For years, I have dreamed of meeting my siblings on my Dad's side of the family. I remember being young and playing scenarios in my head of what it would be like to be a part of their family. The desire to be a part of their family only grew as I met Dad. Still, I was determined to take things as slowly as I needed to in order to make things easier for them.
I remember the day I decided I was going to start searching for Dad again. It was after watching the movie October Baby. When the movie was over, I sat in the parking lot in my van while I sobbed and prayed. I asked God if it was really His will for me to find Dad. Immediately after I felt the peace to search for him, I prayed that God would minimize the pain inflicted on my siblings. I have eight siblings. Each parent had two girls and two boys before I came along. I didn't want my mom's kids to feel like I was dishonoring her memory. I also didn't want to cause pain to Dad's kids either. I wasn't naive enough to believe that there wouldn't be pain involved, but I was determined to make things as easy as I could.
My sister Suzie (Dad's daughter) has a gospel music group that she sings with. Each month, the group has a concert that they hold. I had been trying to attend for months. Last month, I was heart broken that I wasn't able to find a sitter for my kids. My sister Cindy told me that she would keep them for me so I could go in January.
The concert was this past Saturday. I was very excited to finally be able to meet Suzie. We have been facebook friends for a while, but this was the first time we would actually meet in person. I spent most of Saturday morning and afternoon feeling so ill. I was nervous beyond belief. Everything I had wished, hoped and prayed for was finally coming through. I kept freaking out thinking she would hate me. I cannot tell you the number of times I decided I wasn't going. One nasty habit I am trying to break free of is assuming the worst will happen. In many ways, it was just easier to believe that she would hate me. I knew what would happen then. We would part ways and that would be that. (Now, I want to stop and say that my feelings during those moments do not reflect anything toward Suzie. I have enjoyed getting to know her so far. I have always had problems with self-esteem, though. The last two years that has gotten a lot worse.)
I finally made it to the parking lot. I felt frozen when I first arrived. I couldn't bring myself to get out of the car. It was one of those life changing moments. I knew that my life was about to change. I prayed and asked God for peace before I finally went in. We said hello and talked for a few moments before the concert started and for a bit afterwards. I was able to get a picture with both of my sisters. It was a very sweet moment for me.
Suzie is such a sweetheart. I know my entrance into her life two years ago wasn't easy, she has handled it with grace. She's always been kind to me and for that I am grateful. She has handled things far better than most people would. Thank you, Suzie for allow me a place in your heart and life.
Meeting her was something I had dreamed of most of my life. Even before I had contact with Dad, Mom had told me bits and pieces about
Suzie has a gospel music group called Victorious Ministries. They are A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!!! They were even better than the couple videos I had seen. If you are local then you definitely need to go see them. If you aren't, you should order their CDs. To learn more about Victorious Ministries visit their facebook page Victorious Ministries. Like their page to get updates about their travel dates. They have a monthly singing in Rockwood, Tennessee. They also have other travel dates. You will be blessed when you hear them.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
Blessings,
Lisa
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