July Weigh-Ins

  July Weigh-Ins 

    5 - 229.2

    12 -

    19 -

    26 -

Not Giving Up

 Just because one event doesn't go the way you want it to doesn't mean that God's not in this. And just because you have a God-given call on your life does not mean everything is going to go the way you want it to or be easy but God's in control. - County Rescue

I was scrolling through Instagram and found this quote from one of my favorite TV shows. I needed this reminder. God is still with me. He is still in this. Does that mean that things are going to be easy? No, but He won't leave me. He is still in control even though it feels like I am wandering through life alone right now. I sure wish things were easier but I am not giving up.

The Next Steps

You said it’s so hard sleeping through night
And you’ve been trying to hide your tired eyes
I remember what that feels like

When your thoughts become a prison cell
But telling everyone you’re doing well
I remember what that feels like

You’ve been asking why God why
Do you always gotta take your time?

I know that it’s not better yet
I know you’re freaking out
I know you think if you were Him
You’d of rescued you by now
I know the last thing you wanna hear is keep waiting patiently
I know that it’s not better yet
But one day it’s gonna bе

So pray with everything you’ve got
Hе’s a never gonna leave you God
I can promise you that
He’s not done with you friend

I know that it’s not better yet
I know you’re freaking out
I know you think if you were Him
You’d of rescued you by now
I know the last thing you wanna hear is keep waiting patiently
I know that it’s not better yet
But one day it’s gonna be

Yeah

One day it’s gonna be

I know that it’s not better yet
I know you’re freaking out
I know you think if you were Him
You’d of rescued you by now
I know the last thing you wanna hear is keep waiting patiently
I know that it’s not better yet
I know that it’s not better yet

But one day it’s gonna be

Yeah
One day it’s gonna be

 

This is a new(ish) song by Leanna Crawford called Better Yet and it has been my theme song lately.  I just went in for my six month check up. I am not doing well with my weight loss at all. Let's back track a bit my friends. I had surgery in February 2025. During the first two weeks post surgery I think I only lost like 4 pounds and that is when I should've been doing some major losing because I was only drinking protein shakes and other liquids approved by my doctor. This time the doctor didn't tell me how much I had lost/gained but some decisions were made...

I have had an eating disorder since I was a child/teenager and it followed me into adulthood. If I am being honest I would binge (never to the point of throwing up, but still binging). I eat my feelings because food is comforting to me. If things are bad food makes me feel better. If I feel good, food is a reward. I concealed these things from my bariatric doctor because I was afraid I wouldn't qualify for surgery if anyone knew about them. 

My doctor's assistant decided that I needed to seek counseling for my eating disorder/food addiction. It took me a couple days to find someone who would work for me. She sent me home with a list of providers. Those either weren't taking new patients or didn't take my insurance. Then I went to my insurance company and searched their list...I called over 75 people only ONE person fit the criteria I had (took my insurance, accepting new patients, would treat my eating disorder/food issues). I had prayed God would send me to the right person and I am hoping this is it because all other doors were shut. 

I have lived my life on this blog were I have been pretty open with my journey. I still intend to be open, but there are some things I will keep private because mental health therapy can deal with some pretty intense stuff at times. 

I am scared because there are things that I do not want to address. They are messy and it is just easier to cram them in a box and not deal with them, but that is obviously not helping things. I hope it will help me build the coping skills to keep moving on this journey and lose the weight I want to because I am not ready to quit. 

June Weigh-Ins

 June Weigh-Ins 

    7 - 232.2

    14 - 232.2

    21 - 232.4

    28 - 230.4

May A1C

 6.8 

May Weigh-Ins

 May Weigh-Ins

3 - 234.4

10 - 233.4

17 - 232.6

24 - 234.2

31 -228.8

April Weigh-Ins

April Weigh-Ins

5 - 244.4

12 - 249.2

19 - 245.2

26 - 233.8

Two Week Post-Op Check-Up

(THIS POST CONTAINS TMI INFO. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!)

 So I had my two week post-op check up today. I was dreading it so badly. I have cried. I have yelled. I have been frustrated. I have vented to my husband. And that was all before the appointment. I knew it wasn't going to go well and I was not ready for it...and ready for it to be over with at the same time. Ever been there? Yeah, that is where I was! 

I am an obsessive weigh-er. I weigh daily. I only record my weight here once a week, but I weigh daily. The scale just hasn't been moving in a way that I want it to. When I got home from the hospital I started taking something to prevent constipation per the doctors orders. Yeah, it didn't work. So I took something more (again per doctor's orders) and it helped a bit but I am still struggling in that department. Also prior to surgery I was drinking 140 ounces of WATER a day in addition to any other liquids I had so I was well hydrated. The last two weeks, I was told by my doctor to drink 64 oz and that was to include my protein shakes, juices, etc. Pretty much, since I was on a liquid diet, if it went in my mouth it counted in my 64 ounces. Well, I misunderstood and thought I could ONLY have 64 ounces so that is what I did. 

Fast forward to today...According to the doctor's scale I have lost ONE POUND since surgery. I am disappointed. Even though they didn't say it, they were disappointed. All they said was that hopefully we would see more of an improvement with everything by my next appointment in two weeks. I hope so too because I am really frustrated with myself. I have ate/drank nothing but liquids for the last 2.5 weeks and feel like I have nothing to show for it. 

The only good news that came from today is that I graduated to pureed foods today. Stage Two here I come! 

PCP Update

 I had my first post-op visit with my PCP today. It went very well. After logging my blood pressures and blood sugars for the last week, he took me off my Mounjaro, Jardiance, Atenolol, and Lisinopril. He told me once again how proud he was of me for the progress I have made so far. I have the sweetest doctor who never ceases to encouragement through my ups! I am so grateful for him. 

The healing itching has started. Must not scratch... On another note, I had a post-op zoom call with the bariatric coordinator yesterday. On the call were all of the patients who had surgery last week. It made me realize just how blessed I am. One guy had already went back to work, but other than that, everyone was talking about how they were having trouble with pain, getting fluids/protein in, etc. I am having none of that. I have been off strong pain meds since Saturday and I have had nothing for pain (not even Tylenol) since Sunday. Today I have drank over 80 oz of fluid and 30 oz of those were protein shakes. Don't get me wrong - I have had my own bumps in the road. God has been very gracious to me, though. I am very thankful to Him for that.

A Rough Day - Let's Be Real

 Today started out pretty good. Healing is going pretty well. I am off all pain medications except Tylenol. It doesn't completely relieve the pain, but I am very much anti-pain medication. This morning we went to church. Service was great. Everyone was friendly and told me they had been praying for me. I really love my church. 

After church things started going down hill for me emotionally, though. I am only allowed to drink 64 oz of fluid a day right now. This includes my protein shakes and juices that are a must. Screwed up and drank almost all of them in the first half of the day and now I am sitting here wishing I could have something to drink, but I can't. The last amount of fluid has to go for my bedtime medicine. That is problem number one. 

Problem number two today has been a raging case of head-hunger. If you do not know what head hunger is, it is where your head tells you that you are hungry and makes you want to eat whether you are actually hungry or not. I have not been truly hungry since before surgery. But today I am day-dreaming of food. Right now I am only allowed protein shakes, juices, and other liquids. So I decided to sit down and make a grocery list for Stage Two foods. This was actually helpful because it showed me there was a light at the end of this tunnel. That was until...

Problem number three occurred - I am not sure why I didn't notice this before but I am glad I didn't. I am not sure that I would have gone through with the surgery if I had. (Just being honest in this moment...) I was under the assumption that once I got through the stages of my diet to where I was eating normal food again that I would go back to the diet I was on before (3 month) surgery - which was 1200 calories. No, There are 4 phases to this diet and I checked them all. Stages 2-4 all have 750-910 calories (max) listed. I understand that weight loss is a goal, but that just shocked me. 

John made dinner for the kids tonight and after he did I sat down and cried. He told me he didn't understand what I was going through because he hadn't been there and probably never would be, but that he was here for me and would be every step of the way. He was very kind and gentle with me, as he always is, and he let me get my feelings out. I love that man. God couldn't have given me a better man to marry. He isn't perfect, but he is perfect for me. 

Now, I am sure no one will be reading this. Least of all anyone I actually know, but let me make some things clear. One, I have a great support system that I am very thankful for. Two, I do not regret my surgery for anything. Three,  I have stuck to my diet and will continue to do so. Four, I have always been transparent with the things that I have chosen to share on here. I don't share everything but the things I do share I am going to be real with. This new journey will be no different. There will be good days, bad, and in-between. Today was just rough. Tomorrow will hopefully be better. 

- Me

Post-Op Day 1

 I am not really sure how to count post-op days. Yesterday was surgery day so I am counting today as post-op day 1. Any way...The surgery went well. They were able to complete the surgery all at one time. There was talk prior of saying they may have to do the sleeve part of the surgery then go back and do the switch part. I am thankful that it was all done in one surgery because I do not think that my insurance would cover a second surgery and I am not sure I would want to go through a second surgery. I am in a bit of pain. The pain meds dull the pain but do not completely relieve it, but that is ok. The bad part is my liver is enlarged. The doctor said that he has hopes that it will shrink the longer I am on my new diet. If you are reading this please pray for me. 

Emotionally, I am doing ok, but just ok. Last night, Cindy stayed with me and for the first time I watched My 600-Pound Life. They had a lady on there who'd had The Sleeve procedure previously but she'd gained all of her weight back and then some. I have the resolve that I am going to do this and that I will not go back to my old habits, BUT after spending a lifetime of dieting and failing it scares me to think that this will be another failed attempt. I mean, I know it won't be...but it still scares me. 

So that is my update for now. I will be chilling in between my walks. I have to drink every 15 minutes to prevent dehydration. I am only allowed two ounces per 15 minutes right now. This will continue for two weeks until I return to the doctor. This is Phase One. 

March Weigh-Ins

 March Weigh-Ins 

    1 - 240.6 (First Weigh-In Post Surgery)

    8 - 239.2

    15 - 238.6

    22 -237.4

    29 -252.2

30 Days of Surgery Songs

When I started this 30 day journey, I complied a list of songs to get me through. Each day gives me a song of encouragement. We are almost through. Only 5 days left! 

30. Chosen 

    https://youtu.be/mKY9Txlmahg?si=lU_Ch7wFjknkrNfa

 

29. Everything is Possible

    https://youtu.be/GSUCG0NUFyc?si=GDtHGXNjwQ0i9tii

 

28. Clean

    https://youtu.be/2BfZ3KKKg9c?si=FiLwlsEqh5Ml9BVd

 

27. Fighting for Me

    https://youtu.be/in1uxSpvsw0?si=CgcIZlwRF0P3O0vL

 

 

26. If You Want Me To

    https://youtu.be/qVYRc7LtvUA?si=EwZoensJNGKR6DUq

 

25. You Say

    https://youtu.be/sIaT8Jl2zpI?si=je794456I0ertSpu

 

24. Over and Over

    https://youtu.be/QaJ9AR1nqmE?si=LS2DMqSRkzusUwJK

 

23. Different

    https://youtu.be/XFT0zoKQWaM?si=Aj-3UiBTfaLNyVcJ

 

22. Never

    https://youtu.be/KKwTxaO2djc?si=xXSS6u8FL94rLDAL

 

21. Right Time

    https://youtu.be/TosA23uFc4E?si=AsHwYNUFRnmW_Xf6

 

20. Blessed

    https://youtu.be/Q4exKwB0WRk?si=vWHlO_PGa431A9q6

 

19. Warrior

    https://youtu.be/yQpKSpgrwQE?si=BJDRlxeh2u3NV_Lb

 

18. Unfinished

    https://youtu.be/Ejycllx5iwA?si=jo2_P4nMVy1Ae3uq

 

17. Stronger

    https://youtu.be/emgv-VRtMEU?si=vfDWBI9yYAAzfY99

 

16. Flawless

    https://youtu.be/wjLlLPZderk?si=g9HbcWWRyAuSY4df

 

15. Hello Fear

    https://youtu.be/tnyJjztZ0MY?si=7wEzE4zVI05ip5LQ

 

 

14. Walk By Faith

    https://youtu.be/BgWOcYpHm0o?si=BGggN7-rNbgQWWhZ

 

13. Voice of Truth

    https://youtu.be/_YgfiaLk0kE?si=PkshwD3TcMy7vUdX

 

12. While I'm Waiting

    https://youtu.be/i6X71sXagUY?si=MVki78eYsIN4EFvo

 

11. The Motions

    https://youtu.be/ZUg9qE_KjLg?si=QEuscTdHV7vax3of

 

10. Thank You

    https://youtu.be/xvP6WX5VpjY?si=fEnTJZLyidH5DgTk

 

9. Nothing Back

    https://youtu.be/bauOJIVxUww?si=uwNoOC3Q5KDKRAaW

 

8. The Promise

    https://youtu.be/jeiPSHEd2Zc?si=UAhpGYmm7TtDVBQT

 

7. Remind Me You're Here

    https://youtu.be/eaja6maPoDk?si=oILAHvhwGj7hfqSY

 

6. Waiting in the Water

    https://youtu.be/wP3hzSkoi1Q?si=BrMmhgSiFAx2fgYz

 

5. Fear Not

    https://youtu.be/hgT5MN9eBbM?si=wkKGOfqotTRcf3eN

 

 

4. Rescue

    https://youtu.be/mSSc4KQDfEA?si=1WXMpKUXqfTRMIW9

 

3. Strong

    https://youtu.be/iFk2iYq4Zjk?si=m92X0kqHe9MqLZKH

 

 

2. My God Can

    https://youtu.be/zQATwkAklYw?si=mt4fyTnHoJDWOUrJ

 

1. Don't Stop Praying

    https://youtu.be/8r0eA49MZ0w?si=QClgsnR8OOMYiie_

Five Days To Go

I had my Pre-Admission Testing this week. I was dreading it because I didn't know what all was involved. It turned out all it I had to do was have an EKG and bloodwork. No big deal...or so I thought. I have always been a hard stick. They couldn't get a vein and when they did get a vein I wouldn't bleed or wouldn't bleed enough. Hospital policy says that each person could only stick me two times. I saw four people. That's right. They stuck me eight times! I just have really bad veins. Thankfully, that part is past me. After that, I went to my pre-op appointment with my bariatric office. I saw the PA. She was really nice. I left the office with a huge list of new (temporary) prescriptions and pre/post-op instructions. 

Today, I packed my bags for the hospital. Yeah, I know it is almost a week away, but it helps me (and my anxiety) to do things early. Everything is now in the van just waiting for Surgery Morning. I am excited! 

February A1C

 My February 2025 A1C was 5.6!! Yay! 

Good-bye Insulin

 As of today, I am no longer an insulin-dependent diabetic! I am so excited!! I am so thankful to God and so proud of myself because of the goals that I have met before surgery! Surgery is only going to take me so much further!

250

 This Morning I stepped on the scale and I broke 250! The scale showed 248 even! I am so excited! I am so proud of myself! I get my first incentive gift, but that isn't even the reason I am excited. It has been over 20 years since I have seen this weight! This feels so good! 

Diet Class

 Before surgery I have a diet class, a pre-op appt at the hospital, and a pre-op appt with my surgeon I have to complete. Wednesday was my diet class. They weighed me. I am officially down 20 lbs since I started my surgery journey in October. The class was pretty informative and at the same time kind of boring. They went over the first phase of recovery and all of the hospital stay stuff. This is going to be a long road, but I knew that. I am ready to get this show started, though. I am excited and nervous still. 

I have started my 800 calorie pre-op diet and because of that, I had to go down to one hour of walking a day. After my first walk of the day I have "jelly legs" and have problems feeling like my legs are - well - jelly. I can't describe it better than that. It lasts all day. Hopefully, I will be able to adjust and pick up my other two walks before surgery but if not then we will see what I decide to do after recovery. 

26 days left!! 

February Weigh-Ins

 February Weigh-Ins

1 - 253

8 - 245.2

15 - 245.4

22 - 238.6

Houston, We Have A Date!!

The last few days I have obsessively watched my insurance's website waiting for the approval for my surgery to come through so I could call my bariatric doctor's office to schedule my surgery. My insurance company acted like I would know before the doctor's office did. Imagine my surprise when my doctor's office called yesterday and left a message for me to call them to schedule my surgery. I called them back immediately and now we have a date...February 26th!!! 

Of course there is a lot of prep to do in the mean time. I have to go on a more restrictive (800 calorie) diet for a month. I have a diet class, pre-op testing at the hospital, a pre-op appointment with my surgeon. It seems like the list is never ending but it will be worth it. I am so excited, but I am a little scared too. Life is about to get very different for me. 

Month Two/Diet Appointment Number Three

 Keeping track of these appointment numbers vs the months is confusing. This is the end of month two, BUT is appointment number three SOOOOO this blog gets a weird title. I started out at 273 at the bariatric doctor's office. He wanted me to lose ten pounds before I had the surgery. Today was my final appointment for weight management with my PCP. I weighed 258 according to PCP's scales. Now I do not know if their scales are comparable, but I do know that I have lost the ten pounds that the bariatric doctor wanted. I am so excited. There were moments when I truly worried I wouldn't make it. With the grace of God, I did it, though! 

Next Steps - So when I got home I called the bariatric office to make sure that they had received the fax that my PCP's office had sent. They said that it was probably in their stack of faxes but they "hadn't received it yet." She said once they did receive it, that it would go to so and so's desk to be submitted to insurance. Eeek! Insurance usually takes 10-14 business days to make a decision. If it is approved we will move on. If it is not then they will appeal it. Once we get an approval I will have two more appointments. One will be a diet appointment where we will discuss my diet and I will get my surgery date (Double EEEK!!!!) The other appointment will be where we do all of my pre-op stuff. Because of my BMI, I will be required to do a month long pre-op diet. From what I have heard it is pretty brutal. Think, around 800 calories. We will make it though because we do not have any other choice. 

I am excited. I am scared. I am ready to do this! Please pray for me. Life is changing in so many ways. Good changes, but wow, it is a lot. It will only continue!