It's 2015. It's been six years since I started my weight loss
journey. I've had some successes but mostly failures. However, I believe that
you aren't a failure until you refuse to get back up. I think it's been about
three years since I started going to the weight loss clinic. Last year, I had my
doctor to write me a prescription for some Phentermine, which is what was
prescribed at the weight loss clinic. I took almost all of a prescription, but
then I stopped. My weight has been slowly creeping up to my original weight.
When I walked into the weight loss clinic the first time, my weight was 326.
(Which until yesterday, I didn't realize the significance of that number in my
life. 3/26 was Mama's birthday.)
Yesterday, I weighed and had my blood pressure taken at Wal-mart.
Of course, there's always room for error with those machines, but it said I was
323. Still under my clinic starting weight, and under my highest weight (360)
but way too high. My blood pressure was something like 148/82.
I knew my weight was going up. I am back to the point that my belly
sits under the steering wheel. I think one of the first big goals that I made
was to be able to drive without having my belly touch the steering wheel. I am
sadden and sick of what I've done to myself. I swore I would never be back to
this place, but when you have an emotional eating disorder, that is what
happens. I eat to find comfort. I eat when I'm bored, I eat when...well, there's
not a reason I can find that I won't eat. Then, afterwards I feel horrible. I
feel horrible because I ate too much. I feel horrible because I let this have
power over me. If you would have asked me 6 years ago if I had an eating
disorder, I would've said no. The longer I am on this journey, I am finding out
stuff I never knew. I can no longer sugar coat things in an effort to save my
pride because it is killing me.
One of the things that have stopped me was not being able to afford
the foods that I need to lose weight. Well it is tax season and time to start
again. Since healthy living is so much more than just eating right, I'm starting
now to get my mind in preparation for it.
A big change that is taking place this time is that John is going
to join me. He went to the doctor the other day and his weight was 318. His
blood pressure, which wasn't as high as mine, was still higher than it needs to
be. The sad thing is that we are both on blood pressure medication. Our blood
pressure was a "medicated" blood pressure. I wouldn't want to see what it would
be if we weren't on medication. So he's decided to join me on this journey.
I have such a love-hate relationship with my weight. I love food. I
don't LIKE food. I LOVE it. I love it like a family member. There are things
that I like that are healthy, but most of my comfort foods are not. I have
conquered this battle before. I know what lies before me and I'm not looking
forward to it. I'm not looking forward to choosing veggies instead of cookies;
protein instead of carbs, etc. None of that is appealing to me. Do you know what
IS appealing, though? Fitting in my vehicle without being uncomfortable; being
able to shop for clothes and know that I don't have to go to a specialty shop to
get a t-shirt that fits right. Most importantly, the thought of LIVING is the
most appealing. Living to raise our kids. Living to see our grandchildren.
Living long enough to take care of our parents when that time comes.
I want to do more than just survive. I want to live a life that
makes me happy.
I will update more as we start our healthy eating journey, but this
is the starting post.
Lisa's Weight : 323 (estimate until I get a scale for the
house)
John's Weight 318 (weighed at the doctor)
Blessings,
Mama
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