Another Blessing

Yesterday, I was honored to attend the baptism of Baby C.  His mama and grandmother are very sweet friends of mine.  I am so proud of my friend.  She's risen above so many obstacles and faced so many challenges.  She continues to impress me.  Most mama's her age aren't worried about their children's spiritual well-being.  She is in college and is making decisions so she can provide a good life for her child. I am so very proud of her.  I love her more than she knows.


I have hit that stage where Isaiah's almost 2.  My baby fever is kicking into overdrive.  I would gladly accept another blessing right now if God would send it to us.  Now isn't even really what I am talking about, though.  When you have battled with infertility, miscarriages and have been burnt through the adoption process, the subject of having more children is always a sore subject.  I know that right now obviously isn't the time to have more kids.  I would just like to know that God definitely has more lined up for us down the road.  I have a friend who has had people just give children to her.  She is one of the most strong, amazing people I know.  She fights for these kids with everything she has within her.  I am very blessed to call her friend. 


Sometimes I wish God would allow me to see His roadmap for my life.  Everything I have ever gotten has been a huge fight or power struggle.  It has made me a stronger person so I am thankful for that.  I just have so many questions.  I wish God would clearly speak and said, "There are more children in you future and this is what you need to do to get them."  It's not just a child thing either.  There are a few other areas in my life which I wish I could see that roadmap.  Dealing with my children is one of them. There are times when I wish I could have a glimpse into their hearts to see what is troubling them.  If I could then I would know how to help them more. 


With other areas it would be nice to know if God really intends for me to keep fighting or when it is time to let go.  If I let go, what lies on the other side of letting go?  I am one of the most stubborn people I know.  Sometimes this is very beneficial - like when fighting for my kids or this journey to a healthier me.  Other times I know I spend time fighting to keep that which God means for me to let go of for fear I am not supposed to let go of it.  Or I will refuse a blessing for fear of losing it. 


This is where I am right now emotionally.  This is my new spiritual goal.  I want to get closer to God so I can hear Him speak to me.  I know He isn't sitting in Heaven intentionally playing with my emotions.  I know I am the reason I can't hear His voice more clearly.  I once heard a quote that said "Sometimes God grows quiet so we will be still."  I am on the search to find a Bible reading partner. Someone who will read along with me and then we can discuss what we read.  I need someone to help keep me on track.

And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. - Galatians 6:9

Blessings,

Weight Loss Mama