Oh the changes over the last 4 months. This year started out so promising. We had insurance. We were going to try to have a baby. Things were really looking up. Then, we got bad news from the doctor. He wouldn't even try to help us conceive. My PCP tried to help us and that ended abruptly when I had a reaction to the birth control pills to try to regulate my period. From there it just went crazy. I spent most of January either in the doctor's office or the ER. The doctor thought I had a heart problem. That turned into the thought that I had GERD. The ER had already ruled out any lung issues. Finally, after 4 months they have decided to treat me for anxiety issues. The doctor called in some meds that I started yesterday. So far I am not liking the side effects. Yesterday, I spent most of the day feeling like my head was in the clouds. I called the pharmacist that confirmed my side effects were normal. Today, I woke up so weepy. I couldn't look at anyone or start talking without crying like crazy. I finally ended up having an asthma attack before all was said and done. I know it will take a while for the medicine to take effect so we have to wait it out.
Life has been the same for so long I didn't think there was any way I could possibly have anxiety issues. It made no sense why everything came on all at once either. I guess my body had just had enough stress. This has been difficult to swallow. Aunt Flossie took "nerve pills" but I never new exactly what they were for. Mom had some issues with depression and anxiety and was treated for it. I am not sure why this diagnosis was so hard for me to swallow. I just feel like I am broken person. I have this whole list of things that made this so hard to accept. I have many friends who struggle with emotional issues and I don't think less of them at all. I have always been more critical on myself than I am others, though. There is so much swirling through my head, but I am just not ready to put it on paper. I have always forced myself to be honest on this blog. It was my way to hold myself accountable. So I have written this entry to do just that.
I want to thank those who have prayed for me, for those who are in my inner circle and given me support, to those who have been my sounding board and those who are always there when I need you. I appreciate it more than you will ever know.
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
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