My Love Dare Experience

I am going to be very open for a moment.  Have you ever known me to be anything different?  Growing up, I dreamed of being the submissive housewife and mother.  I wanted to save my first kiss and virginity for my husband.  In my heart I wanted to do all the right things.  Then my heart was deceived.  I still longed for those things, but impurity was a far easier choice.  The farther I moved from God's desires for my life the easier it became to measure my life by an unholy standard.


John and I have been together for ten years, married for eight.  During this time we have struggled in a lot of different areas. I wasn't a virgin when we started dating.  I wish I could say that was a mistake I had made only one time, but it wasn't.  Because of this, I personally have a lot of guilt and self-hatred.  I have begged and pleaded with God to make things right, and fix the problems we have had.... but He never seemed to answer.  I took matters into my own hands.  I demanded that John change the things that bothered me.  Some stuff was justified and really needed to be changed.  Other things were just irritations I had.  Still, nothing I did mattered.  He refused to change for me.  Of course, being that holy Christian, I took this as a sign that my own heart needed to change, right?  Unfortunately, I was too stubborn and too selfish for that.  In fact, most of what led us to this place was my own selfishness anyway.


A few years ago I met a friend that I became very close too.  I have met many wonderful people through this friend.  One in particular I became facebook friends with for a while but deleted her because she posted a lot of things that convicted me about my position in our marriage.  God still sent messengers my way to trying to bring me back to the place He wanted me to be.


Forty days ago, I bought a copy of The Love Dare by Stephen and Alex Kendrick.  I didn't have a whole lot of expectations of this journey.  Boy was I wrong!  I have made my way through this book.  The first few days were done half-heartedly, but somewhere along the way I noticed that I was changing.  Somewhere along the way my heart started returning to home.  I am not where I want to be, even now.  Our problems weren't created overnight and it won't be fixed that way either.

I am so thankful to God for giving me a second chance.  I am thankful that John is still willing to work with me.  God meant for marriage to be a life-long commitment. Some people take that too lightly.  I was one of them.  I am thankful I realized that before it was too late!!


Blessings,

Weight Loss Mama