Today started out pretty good. Healing is going pretty well. I am off all pain medications except Tylenol. It doesn't completely relieve the pain, but I am very much anti-pain medication. This morning we went to church. Service was great. Everyone was friendly and told me they had been praying for me. I really love my church.
After church things started going down hill for me emotionally, though. I am only allowed to drink 64 oz of fluid a day right now. This includes my protein shakes and juices that are a must. Screwed up and drank almost all of them in the first half of the day and now I am sitting here wishing I could have something to drink, but I can't. The last amount of fluid has to go for my bedtime medicine. That is problem number one.
Problem number two today has been a raging case of head-hunger. If you do not know what head hunger is, it is where your head tells you that you are hungry and makes you want to eat whether you are actually hungry or not. I have not been truly hungry since before surgery. But today I am day-dreaming of food. Right now I am only allowed protein shakes, juices, and other liquids. So I decided to sit down and make a grocery list for Stage Two foods. This was actually helpful because it showed me there was a light at the end of this tunnel. That was until...
Problem number three occurred - I am not sure why I didn't notice this before but I am glad I didn't. I am not sure that I would have gone through with the surgery if I had. (Just being honest in this moment...) I was under the assumption that once I got through the stages of my diet to where I was eating normal food again that I would go back to the diet I was on before (3 month) surgery - which was 1200 calories. No, There are 4 phases to this diet and I checked them all. Stages 2-4 all have 750-910 calories (max) listed. I understand that weight loss is a goal, but that just shocked me.
John made dinner for the kids tonight and after he did I sat down and cried. He told me he didn't understand what I was going through because he hadn't been there and probably never would be, but that he was here for me and would be every step of the way. He was very kind and gentle with me, as he always is, and he let me get my feelings out. I love that man. God couldn't have given me a better man to marry. He isn't perfect, but he is perfect for me.
Now, I am sure no one will be reading this. Least of all anyone I actually know, but let me make some things clear. One, I have a great support system that I am very thankful for. Two, I do not regret my surgery for anything. Three, I have stuck to my diet and will continue to do so. Four, I have always been transparent with the things that I have chosen to share on here. I don't share everything but the things I do share I am going to be real with. This new journey will be no different. There will be good days, bad, and in-between. Today was just rough. Tomorrow will hopefully be better.
- Me
