As I got older I got tired of "Flossie Breakfast" so Mom would usually stop and get me a BLT or a burrito from McDonalds. THAT hurt Flossie's feelings though. While I didn't want her breakfast, I ate it because it made her feel better.
Guilt...my first experience with emotional eating.
Growing up we had some family issues (who doesn't?) ...I turned to food because it was what I could control. It made me feel better. I could control what and how much of it I ate. The perfect solution to my problem...or so I thought.
My grandparents health started to decline around 1st-2nd grade. My grandmother had a stroke so we moved closer to my grandparents to help take care of them. I did the best I could at 8 to help, everyone did. More responsibility for Mom...more eating out... They passed away when I was 10 and 11 (I think). Grief, guilt (could I have helped more? I should've helped more! Mom is sad...I can't fix it...) What could I control though? You got it.
Then you get to the teen years where I started youth group. All teens like to eat. Then I met my best friend (at the time) J. Every outing he and I had involved food. I did go through periods were I'd decide to lose weight, but then I met John who loved me despite how much I weighed. It didn't matter anymore. Pregnancies...miscarriages..angel babies...grief...guilt...anger...more
guilt..fertility problems and treatments...more miscarriage...grief...guilt...anger...mom's health
declined...stress...DCS...mom's health declines...boys....mom's health declines more...birth parent issues...mom's health declines further...Boy's first Christmas with us (happy time)...Mom's last Christmas...Mom's "unexpected" death...funerals...more grief...more guilt...more anger...faith crisis...too many whys...too many what ifs...too many emotions...depression...watching my son
grieve for his best friend...new babies...more DCS stuff...adoptions...more adoptions.
Food became my drug. Before I knew it I was eating when I wasn't hungry, when I was full...way too full...too much junk...way too much junk...too much healthy stuff too. I hated myself and where I was. I hated the control I had surrendered to food. This lifeless object controlled EVERY. SINGLE. ASPECT. of my life. I counted my days by meals. What we eating today? What's for lunch? Dinner? Oh there's something exciting going on? What will we eat to celebrate? The kids are going crazy, marriage issues...life gone crazy? Food was my drug. I hated myself. I was more depressed with myself and the choices I had made than I was about anything else.
I'm not out. Satan had a hold on me...he was trying to kill me and I was letting him. Dying seemed easier than bringing myself up out of this. So many unknowns. I can't tell you how many times over the years my siblings have suggested this diet, that surgery, etc for me to try. Each time it made me more depressed, I hated myself more, it made me distance myself more from them. I felt like they didn't love me because I was so fat. I felt like they were just trying to change me so I didn't embarrass them with my huge self. I can see now that wasn't true at all.
God spent the last year working on my heart. I had to get to the point that I was miserable enough not to go back. I had to get to the place where I felt completely, totally, utterly hopeless. He gently kept trying to lead me to this journey. He is a loving God so he was doing it gently. He wanted to offer me a new way of life and deliver me from the grip I had allowed Satan to have on me. I wanted to change, but I was so scared that once again I was hopeless. I was a place where the perfect terrible combo of food and fear controlled my every moment. The emotional part of this journey has proven to be the hardest part. Facing all of the things I've pushed down and covered up as I ate myself into an early grave. . I think food addictions are the hardest because it is the one thing you can't give up. You can stop taking drugs, drinking, gambling, etc. You
can't stop eating though - not if you want to live. I don't say that to be little other addictions because they are all horrible, painful heart breaking journeys that hurt everyone - not just the one with the addiction. Every day it's a choice to stay "clean and sober" no matter what your addiction may be.
God used my sister to snap me out hell I had created for myself. The very person who had tried so many times before...making me hate myself with each suggestion. I was at such a point of desperation. I couldn't live anymore, but I didn't have the strength to change. Could she have done this a year ago? 6 months ago? Absolutely not. God had to allow me to travel to the pits of hell first. I could never have done this by myself. God delivered me from my addictions. I still have to climb out of this. I have to make the choice every day not to turn back. I will get through this though. He hasn't left me but He won't make me instantly healthy either. I have to make choices to do that. Why did He give us free will again? Oh yeah, it was so we would turn to Him in our deepest sorrow, sadness and hours of need. It was so we would learn how good He
is. So we would learn of His Mercy.
I am so thankful for the people God has put in my life to support me through this. In early December my friend Laura took me to a Newsong concert where I rededicated my life. I remember coming home in tears. I apologized to my husband and my children for all the times I'd failed them, The times I had yelled or treated them unfairly. Only one other person new what happened to me that night...I can tell you if I hadn't got my "heart stuff" right I would've never been opened to what God was about to do in me. I am so thankful that He always had my best interest at heart. Can you imagine how painful it for Him to watch me slip further and further away? I have often thought about that. I don't think I would have the power to willingly let my child slip into something so deadly. I am thankful that He allowed me to go through hell because it has made me stronger. Oh how He loves us.
If you need encouragement or support, please don't hesitate to contact me. No one should have to go through this alone. No one should live in hell on earth because they feel they are alone. You aren't alone. God will help you through this if you ask Him. I will be here for you also. My hope is that one day my journey will touch even one person to help them get through theirs.
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NKJV)
Be careful little eyes what you see
It's the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings
Be careful little feet where you go
For it's the little feet behind you that are sure to follow
It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
It's a slow fade, it's a slow fade
Be careful little ears what you hear
When flattery leads to compromise, the end is always near
Be careful little lips what you say
For empty words and promises lead broken hearts astray
It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself awayPeople never crumble in a day
The journey from your mind to your hands
Is shorter than you're thinking
Be careful if you think you stand
You just might be sinking
It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
Daddies never crumble in a day
Families never crumble in a day
Oh be careful little eyes what see
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
For the Father up above is looking down in love
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
Today I'm going to talk to you about addictions - My addiction. Most of us have them. Most aren't willing to admit it. Here is my story. When I was younger my great aunt used to take care of me while my mom was working. As I got older we moved out of my aunt's house, but she still took care me.
Each morning I'd arrive at her house and she'd have a delicious breakfast prepared for me. It was always one of two things, eggs, grits, bacon and toast or biscuits and gravy. Oh how I miss those mornings! Aunt Flossie and my grandmother were the BEST cooks. I'd go to school then come back to her house to have dinner. Aunt Flossie ate dinner BY 4 pm every day. On the way home, Mom would stop to get a snack which was usually a hot dog. Then we'd get home and we'd have dinner. When I was really young sometimes dinner was cooked by my brother, but I remember most nights having pizza or Chinese food. Let's stop a minute and think about this for a moment. Just the amount of food that I consumed AFTER 4 PM each day is enough to make me almost sick. I can't even begin to think of the calories. As I got older I got tired of "Flossie Breakfast" so Mom would usually stop and get me a BLT or a burrito from McDonalds. THAT hurt Flossie's feelings though. While I didn't want her breakfast, I ate it because it made her feel better.
Guilt...my first experience with emotional eating.
Growing up we had some family issues (who doesn't?) ...I turned to food because it was what I could control. It made me feel better. I could control what and how much of it I ate. The perfect solution to my problem...or so I thought.
My grandparents health started to decline around 1st-2nd grade. My grandmother had a stroke so we moved closer to my grandparents to help take care of them. I did the best I could at 8 to help, everyone did. More responsibility for Mom...more eating out... They passed away when I was 10 and 11 (I think). Grief, guilt (could I have helped more? I should've helped more! Mom is sad...I can't fix it...) What could I control though? You got it.
Then you get to the teen years where I started youth group. All teens like to eat. Then I met my best friend (at the time) J. Every outing he and I had involved food. I did go through periods were I'd decide to lose weight, but then I met John who loved me despite how much I weighed. It didn't matter anymore. Pregnancies...miscarriages..angel babies...grief...guilt...anger...more
guilt..fertility problems and treatments...more miscarriage...grief...guilt...anger...mom's health
declined...stress...DCS...mom's health declines...boys....mom's health declines more...birth parent issues...mom's health declines further...Boy's first Christmas with us (happy time)...Mom's last Christmas...Mom's "unexpected" death...funerals...more grief...more guilt...more anger...faith crisis...too many whys...too many what ifs...too many emotions...depression...watching my son
grieve for his best friend...new babies...more DCS stuff...adoptions...more adoptions.
Food became my drug. Before I knew it I was eating when I wasn't hungry, when I was full...way too full...too much junk...way too much junk...too much healthy stuff too. I hated myself and where I was. I hated the control I had surrendered to food. This lifeless object controlled EVERY. SINGLE. ASPECT. of my life. I counted my days by meals. What we eating today? What's for lunch? Dinner? Oh there's something exciting going on? What will we eat to celebrate? The kids are going crazy, marriage issues...life gone crazy? Food was my drug. I hated myself. I was more depressed with myself and the choices I had made than I was about anything else.
I'm not out. Satan had a hold on me...he was trying to kill me and I was letting him. Dying seemed easier than bringing myself up out of this. So many unknowns. I can't tell you how many times over the years my siblings have suggested this diet, that surgery, etc for me to try. Each time it made me more depressed, I hated myself more, it made me distance myself more from them. I felt like they didn't love me because I was so fat. I felt like they were just trying to change me so I didn't embarrass them with my huge self. I can see now that wasn't true at all.
God spent the last year working on my heart. I had to get to the point that I was miserable enough not to go back. I had to get to the place where I felt completely, totally, utterly hopeless. He gently kept trying to lead me to this journey. He is a loving God so he was doing it gently. He wanted to offer me a new way of life and deliver me from the grip I had allowed Satan to have on me. I wanted to change, but I was so scared that once again I was hopeless. I was a place where the perfect terrible combo of food and fear controlled my every moment. The emotional part of this journey has proven to be the hardest part. Facing all of the things I've pushed down and covered up as I ate myself into an early grave. . I think food addictions are the hardest because it is the one thing you can't give up. You can stop taking drugs, drinking, gambling, etc. You
can't stop eating though - not if you want to live. I don't say that to be little other addictions because they are all horrible, painful heart breaking journeys that hurt everyone - not just the one with the addiction. Every day it's a choice to stay "clean and sober" no matter what your addiction may be.
God used my sister to snap me out hell I had created for myself. The very person who had tried so many times before...making me hate myself with each suggestion. I was at such a point of desperation. I couldn't live anymore, but I didn't have the strength to change. Could she have done this a year ago? 6 months ago? Absolutely not. God had to allow me to travel to the pits of hell first. I could never have done this by myself. God delivered me from my addictions. I still have to climb out of this. I have to make the choice every day not to turn back. I will get through this though. He hasn't left me but He won't make me instantly healthy either. I have to make choices to do that. Why did He give us free will again? Oh yeah, it was so we would turn to Him in our deepest sorrow, sadness and hours of need. It was so we would learn how good He
is. So we would learn of His Mercy.
I am so thankful for the people God has put in my life to support me through this. In early December my friend Laura took me to a Newsong concert where I rededicated my life. I remember coming home in tears. I apologized to my husband and my children for all the times I'd failed them, The times I had yelled or treated them unfairly. Only one other person new what happened to me that night...I can tell you if I hadn't got my "heart stuff" right I would've never been opened to what God was about to do in me. I am so thankful that He always had my best interest at heart. Can you imagine how painful it for Him to watch me slip further and further away? I have often thought about that. I don't think I would have the power to willingly let my child slip into something so deadly. I am thankful that He allowed me to go through hell because it has made me stronger. Oh how He loves us.
If you need encouragement or support, please don't hesitate to contact me. No one should have to go through this alone. No one should live in hell on earth because they feel they are alone. You aren't alone. God will help you through this if you ask Him. I will be here for you also. My hope is that one day my journey will touch even one person to help them get through theirs.
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NKJV)
My Flesh Is Weak
Yesterday was filled with many turns. John has been working extra shifts. Those extra shifts usually mean that he's working days, instead of nights which I'm used to. He was supposed to be get off at 4:30, but he didn't get home until almost 6. We had decided to get the kids pizza for dinner so I started working on that while he was being attacked by our 5 blessings that hadn't seen their daddy all day. I had NOT planned for this. I wanted to be out of the house by
5:00 so now I was almost two hours behind. My heart is willing, but my flesh is
weak.
I'm in a delicate place right now. I push myself because I know this is what I need to do, but my body still doesn't want to follow through. My flesh doesn't enjoy walking on blistered feet. My flesh doesn't enjoy not being able to give into every food desire I have. When I go to the gym I'm usually gone 2.5 to 3 hours - practically every day. When my husband looked at me and said he'd
rather have me home, but... I didn't hear anything past that but. My mommy guilt leapt into the situation. I'm a stay at home mom and I'm never away from home this much. My family needs me. Yes, they do. They need me today...tomorrow...a year from now...5...10...20...50..60 years from now too. My heart is willing, but my flesh is weak.
If anyone know me well they know the way to get me is through my kids. You can verbally or physically attack me, but you mess with my kids and only God can save you from my wrath! It's so hard to look in my daughter's eyes when I leave for the gym because she doesn't understand why Mommy is suddenly leaving, WITHOUT HER mind you, all the time. It's hard to stay focused on the long term. I don't like to see my baby cry because her Mom is gone...I was the same way when I was little. I was never without her unless she was at work...I know how
she feels. Thankfully, she doesn't know how I feel. She doesn't know what it's like to watch your mom, and best friend, leave for a semi permanent (because it's only permanent in this life) time. She doesn't know what it's like to bury her Mama, knowing that if Mama had chosen differently she might still be here. I am so grateful that to her, my departure is temporary. My heart is willing, but my flesh is weak.
The decision to change my life hasn't been an easy one. I still choose to remain upbeat and positive. Some days that is harder than others because my flesh is weak! I can't quit now. First because I do yo-yo with my health, diet, etc. I have been through some super hard stuff this weak that I never want to have to go through again in my life. I have went from parking in my yard because I was so lazy, to getting on a treadmill for a .5 mile and feeling like my heart was going to explode, to walking 1.75 miles and only slightly feel like I was dying. That has all happened within a week. I can't go back and I won't. My heart is willing, but my flesh is weak.
I promised myself when I started this journal that I would always be honest and I have held to it. The ONLY way I can remain positive through this is because I'm not going through it alone. Sure I have my family and friends, even strangers supporting me and cheering me on. That is great. The attention is awesome, but it's human attention. No human, or group of humans, can be everything I need to walk this journey. Christ within me, my Creator, my Strength-Giver, my Ultimate Encourager is who will help me get through this. In the quiet when my mind starts racing with all the reasons I shouldn't be doing this, He is there to tell me that I should, I can and I will do this. I honestly don't know how anyone could do this without Christ. Call me weak, but I know I couldn't. My heart is willing, but my flesh is weak.
My flesh may be weak, but I am so thankful that I know the Voice of Truth. I am so thankful I know the Life Giver! Because of Him and what He has done for me, I will never go back. I can't. My past is over and I'm moving forward. One baby step at a time. One 10th, quarter, half and whole mile at a time. One meal at a time. One pound at a time. It's all because of Him that I can do it. My heart is willing, but my flesh is weak.
Be encouraged today. If you've stumbled on my blog and you don't know Christ. You don't know what it's like to utterly depend on someone for your every breath, turn to Him today. He will shake you up, but He's changing my life in ways I could never imagine. My journey thus far has been so beautifully, painful because of Him. A change this drastic will be painful, but He is making me beautiful. Not in the world's eyes, but He's creating me into His Masterpiece.
Be Blessed,
Weight Loss Mama
Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NKJV)
5:00 so now I was almost two hours behind. My heart is willing, but my flesh is
weak.
I'm in a delicate place right now. I push myself because I know this is what I need to do, but my body still doesn't want to follow through. My flesh doesn't enjoy walking on blistered feet. My flesh doesn't enjoy not being able to give into every food desire I have. When I go to the gym I'm usually gone 2.5 to 3 hours - practically every day. When my husband looked at me and said he'd
rather have me home, but... I didn't hear anything past that but. My mommy guilt leapt into the situation. I'm a stay at home mom and I'm never away from home this much. My family needs me. Yes, they do. They need me today...tomorrow...a year from now...5...10...20...50..60 years from now too. My heart is willing, but my flesh is weak.
If anyone know me well they know the way to get me is through my kids. You can verbally or physically attack me, but you mess with my kids and only God can save you from my wrath! It's so hard to look in my daughter's eyes when I leave for the gym because she doesn't understand why Mommy is suddenly leaving, WITHOUT HER mind you, all the time. It's hard to stay focused on the long term. I don't like to see my baby cry because her Mom is gone...I was the same way when I was little. I was never without her unless she was at work...I know how
she feels. Thankfully, she doesn't know how I feel. She doesn't know what it's like to watch your mom, and best friend, leave for a semi permanent (because it's only permanent in this life) time. She doesn't know what it's like to bury her Mama, knowing that if Mama had chosen differently she might still be here. I am so grateful that to her, my departure is temporary. My heart is willing, but my flesh is weak.
The decision to change my life hasn't been an easy one. I still choose to remain upbeat and positive. Some days that is harder than others because my flesh is weak! I can't quit now. First because I do yo-yo with my health, diet, etc. I have been through some super hard stuff this weak that I never want to have to go through again in my life. I have went from parking in my yard because I was so lazy, to getting on a treadmill for a .5 mile and feeling like my heart was going to explode, to walking 1.75 miles and only slightly feel like I was dying. That has all happened within a week. I can't go back and I won't. My heart is willing, but my flesh is weak.
I promised myself when I started this journal that I would always be honest and I have held to it. The ONLY way I can remain positive through this is because I'm not going through it alone. Sure I have my family and friends, even strangers supporting me and cheering me on. That is great. The attention is awesome, but it's human attention. No human, or group of humans, can be everything I need to walk this journey. Christ within me, my Creator, my Strength-Giver, my Ultimate Encourager is who will help me get through this. In the quiet when my mind starts racing with all the reasons I shouldn't be doing this, He is there to tell me that I should, I can and I will do this. I honestly don't know how anyone could do this without Christ. Call me weak, but I know I couldn't. My heart is willing, but my flesh is weak.
My flesh may be weak, but I am so thankful that I know the Voice of Truth. I am so thankful I know the Life Giver! Because of Him and what He has done for me, I will never go back. I can't. My past is over and I'm moving forward. One baby step at a time. One 10th, quarter, half and whole mile at a time. One meal at a time. One pound at a time. It's all because of Him that I can do it. My heart is willing, but my flesh is weak.
Be encouraged today. If you've stumbled on my blog and you don't know Christ. You don't know what it's like to utterly depend on someone for your every breath, turn to Him today. He will shake you up, but He's changing my life in ways I could never imagine. My journey thus far has been so beautifully, painful because of Him. A change this drastic will be painful, but He is making me beautiful. Not in the world's eyes, but He's creating me into His Masterpiece.
Be Blessed,
Weight Loss Mama
Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NKJV)
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Goals
This is a list of my misc. goals divided into categories. As time goes on
I'm sure I'll add more, but this is my starter list.
Weight Goals
1. Lose 5 lbs (met)
2. Lose 10% of my original weight - 36 lbs
3. Lose 50 lbs
4. Lose 20% of my original weight - 72 lbs
5. Lose 75 lbs
6. Lose 100 lbs
7. Lose 30% of my original weight - 108 lbs
8. Lose 125 lbs. - That will be a whole person!
9. Lose 40% of my original weight - 144 lbs
10. Lose 150 lbs
11. Lose 175 lbs
12. Lose 50% of my original weight - 180 lbs
13. Lose 200 lbs
14. Lose 60% of my original weight - 216 lbs
15. Lose 225 lbs
16. Lose 250 lbs (That's two whole people!)
17. Lose 70% of my original weight - 252 lbs
18. Lose 260 lbs.
Clothing Size Goals
Shirts
3XL shirts
2XL shirts
1XL shirts
Large shirts
Medium shirts
22/24 pants/skirts
20 pants/skirts
18 pants/skirts
16 pants/skirts
14 pants/skirts
We will see where this gets me and modify this list from there.
Health Goals
1. Normal BP
2. Consistent Normal Blood Sugar
3. Normal Periods
4. Pregnancy
Fitness goals
1. Be able to walk without getting blisters on my feet
2. Be able to walk 2 miles without feeling like I'm dying.
3. Be able to walk 2.5 MPH - 2.4 most of my walk now
4. Be able to walk 2.5 miles
5. Be able to walk 3 miles in an hour or less
Misc. Goals
1. Be able to wear seatbelt in vehicle.
2. Sit in vehicle without my stomach touching the steering wheel
3. Be able to ride bumper boats again
4. Be able to hug my husband without leaning forward. ;-)
(Created: 1/5/12)
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is
in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at
a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NKJV)
I'm sure I'll add more, but this is my starter list.
Weight Goals
1. Lose 5 lbs (met)
2. Lose 10% of my original weight - 36 lbs
3. Lose 50 lbs
4. Lose 20% of my original weight - 72 lbs
5. Lose 75 lbs
6. Lose 100 lbs
7. Lose 30% of my original weight - 108 lbs
8. Lose 125 lbs. - That will be a whole person!
9. Lose 40% of my original weight - 144 lbs
10. Lose 150 lbs
11. Lose 175 lbs
12. Lose 50% of my original weight - 180 lbs
13. Lose 200 lbs
14. Lose 60% of my original weight - 216 lbs
15. Lose 225 lbs
16. Lose 250 lbs (That's two whole people!)
17. Lose 70% of my original weight - 252 lbs
18. Lose 260 lbs.
Clothing Size Goals
Shirts
3XL shirts
2XL shirts
1XL shirts
Large shirts
Medium shirts
22/24 pants/skirts
20 pants/skirts
18 pants/skirts
16 pants/skirts
14 pants/skirts
We will see where this gets me and modify this list from there.
Health Goals
1. Normal BP
2. Consistent Normal Blood Sugar
3. Normal Periods
4. Pregnancy
Fitness goals
1. Be able to walk without getting blisters on my feet
2. Be able to walk 2 miles without feeling like I'm dying.
3. Be able to walk 2.5 MPH - 2.4 most of my walk now
4. Be able to walk 2.5 miles
5. Be able to walk 3 miles in an hour or less
Misc. Goals
1. Be able to wear seatbelt in vehicle.
2. Sit in vehicle without my stomach touching the steering wheel
3. Be able to ride bumper boats again
4. Be able to hug my husband without leaning forward. ;-)
(Created: 1/5/12)
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is
in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at
a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NKJV)
Facing My Giants
The Voice of Truth - Casting Crowns
Oh what I would do to haveThe kind of faith it takes to climb out of
this boat I'm inOn to the crashing wavesTo step out of my comfort
zoneInto the realm of the unknown where Jesus isAnd He's holding out His
handBut the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at
meReminding me of all the times I've tried before and failedThe waves
they keep on telling meTime and time again, "Boy, You'll never
win!""You'll never win!"But the Voice of Truth tells me a different
storyThe Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid!"And the Voice of Truth
says, "This is for My glory"Out of all the voices calling out to meI
will choose to listen and believeThe Voice of TruthOh what I would
do to haveThe kind of strength it takes to stand before a giantWith just
a sling and a stoneSurrounded by the sound of a thousand warriorsShaking
in their armorWishing they'd have had the strength to standBut the
giant's calling out my name and he laughs at meReminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failedThe giant keeps on telling meTime and time
again, "Boy, You'll never win!""You'll never win!"But the Voice of
Truth tells me a different storyThe Voice of Truth says, "Do not be
afraid!"And the Voice of Truth says, "This is for My glory"Out of all
the voices calling out to meI will choose to listen and believeThe Voice
of TruthBut the stone was just the right sizeTo put the giant on the
groundAnd the waves they don't seem so highFrom on top of them lookin'
downI will soar with the wings of eaglesWhen I stop and listen to the
sound of JesusSinging over meBut the Voice of Truth tells me a
different storyThe Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid!"And the Voice
of Truth says, "This is for My glory"Out of all the voices calling out to
me(calling out to me)I will choose to listen and believe(I will choose to
listen and believe)I will choose to listen and believeThe Voice of
TruthI will listen and believeI will listen and believeThe
Voice of TruthI will listen and believeCause Jesus you are the Voice
of TruthAnd I will listen to you
This song has become my theme in this season of life. Have you ever seen the movie Facing the Giants? It is about a football team who isn't very good. They end up changing the way they live their lives and surrender to God. They end up making it to the state play offs where they face a team called The Giants. In many ways I feel like the guys in this movie. I feel like the giant
is attacking me. He's certainly reminding me of every time I've failed. He is telling me I can't do this. I won't stick with it. He has attacked my spirit and my body. In a lot of ways I feel like Job. I realize he had it far worse than I though. I knew this wouldn't be easy, but I didn't expect it to be quite so difficult either.
I posted yesterday that I would be buying new shoes. My sisters met me at Kohls to pick them out. I was very surprised and extremely blessed because my sisters Cindy and Cyndee bought my shoes. My sister Kathy bought me an MP3 player also. I am all set for the gym.
After leaving Kohls, I met Stephanie at the gym. My goal last night was to walk 1.75 miles. If you remember on Tuesday I got my first case of blisters on my feet. They weren't too bad. I figured new shoes would make my feet feel better. The blisters had another idea. They decided they would give birth to even bigger blisters on the center of my feet so I couldn't avoid their misery
giving powers. I made it home and had to have John come out and help me make it up the steps. This morning I'm feeling a bit better, but it still hurts to walk. I have the next 9 hours to find relief before I go back to the gym. No pain, no gain I suppose.
I have to admit I have had a rough couple days. The evenings, especially after working out, have been very emotional for me. I spend most of my car ride home in tears. I'm really not sure why I'm so overwhelmed with emotions right now. It seems to only happen after working out though.
Despite everything that has happened the last couple days, I am still very excited about this journey. Each day I'm adding more time to my walk. My goal right now is to get to 2 miles a day. I am really proud of myself. I have never walked this much at one time in my life.
I am learning more and more that I must depend on God and His strength to help me through this. By myself it is impossible. With God nothing is impossible. I am holding on to that promise. This journey He has called me to isn't comfortable. It isn't nice or pleasant at the moment. I am moving into levels I have never been before, but when I see the rewards and benefits from the hard work it will be worth it.
I am so thankful for a Daddy who loves me enough to put me in places that make me uncomfortable. I am in awe that He loves me enough to put me through the fire to refine me so that I may be all He has created me to be. I am also very thankful that He protects me from the attack of my enemy. Does that mean that the enemy won't come? No! It just means that when he does come that my Daddy will give me everything I need to resist him.
I have 20-22 more days until my first weigh in. I refuse to weigh in between visits. Scales are so different. I also don't want to get hung up on numbers. I am looking forward to seeing how much my hard work has paid off. My sisters said I look like I've already lost some. I'm sure they were just trying to boost my self-esteem, though. I have a number in my head that I would like to see on the scale. It will be interesting to see where my actual loss falls in.
I hope that you are having a great week. If you are joining me on this journey I would love to hear from you so that we can encourage one another. Email me or comment here.
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is
in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at
a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NKJV)
Oh what I would do to haveThe kind of faith it takes to climb out of
this boat I'm inOn to the crashing wavesTo step out of my comfort
zoneInto the realm of the unknown where Jesus isAnd He's holding out His
handBut the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at
meReminding me of all the times I've tried before and failedThe waves
they keep on telling meTime and time again, "Boy, You'll never
win!""You'll never win!"But the Voice of Truth tells me a different
storyThe Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid!"And the Voice of Truth
says, "This is for My glory"Out of all the voices calling out to meI
will choose to listen and believeThe Voice of TruthOh what I would
do to haveThe kind of strength it takes to stand before a giantWith just
a sling and a stoneSurrounded by the sound of a thousand warriorsShaking
in their armorWishing they'd have had the strength to standBut the
giant's calling out my name and he laughs at meReminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failedThe giant keeps on telling meTime and time
again, "Boy, You'll never win!""You'll never win!"But the Voice of
Truth tells me a different storyThe Voice of Truth says, "Do not be
afraid!"And the Voice of Truth says, "This is for My glory"Out of all
the voices calling out to meI will choose to listen and believeThe Voice
of TruthBut the stone was just the right sizeTo put the giant on the
groundAnd the waves they don't seem so highFrom on top of them lookin'
downI will soar with the wings of eaglesWhen I stop and listen to the
sound of JesusSinging over meBut the Voice of Truth tells me a
different storyThe Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid!"And the Voice
of Truth says, "This is for My glory"Out of all the voices calling out to
me(calling out to me)I will choose to listen and believe(I will choose to
listen and believe)I will choose to listen and believeThe Voice of
TruthI will listen and believeI will listen and believeThe
Voice of TruthI will listen and believeCause Jesus you are the Voice
of TruthAnd I will listen to you
This song has become my theme in this season of life. Have you ever seen the movie Facing the Giants? It is about a football team who isn't very good. They end up changing the way they live their lives and surrender to God. They end up making it to the state play offs where they face a team called The Giants. In many ways I feel like the guys in this movie. I feel like the giant
is attacking me. He's certainly reminding me of every time I've failed. He is telling me I can't do this. I won't stick with it. He has attacked my spirit and my body. In a lot of ways I feel like Job. I realize he had it far worse than I though. I knew this wouldn't be easy, but I didn't expect it to be quite so difficult either.
I posted yesterday that I would be buying new shoes. My sisters met me at Kohls to pick them out. I was very surprised and extremely blessed because my sisters Cindy and Cyndee bought my shoes. My sister Kathy bought me an MP3 player also. I am all set for the gym.
After leaving Kohls, I met Stephanie at the gym. My goal last night was to walk 1.75 miles. If you remember on Tuesday I got my first case of blisters on my feet. They weren't too bad. I figured new shoes would make my feet feel better. The blisters had another idea. They decided they would give birth to even bigger blisters on the center of my feet so I couldn't avoid their misery
giving powers. I made it home and had to have John come out and help me make it up the steps. This morning I'm feeling a bit better, but it still hurts to walk. I have the next 9 hours to find relief before I go back to the gym. No pain, no gain I suppose.
I have to admit I have had a rough couple days. The evenings, especially after working out, have been very emotional for me. I spend most of my car ride home in tears. I'm really not sure why I'm so overwhelmed with emotions right now. It seems to only happen after working out though.
Despite everything that has happened the last couple days, I am still very excited about this journey. Each day I'm adding more time to my walk. My goal right now is to get to 2 miles a day. I am really proud of myself. I have never walked this much at one time in my life.
I am learning more and more that I must depend on God and His strength to help me through this. By myself it is impossible. With God nothing is impossible. I am holding on to that promise. This journey He has called me to isn't comfortable. It isn't nice or pleasant at the moment. I am moving into levels I have never been before, but when I see the rewards and benefits from the hard work it will be worth it.
I am so thankful for a Daddy who loves me enough to put me in places that make me uncomfortable. I am in awe that He loves me enough to put me through the fire to refine me so that I may be all He has created me to be. I am also very thankful that He protects me from the attack of my enemy. Does that mean that the enemy won't come? No! It just means that when he does come that my Daddy will give me everything I need to resist him.
I have 20-22 more days until my first weigh in. I refuse to weigh in between visits. Scales are so different. I also don't want to get hung up on numbers. I am looking forward to seeing how much my hard work has paid off. My sisters said I look like I've already lost some. I'm sure they were just trying to boost my self-esteem, though. I have a number in my head that I would like to see on the scale. It will be interesting to see where my actual loss falls in.
I hope that you are having a great week. If you are joining me on this journey I would love to hear from you so that we can encourage one another. Email me or comment here.
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is
in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at
a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NKJV)
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