TMI Cycle Info: March

I started today. My last cycle was 80 days long.

Goals List

This is a copy of my original goals list.  I am reposting them with where I am now.

This is a list of my misc. goals divided into categories. I completed my first update to my goals list. I added more entries to my fitness goals list because I had completed ALL of them. What an accomplishment!! Here's to marking off more goals next time.

(Current weight: 302 lbs, Total Loss: 58 lbs - March 2012)

Weight Goals

1. MET - Lose 5 lbs (5/2011)
2. MET - Lose 10% of my original weight - 36 lbs (1/2012)
3. MET - Lose 50 lbs (2/2012)
4. Lose 20% of my original weight - 72 lbs
5. Lose 75 lbs
6. Lose 100 lbs
7. Lose 30% of my original weight - 108 lbs
8. Lose 125 lbs. - That will be a whole person!
9. Lose 40% of my original weight - 144 lbs
10. Lose 150 lbs
11. Lose 175 lbs
12. Lose 50% of my original weight - 180 lbs
13. Lose 200 lbs
14. Lose 60% of my original weight - 216 lbs
15. Lose 225 lbs
16. Lose 250 lbs (That's two whole people!)
17. Lose 70% of my original weight - 252 lbs
18. Lose 260 lbs.

Clothing Size Goals

Shirts

1. MET: 3XL shirts (2/2012) 
2. 2XL shirts
3. 1XL shirts
4. Large shirts
5. Medium shirts

Skirts

22/24 pants/skirts
20 pants/skirts
18 pants/skirts
16 pants/skirts
14 pants/skirts

(We will see where this gets me and modify this list from there.)


Health Goals

1. Normal BP
2. Consistent Normal Blood Sugar 
3. Normal Periods
4. Pregnancy


Fitness goals

1. Be able to walk without getting blisters on my feet (1/2012)
2. Be able to walk 2 miles without feeling like I'm dying. (2/2012)
3. Be able to walk 2.5 MPH - 2.4 most of my walk now (1/2012)
4. Be able to walk 2.5 miles (3/2012)
5. Be able to walk 3 miles in an hour or less (3/2012) 
6. Be able to walk 4 miles.
7. Be able to complete my workout at no less than 3 MPH except for cool down.
8. Be able to complete my workout at no less than 3.5 MPH except for cool down.
9. Be able to complete my workout at no less than 4 MPH except for cool down.
10. Be able to RUN a half mile.
11. Be able to RUN a mile.
12. Be able to RUN 2 miles.
13. Be able to RUN 3 miles.
14. Be able to RUN 4 miles.
15. Be able to RUN 5 miles.
16. Complete a Diabetes support race.


Misc. Goals

1. MET - Be able to wear seatbelt in vehicle. (3/2012) 
2. Sit in vehicle without my stomach touching the steering wheel
3. Be able to ride bumper boats again
4. Be able to hug my husband without leaning forward. ;-)


(Created: 1/5/12)
(Last Update: 3/23/12)

Food Journaling

Food journaling is the bane of my existence.  Once I got started, I really enjoyed going to the gym.  I  enjoyed the benefits of eating healthier.  I enjoyed almost all aspects of the journey at first.  When life got tough and I wasn't so great about eating right, going to the gym, etc. it started showing up on the scales.  It started showing up in my food journaling.  I can lie to myself in many places, but my food journal is the one place I can't lie.  I can avoid journaling, but my food journal never lies to me.  It reveals the whole, cold, hard truth of my success and failures.  It requires great discipline and I don't have that right now.  I will get it right, though. 

Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge, But he who hates correction is stupid. - Proverbs 12:1  Ouch!  


Blessings, 

Lisa

Starting Over

Today is January 1st, 2014.  The last year I have written many blogs about picking up again. The year had more failures than successes for me.  I lost myself in the mess of life and couldn't get back up.  I always tried, but perhaps it wasn't good enough, or hard enough.  I stopped looking at the whole picture and only focused on the dieting and I failed. This journey is about lifestyle changes that last.  I am forgiving myself of the past and starting over.  Today is a new day, a new year, a new chance.  The Bible says that God's mercies are new every morning so I am trusting in that and praying that He will guide me as I make the choices to get healthier.  Now, more than ever, my children depend on me and I won't fail them.

Diabetes Report

Just a quick note before going to bed.  This is the way I keep track of things.  I haven't been good about watching what I've been eating.  Eating is my way of coping with things so that explains some things.  My A1C is currently 7.9 right now.  I have got to get this taken care of.

Grief

November 4, 2013 I began a new chapter in my life.  I wasn't asked if I wanted to go on this journey.  No one seemed to care what my opinion was of the matter.  That didn't change the fact that I was placed on this journey - a journey I never thought I'd ever take.  I have spent the last month hiding in shame, but I'm tired of feeling guilty for the choice of another.  I will not carry that guilt any longer.

One month and two days ago, my husband left me.  He walked out and said he didn't love me anymore.  He calls to check on the kids.  We chat now and again about things we have to talk about, but that is the extent of our relationship.  Over the past month we've done a couple counseling sessions.  Thus far, they haven't helped anything.  My husband says, and it seems to be true, that we get along much better when we are apart than when we are together.  

I look back and wonder how we got to this place.  We would be celebrating our tenth year wedding anniversary next June.  We have really struggled throughout those years.  We've had some really hard times.  We went through many miscarriages,  infertility, fertility treatments, deaths of close family members, in addition to all the other things life has thrown at us.  We always came out on the other side of things.  We were always together and stronger because of the blows life threw at us.  He always told me that he'd never leave me.  Stupidly, I believed him.  

As a Christian, I have really struggled with what to do next.  My mother was raised to believe that divorce was Biblically wrong.  In fact, she stayed in a physically abusive marriage for a very long time because of how she was raised.  She always said that the only time divorce was morally ok was in the instance of physical abuse or adultery.  So I have spent the last month picturing myself being alone for the rest of myself growing old...alone.  Even if I didn't feel the way I do about marriage, no one wants a woman who has a pre-made family. 

A month later, life is starting to resemble a new normal.  There are still moments that are very emotionally intense for me - today being one of them.  My kids have moments - almost daily - where they cry like crazy.  There is nothing that I can do but hold them and reassure them that they are loved and always will be.  Day by day we are making it.  We are getting stronger.  In the mean time it is ok to be broken.  

Through this I have lost some friends.  I have gained some new ones.  Some that I never thought would stand by me have become closer than I ever imagined.  I have learned that grieving is a process.  Separation/Divorce is very much like a death and has to be grieved as such.  Some people cannot handle how ugly and dirty that grief is.  Grief isn't pretty, at least it isn't for me.  A lot of people just expect you to pick up and move on and I'm just not there yet.  One day I will get there, but today isn't that day. 

I would appreciate prayers for us.  We are all dealing with this in the best way we can.  I'm thankful to those who have been there.  You'll never know how much your love and kindness means to me. 

Understanding God's Love Through Sorrow

WINNER EITHER WAY 


A LOVED ONE KNEW HE'D REACHED THE END OF LIFE'S JOURNEY, 
BUT HE'D BEEN HOLDING TO GOD'S HAND A LONG, LONG TIME 
AND AS I KNELT BESIDE HIS BED, 
MY HEART WAS THRILLED AT WHAT HE SAID," 
IF I GO, OR IF I STAY, THE VICTORY IS MINE." 


NONE OF US REALLY KNOWS ABOUT TOMORROW, 
WE MUST PREPARE TO GO TO HEAVEN ANY DAY 
BUT WHILE WE'RE HERE LET'S TRUST THE LORD, 
HE'LL LEAD US SAFE TO OUR REWARD 
AND BY HIS GRACE, WE'LL BE A WINNER EITHER WAY 

(CHORUS) 
I'M A WINNER EITHER WAY, IF I GO OR IF I STAY 
FOR I'LL STILL HAVE MY JESUS EACH PASSING DAY 
I'LL HAVE MY HEALING HERE BELOW, OR LIFE FOREVER IF I GO 
OH PRAISE THE LORD, I'M A WINNER EITHER WAY.



Last month, my sister's beloved dog died.  Most of my siblings on my mother's side do not have children.  Their pets are their babies.  My children love their "cousins" and have grieved for this precious dog.  It's brought up quite the discussions with my oldest two.  My oldest son feels that his brother always gets his prayers answered and has all the "luck". He feels that anything he wishes or prays for will render the opposite. 


He was talking to me again today asking why Kaley had to die.  He said when she started getting sick that he prayed for God to heal her.  Then he said, "I did the same with Grammie and she died, too." What he doesn't understand, at nine years old, is that his prayers for Grammie and Kaley's healing were answered. They just weren't answered in the way he hoped they would be. 


As Christians, we don't want our children to grow up always getting what they want and never experiencing hardships. The hardships teach us so much about God's love.  Even though, I sometimes ask the very same questions he asks.  While nothing bad comes from my Father,  I know that God hand-picks the trials He allows me to face. He does this with my best interest in mind to, among many things, draw my heart closer to His. I want my children to understand that God doesn't allow sorrow because He is cruel, but only to purify us.  Still, that is a hard lesson for a child to learn.  That is a hard lesson for me to learn at 30 years old. 


When mom first passed, and even now, I know that God could've chosen to heal my mama here. Oh now much better that would've been for ME and for my family. God, in His infinite wisdom, chose to take her instead. It hurts, oh how it hurts, but He knows what is best. There wasn't a day before or since her passing, that I have walked alone. I believe that God knew every step I would take long before any of it happened. No matter where I go, He's already there preparing the way for me. 


I have learned that no matter what, God is faithful. Even when we can't understand, He is still there. It hurts my Mama's heart to see my babies suffer so, but I try to make sure I use these times as teaching moments and surround them with my love. I know that all I lack, God will surely fill in those gaps. HIS love and HIS understanding are always enough. 

for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: - Philippians 4:11b & 13 NIV 


Blessings, 

Mama