Slipping

This is one of those posts that I have been dreading to write for the last couple months.  The last couple months of my weight loss journey have been such a roller coaster of emotions and the scale has shown it.  I have been up and I have been down.   I gained back up to 292.  I am currently 288 again.  I have tried to watch what I was eating, but when I am stressed I either eat a lot or I won't eat at all.  Neither of those things are good for weight loss.  Eating a lot is obvious, but I am finding that if I don't eat enough calories then I gain weight too.  So there is my confession.  Let's focus on the good!


I can pinpoint the stressful stage starting between March and May.  That was about the time that stress kicked into over drive.  I got stressed about meeting Dad, stressed about my siblings' (all 8 of them) reaction to my choices. Would Mom's kids be mad at me?  Would they think I was dishonoring Mom by trying to establish a relationship with Dad?  Would Dad's kids be mad at me?  Would they think I was trying to steal their father away from them?  Would Dad love me?  Would he be proud of the woman I had become?  Would he accept me as his child or would he tell me to get lost?  Then there was the kids, John finding another job, finances, and a host of other things.  I will say that a lot of my fears with Dad were unfounded.  We still aren't where I'd like to be, but I am just thankful for where we are.


I was curious to see how much weight I had lost since I met Dad.  I decided to check out my weight tracker. I figured I'd be very disappointed.  While I wish I could say that I have done better, I have still lost a good bit of weight.  In May, two days before I met Dad, I weighed 304.  Today I weighed 287.  That is a 17 pound loss.  Not the greatest for 4.5 months, but I will take it.


Now I am trying to figure out ways to get back to the gym; ways to get me out of this funk I am in.  Christmas is going to be here before I know it.  That is always a bittersweet time for me.  I miss Mama so much.  Christmas was her favorite time of year.  I also wonder what the holidays will look like with Dad in my life now.  We stay home for Christmas.  We celebrate with just our little family.  I don't expect that to change, but I would like to get together with Dad in December.


For those who are keeping track, I am still housing this headache.  This is insane, but I am having to learn how to cope.  I have days when the pain isn't too bad and then days when I feel like I could die at any moment.  I am trying to relax as much as possible, but it is hard.


Blessings,

Weight Loss Mama