Total Loss: 52 lbs
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Devotion Day 1
Friday, Sam and I went to our local Christian book store before going to the doctor. While that appt certainly didn't turn out well the trip to the book store was a blessing I didn't even realize at the time. I have been looking for a devotion/Bible study for myself. I am really struggling with a lot of spiritual stuff. I need something to help lift me up. The reason I had stopped by the store was to pick up Amy Clipston's (www.amyclipston.com) newest book, A Life of Joy. I love her books!
While I was there I found the book "What If Your Blessings Come Through Raindrops?" by Laura Story. I'm sure many have heard this song. It's been a great encouragement to challenge me to look at things differently. It has been a source of comfort through the chaos of my life since Jeremiah died. I highly recommend this book. I read "Chapter 1" today. I think I'm really going to be ministered to in the next 30 days by this book.
"Jesus never asks us to give Him what we don't have. But He does demand that we give Him all that we do have if we want to be a part of what He wishes to do in the lives of those around us!" - Anne Graham Lotz
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
While I was there I found the book "What If Your Blessings Come Through Raindrops?" by Laura Story. I'm sure many have heard this song. It's been a great encouragement to challenge me to look at things differently. It has been a source of comfort through the chaos of my life since Jeremiah died. I highly recommend this book. I read "Chapter 1" today. I think I'm really going to be ministered to in the next 30 days by this book.
"Jesus never asks us to give Him what we don't have. But He does demand that we give Him all that we do have if we want to be a part of what He wishes to do in the lives of those around us!" - Anne Graham Lotz
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
Sunday Morning Update
This morning I awoke too early. Isaiah decided that 5:45 was a perfect time to get up. Last night Jewel-Anne went to bed after puking twice. Needless to say, it's been a long day it's only begun. Jewel-Anne seems to be feeling a bit better this morning but is still running a fever.
I just found out that a friend of mine "lost" her mama last night to brain cancer. Well that statement isn't true. We know she is in the arms of Jesus. She is free of pain. Cancer can never again invade her body. While this family is rejoicing for their Mama and Grandma's new freedom, they are lonely and heart broken. Please keep them in prayer.
I have been craving potatoes and gravy from Shoney's for two weeks now. This morning I spent $8 on a half plate of potatoes and gravy, a piece of ham and two chicken nuggets. The nuggets were cold. I couldn't even eat all of it. I'm just not a breakfast person. It still feels really good to say I can't finish a plate of food anymore. It's still slightly amazing to me. I am proud of myself.
I went to the doctor on Friday. Sadly, I didn't get the results that I wanted as my doctor was unwilling to write my prescription for my Metformin. She wanted to lower my dose, have me come in every month for blood work that should be done every 3 months. Her office staff lied to me prior to my appt saying the prescription would be written for a year. She was very rude and disrespectful. Now, I am on the hunt for a new doctor. Not having insurance really stinks. Doctors want to do all kinds of blood work and such. I understand the need for this, but it's just not something that I want to do right now. I was given a referral to a doctor so I will call them next week.
I am still thinking about goals that I want to accomplish for March. I did get back on WiiFit after a few days of not exercising. I did 30 minutes. I had great intentions of resting and getting back up, but I didn't do it. Today is a new day though.
My months will go from the 28th to the 28th so I was incorrect when I said that it was day one. Day one will officially start on Tuesday. By Tuesday I will have my March goals posted. I am thinking about doing a contest if I meet my goals next month. More to come about that later though!
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
I just found out that a friend of mine "lost" her mama last night to brain cancer. Well that statement isn't true. We know she is in the arms of Jesus. She is free of pain. Cancer can never again invade her body. While this family is rejoicing for their Mama and Grandma's new freedom, they are lonely and heart broken. Please keep them in prayer.
I have been craving potatoes and gravy from Shoney's for two weeks now. This morning I spent $8 on a half plate of potatoes and gravy, a piece of ham and two chicken nuggets. The nuggets were cold. I couldn't even eat all of it. I'm just not a breakfast person. It still feels really good to say I can't finish a plate of food anymore. It's still slightly amazing to me. I am proud of myself.
I went to the doctor on Friday. Sadly, I didn't get the results that I wanted as my doctor was unwilling to write my prescription for my Metformin. She wanted to lower my dose, have me come in every month for blood work that should be done every 3 months. Her office staff lied to me prior to my appt saying the prescription would be written for a year. She was very rude and disrespectful. Now, I am on the hunt for a new doctor. Not having insurance really stinks. Doctors want to do all kinds of blood work and such. I understand the need for this, but it's just not something that I want to do right now. I was given a referral to a doctor so I will call them next week.
I am still thinking about goals that I want to accomplish for March. I did get back on WiiFit after a few days of not exercising. I did 30 minutes. I had great intentions of resting and getting back up, but I didn't do it. Today is a new day though.
My months will go from the 28th to the 28th so I was incorrect when I said that it was day one. Day one will officially start on Tuesday. By Tuesday I will have my March goals posted. I am thinking about doing a contest if I meet my goals next month. More to come about that later though!
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Weigh In Days
Today was the magic weigh in day. I certainly didn't get the numbers that I was hoping for, but I did lose some. I am down 7 more pounds bringing my total weight loss to 52 lbs. I hit another milestone. I am now at the 50 lb weight loss mark! Yay me!
I have failed miserably at the goals I set before me this month. I won't meet my fitness challenge, but will be starting a new month soon. I am determined to do better next month. I am going to take a couple days to see what I'm willing to commit to and then make my goals list for next month. This month has been very hard. I keep trying to find ways to get me back to where I want to be, but I am not there yet. I will get there though.
Before I leave tonight I would like to ask you to say a special prayer for a family member. I have been asked not to share details, but God knows the need. Thank you so much.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
I have failed miserably at the goals I set before me this month. I won't meet my fitness challenge, but will be starting a new month soon. I am determined to do better next month. I am going to take a couple days to see what I'm willing to commit to and then make my goals list for next month. This month has been very hard. I keep trying to find ways to get me back to where I want to be, but I am not there yet. I will get there though.
Before I leave tonight I would like to ask you to say a special prayer for a family member. I have been asked not to share details, but God knows the need. Thank you so much.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Trials and Triumphs
Trials and Triumphs
The past month I have been dealing with a lot of stuff. From Jeremiah's death to some other personal stuff going on. I have lost weight like I wanted to. I go back to clinic and I'm hovering around 2-5 pounds depending on the day. A loss is still a loss, but I know I can do better. I had so many goals for this month and I've failed miserably. Still, today is a new day. I will not live in yesterday, but will focus on today because TODAY is what I can change.
I have diabetes. It took me years to admit that. It took me years to stop rationalizing that. Growing up and in my early twenties I was "a very healthy obese person." I didn't have diabetes. My cholesterol was picture perfect. My blood pressure couldn't be better. I was a walking contradiction because I WAS very healthy despite being obese. I took that for granted. I abused my body. After mom died I stopped caring at all. I turned to food for comfort. Then issues with birth parents, GAL, adoption stuff made me turn to food even more. I was eating to cope. My coping skills were killing me.
In September I checked my blood sugar for the first time in ages. I still wasn't taking my meds. I nearly passed out when I looked at the machine and seen the numbers 368. I consistently checked it fasting never got out of the 200s. Post prandials (sp?) were never out of the 300s. I was so scared because I KNEW what this all meant. I was too scared to die, but too scared to change.
Since Mom passed away I have been very angry at her lifestyle choices. She could've chosen to lose weight but she didn't. She could've chosen to stop smoking, but she didn't until she'd done so much damage that it could never be reversed. She could've chosen life so that my kids could've had more time with their Grammie. She could've chosen life so that I wouldn't have been an orphan at 25.
I was such a hypocrite. Here I was getting so upset with Mama for the horrible choices she made that caused me to live without my mama were the exact same choices that I was making now. Worse still was the fact that I not only knew what SHE went through and the demons she struggled with to live healthy, but I KNEW what I would be putting my children through after I died.
Fast forward to December 28th when my life changed forever. 326 lbs and determined to get healthy. Between September and December my eating habits didn't change at all unless they moved in a more negative direction. While I didn't check my blood sugar then I'm sure it hadn't changed any.
Here I am at the 7 week mark. This morning I went to Walmart and purchased a new blood sugar machine. I also found that they had started making an at home A1C test. For those of you who don't know what that is it is a blood test that averages the last 3 months of blood sugar levels. This test is the reason I was glad to avoid going to the doctor for the last 3 years. I purchased the test and finished my shopping. When I got home I tested my blood sugar and then took the test. The past two months my eating habits have changed DRASTICALLY. This morning my kids wanted Krystals so I stopped and got a 12 pack. I had one with them. the A1C test is supposed to be fasting.
My results weren't what I expected at all. I opened everything and checked my blood sugar. It was 87. Ok so I hadn't done too bad with the Krystal. Then I prepared myself for the number that I was going to see on the other test and I took the plunge. When I called my sister Kathy to tell her the results I looked up a chart online to see what my result averaged out to. Looking at the chart my blood sugar levels in September were equivalentant to an A1C level of 12.5-13.0. Today my A1C level was 6.0. That means my average blood sugar is around 136. I have done well enough in the last 7 weeks to drop my A1C 7 points.
I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO proud of myself. I am glad to see the weight coming off. It's not coming off nearly as fast as I would like to see it, but it IS coming off. However, the A1C tells me more about my progress than the scale EVER will. I AM getting healthier. This was the reward, the pay off for all of my hard work the last 7 weeks. I did this. WoW!!!
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
The past month I have been dealing with a lot of stuff. From Jeremiah's death to some other personal stuff going on. I have lost weight like I wanted to. I go back to clinic and I'm hovering around 2-5 pounds depending on the day. A loss is still a loss, but I know I can do better. I had so many goals for this month and I've failed miserably. Still, today is a new day. I will not live in yesterday, but will focus on today because TODAY is what I can change.
I have diabetes. It took me years to admit that. It took me years to stop rationalizing that. Growing up and in my early twenties I was "a very healthy obese person." I didn't have diabetes. My cholesterol was picture perfect. My blood pressure couldn't be better. I was a walking contradiction because I WAS very healthy despite being obese. I took that for granted. I abused my body. After mom died I stopped caring at all. I turned to food for comfort. Then issues with birth parents, GAL, adoption stuff made me turn to food even more. I was eating to cope. My coping skills were killing me.
In September I checked my blood sugar for the first time in ages. I still wasn't taking my meds. I nearly passed out when I looked at the machine and seen the numbers 368. I consistently checked it fasting never got out of the 200s. Post prandials (sp?) were never out of the 300s. I was so scared because I KNEW what this all meant. I was too scared to die, but too scared to change.
Since Mom passed away I have been very angry at her lifestyle choices. She could've chosen to lose weight but she didn't. She could've chosen to stop smoking, but she didn't until she'd done so much damage that it could never be reversed. She could've chosen life so that my kids could've had more time with their Grammie. She could've chosen life so that I wouldn't have been an orphan at 25.
I was such a hypocrite. Here I was getting so upset with Mama for the horrible choices she made that caused me to live without my mama were the exact same choices that I was making now. Worse still was the fact that I not only knew what SHE went through and the demons she struggled with to live healthy, but I KNEW what I would be putting my children through after I died.
Fast forward to December 28th when my life changed forever. 326 lbs and determined to get healthy. Between September and December my eating habits didn't change at all unless they moved in a more negative direction. While I didn't check my blood sugar then I'm sure it hadn't changed any.
Here I am at the 7 week mark. This morning I went to Walmart and purchased a new blood sugar machine. I also found that they had started making an at home A1C test. For those of you who don't know what that is it is a blood test that averages the last 3 months of blood sugar levels. This test is the reason I was glad to avoid going to the doctor for the last 3 years. I purchased the test and finished my shopping. When I got home I tested my blood sugar and then took the test. The past two months my eating habits have changed DRASTICALLY. This morning my kids wanted Krystals so I stopped and got a 12 pack. I had one with them. the A1C test is supposed to be fasting.
My results weren't what I expected at all. I opened everything and checked my blood sugar. It was 87. Ok so I hadn't done too bad with the Krystal. Then I prepared myself for the number that I was going to see on the other test and I took the plunge. When I called my sister Kathy to tell her the results I looked up a chart online to see what my result averaged out to. Looking at the chart my blood sugar levels in September were equivalentant to an A1C level of 12.5-13.0. Today my A1C level was 6.0. That means my average blood sugar is around 136. I have done well enough in the last 7 weeks to drop my A1C 7 points.
I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO proud of myself. I am glad to see the weight coming off. It's not coming off nearly as fast as I would like to see it, but it IS coming off. However, the A1C tells me more about my progress than the scale EVER will. I AM getting healthier. This was the reward, the pay off for all of my hard work the last 7 weeks. I did this. WoW!!!
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Happy One Month Angelversary Jeremiah
Home By Nicol Sponberg
What is it like to be to be held in the same arms that hold the universe
What is it like to sleep on the chest of the King of Heaven and earth
When you open your eyes and look on the face of the Giver of Life
The Author of Grace...Do you know
Your days here changed everything
You're missed here and always will be
But you left here the greatest gift of all
Cause our hearts ache for home
What is it like to breathe in and breathe out... Heaven's Glorious Light
What is it to be robed in perfection... no reason to cry
When you feel on your face your Father's kiss...His welcome embrace
We prayed for this...You should know
Your days here changed everything
You're missed here and always will be
But you left here the greatest gift of all
Cause our hearts ache for home
So twinkle, twinkle little star
We will keep you in our hearts
Twinkle, twinkle little star
We will meet you where you are.
Your days here changed everything
You're missed here and always will be
But you left here the greatest gift of all
Cause our hearts ache for home
Today is marks Jeremiah's one month angelversary. This last month has been so full of ups and downs. In ways it seems like it's been easier to remain distracted. That makes me feel guilty. At the same time it seems like I can't get back on track with my life either.
I think about where I'd be right now if he were still growing inside me. I would be showing by now. I would be feeling kicks soon. I would be picking out baby close. I would need a quad stroller. All of these things I should be doing right now. But that isn't what bothers me.
What bothers me the most is missing the dances, all of the firsts. I must wait a lifetime to see him look into my eyes with such adoration and exclaiming "Mama!!" with his hands outstretched to grab my face and kiss me like Isaiah does. No first words, first kisses, first dances. Then I look at Sam and think that Jeremiah will never go to school. He will never learn to read here...Landon won't get to teach him to be a super hero. He will never know what it is like to have Jewel-Anne and Liana dress him up with pretty hair and make up. John will have to wait a lifetime to hold Jeremiah on his shoulders. My arms ache to hold him. My chest longs to feel his heart beating against mine. No 3 AM feedings. What would his favorite foods be as he grew up?
Even through all of this heartache I am still so blessed. This life, this heartache will only last for a moment. When it comes to a close then I will truly understand what "forever" means. I will be able to take all of my children in my arms and never have to let go. We will be able to play. I will be able to say "I love you" a million times. Pain, heartache, goodbyes, miscarriages, angelversaries, funerals, caskets, burials and grave yards will no longer have a place in my life. I won't have to long for the day I can hold them. I won't have to wish for "this moment" to last forever because it will. There is a song that says "On that day we won't have to say goodbye/ No one will hurt and no one will cry/ God will wipe away every tear from our eye/ On that day when we won't have to say goodbye.
My dearest Jeremiah, There is no way to express to you just how much Mama and Daddy love you. We spent years praying for you. We feel so blessed that God chose US to be your parents. We miss you so much and we long for the day when we will hold you. When you walked out of our lives you left us with the greatest gift anyone could give us - Our hearts long to be in Heaven with Jesus so we can see you, your siblings and Grammie again. You are such a blessed little boy. I know that your Grammie, Mamaw Vela and all of your great aunts are standing in line for their turn to hold you. They will make sure you know how much we love you until we get there to hold you. Mama loves you more than you know. Happy Angelversary sweet boy.
Love,
Mama
What is it like to be to be held in the same arms that hold the universe
What is it like to sleep on the chest of the King of Heaven and earth
When you open your eyes and look on the face of the Giver of Life
The Author of Grace...Do you know
Your days here changed everything
You're missed here and always will be
But you left here the greatest gift of all
Cause our hearts ache for home
What is it like to breathe in and breathe out... Heaven's Glorious Light
What is it to be robed in perfection... no reason to cry
When you feel on your face your Father's kiss...His welcome embrace
We prayed for this...You should know
Your days here changed everything
You're missed here and always will be
But you left here the greatest gift of all
Cause our hearts ache for home
So twinkle, twinkle little star
We will keep you in our hearts
Twinkle, twinkle little star
We will meet you where you are.
Your days here changed everything
You're missed here and always will be
But you left here the greatest gift of all
Cause our hearts ache for home
Today is marks Jeremiah's one month angelversary. This last month has been so full of ups and downs. In ways it seems like it's been easier to remain distracted. That makes me feel guilty. At the same time it seems like I can't get back on track with my life either.
I think about where I'd be right now if he were still growing inside me. I would be showing by now. I would be feeling kicks soon. I would be picking out baby close. I would need a quad stroller. All of these things I should be doing right now. But that isn't what bothers me.
What bothers me the most is missing the dances, all of the firsts. I must wait a lifetime to see him look into my eyes with such adoration and exclaiming "Mama!!" with his hands outstretched to grab my face and kiss me like Isaiah does. No first words, first kisses, first dances. Then I look at Sam and think that Jeremiah will never go to school. He will never learn to read here...Landon won't get to teach him to be a super hero. He will never know what it is like to have Jewel-Anne and Liana dress him up with pretty hair and make up. John will have to wait a lifetime to hold Jeremiah on his shoulders. My arms ache to hold him. My chest longs to feel his heart beating against mine. No 3 AM feedings. What would his favorite foods be as he grew up?
Even through all of this heartache I am still so blessed. This life, this heartache will only last for a moment. When it comes to a close then I will truly understand what "forever" means. I will be able to take all of my children in my arms and never have to let go. We will be able to play. I will be able to say "I love you" a million times. Pain, heartache, goodbyes, miscarriages, angelversaries, funerals, caskets, burials and grave yards will no longer have a place in my life. I won't have to long for the day I can hold them. I won't have to wish for "this moment" to last forever because it will. There is a song that says "On that day we won't have to say goodbye/ No one will hurt and no one will cry/ God will wipe away every tear from our eye/ On that day when we won't have to say goodbye.
My dearest Jeremiah, There is no way to express to you just how much Mama and Daddy love you. We spent years praying for you. We feel so blessed that God chose US to be your parents. We miss you so much and we long for the day when we will hold you. When you walked out of our lives you left us with the greatest gift anyone could give us - Our hearts long to be in Heaven with Jesus so we can see you, your siblings and Grammie again. You are such a blessed little boy. I know that your Grammie, Mamaw Vela and all of your great aunts are standing in line for their turn to hold you. They will make sure you know how much we love you until we get there to hold you. Mama loves you more than you know. Happy Angelversary sweet boy.
Love,
Mama
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Struggling
I am really struggling right now. It seems like no matter what I do I can't seem to get it together right now. Since Jeremiah died, I just can't get to that place where joy overtakes me. I need that joy. I long to be upbeat and positive. I want to look forward to working out and eating healthy. Right now I just don't have it in me. I still exercise and eat relatively well, but the passion for this lifestyle change is gone. Giving up isn't an option, but how do I overcome this?
Spiritually I feel so weak right now. I know God is there. I am really not mad at Him for allowing Jeremiah to go home. I'm truly not. I consider it a blessing that He chose ME...I am so undeserving, but He CHOSE to give me 11 precious blessings. I feel like I fell when Jeremiah died and I can't seem to get back up again. Nothing satisfies me like before.
I'm really not sure what the point is in writing this. There is just a lot going on in my life to bring me down right now. I need to get it out, but I'm not sure how. Please pray for me. It is so hard to keep going right now and do what is necessary. Thank you.
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
Spiritually I feel so weak right now. I know God is there. I am really not mad at Him for allowing Jeremiah to go home. I'm truly not. I consider it a blessing that He chose ME...I am so undeserving, but He CHOSE to give me 11 precious blessings. I feel like I fell when Jeremiah died and I can't seem to get back up again. Nothing satisfies me like before.
I'm really not sure what the point is in writing this. There is just a lot going on in my life to bring me down right now. I need to get it out, but I'm not sure how. Please pray for me. It is so hard to keep going right now and do what is necessary. Thank you.
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
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