The Next Steps

You said it’s so hard sleeping through night
And you’ve been trying to hide your tired eyes
I remember what that feels like

When your thoughts become a prison cell
But telling everyone you’re doing well
I remember what that feels like

You’ve been asking why God why
Do you always gotta take your time?

I know that it’s not better yet
I know you’re freaking out
I know you think if you were Him
You’d of rescued you by now
I know the last thing you wanna hear is keep waiting patiently
I know that it’s not better yet
But one day it’s gonna bе

So pray with everything you’ve got
Hе’s a never gonna leave you God
I can promise you that
He’s not done with you friend

I know that it’s not better yet
I know you’re freaking out
I know you think if you were Him
You’d of rescued you by now
I know the last thing you wanna hear is keep waiting patiently
I know that it’s not better yet
But one day it’s gonna be

Yeah

One day it’s gonna be

I know that it’s not better yet
I know you’re freaking out
I know you think if you were Him
You’d of rescued you by now
I know the last thing you wanna hear is keep waiting patiently
I know that it’s not better yet
I know that it’s not better yet

But one day it’s gonna be

Yeah
One day it’s gonna be

 

This is a new(ish) song by Leanna Crawford called Better Yet and it has been my theme song lately.  I just went in for my six month check up. I am not doing well with my weight loss at all. Let's back track a bit my friends. I had surgery in February 2025. During the first two weeks post surgery I think I only lost like 4 pounds and that is when I should've been doing some major losing because I was only drinking protein shakes and other liquids approved by my doctor. This time the doctor didn't tell me how much I had lost/gained but some decisions were made...

I have had an eating disorder since I was a child/teenager and it followed me into adulthood. If I am being honest I would binge (never to the point of throwing up, but still binging). I eat my feelings because food is comforting to me. If things are bad food makes me feel better. If I feel good, food is a reward. I concealed these things from my bariatric doctor because I was afraid I wouldn't qualify for surgery if anyone knew about them. 

My doctor's assistant decided that I needed to seek counseling for my eating disorder/food addiction. It took me a couple days to find someone who would work for me. She sent me home with a list of providers. Those either weren't taking new patients or didn't take my insurance. Then I went to my insurance company and searched their list...I called over 75 people only ONE person fit the criteria I had (took my insurance, accepting new patients, would treat my eating disorder/food issues). I had prayed God would send me to the right person and I am hoping this is it because all other doors were shut. 

I have lived my life on this blog were I have been pretty open with my journey. I still intend to be open, but there are some things I will keep private because mental health therapy can deal with some pretty intense stuff at times. 

I am scared because there are things that I do not want to address. They are messy and it is just easier to cram them in a box and not deal with them, but that is obviously not helping things. I hope it will help me build the coping skills to keep moving on this journey and lose the weight I want to because I am not ready to quit. 

June Weigh-Ins

 June Weigh-Ins 

    7 - 232.2

    14 - 232.2

    21 - 232.4

    28 - 230.4

May A1C

 6.8 

May Weigh-Ins

 May Weigh-Ins

3 - 234.4

10 - 233.4

17 - 232.6

24 - 234.2

31 -228.8

April Weigh-Ins

April Weigh-Ins

5 - 244.4

12 - 249.2

19 - 245.2

26 - 233.8

Two Week Post-Op Check-Up

(THIS POST CONTAINS TMI INFO. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!)

 So I had my two week post-op check up today. I was dreading it so badly. I have cried. I have yelled. I have been frustrated. I have vented to my husband. And that was all before the appointment. I knew it wasn't going to go well and I was not ready for it...and ready for it to be over with at the same time. Ever been there? Yeah, that is where I was! 

I am an obsessive weigh-er. I weigh daily. I only record my weight here once a week, but I weigh daily. The scale just hasn't been moving in a way that I want it to. When I got home from the hospital I started taking something to prevent constipation per the doctors orders. Yeah, it didn't work. So I took something more (again per doctor's orders) and it helped a bit but I am still struggling in that department. Also prior to surgery I was drinking 140 ounces of WATER a day in addition to any other liquids I had so I was well hydrated. The last two weeks, I was told by my doctor to drink 64 oz and that was to include my protein shakes, juices, etc. Pretty much, since I was on a liquid diet, if it went in my mouth it counted in my 64 ounces. Well, I misunderstood and thought I could ONLY have 64 ounces so that is what I did. 

Fast forward to today...According to the doctor's scale I have lost ONE POUND since surgery. I am disappointed. Even though they didn't say it, they were disappointed. All they said was that hopefully we would see more of an improvement with everything by my next appointment in two weeks. I hope so too because I am really frustrated with myself. I have ate/drank nothing but liquids for the last 2.5 weeks and feel like I have nothing to show for it. 

The only good news that came from today is that I graduated to pureed foods today. Stage Two here I come! 

PCP Update

 I had my first post-op visit with my PCP today. It went very well. After logging my blood pressures and blood sugars for the last week, he took me off my Mounjaro, Jardiance, Atenolol, and Lisinopril. He told me once again how proud he was of me for the progress I have made so far. I have the sweetest doctor who never ceases to encouragement through my ups! I am so grateful for him. 

The healing itching has started. Must not scratch... On another note, I had a post-op zoom call with the bariatric coordinator yesterday. On the call were all of the patients who had surgery last week. It made me realize just how blessed I am. One guy had already went back to work, but other than that, everyone was talking about how they were having trouble with pain, getting fluids/protein in, etc. I am having none of that. I have been off strong pain meds since Saturday and I have had nothing for pain (not even Tylenol) since Sunday. Today I have drank over 80 oz of fluid and 30 oz of those were protein shakes. Don't get me wrong - I have had my own bumps in the road. God has been very gracious to me, though. I am very thankful to Him for that.