Home By Nicol Sponberg
What is it like to be to be held in the same arms that hold the universe
What is it like to sleep on the chest of the King of Heaven and earth
When you open your eyes and look on the face of the Giver of Life
The Author of Grace...Do you know
Your days here changed everything
You're missed here and always will be
But you left here the greatest gift of all
Cause our hearts ache for home
What is it like to breathe in and breathe out... Heaven's Glorious Light
What is it to be robed in perfection... no reason to cry
When you feel on your face your Father's kiss...His welcome embrace
We prayed for this...You should know
Your days here changed everything
You're missed here and always will be
But you left here the greatest gift of all
Cause our hearts ache for home
So twinkle, twinkle little star
We will keep you in our hearts
Twinkle, twinkle little star
We will meet you where you are.
Your days here changed everything
You're missed here and always will be
But you left here the greatest gift of all
Cause our hearts ache for home
Today is marks Jeremiah's one month angelversary. This last month has been so full of ups and downs. In ways it seems like it's been easier to remain distracted. That makes me feel guilty. At the same time it seems like I can't get back on track with my life either.
I think about where I'd be right now if he were still growing inside me. I would be showing by now. I would be feeling kicks soon. I would be picking out baby close. I would need a quad stroller. All of these things I should be doing right now. But that isn't what bothers me.
What bothers me the most is missing the dances, all of the firsts. I must wait a lifetime to see him look into my eyes with such adoration and exclaiming "Mama!!" with his hands outstretched to grab my face and kiss me like Isaiah does. No first words, first kisses, first dances. Then I look at Sam and think that Jeremiah will never go to school. He will never learn to read here...Landon won't get to teach him to be a super hero. He will never know what it is like to have Jewel-Anne and Liana dress him up with pretty hair and make up. John will have to wait a lifetime to hold Jeremiah on his shoulders. My arms ache to hold him. My chest longs to feel his heart beating against mine. No 3 AM feedings. What would his favorite foods be as he grew up?
Even through all of this heartache I am still so blessed. This life, this heartache will only last for a moment. When it comes to a close then I will truly understand what "forever" means. I will be able to take all of my children in my arms and never have to let go. We will be able to play. I will be able to say "I love you" a million times. Pain, heartache, goodbyes, miscarriages, angelversaries, funerals, caskets, burials and grave yards will no longer have a place in my life. I won't have to long for the day I can hold them. I won't have to wish for "this moment" to last forever because it will. There is a song that says "On that day we won't have to say goodbye/ No one will hurt and no one will cry/ God will wipe away every tear from our eye/ On that day when we won't have to say goodbye.
My dearest Jeremiah, There is no way to express to you just how much Mama and Daddy love you. We spent years praying for you. We feel so blessed that God chose US to be your parents. We miss you so much and we long for the day when we will hold you. When you walked out of our lives you left us with the greatest gift anyone could give us - Our hearts long to be in Heaven with Jesus so we can see you, your siblings and Grammie again. You are such a blessed little boy. I know that your Grammie, Mamaw Vela and all of your great aunts are standing in line for their turn to hold you. They will make sure you know how much we love you until we get there to hold you. Mama loves you more than you know. Happy Angelversary sweet boy.
Love,
Mama
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