I don't even remember how long it has been since I blogged last, so bare with me if I repeat some information. About ten weeks ago, I went to the doctor and found that my diabetes was completely uncontrolled. I had used an at-home A1C kit so I knew what was coming from this appointment. When I arrived at my appointment, I ended up having to see a student before I could see my doctor. He went crazy about my blood sugar levels, went through a complete medical history and then said the word I dreaded - INSULIN. At the time, the word insulin seemed like a death sentence. Worst of all, he hadn't even done labs. He had a very cold bedside manner. I was pressed for time and had to get back to get my kids, so I left that appointment without seeing my doctor or getting labs done. I went back in a couple days later and was able to discuss the situation with my doctor. He said that he wanted to try a couple more medicines before he started insulin. I was to come back in three months. This was in February. My lab results were as follows: A1C 9.0, Fasting Glucose 290ish, and my cholesterol was elevated. (No, I hadn't been taking care of myself.)
Fast forward to about a month ago, at that point, my blood sugars had come down tremendously, My fasting levels weren't nearly as high on the new medications (Januvia and something else I cannot remember.) Things were looking good, but my numbers were still not "normal." Then, our family got sick. We all got the stomach flu. I ended up in the ER with my youngest daughter because she was so ill. I remember posting to facebook, how surprised I was that even without eating, my numbers were still running high. It was three days before I could eat anything more than broth, but my numbers were consistently high. I had been keeping a log of my blood sugar and I'm so glad I did because it helped me to notice a nasty trend in my blood sugar. No matter what I ate or how early in the evenings I ate, my blood sugar was still coming up way too high. I had switched around my two new diabetes medication to see if that would keep my fasting levels from being so high, but that didn't help either. Finally, I decided that I had had enough and made an appointment (two weeks early) with my doctor. (For those of you who have followed my story, or know me personally, you know that things had to be bad!)
I got to my appointment (last Wednesday) knowing I would walk out on insulin. There was just no way around it. I didn't WANT to be on insulin, but I was tired of feeling so bad. I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS), so I am used to being tired all the time. This was different, though. I would fall asleep after every meal. I had all of the tell-tale signs of diabetes. My doctor sat down with me, and in his normally kind manner told me that he felt that we had to do insulin. I had him to look through my past levels to see what my insulin level was in February. At this point, I'd never asked about this level. As expected, my level was extremely low. My body is still making insulin, but VERY little. I left with a sample insulin pen and prescriptions for insulin, needles, and diet pills (per my request).
The doctor started me on 12 units of insulin and said to call every two days with my blood sugar readings so we could increase my insulin. They knew that 12 units wouldn't be enough, but they wanted to make sure they didn't overdose me with too much insulin. Friday, we increased my insulin to 16 units. Judging from my levels, I will be increasing again on Monday. My fasting levels are usually my highest one of the day. We eat dinner early (around 5) so it's weird that after not eating anything for over 12 hours that it's running so high. My body is so stubborn, it can't do anything by the book. Not eating makes me run high, but eating ice cream would cause my blood sugar to run in the mid 100s. Eating low carb stuff makes me run high also.
I was my mama's primary care giver when she was alive. She had diabetes for almost 20 years so I knew a lot from taking care of her. I fussed at her for not taking care of herself, but I went into this denial phase when I was diagnosed. Insulin was sort of my come-to-Jesus moment that made me realize what I was doing to my body and to the lives of my children. I don't want to put them through what I was put through because of Mom's selfish choices. Up to this point, I had justified my own choices, but let's just call it what it is. I was following in my mama's footsteps and ten - twenty years earlier at that. All my life she had said that her goal was to live long enough to raise me. There are still some days I don't feel completely "raised." I still need my Mama. She had made her goal. I was 25 when she died. I will not settle for that. I don't want to live to see my kids grown or even my grand kids. I want to live to see my great-grandchildren. Now, I am a Christian and I believe that God already knows when my time to go will be, BUT I want to live a healthy life while I am here. I don't want heart surgery and amputations. I believe that God has better things in store for me if I choose to allow Him to give them to me. So here we go again. Let's do this.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
Blessings,
Mama
February A1C 9.0
April A1C 8.3
April HDL 120
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