Life is easy when you're up on the mountain,
And you've got peace of mind like you've never known
But then things change and you're down in the valley
Don't lose faith for you're never alone.
This is a verse of a song called "God on the Mountain" by the McKameys. Boy,
did this song ring true yesterday. My morning started off great. I was totally
upbeat and positive about things. Then John was late getting home from work, my
kids decided it was time to start screaming so loud that my ears were killing
me, and I felt like I was going to explode. I got cranky with my family. I
immediately apologized, but yesterday was a struggle to stay on top of my
attitude.
We had errands to run in the afternoon. The kids hadn't had lunch yet so I
pulled into McDonalds and ordered their food. I remembered what the nurse at the
clinic had said about if you HAD to then the best thing on the menu was the
grilled chicken snack wrap so I ordered one of those for myself. It was
surprisingly good. I could've found a better way to spend the calories though.
I dropped everyone off at the house and headed to the gym. I got there and
did my walk on the treadmill. (1.5 miles) I had walked a quarter mile when the
emergency cord got pulled. I spent the rest of my work out trying to remember
what I had already walked and the calories I burned. (It's the little things
that keep me going!) Once I crossed the mile mark, my feet started hurting so
bad. Don't get me wrong, they always hurt. This time the pain was so much more.
I got off the treadmill and walked back to the showers. My body kept telling me
to go in the wheelchair stall because I could sit down and shower. I knew if I
sat down I wouldn't get back up again. I finished my shower and started getting
dress. That is when I realized my flip flops weren't in my bag. I waddled to the
van and called John.
By the time I got to the car I was in tears. John thought something had
happened to me. He just listened to me and let me cry. He has really stepped up
to support me through this. I am so grateful to have him for a husband. Then I
called my sister and I lost it. I was at a super low point. We talked about some
stuff and she pretty much told me to snap out of it and keep going. The words
she used was what I needed to hear.
Being a loner all my life has left me in a position where it is very hard
to lean on others for support. I have NO problem helping others, giving to
others, etc. When it comes time to accept help or kindness it is very hard to
do. Having to lean on others for support goes against my complete way of life. I
don't WANT to feel like I am a burden or a bother to everyone, but I do. I am
struggling to overcome the mentality that I have to do this alone or that I am
not good enough for others kindness. This too is a process.
What did a I learn from the day? I will have "Valley Days" and that is ok
because I am human. I learned that my children are some of the best encouragers
I have in my life. I have learned that I need people in my life to support me
and be my cheer leaders. I have learned that I can't do this by myself. I have
learned that the God of my mountains goes with me through my valleys and without
Him I am nothing. I am thankful that His MERCIES are new every morning. Lastly,
I've learned that not all shoes are created equal! ;-)
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is
in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at
a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NKJV)
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Mercy
I woke up this morning in a great mood. I really try to remain upbeat and positive about this whole situation. I was doing really well. John got home from work late. The kids were in rare form. I got very cranky with the whole bunch of them. I immediately apologized to them and we had a lesson in using quiet voices. We had some stuff to do this afternoon. When we were finished I dropped everyone off at the house and went to the gym. I came out of gym in tears. My feet hurt. I forgot my flip flops at home. I made it to the van and burst into tears. I called John to ask him about my shoes. He thought I'd had an accident or something. It's just been a very emotional day. Thank God His mercies are new every morning. I am ready for a new day.
Weight Loss Mama
Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is
in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at
a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NKJV)
Weight Loss Mama
Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is
in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at
a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NKJV)
My Crazy Life - The Autobiography of a Fat Kid
When I started this journey I never thought that my little blog would ever
get bigger than my circle of friends. Yesterday, I had the blessing of knowing
that a friend had referred another friend of hers to my blog. I guess I should
take the time for an introduction.
My name is Lisa. I live in Tennessee. I have been married to my wonderful
husband, John for 7.5 years. We have 10 beautiful children. Five of those
children I have carried within my womb. We had to say goodbye to them way too
soon. We named our angel babies Madison, Elijah (Eli), Hannah, Felicity and
Michael. The other five were birthed from my hopes and dreams and birthed in my
heart and carried in another woman's body. We named them Samuel (Sam), Landon,
Jewel-Anne (My mom's name sake), Liana and Isaiah. In addition to my many little
blessings, I have 4 older siblings, 3 nieces and a great nephew.
I guess we should start from the beginning. My mom was overweight my entire
life. She was a working mom and it made it difficult to make healthy eating
habits for both of us. My youngest sibling is 13 years OLDER than me so in many
ways I grew up like an only child. I was blessed to be cared for by my great
aunt when mom was working. She was awesome. In a lot of ways she was like a
grandmother to me. My grandparents passed away before I was 12 years old. I am
so thankful for the relationship I had with my Aunt Flossie.
I was in public school until 6th grade. I was the fat kid who didn't make
friends easily. I didn't fit in. I didn't even fit in with the outcasts. In 6th
grade, when it was time to transition to another school my mom decided she
didn't want me to continue in public school. We started homeschooling. I LOVED
it because I didn't have to be constantly reminded that I didn't belong. Shortly
afterwards Mom started having mini strokes so she ended up having to take
extremely early retirement and became a stay at home mom. This was awesome. Now
I got to spend the time with her that I didn't when I was little.
When I was 8 years old I started my period. It completely freaked my mom out because I
was so young. The doctor assured her I was fine. I had regular periods (every 28
days) for about 2 years. Then my periods became very irregular. I seen several
OB/GYNs and no one could figure out what was going on. I was in 7th grade when I
first met with Dr. L. This was also the first time I would have a pelvic. I went
back alone while mom sat in the waiting room. She gave me a prescription to
start my period and another prescription for birth control to regulate my
periods. Here I was 13 years old and this doctor proceeds to tell me that she
didn't foresee children in my future. She told me it would be very hard to get
pregnant and even with fertility treatments she didn't hold much hope. Who says
things like that to a child??? I left her office scared, confused and determined
to prove her wrong. I spent years praying that God would heal me. I spent my
entire childhood playing house. My whole life revolved around getting married
and having babies.
Fast forward to meeting my husband. We had a very unusual first date
conversation. The conversation with Dr. L never left my mind. I was a broken
woman. I felt that John deserved to know this. He took it all in stride and then
just hugged me. He told me that it didn't matter to him. We got pregnant with
Madison later that year. God had healed me!! The Dr. was wrong. Sadly, this
dream didn't live long. I miscarried her. I have always felt God whisper to me
the gender of our children when I was pregnant with them. When we would miscarry
I named them accordingly.
In 2006, and 4 miscarriages later, we met with a fertility specialist. Dr.
D. He was the most cold-hearted doctor I had ever met in my life. He turned
around after some testing, told me I was FAT and to come back after I lost 200
lbs. I went home in tears. A friend of mine at the time referred me to her
specialist, Dr. H. In January 2007, our first appt with her was completely
different. She was very kind and gentle. She acknowledged my weight problem, but
said we would still work with it until we had exhausted all of our possibilities
or until we were ready to stop trying. It took her less than 60 seconds to
diagnose me with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrom (PCOS). We tested me for insulin
resistance and sure enough that was that. A diagnosis. Finally! SOMETHING made
since.
The doctor monitored a couple cycles, we tried a couple cycles of Femara
(thought I was going to DIE). We made the decision to try Clomid the next cycle.
I started my period which I thought was unusual since I hadn't had a period on
my own in YEARS. All of my cylces with the RE (specialist) had ended with a
prescription of Provera to bring on my period. I remember taking a pregnancy
test because it was just weird. I only bled for two days then it stopped. Cycle
Day (CD) 3 I started the Clomid. CD4 I started spotting. I called the pharmacist
and the on call nurse. Both of them assured me it was just a side effect of the
medicine. I continued to spot when I went in for the ultrasound to check my
eggs.
I walked in and Dr. H told me she probably wouldn't have good news for
me because of the spotting. She did the ultrasound then walks out telling me to
get dressed. My favorite nurse J took blood before I left and told me she'd call
me with the results. We only had one car so I took John to work then went home.
I had been extra tired for the past two weeks. I assumed it was because of the
Clomid. I was so down hearted because we weren't going to be able to try this
cycle. I laid down and took a nap. I was awaked by a phone call from J. She said
"Well I have good news and bad news! The good news is your pregnant. The bad
news is your numbers are very low!" Wait a minute! Was I dreaming? Today is my
birthday AND she just said I was pregnant??? After I realized it wasn't a dream
I told mom and went to get the pharmacy to get my injections. I would be taking
injectable progesterone during my pregnancy to keep little Michael growing.
I went to meet John on his lunch break and he left work for the day. We
told everyone we knew how God had blessed us. I have never understood how people
can keep from telling others they are pregnant. We told his parents, my
siblings, the rest of his family all of our friends.
The next day was Friday. I took DeShaun, my "nephew" shopping at Babies R
Us. I bought What to Expect When You're Expecting for me, What to Expect When
She's Expanding and an elephant for John's desk, some board books for Michael
and his first stuffed animal. The rest of the weekend I rested as told by my
doctor.
Monday, I went in so upbeat and positive. Again, I received another call that
woke me from my nap, but this time it wasn't good news. "The baby is gone. Your
numbers are zero now. Call us when you start bleeding." Wait a minute here! This
wasn't supposed to be happening! God had blessed us. We had done all the right
things. I had been having a giant needle jabbed into my hip to ensure his
safety. None of it mattered, though. He was gone. We had already picked the
paint for the nursery, the border (sealife theme). How could this be true.
I remember telling John during that time that after we'd taken the time to
heal that I was ready to start foster parenting classes. In January we'd decided
we would work with Dr. H for a year then start them, but my arms couldn't handle
being without my babies any longer. We painted the nursery and got it all set up
with the promise that God would bring us children. We continued to try to get
pregnant and started our classes in November. In February I had a HSG test done
to check to see if my tubes were blocked. They weren't, praise GOD! We continued
to try. March 5, 2008 we had our last visit with our case worker (A) to complete
our home study. She also told us they had two little boys (1 and 3) they wanted
to place with us and asked if we were interested. I said sure! This is the point
where God is sitting in Heaven laughing at me because only HE knew what was
coming. The case worker told us she was having problems getting our back ground
check from Georgia. We had lived there for 6 months 4.5 years prior. She left
the house saying she was going to go back to the office to find a supervisor to
approve our home study without it. A called 1.5 hrs later to tell me she had the
approval and Placement would be calling me shortly.
Placement called and gave us few details. They gave me the boys' were
living with their aunt and uncle (J and R). J wanted me to call her that night.
We talked for a while and she was able to tell me what sizes they were, likes
and dislikes and other things. We decided that they would move on Friday so that
they had time to talk to the boys about the move.
Friday morning came. The boys were to arrive at 10. I was freaking out
because they were late. They ended up being over an hour late. Sam walks into my
house and says "Are you my new mommy?" My heart melted and broke at the same
time. I said yes and he hugged me. Then he looked at me and said "Where's my
room and new toys?" LOL The case worker spent 30 minutes unloading all of their
things and told me that J would be bringing me the rest tomorrow. I never knew
two little people could have so much stuff. We filled out paper work and she
left.
It took the boys less than 30 minutes to completely destroy the room that
we'd worked so hard to make. They had toys EVERYWHERE. They had ripped wallpaper
off the walls. It was a very crazy weekend. The boys came to us with issues that
we had to work through, but I was very thankful to have little ones in my house.
During the summer we stopped fertility treatments after trying injectable
hormones. Our next step would've been IVF but it was just so expensive we
couldn't afford it.
The rest of 2008 was a huge roller coaster with DCS stuff, Mom's health,
and ultimately her death. We had a perfect Christmas together and 3 days later
she was gone. The year had started out so promising and by New Years Eve I had
buried my best friend, my son's best friend, my mom and our children's Grammie.
On the way to the grave yard I remember telling my husband that if God ever
blessed us with another girl I wanted to name her after Mama. I never really
expected Him to do it though. In April we celebrated Landon's birthday and
completed our adoption on the same day. We kept our home open because we could
still accept an infant. Infant placements are almost unheard of because EVERYONE
wants them. We were settling into life as a family of 4. We were able to breathe
again.
Easter weekend I ended up having my tonsils taken out. By this time Aunt
Flossie was in a nursing home. She died the week after Easter. Eight days later
John's father passed away also. We had a very emotional April. So far 2009
wasn't being very kind to us. We were incredibly blessed with our adoption, but
we had 3 funerals in less than 4 months.
May came and we celebrated Mother's Day. I won the flowers for the "young"
mother category. Our pastor made the announcement that it was my first official
Mother's Day. (How I cringe at the fact that if you are mom to an angel people
don't consider that you are a "real" mom. Ironically, most don't consider me our
living children's REAL mom either.) Two days later (May 12th) we got an
unexpected call from Placement saying they had a two week old baby girl they
wanted to place with us. I called John and he rushed home. He ended up getting
pulled over at the end of our road for speeding through our little town. The cop
let him go when he told him what was going on. The next day we brought this
precious baby girl home and prayed that we'd get to keep her forever.
In 2010 we made the improvements to be able to take in 2 more children. The
day we were approved our case worker walked out with me telling her if we got a
placement in 40 days (the exact amount of time between our adoption with the
boys and Jewel-Anne's arrival to our home) that I would consider it a good sign.
Later that night I got a call from her telling me she had another placement for
us. I told her that she wasn't funny. I thought she was kidding. She wasn't.
John rushed home and got there about 10 minutes before Liana arrived.
Jewel-Anne's adoption was completed just a few weeks later.
During one of our meetings with Liana's case worker we found out that her
birth mom was pregnant again. We put our home on hold to make sure we had room
for the new baby and we waited. May 19, 2010 we brought Isaiah home.
Our adoption with Liana and Isaiah was completed November 3rd 2011. We are
adjusting to life after graduating as foster parents. Tennessee law states we
can't have more than 6 kids and no more than 3 under 3.
While we would love to adopt again we are hoping that God will bless my
womb to allow me to carry more children. I have always dreamed of having a large
family and I know that won't happen through DCS and private adoption is so
expensive. I am hoping that a side effect of this healthy living will increase
my fertility. God can heal me and we are trusting that he will.
So there you have it. My long-winded story of me. I hope it didn't bore you
too much. I hope that you'll come back and visit my blog again. I look forward
to getting to know my new followers better.
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is
in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at
a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NKJV)
get bigger than my circle of friends. Yesterday, I had the blessing of knowing
that a friend had referred another friend of hers to my blog. I guess I should
take the time for an introduction.
My name is Lisa. I live in Tennessee. I have been married to my wonderful
husband, John for 7.5 years. We have 10 beautiful children. Five of those
children I have carried within my womb. We had to say goodbye to them way too
soon. We named our angel babies Madison, Elijah (Eli), Hannah, Felicity and
Michael. The other five were birthed from my hopes and dreams and birthed in my
heart and carried in another woman's body. We named them Samuel (Sam), Landon,
Jewel-Anne (My mom's name sake), Liana and Isaiah. In addition to my many little
blessings, I have 4 older siblings, 3 nieces and a great nephew.
I guess we should start from the beginning. My mom was overweight my entire
life. She was a working mom and it made it difficult to make healthy eating
habits for both of us. My youngest sibling is 13 years OLDER than me so in many
ways I grew up like an only child. I was blessed to be cared for by my great
aunt when mom was working. She was awesome. In a lot of ways she was like a
grandmother to me. My grandparents passed away before I was 12 years old. I am
so thankful for the relationship I had with my Aunt Flossie.
I was in public school until 6th grade. I was the fat kid who didn't make
friends easily. I didn't fit in. I didn't even fit in with the outcasts. In 6th
grade, when it was time to transition to another school my mom decided she
didn't want me to continue in public school. We started homeschooling. I LOVED
it because I didn't have to be constantly reminded that I didn't belong. Shortly
afterwards Mom started having mini strokes so she ended up having to take
extremely early retirement and became a stay at home mom. This was awesome. Now
I got to spend the time with her that I didn't when I was little.
When I was 8 years old I started my period. It completely freaked my mom out because I
was so young. The doctor assured her I was fine. I had regular periods (every 28
days) for about 2 years. Then my periods became very irregular. I seen several
OB/GYNs and no one could figure out what was going on. I was in 7th grade when I
first met with Dr. L. This was also the first time I would have a pelvic. I went
back alone while mom sat in the waiting room. She gave me a prescription to
start my period and another prescription for birth control to regulate my
periods. Here I was 13 years old and this doctor proceeds to tell me that she
didn't foresee children in my future. She told me it would be very hard to get
pregnant and even with fertility treatments she didn't hold much hope. Who says
things like that to a child??? I left her office scared, confused and determined
to prove her wrong. I spent years praying that God would heal me. I spent my
entire childhood playing house. My whole life revolved around getting married
and having babies.
Fast forward to meeting my husband. We had a very unusual first date
conversation. The conversation with Dr. L never left my mind. I was a broken
woman. I felt that John deserved to know this. He took it all in stride and then
just hugged me. He told me that it didn't matter to him. We got pregnant with
Madison later that year. God had healed me!! The Dr. was wrong. Sadly, this
dream didn't live long. I miscarried her. I have always felt God whisper to me
the gender of our children when I was pregnant with them. When we would miscarry
I named them accordingly.
In 2006, and 4 miscarriages later, we met with a fertility specialist. Dr.
D. He was the most cold-hearted doctor I had ever met in my life. He turned
around after some testing, told me I was FAT and to come back after I lost 200
lbs. I went home in tears. A friend of mine at the time referred me to her
specialist, Dr. H. In January 2007, our first appt with her was completely
different. She was very kind and gentle. She acknowledged my weight problem, but
said we would still work with it until we had exhausted all of our possibilities
or until we were ready to stop trying. It took her less than 60 seconds to
diagnose me with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrom (PCOS). We tested me for insulin
resistance and sure enough that was that. A diagnosis. Finally! SOMETHING made
since.
The doctor monitored a couple cycles, we tried a couple cycles of Femara
(thought I was going to DIE). We made the decision to try Clomid the next cycle.
I started my period which I thought was unusual since I hadn't had a period on
my own in YEARS. All of my cylces with the RE (specialist) had ended with a
prescription of Provera to bring on my period. I remember taking a pregnancy
test because it was just weird. I only bled for two days then it stopped. Cycle
Day (CD) 3 I started the Clomid. CD4 I started spotting. I called the pharmacist
and the on call nurse. Both of them assured me it was just a side effect of the
medicine. I continued to spot when I went in for the ultrasound to check my
eggs.
I walked in and Dr. H told me she probably wouldn't have good news for
me because of the spotting. She did the ultrasound then walks out telling me to
get dressed. My favorite nurse J took blood before I left and told me she'd call
me with the results. We only had one car so I took John to work then went home.
I had been extra tired for the past two weeks. I assumed it was because of the
Clomid. I was so down hearted because we weren't going to be able to try this
cycle. I laid down and took a nap. I was awaked by a phone call from J. She said
"Well I have good news and bad news! The good news is your pregnant. The bad
news is your numbers are very low!" Wait a minute! Was I dreaming? Today is my
birthday AND she just said I was pregnant??? After I realized it wasn't a dream
I told mom and went to get the pharmacy to get my injections. I would be taking
injectable progesterone during my pregnancy to keep little Michael growing.
I went to meet John on his lunch break and he left work for the day. We
told everyone we knew how God had blessed us. I have never understood how people
can keep from telling others they are pregnant. We told his parents, my
siblings, the rest of his family all of our friends.
The next day was Friday. I took DeShaun, my "nephew" shopping at Babies R
Us. I bought What to Expect When You're Expecting for me, What to Expect When
She's Expanding and an elephant for John's desk, some board books for Michael
and his first stuffed animal. The rest of the weekend I rested as told by my
doctor.
Monday, I went in so upbeat and positive. Again, I received another call that
woke me from my nap, but this time it wasn't good news. "The baby is gone. Your
numbers are zero now. Call us when you start bleeding." Wait a minute here! This
wasn't supposed to be happening! God had blessed us. We had done all the right
things. I had been having a giant needle jabbed into my hip to ensure his
safety. None of it mattered, though. He was gone. We had already picked the
paint for the nursery, the border (sealife theme). How could this be true.
I remember telling John during that time that after we'd taken the time to
heal that I was ready to start foster parenting classes. In January we'd decided
we would work with Dr. H for a year then start them, but my arms couldn't handle
being without my babies any longer. We painted the nursery and got it all set up
with the promise that God would bring us children. We continued to try to get
pregnant and started our classes in November. In February I had a HSG test done
to check to see if my tubes were blocked. They weren't, praise GOD! We continued
to try. March 5, 2008 we had our last visit with our case worker (A) to complete
our home study. She also told us they had two little boys (1 and 3) they wanted
to place with us and asked if we were interested. I said sure! This is the point
where God is sitting in Heaven laughing at me because only HE knew what was
coming. The case worker told us she was having problems getting our back ground
check from Georgia. We had lived there for 6 months 4.5 years prior. She left
the house saying she was going to go back to the office to find a supervisor to
approve our home study without it. A called 1.5 hrs later to tell me she had the
approval and Placement would be calling me shortly.
Placement called and gave us few details. They gave me the boys' were
living with their aunt and uncle (J and R). J wanted me to call her that night.
We talked for a while and she was able to tell me what sizes they were, likes
and dislikes and other things. We decided that they would move on Friday so that
they had time to talk to the boys about the move.
Friday morning came. The boys were to arrive at 10. I was freaking out
because they were late. They ended up being over an hour late. Sam walks into my
house and says "Are you my new mommy?" My heart melted and broke at the same
time. I said yes and he hugged me. Then he looked at me and said "Where's my
room and new toys?" LOL The case worker spent 30 minutes unloading all of their
things and told me that J would be bringing me the rest tomorrow. I never knew
two little people could have so much stuff. We filled out paper work and she
left.
It took the boys less than 30 minutes to completely destroy the room that
we'd worked so hard to make. They had toys EVERYWHERE. They had ripped wallpaper
off the walls. It was a very crazy weekend. The boys came to us with issues that
we had to work through, but I was very thankful to have little ones in my house.
During the summer we stopped fertility treatments after trying injectable
hormones. Our next step would've been IVF but it was just so expensive we
couldn't afford it.
The rest of 2008 was a huge roller coaster with DCS stuff, Mom's health,
and ultimately her death. We had a perfect Christmas together and 3 days later
she was gone. The year had started out so promising and by New Years Eve I had
buried my best friend, my son's best friend, my mom and our children's Grammie.
On the way to the grave yard I remember telling my husband that if God ever
blessed us with another girl I wanted to name her after Mama. I never really
expected Him to do it though. In April we celebrated Landon's birthday and
completed our adoption on the same day. We kept our home open because we could
still accept an infant. Infant placements are almost unheard of because EVERYONE
wants them. We were settling into life as a family of 4. We were able to breathe
again.
Easter weekend I ended up having my tonsils taken out. By this time Aunt
Flossie was in a nursing home. She died the week after Easter. Eight days later
John's father passed away also. We had a very emotional April. So far 2009
wasn't being very kind to us. We were incredibly blessed with our adoption, but
we had 3 funerals in less than 4 months.
May came and we celebrated Mother's Day. I won the flowers for the "young"
mother category. Our pastor made the announcement that it was my first official
Mother's Day. (How I cringe at the fact that if you are mom to an angel people
don't consider that you are a "real" mom. Ironically, most don't consider me our
living children's REAL mom either.) Two days later (May 12th) we got an
unexpected call from Placement saying they had a two week old baby girl they
wanted to place with us. I called John and he rushed home. He ended up getting
pulled over at the end of our road for speeding through our little town. The cop
let him go when he told him what was going on. The next day we brought this
precious baby girl home and prayed that we'd get to keep her forever.
In 2010 we made the improvements to be able to take in 2 more children. The
day we were approved our case worker walked out with me telling her if we got a
placement in 40 days (the exact amount of time between our adoption with the
boys and Jewel-Anne's arrival to our home) that I would consider it a good sign.
Later that night I got a call from her telling me she had another placement for
us. I told her that she wasn't funny. I thought she was kidding. She wasn't.
John rushed home and got there about 10 minutes before Liana arrived.
Jewel-Anne's adoption was completed just a few weeks later.
During one of our meetings with Liana's case worker we found out that her
birth mom was pregnant again. We put our home on hold to make sure we had room
for the new baby and we waited. May 19, 2010 we brought Isaiah home.
Our adoption with Liana and Isaiah was completed November 3rd 2011. We are
adjusting to life after graduating as foster parents. Tennessee law states we
can't have more than 6 kids and no more than 3 under 3.
While we would love to adopt again we are hoping that God will bless my
womb to allow me to carry more children. I have always dreamed of having a large
family and I know that won't happen through DCS and private adoption is so
expensive. I am hoping that a side effect of this healthy living will increase
my fertility. God can heal me and we are trusting that he will.
So there you have it. My long-winded story of me. I hope it didn't bore you
too much. I hope that you'll come back and visit my blog again. I look forward
to getting to know my new followers better.
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is
in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at
a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NKJV)
The Power of Positive and Negative Thinking
What a blessed Tuesday morning it is! I hope you woke up this morning and
started counting your blessings. We all have so much to live for, yet we refuse
to recognize it most of the time. For some reason our human-nature makes us want
to count our trials instead of our blessings. If you happen to be one of those
people I challenge you to change your way of thinking. The Lord has given us so
much. He promises to meet all of our needs according to HIS riches in Glory.
Negative thinking has been a huge issue for me for a long time. I got worse
in 2008 when my Mom's health started to decline. She was hospitalized twice that
year for breathing issues. She'd been put on oxygen. Despite all of this I lived
in this little bubble where she'd promised she'd live "forever" and I held on to
that. We woke up December 28th and she seemed fine. We got back from church and
she was gone. My mom was my best friend. She and I had never lived apart. When
my husband and I started dating he ended up moving in with us instead of me
moving out because Mom needed me. Since her death I have tried (only a little
bit) to see the positives. I am grateful she was able to meet my boys. For the
most part I'm just angry. I'm angry for the lifestyle choices she made that put
her in an early grave. I am angry that I didn't get more time with her. While
I'm grateful for the 6 months my oldest boys, Sam and Landon, got with her I am
saddened that I have 3 other children that never got to meet their Grammie this
side of Heaven. I wasn't ready to let her go. Are we ever ready to let go of the
ones we love? No is the answer most of us give IF we are honest. What can I do
about my situation though? I can't bring her back, but I CAN see her again. I
know she's watching us from Heaven. I know she will be a part of each one of my
family members lives forever. I am a Christian and know that I will go to Heaven
when I die. I have the eternal promise that our separation is a temporary
one.
What would my mom wish for me if she could talk to me from Heaven? She
would want to see me live life to it's fullest. I am sure that she would tell me
that she'd want me to learn from her mistakes and choose LIFE for myself and for
my kids. She would want me to be healthy so I wouldn't suffer the way she did. I
want me to be healthy so my kids don't suffer the way my siblings, my kids and
myself are without her. She would want to see me be able to get pregnant again.
She prayed for years for me that I would have children. She would want me to
stop living in the emotional hell that I have created for myself wondering what
I could've done differently that would've been able to keep her here longer.
I am choosing for today to think positively and remember the good times
that we all had with her. I will live my life formed and molded by her teachings
for me and her prayers for my future. I will live my life so that I not only her
my Daddy say "Well done, my good and faithful servant." I will also hear her
tell me she is proud of me once again. THAT is the greatest gift I could give
myself, my kids AND my mama.
We must remember that our battle toward a healthy life style isn't just
controlling our weight (or whatever your issue may be). We have to become
emotionally healthy as well. THAT is what will help us over come the hells we
have created for ourselves here on this earth. I fully believe that the
emotional weighs down our hearts FAR MORE than anything that will ever be
measured on a scale. Emotional health is so important. It is what will determine
your success or failure in everything you do or say. God has promised us a sound mind. That means we don't have to stay trapped by our failures. (2 Timothy 1:7) This day God has set life and death before you. Choose life!
Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is
in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at
a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NKJV)
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
started counting your blessings. We all have so much to live for, yet we refuse
to recognize it most of the time. For some reason our human-nature makes us want
to count our trials instead of our blessings. If you happen to be one of those
people I challenge you to change your way of thinking. The Lord has given us so
much. He promises to meet all of our needs according to HIS riches in Glory.
Negative thinking has been a huge issue for me for a long time. I got worse
in 2008 when my Mom's health started to decline. She was hospitalized twice that
year for breathing issues. She'd been put on oxygen. Despite all of this I lived
in this little bubble where she'd promised she'd live "forever" and I held on to
that. We woke up December 28th and she seemed fine. We got back from church and
she was gone. My mom was my best friend. She and I had never lived apart. When
my husband and I started dating he ended up moving in with us instead of me
moving out because Mom needed me. Since her death I have tried (only a little
bit) to see the positives. I am grateful she was able to meet my boys. For the
most part I'm just angry. I'm angry for the lifestyle choices she made that put
her in an early grave. I am angry that I didn't get more time with her. While
I'm grateful for the 6 months my oldest boys, Sam and Landon, got with her I am
saddened that I have 3 other children that never got to meet their Grammie this
side of Heaven. I wasn't ready to let her go. Are we ever ready to let go of the
ones we love? No is the answer most of us give IF we are honest. What can I do
about my situation though? I can't bring her back, but I CAN see her again. I
know she's watching us from Heaven. I know she will be a part of each one of my
family members lives forever. I am a Christian and know that I will go to Heaven
when I die. I have the eternal promise that our separation is a temporary
one.
What would my mom wish for me if she could talk to me from Heaven? She
would want to see me live life to it's fullest. I am sure that she would tell me
that she'd want me to learn from her mistakes and choose LIFE for myself and for
my kids. She would want me to be healthy so I wouldn't suffer the way she did. I
want me to be healthy so my kids don't suffer the way my siblings, my kids and
myself are without her. She would want to see me be able to get pregnant again.
She prayed for years for me that I would have children. She would want me to
stop living in the emotional hell that I have created for myself wondering what
I could've done differently that would've been able to keep her here longer.
I am choosing for today to think positively and remember the good times
that we all had with her. I will live my life formed and molded by her teachings
for me and her prayers for my future. I will live my life so that I not only her
my Daddy say "Well done, my good and faithful servant." I will also hear her
tell me she is proud of me once again. THAT is the greatest gift I could give
myself, my kids AND my mama.
We must remember that our battle toward a healthy life style isn't just
controlling our weight (or whatever your issue may be). We have to become
emotionally healthy as well. THAT is what will help us over come the hells we
have created for ourselves here on this earth. I fully believe that the
emotional weighs down our hearts FAR MORE than anything that will ever be
measured on a scale. Emotional health is so important. It is what will determine
your success or failure in everything you do or say. God has promised us a sound mind. That means we don't have to stay trapped by our failures. (2 Timothy 1:7) This day God has set life and death before you. Choose life!
Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is
in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at
a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NKJV)
Blessings,
Weight Loss Mama
Monday, January 2, 2012
January 2012 - Photographic Progress
y
I am going to preface this by saying that I am a skirt-wearing, shirt over my bathing suit at the pool, modest dress, conservative kind of lady. It posting these pictures is difficult, but this is the best way I can track my physical appearance so I will share them. I am posting them so I can look back and see how far I've come.
January 2012 - 326 pounds (34 pounds lost)
Back to the Gym for me.
Today has been an awesome day so far! This morning I got up and blogged a
bit. I went to the gym with Stephanie, after taking the weekend off. This is huge for me because when I disrupt a diet/exercise routine I don't go back.
Then we had a great lunch! I had a salad and my beloved potatoes (see previous blog) with some green beans and green bean salad. It was super delicious!! Most of all I enjoyed the company. Thanks Steph!!
Today while at the gym I decided I would beat my last goal. I walked 1.25
MILES in 33 minutes. I used a different treadmill this time and plugged my
weight into it and it said that I burned over 200 calories! Can I just tell you
how good that made me feel?? We made it all the way to the van when we realized I'd left my water bottle in the locker room. I didn't want to walk all the way back in there, but I did it and felt great about it afterwards.
For the first time in years I feel so proud of myself. I have energy, but emotionally things have changed. I am doing things I NEVER thought I would. I had visions of myself dying when I was in my thirties and it taking 12 men to carry my casket. I always felt disgusted with myself. I am coming out of my shell a bit, too. I wouldn't dare try to take all the credit for this. I am so
blessed to have God's help in all of this. Without Him I am nothing. Everything good that I do is because of Him. Praise be to God!! As my daughter Jewel-Anne would say "How lewie!"
This morning on the way to the gym I stopped by a friend's house and picked up some clothes that she had for me. I felt like it was Christmas again. So many clothes....So many clothes that FIT!!! There were a few pieces in my current size, but most of them were a size smaller and they fit! There were 3 things in two bags that didn't fit. That was a HUGE feel good moment for me!!
On a side note, totally unrelated, but my son peed in the potty this afternoon! He isn't even two years yet. My 2.5 year olds aren't even interested in potty training. I am so proud of him. Of course then the girls had to pee so they could get their candy.
Be blessed,
Weight Loss Mama
bit. I went to the gym with Stephanie, after taking the weekend off. This is huge for me because when I disrupt a diet/exercise routine I don't go back.
Then we had a great lunch! I had a salad and my beloved potatoes (see previous blog) with some green beans and green bean salad. It was super delicious!! Most of all I enjoyed the company. Thanks Steph!!
Today while at the gym I decided I would beat my last goal. I walked 1.25
MILES in 33 minutes. I used a different treadmill this time and plugged my
weight into it and it said that I burned over 200 calories! Can I just tell you
how good that made me feel?? We made it all the way to the van when we realized I'd left my water bottle in the locker room. I didn't want to walk all the way back in there, but I did it and felt great about it afterwards.
For the first time in years I feel so proud of myself. I have energy, but emotionally things have changed. I am doing things I NEVER thought I would. I had visions of myself dying when I was in my thirties and it taking 12 men to carry my casket. I always felt disgusted with myself. I am coming out of my shell a bit, too. I wouldn't dare try to take all the credit for this. I am so
blessed to have God's help in all of this. Without Him I am nothing. Everything good that I do is because of Him. Praise be to God!! As my daughter Jewel-Anne would say "How lewie!"
This morning on the way to the gym I stopped by a friend's house and picked up some clothes that she had for me. I felt like it was Christmas again. So many clothes....So many clothes that FIT!!! There were a few pieces in my current size, but most of them were a size smaller and they fit! There were 3 things in two bags that didn't fit. That was a HUGE feel good moment for me!!
On a side note, totally unrelated, but my son peed in the potty this afternoon! He isn't even two years yet. My 2.5 year olds aren't even interested in potty training. I am so proud of him. Of course then the girls had to pee so they could get their candy.
Be blessed,
Weight Loss Mama
Day 4 - Positive Attitudes and Mashed Potatoes
Good Monday Morning to you all. I hope today finds you blessed! Today is
Day 4 of my program and I'm feeling really great. I feel refreshed when I wake
up in the morning. That is a totally new feeling. I believe that a positive
attitude is half the battle so I'm trying to stay as positive and uplifting as I
can for myself and others around me. I really am starting to enjoy working out.
I hate sweating, but I reward myself with a long hot shower afterwards and I
like those. My gym has the best water pressure. ;-)
Yesterday, I experienced the weirdest thing. I have been having dinner at
Shoneys each night. I can have a huge salad and a side for very few calories.
Last night I traded my soup for mashed potatoes with a little bit of gravy and
veggies. I was sure the mashed potatoes and gravy would blow up my calories for
the day, but it really didn't. My entire day was just at 800 calories. I was
very impressed. The one things that I really thought was funny is how good it
tasted. Shoney's isn't known for having the best mashed potatoes, but it was
like Heaven in my mouth. I have been really good the past 4 days eating very
little rich foods. Salads have been my main meals. I'm embracing my new life.
I spent over 28 years destroying my body. I didn't treat it like the
temple of God that I am commanded to do. I used and abused it. I ate whatever I
wanted, never exercised, and very emotionally bottled up. If I can do this then
anyone can. I was a huge couch potato. The first day I walked a half a mile.
Everyone probably thinks "well that's not very much" but let me tell you that is
probably more than I would walk in a week normally. I choose not to be that way
anymore. It's no longer an option. I want to live to see my great grandchildren
or even longer. All of the women in grandmother's family died at 74. My aunt
Flossie was the exception. She defied the odds. She was the only one of her
sisters who lived past 74. She lived to the nice age of 92. She was the picture
of health. I want to break the mold and outlive her. Before I was born God knew
the number of my days. I just don't want to do anything that is going to shorten
that!
For those of you out there reading this that are on your own weight loss
journey, please be encouraged. It is a journey that will be lived for the rest
of your life. You have to think of the long term. Starving yourself for a few
weeks won't fix it. Never eating another carb again won't fix it. None of the
fads diets will work because they are unrealistic. You have to be willing to
make healthier choices. Maybe you need to start small and say I'll cut out one
meal of fast food, or soda, or whatever it is that is your guilty pleasure. I
challenge you this week to change the way you look at yourself. Stop counting
your failures and start counting your successes! Be proud of yourself. Instead
of throwing a pity party when you fall, get back up and celebrate how far you've
come and then start walking (literally) again.
Get out there and live life with me,
Weight Loss Mama
(25 more days until weigh in!)
Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who
is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were
bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body[a]
and in your spirit, which are God’s. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NKJV)
Day 4 of my program and I'm feeling really great. I feel refreshed when I wake
up in the morning. That is a totally new feeling. I believe that a positive
attitude is half the battle so I'm trying to stay as positive and uplifting as I
can for myself and others around me. I really am starting to enjoy working out.
I hate sweating, but I reward myself with a long hot shower afterwards and I
like those. My gym has the best water pressure. ;-)
Yesterday, I experienced the weirdest thing. I have been having dinner at
Shoneys each night. I can have a huge salad and a side for very few calories.
Last night I traded my soup for mashed potatoes with a little bit of gravy and
veggies. I was sure the mashed potatoes and gravy would blow up my calories for
the day, but it really didn't. My entire day was just at 800 calories. I was
very impressed. The one things that I really thought was funny is how good it
tasted. Shoney's isn't known for having the best mashed potatoes, but it was
like Heaven in my mouth. I have been really good the past 4 days eating very
little rich foods. Salads have been my main meals. I'm embracing my new life.
I spent over 28 years destroying my body. I didn't treat it like the
temple of God that I am commanded to do. I used and abused it. I ate whatever I
wanted, never exercised, and very emotionally bottled up. If I can do this then
anyone can. I was a huge couch potato. The first day I walked a half a mile.
Everyone probably thinks "well that's not very much" but let me tell you that is
probably more than I would walk in a week normally. I choose not to be that way
anymore. It's no longer an option. I want to live to see my great grandchildren
or even longer. All of the women in grandmother's family died at 74. My aunt
Flossie was the exception. She defied the odds. She was the only one of her
sisters who lived past 74. She lived to the nice age of 92. She was the picture
of health. I want to break the mold and outlive her. Before I was born God knew
the number of my days. I just don't want to do anything that is going to shorten
that!
For those of you out there reading this that are on your own weight loss
journey, please be encouraged. It is a journey that will be lived for the rest
of your life. You have to think of the long term. Starving yourself for a few
weeks won't fix it. Never eating another carb again won't fix it. None of the
fads diets will work because they are unrealistic. You have to be willing to
make healthier choices. Maybe you need to start small and say I'll cut out one
meal of fast food, or soda, or whatever it is that is your guilty pleasure. I
challenge you this week to change the way you look at yourself. Stop counting
your failures and start counting your successes! Be proud of yourself. Instead
of throwing a pity party when you fall, get back up and celebrate how far you've
come and then start walking (literally) again.
Get out there and live life with me,
Weight Loss Mama
(25 more days until weigh in!)
Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who
is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were
bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body[a]
and in your spirit, which are God’s. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NKJV)
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