Day 1 Take 2 - Getting Back to the Gym

Good morning world!  Today is the day to make all things new so that is what I am doing!  I stopped by McDonalds this morning to get John and the kids breakfast.  I decided I wanted something too so I ordered two McGriddles.  The ironic part is that I don't even really care for them that much!  This is one of the many reasons I don't eat breakfast!


Yesterday was very hard for me.  I tried to talk to John about some things on my heart but kept picking all the wrong times to talk to him.  We never really got to have the heart to heart I wanted.  What I did get were a lot of hurt feelings that weren't even really all his fault.  Sometimes getting that alone time is hard when you have so many little ones all vying for Daddy's attention.  By the time bedtime rolled around I was to tired to think.


The gym is an area where Satan chooses to make his battle field.  Guilt is something I struggle with so much.  There's the guilt I feel because I leave my kids.  There's the guilt I feel because John ends up having to do everything and doesn't get a break.  There's all the time I have with my thoughts.  My mind is a terrible, horrible place.  It's so easy to avoid the thoughts I have when I am constantly distracted, but The Beast and hot tub provide nothing to distract me.  It is the place where I come together with my greatest hopes and fears, joys and pains, happiness and heart aches.  I try to use this time to push into God's presence, but I feel like I can't quite get there.  While there is lots of apprehension about going back, I will do it.  And you know what?  I KNOW that once I get there that
I will feel so good about myself because I faced my fears - I fought The Beast and won!  There isn't a whole lot that feels better than proving to myself that I CAN do this.  I know I can. 


Right now I am sitting right at 1100 calories.  That leaves me with enough calories for a healthy salad after I go to the gym tonight.  I am looking forward to the gym but not the pain that come with those first few visits.  I don't enjoy the pain I feel right now either so I will do what is necessary to make that stop - like staying away from the McGriddles! ;-)