This blog is going to be TMI. You have been warned so if you wish to spare yourself, read no further.
About 2 months ago I started having really bad abdominal cramping. It felt like it was around my ovaries. It got to the point that it would take my breath away so I went to see a Gynecologist. He is my best friend's doctor. When I got into see him, he did an exam and said everything "looked good." He wanted to send me for an ultrasound though. His tech wasn't in that day, so I was scheduled. I had to end up rescheduling, though. I had my ultrasound about two weeks ago. I have PCOS so my uterine lining was thicker than they wanted it to be. The tech also found a polyp. The doctor scheduled me for a D&C and a Polypectomy. I had that done on Thursday, July 30th.
The morning of my surgery, I went in and did all of the normal pre-op stuff. I was pretty freaked out. It took two tries to get my IV started. Five days later, both of my hands are still sore. Surgery went well, but the doctor found a second polyp. He told my husband that both of the polyps looked good so he didn't expect cancer out of either of them. He was worried about this prior to surgery, though.
Healing from surgery has been interesting. I still have some tenderness from the surgery. I am extremely tired, but having CFS that is to be expected, I guess. What wasn't expected was that I woke up from surgery with the underside of my left arm completely numb. It stared out in a small spot, but as the day went on, it worked it's way almost completely up my arm. I feel everything on my outer arm, but I don't feel anything on the underside. Most people experience the sleep/pins and needles feeling when they are numb. I feel nothing. I can touch/pinch my arm, but feel nothing.
Friday, I went in for my routine lab work to be done. I talked to him about my arm. He said he wanted to wait until today to make sure it didn't go away. Now, he's scheduling me for an EMG/nerve study. Yeah, that sounds like fun! All of my labs were normal. My A1C has dropped 1.9 points to 6.4. I am pretty proud of myself Yay!!
Blessings,
Mama
Monday, August 3, 2015
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
Stressed Out Mommy Syndrome
I don't know if that is a medical diagnosis or not, but that is where I am right now. I am in the "Stressed Out Mommy" village right now. It is not where I want to be or where I want to parent from, but it is where I am.
Sometime last week, I noticed my body showing signs of stress. My teeth were starting to clench involuntarily. My neck and upper back started hurting. Now, I am starting to suffer from stress headaches.
I have suffered from headaches most of my life, but these are a bit different. They usually start in my neck and upper back before they proceed to a full-blown headache that I cannot get rid of. I will never forget the first one I got. No matter what I did, it wouldn't go away. I was eighteen. I was working at a convenience store. At the time, I was their best employee. I would work shifts that no one else would. I would go in and work when others called in. You could say that I was married to my job, but I was 18 with no other real responsibilities so it worked. When I wasn't working, I was babysitting. My body kept screaming it had enough, but I wouldn't listen. I developed a headache that would not go away. I took Tylenol, but it didn't help. Advil didn't help either. During this time I tried every over-the-counter pain reliever that was available. I was given some prescription medicine by my doctor that didn't help either.
I was sent for an MRI because of my history of a brain tumor, but it was clear. Finally, the doctor said that it was stress. He sent me for physical therapy. That brought my pain level from insane to manageable during the therapy sessions, but within hours I felt like I was dying again. I finally had to quit my job. Finally, after about 18 months the pain went away. I know it sounds crazy to say I had a headache for 18 months, but it was seriously one never-ending headache. I suffer from stress headaches and migraines now, but nothing as bad as that one. Still, the fear is there when I start seeing the signs of a stress headache.
Now, I am searching for ways to relieve my stress. My therapist moved out of the area about a month ago. I am currently waiting for my new one to get back from vacation, so I can schedule an appointment with her. I am journaling and trying other stress relieving techniques. Hopefully, this will end soon.
Blessings,
Mama
Sometime last week, I noticed my body showing signs of stress. My teeth were starting to clench involuntarily. My neck and upper back started hurting. Now, I am starting to suffer from stress headaches.
I have suffered from headaches most of my life, but these are a bit different. They usually start in my neck and upper back before they proceed to a full-blown headache that I cannot get rid of. I will never forget the first one I got. No matter what I did, it wouldn't go away. I was eighteen. I was working at a convenience store. At the time, I was their best employee. I would work shifts that no one else would. I would go in and work when others called in. You could say that I was married to my job, but I was 18 with no other real responsibilities so it worked. When I wasn't working, I was babysitting. My body kept screaming it had enough, but I wouldn't listen. I developed a headache that would not go away. I took Tylenol, but it didn't help. Advil didn't help either. During this time I tried every over-the-counter pain reliever that was available. I was given some prescription medicine by my doctor that didn't help either.
I was sent for an MRI because of my history of a brain tumor, but it was clear. Finally, the doctor said that it was stress. He sent me for physical therapy. That brought my pain level from insane to manageable during the therapy sessions, but within hours I felt like I was dying again. I finally had to quit my job. Finally, after about 18 months the pain went away. I know it sounds crazy to say I had a headache for 18 months, but it was seriously one never-ending headache. I suffer from stress headaches and migraines now, but nothing as bad as that one. Still, the fear is there when I start seeing the signs of a stress headache.
Now, I am searching for ways to relieve my stress. My therapist moved out of the area about a month ago. I am currently waiting for my new one to get back from vacation, so I can schedule an appointment with her. I am journaling and trying other stress relieving techniques. Hopefully, this will end soon.
Blessings,
Mama
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
Bad Days, Depression and Other Ramblings
I have been blessed to have some really good days lately. There have been some really bad struggles, but all in all it had been good. Almost two weeks ago my wallet, including a tidy sum of cash, was stolen from Wal-mart while we were shopping. I freaked out at first. I quickly realized it was one of those situations where I just had to trust God. I had no other choice. My brother suggested starting a gofundme account. While all of the money didn't get replaced, I am pleased to say, thanks to my generous friends and family, that we recovered almost half of what was taken. I was fully experiencing the feeling of being held in the arms of Jesus. Until...
For people who suffer from depression, you can feel really good one day/moment and the next is something completely different. This morning was a perfect example of that. I woke up this morning wanting to do nothing other than get out of the house for a bit. John had things he needed to do, though so I stayed. Once he had completed what he needed to do, he offered me a few minutes out of the house before he had to leave for work, but I chose to stay home.
There are so many things going through my mind and my heart today that it is just weighing on me. Some of the things are things I can control/fix and others are completely out of my control, but plague me nonetheless. So I sit here just doing my best to fight off the feelings of the impending panic attack my body seems intent on having and counting down the hours until I can unwind with a bit of tv before I go to sleep.
Mama
Thursday, May 14, 2015
The Moment I Stopped Breathing
So many things have been going on in my world this week. My husband, who has worked two jobs most of our marriage finally said goodbye to his second employer. His last day was Monday night, Isaiah's birthday. Monday night, on his way to his second job, his car broke down. I have spent most of the week taking him back and forth to work.
Today, I was on my way home when I called my best friend, Stephanie. She had surgery on Monday so I wanted to call and check on her. We talked for a few moments and I noticed she wasn't quite herself. This was more than the I-just-had-surgery voice. Then she said the words that made me lose my breath. She said the doctor called her and told her she has cancer.
I met Stephanie a few years ago at church. She said she noticed that we kept coming in with more and more children so she knew I had to be a foster parent. She and I started talking on facebook and hanging out. We soon found out that we were each others long lost twin. Ok, not really, but it sure seems that way. She has six kids. I have five. We are both SAHM. I could write a book about our similarities, but I will spare you. No matter how similar we are, we are as different as night and day. I homeschool and can't imagine that will ever change. She says she could never do it. I am very high strung, and she is more relaxed. I am very quiet and more reserved where she is VERY outgoing. God didn't just bless me with a friend, or even a best friend. She is my sister.
I have sat here today trying to process everything. I have prayed for many people over the years who have cancer or a serious illness, but it's a different ball game when it hits so close to home. I don't know what tomorrow holds or what the medical action plan will be at this point. What I do know is that I will be there for her every step of the way. At this moment I do feel helpless because I don't know what to do for her. I would take this burden from her if I could, but I cannot.
I share all of this with you for this reason. Please keep her in your prayers. Add her to your prayer list, your church's prayer list, share the request on facebook - whatever! Please just pray for her. Pray for her emotional health as well as her physical one.
Blessings,
Mama
Today, I was on my way home when I called my best friend, Stephanie. She had surgery on Monday so I wanted to call and check on her. We talked for a few moments and I noticed she wasn't quite herself. This was more than the I-just-had-surgery voice. Then she said the words that made me lose my breath. She said the doctor called her and told her she has cancer.
I met Stephanie a few years ago at church. She said she noticed that we kept coming in with more and more children so she knew I had to be a foster parent. She and I started talking on facebook and hanging out. We soon found out that we were each others long lost twin. Ok, not really, but it sure seems that way. She has six kids. I have five. We are both SAHM. I could write a book about our similarities, but I will spare you. No matter how similar we are, we are as different as night and day. I homeschool and can't imagine that will ever change. She says she could never do it. I am very high strung, and she is more relaxed. I am very quiet and more reserved where she is VERY outgoing. God didn't just bless me with a friend, or even a best friend. She is my sister.
I have sat here today trying to process everything. I have prayed for many people over the years who have cancer or a serious illness, but it's a different ball game when it hits so close to home. I don't know what tomorrow holds or what the medical action plan will be at this point. What I do know is that I will be there for her every step of the way. At this moment I do feel helpless because I don't know what to do for her. I would take this burden from her if I could, but I cannot.
I share all of this with you for this reason. Please keep her in your prayers. Add her to your prayer list, your church's prayer list, share the request on facebook - whatever! Please just pray for her. Pray for her emotional health as well as her physical one.
Blessings,
Mama
Monday, May 4, 2015
Monday Check-in
Each Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I have to call my doctor's office to check in with the nurse to see if we need to increase my insulin. I report my blood sugar readings and they adjust my medication accordingly. Wednesday, I started on 12 units. Friday, I increased to 16 units. While my blood sugar has come down, it is still not in the range of normal.
ETA: Just as I said, we have increased my insulin to 20 units.
This morning's fasting blood sugar was 195. Now, this is where it gets crazy. My fasting numbers, thus far, are my highest readings of the day. I do not understand that. We usually have dinner around 5 o'clock. I usually wake up between 8-9 AM. I go 15-16 hours without eating, yet this is my highest reading of the day. My body is just crazy!
This morning started out pretty good. Each morning I try to make sure I take a few minutes to read my Bible and pray. I have found it makes my day go better. The weather outside was beautiful so I went outside. As each child woke up, they were able to enjoy a few minutes of play time while I soaked up time with God. It seems to have made the morning go a bit better.
I ask that each of you take a moment to pray for my friend. Tomorrow, she heads to the doctor to discuss diabetes and insulin with her doctor. Going from oral medication to insulin therapy is emotionally devastating so please keep her in your prayers. Thank you.
ETA: Just as I said, we have increased my insulin to 20 units.
"For
I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and
not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
Blessings,
Mama
February
A1C 9.0
April
A1C 8.3
April
HDL 120
Sunday, May 3, 2015
Getting Back Up
I don't even remember how long it has been since I blogged last, so bare with me if I repeat some information. About ten weeks ago, I went to the doctor and found that my diabetes was completely uncontrolled. I had used an at-home A1C kit so I knew what was coming from this appointment. When I arrived at my appointment, I ended up having to see a student before I could see my doctor. He went crazy about my blood sugar levels, went through a complete medical history and then said the word I dreaded - INSULIN. At the time, the word insulin seemed like a death sentence. Worst of all, he hadn't even done labs. He had a very cold bedside manner. I was pressed for time and had to get back to get my kids, so I left that appointment without seeing my doctor or getting labs done. I went back in a couple days later and was able to discuss the situation with my doctor. He said that he wanted to try a couple more medicines before he started insulin. I was to come back in three months. This was in February. My lab results were as follows: A1C 9.0, Fasting Glucose 290ish, and my cholesterol was elevated. (No, I hadn't been taking care of myself.)
Fast forward to about a month ago, at that point, my blood sugars had come down tremendously, My fasting levels weren't nearly as high on the new medications (Januvia and something else I cannot remember.) Things were looking good, but my numbers were still not "normal." Then, our family got sick. We all got the stomach flu. I ended up in the ER with my youngest daughter because she was so ill. I remember posting to facebook, how surprised I was that even without eating, my numbers were still running high. It was three days before I could eat anything more than broth, but my numbers were consistently high. I had been keeping a log of my blood sugar and I'm so glad I did because it helped me to notice a nasty trend in my blood sugar. No matter what I ate or how early in the evenings I ate, my blood sugar was still coming up way too high. I had switched around my two new diabetes medication to see if that would keep my fasting levels from being so high, but that didn't help either. Finally, I decided that I had had enough and made an appointment (two weeks early) with my doctor. (For those of you who have followed my story, or know me personally, you know that things had to be bad!)
I got to my appointment (last Wednesday) knowing I would walk out on insulin. There was just no way around it. I didn't WANT to be on insulin, but I was tired of feeling so bad. I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS), so I am used to being tired all the time. This was different, though. I would fall asleep after every meal. I had all of the tell-tale signs of diabetes. My doctor sat down with me, and in his normally kind manner told me that he felt that we had to do insulin. I had him to look through my past levels to see what my insulin level was in February. At this point, I'd never asked about this level. As expected, my level was extremely low. My body is still making insulin, but VERY little. I left with a sample insulin pen and prescriptions for insulin, needles, and diet pills (per my request).
The doctor started me on 12 units of insulin and said to call every two days with my blood sugar readings so we could increase my insulin. They knew that 12 units wouldn't be enough, but they wanted to make sure they didn't overdose me with too much insulin. Friday, we increased my insulin to 16 units. Judging from my levels, I will be increasing again on Monday. My fasting levels are usually my highest one of the day. We eat dinner early (around 5) so it's weird that after not eating anything for over 12 hours that it's running so high. My body is so stubborn, it can't do anything by the book. Not eating makes me run high, but eating ice cream would cause my blood sugar to run in the mid 100s. Eating low carb stuff makes me run high also.
I was my mama's primary care giver when she was alive. She had diabetes for almost 20 years so I knew a lot from taking care of her. I fussed at her for not taking care of herself, but I went into this denial phase when I was diagnosed. Insulin was sort of my come-to-Jesus moment that made me realize what I was doing to my body and to the lives of my children. I don't want to put them through what I was put through because of Mom's selfish choices. Up to this point, I had justified my own choices, but let's just call it what it is. I was following in my mama's footsteps and ten - twenty years earlier at that. All my life she had said that her goal was to live long enough to raise me. There are still some days I don't feel completely "raised." I still need my Mama. She had made her goal. I was 25 when she died. I will not settle for that. I don't want to live to see my kids grown or even my grand kids. I want to live to see my great-grandchildren. Now, I am a Christian and I believe that God already knows when my time to go will be, BUT I want to live a healthy life while I am here. I don't want heart surgery and amputations. I believe that God has better things in store for me if I choose to allow Him to give them to me. So here we go again. Let's do this.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
Blessings,
Mama
February A1C 9.0
April A1C 8.3
April HDL 120
Fast forward to about a month ago, at that point, my blood sugars had come down tremendously, My fasting levels weren't nearly as high on the new medications (Januvia and something else I cannot remember.) Things were looking good, but my numbers were still not "normal." Then, our family got sick. We all got the stomach flu. I ended up in the ER with my youngest daughter because she was so ill. I remember posting to facebook, how surprised I was that even without eating, my numbers were still running high. It was three days before I could eat anything more than broth, but my numbers were consistently high. I had been keeping a log of my blood sugar and I'm so glad I did because it helped me to notice a nasty trend in my blood sugar. No matter what I ate or how early in the evenings I ate, my blood sugar was still coming up way too high. I had switched around my two new diabetes medication to see if that would keep my fasting levels from being so high, but that didn't help either. Finally, I decided that I had had enough and made an appointment (two weeks early) with my doctor. (For those of you who have followed my story, or know me personally, you know that things had to be bad!)
I got to my appointment (last Wednesday) knowing I would walk out on insulin. There was just no way around it. I didn't WANT to be on insulin, but I was tired of feeling so bad. I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS), so I am used to being tired all the time. This was different, though. I would fall asleep after every meal. I had all of the tell-tale signs of diabetes. My doctor sat down with me, and in his normally kind manner told me that he felt that we had to do insulin. I had him to look through my past levels to see what my insulin level was in February. At this point, I'd never asked about this level. As expected, my level was extremely low. My body is still making insulin, but VERY little. I left with a sample insulin pen and prescriptions for insulin, needles, and diet pills (per my request).
The doctor started me on 12 units of insulin and said to call every two days with my blood sugar readings so we could increase my insulin. They knew that 12 units wouldn't be enough, but they wanted to make sure they didn't overdose me with too much insulin. Friday, we increased my insulin to 16 units. Judging from my levels, I will be increasing again on Monday. My fasting levels are usually my highest one of the day. We eat dinner early (around 5) so it's weird that after not eating anything for over 12 hours that it's running so high. My body is so stubborn, it can't do anything by the book. Not eating makes me run high, but eating ice cream would cause my blood sugar to run in the mid 100s. Eating low carb stuff makes me run high also.
I was my mama's primary care giver when she was alive. She had diabetes for almost 20 years so I knew a lot from taking care of her. I fussed at her for not taking care of herself, but I went into this denial phase when I was diagnosed. Insulin was sort of my come-to-Jesus moment that made me realize what I was doing to my body and to the lives of my children. I don't want to put them through what I was put through because of Mom's selfish choices. Up to this point, I had justified my own choices, but let's just call it what it is. I was following in my mama's footsteps and ten - twenty years earlier at that. All my life she had said that her goal was to live long enough to raise me. There are still some days I don't feel completely "raised." I still need my Mama. She had made her goal. I was 25 when she died. I will not settle for that. I don't want to live to see my kids grown or even my grand kids. I want to live to see my great-grandchildren. Now, I am a Christian and I believe that God already knows when my time to go will be, BUT I want to live a healthy life while I am here. I don't want heart surgery and amputations. I believe that God has better things in store for me if I choose to allow Him to give them to me. So here we go again. Let's do this.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
Blessings,
Mama
February A1C 9.0
April A1C 8.3
April HDL 120
Friday, January 23, 2015
Midnight Ramblings
It is well after midnight and I have no idea why I am still awake. I have so many things that are waiting for me in the morning. The kids will be up before I know it, but yet I cannot find sleep. My mind just will not turn off.
There are so many good things going on right now. I just have this unsettling feeling. I think it stems from the fact that today was the anniversary of me walking into the doctor's office, and later the ER where I was told that the doctor was certain I had congestive heart failure. Thankfully, that wasn't the case, but that time in my life was very scary. Unfortunately, it would take months to figure out that I wasn't dying. For those who do not know, this was one of the contributing factors to Mama's death.
It isn't too surprising to find out that this was also the time where we found out that I had anxiety issues. I was a fairly new Mom. I had 5 babies. And this doctor who had spent less than an hour with me had told me I was suffering from a deadly illness. Yep, that pretty much settles it for you. I think that would break the strongest person.
On to better news, my husband and I will be going on our first mini-vacation alone since we had kids. We took a few short overnight/weekend stays when Mom was still with us, prior to having kids. A couple summers ago, we were able to get away for the weekend thanks to my sisters keeping our children. This is also the first vacation we have had since my husband and I reunited. We are both looking forward to it. Our children are staying with their friends. We know that they will be well taken care of and will have tons of fun. It is hard to think of being away from them, but I know this time will be as good for them as it is for us.
This is the time of year that I love and I dread all at the same time. It's tax season. It's also curriculum purchase time. I have had curriculum anxiety since we first started homeschooling. When I homeschooled, we used Abeka for a while. Then, we used School of Tomorrow. We started both of the oldest boys out with Abeka. Then, we switched to an online curriculum called Easy Peasy. The kids loved the curriculum, but it just wasn't working well for me, so we are going back to books this year. I wish that there was a local place where you could go in and see all of the different curriculums and get a chance to check them out. One of the things I'm starting to realize is that I cannot box my kids in. What may work well for one, does not necessarily work well for the other. Unfortunately, this is a very expensive, non-refundable lesson.
One of the joys of CFS is that sometimes your mind just goes completely blank. Unfortunately, that is where I am right now so I'm going to close this. Goodnight all.
Blessings,
Lisa
There are so many good things going on right now. I just have this unsettling feeling. I think it stems from the fact that today was the anniversary of me walking into the doctor's office, and later the ER where I was told that the doctor was certain I had congestive heart failure. Thankfully, that wasn't the case, but that time in my life was very scary. Unfortunately, it would take months to figure out that I wasn't dying. For those who do not know, this was one of the contributing factors to Mama's death.
It isn't too surprising to find out that this was also the time where we found out that I had anxiety issues. I was a fairly new Mom. I had 5 babies. And this doctor who had spent less than an hour with me had told me I was suffering from a deadly illness. Yep, that pretty much settles it for you. I think that would break the strongest person.
On to better news, my husband and I will be going on our first mini-vacation alone since we had kids. We took a few short overnight/weekend stays when Mom was still with us, prior to having kids. A couple summers ago, we were able to get away for the weekend thanks to my sisters keeping our children. This is also the first vacation we have had since my husband and I reunited. We are both looking forward to it. Our children are staying with their friends. We know that they will be well taken care of and will have tons of fun. It is hard to think of being away from them, but I know this time will be as good for them as it is for us.
This is the time of year that I love and I dread all at the same time. It's tax season. It's also curriculum purchase time. I have had curriculum anxiety since we first started homeschooling. When I homeschooled, we used Abeka for a while. Then, we used School of Tomorrow. We started both of the oldest boys out with Abeka. Then, we switched to an online curriculum called Easy Peasy. The kids loved the curriculum, but it just wasn't working well for me, so we are going back to books this year. I wish that there was a local place where you could go in and see all of the different curriculums and get a chance to check them out. One of the things I'm starting to realize is that I cannot box my kids in. What may work well for one, does not necessarily work well for the other. Unfortunately, this is a very expensive, non-refundable lesson.
One of the joys of CFS is that sometimes your mind just goes completely blank. Unfortunately, that is where I am right now so I'm going to close this. Goodnight all.
Blessings,
Lisa
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